The First Cut: A Dark Psychological Thriller (Gushers Series Book 1)

by Chuck Buda

  His mind traveled back to Leah. Part of him wanted to crawl out of bed and go bang on Leah’s door, demanding forgiveness. He imagined himself confessing to her father how he had hurt his precious daughter. And then Mr. Fisher, with his Irish temper and muscular build, would beat the crap out of Aiden on the front lawn. Kids on bikes would stop to watch. Drivers passing by would slow down to take a peek like rubberneckers on a highway where two cars had crashed. Aiden saw himself being carried away on a stretcher while his mother cried and his father screamed at him for how he had hurt his mother. As they lifted the stretcher into the back of the ambulance, Leah would be up in her bedroom window, grinning down upon him. She would show her satisfaction he had gotten what he deserved.

  Then he saw her deep-throating Todd in the same window as her eyes watched his horrific expression.

  Aiden buried his face in his pillow and screamed into the material. It was muffled so his family couldn’t hear his distress. Besides, his father was probably in the garage or yard toiling with some kind of household project. His mother was probably in the basement doing laundry or out food shopping, which she always saved for Saturday afternoons.

  He decided on his course of action. It wasn’t going to be pretty and it was going to end life as he knew it. But it was his only choice. The most important goal right now was to show Leah how terribly sorry he was. He had to begin to prove to her he was wrong and he would do anything to make it up to her. Of course, he was assuming she would allow him to start and continue such a process. All he knew right now was she wouldn’t speak with him at all.

  The challenge was immense. He had to go through with it. Regardless of what happened to him or his position in the group and the school, he needed to do this just so he could face himself in the mirror.

  The only other option for Aiden was to die. And he wasn’t ready for that choice.

  At least, not yet.

  Chapter 35

  Samantha heard the doorbell ring. Dinner time on a Saturday night is an odd time for someone to be calling on them, she thought. Although the Fishers weren’t eating dinner. Not as a family. Holden took Tommy out for wings while they watched a Yankee game. Leah was still brooding in her room. Samantha had eaten a small salad by herself.

  She made her way from the kitchen to the foyer. Samantha glanced out the small window next to the door. Aiden was standing outside with a stern look on his face. He forced a smile at her when he caught Samantha looking at him. She paused before opening the door, knowing full well Leah wasn’t in a mood for seeing anyone.

  Holden had told Samantha about her tirade at breakfast. Samantha had missed it while she was at the mailbox speaking with Rebecca. They tried to determine what had caused her to act so uncharacteristically. Holden mentioned she reacted strongly when he brought up Aiden’s name. But that was all they had to go on. Holden had tried to get Leah to reveal her problems to no avail. Samantha waited a few hours and tried herself to get information through Leah’s door. No success on her end either. Leah was penned up and nobody was going to break through until she was ready for someone to be let in.

  Samantha took a deep breath and opened the front door. She smiled at Aiden without saying a word. She wanted to see if silence would get Aiden to spill the beans.

  “Hi, Mrs. Fisher. Can I speak with Leah?” He fidgeted his hands and then jammed them in his pockets.

  Samantha shook her head while maintaining her smile. She stared at Aiden. The boy waited silently through an awkward pause. Then he continued.

  “I’ve been trying to reach Leah all day but I think her phone is off...or something.” Aiden nervously looked over his shoulder at the street.

  Samantha decided to chime in. “I’m afraid Leah is not in a good mood today. We haven’t been able to get a word out of her all day.” She folded her arms over her chest. “Do you have any idea why she would be so upset?”

  Aiden shifted his feet and looked at the porch. “Uh, I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to figure out what is wrong myself.”

  Samantha got a feeling he wasn’t being truthful. Aiden was a sweet boy and had been part of Leah’s group of friends for years. Out of all her classmates, Aiden was probably the most innocent or nerdy of them all. He had always been awkward but this was a new level, even for Aiden. The signs pointed to him knowing more than he was letting on.

  “Funny thing. This morning, my husband mentioned your name and it set Leah off. Seems odd for her to react that way about you, don’t you think?” She tried to maintain her smile but she felt her expression change.

  Aiden winced at her remark. She watched him as he seemed to debate running away or caving to the pressure. Samantha hoped he would give in. She really wanted to know what was wrong with Leah so she could try to help her.

  “Yeah, it’s strange. Look, can I see her or not?”

  Samantha was flabbergasted. She had never heard Aiden speak so rudely before. There was certainly more to this visit than Aiden was revealing. She grew weary trying to be nice and calm and decided to stand her ground. Especially if Aiden was going to become fresh.

  “Listen, Aiden. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m going to find out. And I don’t appreciate your tone of voice. I’m Leah’s mother and I have every right to know what is happening to her.” She wagged her finger in his face. Samantha had visions of her own mother scolding her friends when they got into trouble. She swore she would never become her mother. Well, that promise was broken now.

  Aiden’s lips trembled. She thought he was about to break down or cry. Samantha felt sorry for lashing out at him. But she needed to know why Leah was so upset. And Aiden was stonewalling her.

  “I’m...I’m sorry. I...didn’t mean to snap. I think we’re all feeling pressure...school and college...”

  She sensed he was still hiding the truth, making excuses. Samantha wanted to press on. “Aiden, I know you are a good boy. Tell me what happened. Please. I hate to see Leah so hurt. I’m sure you do, too.”

  Aiden nodded in agreement. He exhaled loudly and dabbed at his eyes. Maybe he had cried a bit. She couldn’t tell in the porch lighting.

  “Just tell Leah I stopped by, okay? I’m sorry. I think Leah should tell you why she is upset, not me. I wouldn’t want to do something to upset her even more.” He made a curt wave of his hand and walked away.

  Samantha watched him go, incredulous at what had just transpired. She knew no more now than she had before Aiden arrived. If anything, she had more questions that needed answering. She closed the door and locked it. Leaning against the frame, she thought about approaching Leah’s door to inform her of Aiden’s visit. Part of her wondered if Leah overheard the conversation. After all, the doorbell rang and she could have picked up the sound of their voices from her room. Samantha stared up the stairs, listening to see if Leah had sneaked out of her room to listen at the top of the stairs. But she didn’t pick up any sounds.

  She tried to analyze the conversation. Aiden appeared guilty of something. Holden told her Leah freaked out when he brought up Aiden’s name. If she put two and two together, she could only come to one conclusion. Aiden and Leah must have been dating without their knowledge. And he must have tried to break up with her? Or maybe he cheated on her and she found out about it? Of the two scenarios, which one do you think is more plausible, Samantha asked herself? Aiden was too timid to cheat on somebody, especially if it was his first girlfriend. She hadn’t heard about Aiden dating anyone. Which left her with one conclusion. He dumped her daughter and broke her heart.

  Samantha wanted to run up the stairs and console Leah. She wanted to tell her there would be so many others and that one break-up, while an enormous event in the present, would only be a tiny blip on the radar of her life. She would forget Aiden and move on. And with college looming, Leah would be going off to a different school than Aiden. Out of sight, out of mind. Time heals all wounds. She chuckled at herself for all the corny sayings.

  Samantha brushed her hair back and hea
ded for the kitchen. She fought all her instincts to rush to her daughter’s side. Leah was old enough now to let her know when she was needed.

  But it killed Samantha to control herself from running up the stairs.

  Chapter 36

  Aiden waited for nearly ten minutes before turning back for Leah’s house.

  As he fled the scene, Aiden had lost all hope of seeing Leah. Her mother acted as a gatekeeper and he didn’t blame her. Aiden would have done the same thing if his child were hurting.

  He wondered what Leah had said when her father mentioned him. Aiden tried to picture her reaction. He hoped it hadn’t been as bad as her mother made it seem. He had almost confessed. There was a brief moment when Leah’s mom grilled him that he felt like giving up the dirt. Right before he blabbered, something in his consciousness grabbed a hold of him and tightened his tongue. It had been a close one. Once the words were out in the universe, there would be no taking them back.

  Aiden realized his opportunities were not exhausted. He stopped in his tracks and thought about getting Leah’s attention in a different manner. He sat on the curb and waited a bit. Then he made his way back to her house.

  He took his time strolling up the sidewalk, past the driveway. Aiden glanced out of the corner of his eyes to see if Leah’s mother was anywhere near the front of the house. He also wanted to check if her father’s car was in the driveway. Aiden figured he was out because the car had been absent earlier. And he didn’t want to risk getting caught if her father pulled into the driveway at the same time he happened by.

  Aiden looked around the street for oncoming cars but it was silent. He darted across the front lawn to the corner of the house, underneath Leah’s bedroom windows. One window faced the street. The other faced the neighbor’s yard on the side of the house. Aiden hid in the shrubs along the side of the house. He squeezed his eyes shut, collecting himself and trying to slow his heart rate. He had to act fast before Leah’s father came home.

  He grabbed a rock he found in the landscaping along the house. It was too big and he was afraid he would break her window. Aiden dropped to his knees in search of something more in line with his aim. After a brief search, he found a rock which was small enough to make a noise without shattering the glass. He stepped back and threw it.

  It ricocheted off the siding below the window and almost hit him in the face. Aiden got a hand up just in time to deflect the rock. It dropped at his feet and he snatched it up again.

  No response from her window.

  Aiden checked the front yard to see if the noise he made against the siding brought Leah’s mother to the door. It looked clear. He fired the rock again, this time hitting the glass right in the center of the pane. A loud smack echoed across the yard. Aiden ducked in case the neighbors heard the sound and came to a window to check. He glanced back at Leah’s front door, too.

  The shade moved. Leah’s bedroom was dark but he could tell the shade had been pulled aside. He stepped back onto the lawn so Leah could see who it was. The shade flapped back into place. His heart sank. When he knew he had gotten her attention, his hope of speaking with her soared. That hope dashed upon the rocks in the landscaping.

  The lock on the window clicked and the pane of glass slid up. The background was still dark. But Leah was there. She poked her head over the window sill and glared at Aiden.

  “Leave me alone, Aiden. I have nothing more to say to you.”

  Aiden felt his heart skip a beat. At least she was speaking with him. “I know. I’m sorry. I had to apologize again and tell you how I am going to make it right.”

  Leah frowned. “You can’t do anything to make it right, Aiden. What was taken from me can never be given back. It is a nightmare I have to live with for the rest of my life now.” Leah backed in and started to slide the window shut.

  “I’m quitting The First Cut.” He shouted to Leah before she closed him out.

  She paused and re-opened the window. Her head stuck out of the frame again. “You can’t quit. They won’t let you. We’re all stuck until we go away to college.”

  “I don’t care. I am going to quit and they can say what they want. They can beat the shit out of me if they want. But I can’t be a part of something which has done so much damage to you.”

  “YOU did the damage, too, Aiden.”

  “I know.” He exhaled. “I’m so sorry, Leah. You have every right to hate me forever. I don’t expect you to be friends with me anymore. And I don’t expect your forgiveness, either. I just want you to know how deeply sorry I am for what happened. I have to live with the nightmare of losing you for the rest of my life.” He scanned the lawn for more words. “I’ll always love you, Leah.”

  Aiden stared up at her. Something in her expression softened. He wished she would respond instead of staring back at him. At least if she yelled at him or cursed him out, he would know where he stood. But she remained quiet.

  “Sorry. Sorry, I meant to say that I always cared for you as friends. And I thought we were heading into something...special. But I fucked it all up.”

  Leah nodded slowly at him. He shrank into the grass, knowing she would never be with him again. Memories of them laughing and sharing and hanging out swam before his eyes. Tears blurred those images and he swabbed away at his eyes so he could see the visions longer.

  “You can quit, too.” He threw the idea out there.

  Leah shook her head back and forth. “I don’t think it’s possible, Aiden. Once you quit, you will never be allowed back in. And God knows what they will say and do to you. There’s too much time left in the school year to risk being a public outcast.”

  “Who cares, Leah. All that matters is you. And if it means I am abused in front of the whole school, I don’t give a shit. I have to fix what I screwed up.”

  Leah sniffled. Aiden figured she had been crying, too. “You don’t get it, do you? Even if you withstand their abuse, you can’t fix what’s been done.” She stared at Aiden for a few prolonged seconds before returning to her bedroom.

  Aiden watched her slide the window shut. He heard the lock click. And the shade fell back into place over the darkened square. She was gone.

  A car pulled up to their driveway and slowed down before turning toward the house. Aiden ducked back into the landscaping, hiding behind a shrub. He watched Mr. Fisher park the car and turn it off. The doors opened and he and Tommy got out. Aiden stayed in place until they went into the house and he heard the front door slam closed.

  Aiden felt horrible. He had reached the end of a good run. But at least he got the chance to explain his feelings to Leah.

  Chapter 37

  Spencer demonstrated his expertise with the prayer circle.

  Zoe had asked Spencer to come to her house for a lesson on the occult. It didn’t take much to persuade Spencer to teach her. He was brimming with esoteric knowledge from years of reading and studying. Spencer was too happy to share his knowledge and gain another zealot of the practices.

  Zoe pretended she had a headache so she could get out of the family dinner plans. She knew they would be out at the restaurant for hours, affording her plenty of time with Spencer. They shut themselves into her bedroom, lighting candles and setting the scene for her lessons.

  She couldn’t remember the last time she had been so excited about learning. Zoe was a smart girl and a top level student. But she went through the motions half the time. Book learning was boring and she didn’t have to work hard to achieve such good grades. But this history lesson was fascinating. Her eyes opened wide as she tried to absorb every syllable and movement.

  Spencer had gone on to teach her about the similarities and progression between various tenets of practice. He walked through the philosophies of alchemy and paganism. He taught Zoe about the Hellfire Club, the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, the Illuminati and the Rosicrucians. Spencer covered the Freemasons and the Thelemic mysticism of Aleister Crowley’s Ordo Templi Orientis. He delved heavily into chaos magick and sex magick,
which Spencer believed to be the most important facets of everything he had learned. Spencer talked about the powers which could be summoned through the rituals of magick. It was more than secretive knowledge. It was a path to enlightenment and communion with the rulers of the universe.

  Zoe hung on his words, holding her breath at times without realizing it as she listened. It was as if all her bodily functions were paused so she wouldn’t miss a thing. Every so often, Zoe realized she had been holding her breath and she would end up panting to catch her wind.

  Spencer told Zoe about his father’s sword and its dark history. He immediately jumped on Zoe when she asked to see it. Spencer was afraid of his father discovering his use of the ancient blade. Under no circumstances, he explained, was the sword to leave his house or be handled by anyone other than himself. Zoe shot Spencer a dirty look. She was displeased with his lack of compliance and his raised voice. She let it slide this time but she made a note to figure out how to get that sword. And use it for her own purposes.

  They stripped off their clothes and sat inside the pentagram Spencer had drawn on her bedroom carpet with flour. Zoe had protested about the mess when he started lining the rug, but then she figured a quick vacuuming would pick it all up without a problem. Spencer closed his eyes and chanted the words he used to open the atmosphere to the spirits on the other side. He taught her to be careful about which demons to summon forth. There were specific ones which could provide what the summoner desired. And others which tried to escape into our universe to do harm. It was a fine line between the thin veils, and only experienced adepts should handle the ceremonies.

  Zoe followed along as Spencer continued the chants. He finished his prayers and placed the jars between them. Zoe knew what they were for and she wanted to help out with the ritual. Spencer began masturbating in front of her. Zoe stopped him and climbed on top of his lap in the center of the pentagram. She slid him inside and they rocked back and forth until the moment of his release. Zoe climbed off and directed him into the jar. He spasmed with pleasure. Then he settled back on his elbows to catch his breath. Zoe grinned at Spencer, happy she had been part of the ceremony, more than an observer.