Needing To Fall

by Ryan Michele

  “It’s all handled, Reign.”

  “How?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got this.”

  I turned to look up into those eyes I loved so very much. He was telling me the truth; he had this. He was taking this on for me and making it easier for me. Dammit, why did he do nice shit when I was pissed at him?

  “Fine,” I snapped yet grabbed his hand and held it for the rest of the flight, clenching it as the plane landed and jumped several times.

  “I’m surprised you wanted to go on a plane,” I told him after we landed.

  “Why’s that?”

  “Doesn’t it bring memories back for you?” I shouldn’t have brought it up, but I was curious. I was still learning his triggers. One could show up at any time for either of us.

  He rose from his seat, and I followed, grabbing our bags.

  “No, I was on the ground, flying doesn’t do it for me.”

  After getting our bags and rental car, we drove, following the GPS’s directions.

  Seattle was dark, rainy, and dreary. It did nothing to bring on a happy mood. I wasn’t sure I could ever live there, not seeing the sun. The place was almost like I was inside sometimes: cold and void. I was uneasy, although I was certain it had a lot to do with meeting my father for the first time.

  Lynx checked us into a hotel. Then we set off to the downtown area where buildings were as tall as the sky. I had never seen buildings so tall before. I felt so small next to them, like I was an ant in this wide world.

  Lynx went into an underground area and parked the small car. I felt weird having to stand up to get out of a vehicle instead of Lynx having to help me down.

  Once he led me to an elevator and pushed some buttons, my nerves shot out of my body like electrical charges. My body pulsed and my heartbeat was so hard it felt like it was going to push out of my chest. Even though Lynx had my hand, it was sweaty, and I felt hot overall.

  Just like with Bailey, I had a myriad of sudden thoughts: What if he doesn’t like me? What if he rejects me? What if he wants nothing to do with me?

  I breathed out, remembering the “what ifs” didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It was going to be what it was. He would either like the fact that I had come to see him, or he wouldn’t. If he didn’t, this would be the only time I would ever see him.

  In a way, I felt bad for him not knowing I had existed and wondered, if he had known, would he have taken me in with his family, or would he have left me with my mother. Again with the “what ifs.”

  The bell on the elevator dinged, and I stared at it as the doors opened into a very bright, open space.

  Lynx kissed the top of my hand and pulled me out of the elevator. Cheeseman Enterprises was etched into the glass on the wall with a large, dark, wooden desk below it. A beautiful woman with long, blonde hair looked up, her eyes scanning mine then doing a double-take on Lynx.

  Jealousy raged through me. I wanted to pull him to me and yell at her, “He’s mine,” but no way would I do that.

  “Brody Lynx and Reign Owens to see Mr. Cheeseman,” Lynx told her as her eyes turned lustful.

  Bitch.

  “One moment.” She picked up the phone, her eyes never leaving Lynx as she spoke into the receiver. Then she set it down and addressed Lynx, not me. “Through those doors. He’s expecting you.”

  This was it, the moment when I met my father. My insides were in a twisted knot. I tried not to let them choke me down. I could do this. I was going to do this.

  Lynx opened the door, and I walked inside. At the desk, a man’s head popped up. His dark brown hair was combed to the side with lots of hairspray or something keeping it from moving. His eyes were blue, which matched his suit that had pinstripes running down the length of it. He rose, buttoning one of the buttons on his jacket, and came around the desk swiftly.

  I halted, causing Lynx to run into my back. He rested his hands on my shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

  “Mr. Cheeseman,” Lynx said while Mr. Cheeseman stood in front of his desk, staring at me up and down.

  I didn’t like the appraisal. It made me more nervous and uncomfortable.

  “Please, come in.” He had a very deep voice, authoritative, like he was used to giving out directions and orders. I guessed you would have to be like that to run a company like this. “Reign?” he asked hesitantly.

  I dug deep. “Yes. I guess I’m your daughter.” I couldn’t believe I had said it like that. This wasn’t the time to joke, but it had just come out, and when I heard his soft chuckle, I felt my body relax just a bit.

  “That is what I hear,” he said.

  Lynx reached in his pocket and pulled out a manila envelope, handing it to the man, who opened it and looked it over.

  “I’ll have you know that the housekeeper you had get this information from me has been fired.”

  I gasped at the news. “Don’t take it out on him or her or whoever.”

  “Reign, to be in business, you have to trust the people who work with you and for you. She crossed a line. Whether it be for money or influence, it doesn’t matter. You don’t steal from someone, especially if that someone writes your paychecks.”

  I felt bad for the woman. She shouldn’t have had to lose her job just so I could avoid being hurt. I hated that and felt like a shitty person for it.

  “Sorry,” I whispered.

  “So your mother was Rebecca Jameson. I remember her. I’m sorry to say this, but it only happened once when I was weak. I told my wife about it immediately because I felt so damn guilty for it. Long story short, after about twenty years, she forgave me.”

  My gut twisted. “You think she’ll forgive you for this?”

  He smiled, and it was a very handsome one. “After the phone call from Mr. Lynx here, I spoke with her and my children. Life is too short. We’d like you to come to dinner tonight at our home, get to know us, meet your two brothers and sister.”

  Tears welled in my eyes.

  “Mr. Lynx here didn’t give me a lot to go on with your life. He only warned me that you weren’t the touchy-feely type and to keep my distance.”

  I smirked. Lynx was always taking care of me.

  “I’m guessing by the terrified look on your face that there is a lot you need to fill me in on … when you’re ready, of course.”

  I didn’t know if I would ever be ready to spill everything to this man. Sure, he was my father on paper, but to me, he was a stranger. It would take more than one meeting and a dinner to make me open myself up to him.

  “Will you come?” he asked.

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah.”

  “Great! Would you like to stick around and talk for a while, or do you want to go back and rest before dinner?”

  He was giving me an out, and I was going to take it. I needed to recharge and get all my ducks in rows before meeting the family I had never known I had.

  “I’m pretty tired. I’d like to rest.”

  He clapped his hands together, and I jumped.

  “Sorry. Then I’ll see you at dinner tonight. Lynx has the address.”

  Lynx nodded.

  This meeting felt more like a business transaction than meeting my father for the first time, but I let it go. I needed some space and time before the next big meeting.

  “Thanks,” I said awkwardly as Lynx led me out of the building and into the car. He said nothing as my mind processed what was happening around me.

  ***

  “No carrying any plates.”

  I laughed at Lynx’s joke, just as the door to the sprawling home opened. The big, wooden planks were two feet taller than me, making me feel very small.

  I had done what I had said I was going to do. I had decompressed and pulled myself together during our time at the hotel. I had even taken a nap, which had helped.

  Now it was go time as a gorgeous, older woman stood in the doorway, her big, emerald green eyes wide in what appeared to be shock. Her long, brunette hair hung bel
ow her shoulders. Her shocked face turned into a huge smile that warmed her face and welcomed me in the process.

  “Hi, Reign. I’m Chloe, Weston’s wife.”

  I dug deep and put a small smile on my lips. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Weston said you were beautiful, but he was lying.”

  My heart stopped.

  “You are absolutely extraordinary.”

  At that, I blushed. I had been called many things in my life, but extraordinary wasn’t one of them.

  “Thanks.” I clutched Lynx’s hand as he extended the other out to Chloe.

  “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

  “Oh, none of that ma’am stuff. I’m not that old now,” she joked, lightening the mood. “Come in. The kids are here, and they can’t wait to meet you.”

  The kids … While I had lain in bed before my nap, I had tried to come up with every conceivable idea that the kids of my father could throw at me. My mind had raced with all kinds of pretty horrible stuff. What I hadn’t expected was to walk into the entryway of the house and see two boys and one girl around my age with wide smiles on their faces. They knew I was the result of an affair between their father and my mother. Surely, they were angry about that, so why were they smiling at me?

  “Reign, I’d like you to meet Kyler, Colton, and Lindsey.”

  Each waved their hand as she said their names.

  Kyler was tall, almost in line with Lynx, which I hadn’t thought was possible. He was also the spitting image of my father. Colton was almost as tall as Kyler, but where Kyler had bulk, Colton was thinner, leaner, like he ran a lot. He had dusty brown hair that didn’t match his brother or sister’s dark tresses. Lindsey looked just like her mother, minus the few wrinkles around her mouth from smiling like her mother. She was so fresh faced and beautiful.

  Weston walked in behind them, and my eyes went to him.

  “Reign, Lynx, welcome to our home. I see you’ve met everyone.”

  “Yes. Nice to meet you,” I said, pulling out my confidence. Where from? I didn’t know and didn’t care. I needed it, and I was grasping it with both hands.

  “Please, let’s go into the living room,” Weston said.

  I nodded as the three kids turned around and walked into a room off to the left. I inhaled deeply, suddenly needing the air, and the smell of cinnamon invaded me. It wasn’t strong; it was homey, warm, and settled some of the nerves that were flaring.

  Everyone stood in the room as Lynx and I entered, and I squeezed his hand.

  Why were they all staring at me? Did I have something gross sticking out of my nose? I turned to Lynx, who kissed my temple reassuringly.

  “Please sit,” Chloe said, pointing to the love seat.

  I sat with Lynx right next to me, his hand not leaving mine, giving me that moral support I so desperately needed. Everyone else scattered around, sitting on reclining chairs and couches.

  The room was beautiful with butter cream walls lined with pictures of their family, all five of them happy. The fireplace was a focal point with large stones going all the way to the ceiling.

  This house was like Bailey’s: a home.

  Weston clapped his hands together, making me jump.

  “Sorry,” he muttered. “Let’s get the elephant out of the room first and foremost.”

  “Reign, I know all about what my husband did. He’s paid dearly for it over the years.” Chloe smiled at her husband with nothing but love shining through. I didn’t know how she did it, but she did. “My children have just learned of this, as I liked to keep our personal business away from them.” She looked at her kids, nodding to each one. I admired how she sat there with her back straight, exuding so much confidence. I would love to be like that one day.

  “We’re pretty pissed at Dad,” Kyler said, his voice low. “And that’s probably not going to change for a while, but that has no reflection on you.”

  It was my turn to have the wide eyes.

  “Yeah, I can’t believe my dad did that to my mom, but it’s so cool I have a sister!” Lindsey exclaimed. I had to sit back in my seat a bit at her enthusiasm. “I’ve always wanted a sister. I begged my parents for one, and look, I got her!”

  I wished I could share in her joy, but this was all too new for me, too raw. It hadn’t penetrated quite yet, but I hoped that I would feel like I was in the same boat one day.

  “I did something stupid, and I’ve paid for it, and I’m going to pay for it again.” Weston looked at his three children. “I get that. I understand that. But there is no reason that you have to have anything less from us than us. We aren’t perfect—I don’t know who is—but we welcome you here with open arms.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes. He had no idea the gift he was giving me, no idea the impact it would have on my life. I tried to keep the tears at bay, but they fell, almost cleansing me in a way, cleaning me from my past and allowing me to move forward.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I responded.

  “You don’t need to say anything, dear,” Chloe said calmly. “We just want to get to know you, your life.”

  That struck a chord. I almost wanted to hide it all from them and pretend it hadn’t happened, but looking at their expectant faces, I knew I would have to tell them some of it. I wasn’t ready to share all of it, though. That would have to be for some other time.

  Kyler spoke then. “I’m the oldest in the group. I work at dad’s company, but I really love to paint. He says I can paint in my spare time.” He used an even deeper voice for those last words. “But it’s a paycheck.” He shrugged.

  “I’m the next,” Colton said. “I run and train for marathons.”

  My eyes widened. “Those are, like, really hard,” I said stupidly then bit the inside of my lip so I didn’t say more.

  Colton laughed. “Yeah, they are, but I love it. I also work at the company. Family business and all.”

  “My turn,” Lindsey said with marked enthusiasm. “I’m going to start my freshman year at the University of Washington, and I’m super excited about that.”

  “Mom and Dad are, too. It will get you out of the house,” Kyler barked, and Colton laughed. This started the back and forth, and everyone talked over everyone else.

  I looked around the room filled with laughter and happiness. The only thing missing was Andi, and then it would be complete. I might have been through hell, but in doing so, I had become a stronger woman, one I was proud of. I was a woman who could stand on her own two feet, feel love, and give love. In that moment, I felt complete for the first time in my life.

  One Year Later

  “Lynx, we’re going to be late! Let’s go!” I called down the hallway.

  Weston, Chloe, Kyler, Colton, and Lindsey were in town. I had visited them several times throughout the past year, learning about each other. However, this was the first time they were coming to me, and I was a ball of nerves.

  A year ago, I hadn’t thought this kind of life would be possible for me. I hadn’t truly known the word happy. Today, I did.

  Happiness was giving your heart to someone you knew would protect it with every breath they took. That was what I had with Lynx. Even after over a year of being together, he surprised me every day by just being him with simple things, like notes on the fridge to let me know he was thinking of me or texts at different hours. Every single one, I held so dear to my heart. I locked them all away inside me, selfishly hoarding them so I would never lose a single one.

  I wouldn’t say the road had been without bumps between us, because it had. I had my downs and he had some attacks. With each one, though, we rolled with it, helping the other come out of it. It wasn’t easy. It was a constant battle. Nevertheless, it was one I was willing to fight for because Lynx meant everything to me. I loved him with everything I had in me.

  “Coming.” Lynx walked in, wearing dress pants and a green polo shirt, his hair a tussled mess. He looked totally edible.

  “Yum …” I said.

  I had overcom
e a lot of my sexual inhibitions, allowing that part of me to come out. It hadn’t occurred overnight; it had been slow and tedious. But Lynx had been patient, letting me take my time. Now I could admit flat-out that sex was one of the most amazing things in the world. To feel that utter connection to another human being was undeniably the epitome of happiness.

  “Stop that or we’re gonna be late.” He gave me a quick kiss, turned me around to the door, and patted my ass, which I loved, but I gave a mock glare for the fun of it. “You like it,” he teased as we went out to the truck.

  I had saved enough money to buy a reasonable car, but Lynx had other ideas, stating, “Now that we’re living together, you’re letting me take care of you.” Then he had bought me a newer car so he didn’t have to “worry.”

  After a long argument about me paying my own way, he had won, and I had gotten the car. One other thing he had won was me quitting bartending and coming to work for him to do his paperwork. I hadn’t been for it, but after a while, he had won, and now I worked from our home. Yes, home.

  It wasn’t a house. I loved this place almost as much as I loved the guy I lived with. I even had pictures everywhere of all the places Lynx had taken me and the adventures we’d had.

  The drive to the restaurant was quiet, my nerves settling once I knew we weren’t going to be late. Andi and her man were meeting us there along with Bailey and Mal. In a way, it was the meshing of our families, and we were doing it in a small, Italian restaurant just outside of town. I had rented the back space so we could all be together and take as much time as we wanted.

  As we pulled up, Bailey and Mal headed for the truck. I opened the door and slid out, smoothing my velvet green dress down just as Bailey pulled me in for a hug.

  I didn’t freeze up or push her away.

  Over the last year, I had become accustomed to her hugs. She gave them away freely, and I loved every second of it.

  “Hey, Mal.” I gave a slight wave to him.

  We still weren’t in the hugging phase, but I was working on that. Even with all the time that had passed, there were certain things I still couldn’t do. Although, I had to say the people who had pushed those boundaries just a bit—Bailey, Chloe, and Lindsey to be exact—were the ones I had been able to do more physical contact with.