The First Cut: A Dark Psychological Thriller (Gushers Series Book 1)

by Chuck Buda

  Because you love him, duh. Leah rolled her eyes at herself.

  Leah struggled to admit her feelings after Friday. Up until that night, she had been aware of latent feelings for her friend. After all, they had been so much alike and got along famously.

  So what changed?

  For starters, Leah answered her conscience, he saw her naked. Not only naked, but having sex with a bunch of people like a bad porn movie from the nineteen-eighties. Making matters worse, Aiden knew she was a virgin before Friday night. At least if he thought she had experience, he might not be scared off by the slutty behavior. She could only imagine what kind of thoughts ran through his head now.

  Leah took a deep breath, trying to settle her nerves. She reminded herself it was stupid to be so tense. Aiden might not even be around and worrying over it could be a waste of time. Plus, she knew Aiden’s feelings. He confessed how sorry he had been for what took place. And he admitted to loving her. So if anybody wanted to talk to her it would be Aiden. She shook her head at her silliness.

  Rounding the corner of the final hallway, Leah stared at the doors to the parking lot ahead. A few students blocked out the sight of the doors as they walked ahead of her. The feeling in her belly reached a fever pitch. Leah took several deep breaths, realizing her lungs were short of air. Like she had just run a few miles. Leah noticed her heart hammering inside her chest, too.

  She reached the doors and pushed them open. The smell of spring in the air welcomed her senses after sitting in dreary classrooms all day. The sun felt warm on her face and brightened her mood. Leah loved this time of year the best of all the seasons. Spring brought renewal and promises. Hope.

  And Zoe?

  Leah stopped dead in her tracks.

  Zoe and Aiden stood in front of each other. They spoke with serious expressions on their faces.

  Leah scrambled to get behind one of the trees lining the sidewalk. She was afraid they might find her staring at them. Her heart sank as she realized she had been too late. If only she had not wasted time with her make-up. She cursed herself for taking her time. Leah slowed down her pace to avoid running into everyone.

  Instead, she gave them an opportunity to catch up with each other. Before she had a chance to stop Aiden. Her mind raced to figure out what could be taking place between the two. But she knew. Aiden just cut his own throat, socially speaking. For Leah.

  She felt the hot tears fill her eyelids. Leah tried to look casual next to the tree as some straggling students walked by on their way out of school. She kept her eyes down and to the side. The last thing she needed was for someone to see her bawling at school. The rumor mill would start up and the gossip would make its rounds. People would guess if she had gotten dumped or pregnant. Or maybe she had a period in her pants. Kids were stupid and she knew they would invent anything to make their own miserable lives more exciting.

  Leah watched as Aiden raised his hands as if his explanation wasn’t good enough. Zoe poked his chest and her face showed anger. More than anger. Rage? Scary rage. Leah continued to follow their discussion as it became more heated. What surprised Leah the most was Aiden’s posture. He looked like he was holding his ground, standing up for himself.

  She had never witnessed Aiden appearing so strong. So confident. It was like she watched a complete stranger. The docile, shy boy had transformed into something else. A man?

  Leah wiped her tears away and rushed to Aiden’s side. Zoe stormed off to her car and Leah wanted to get to Aiden immediately. There might still be a chance to fix things.

  Chapter 41

  Aiden ran to catch up to Zoe. He had waited in the parking lot for her to leave school. Thankfully, Todd and Ryan had bolted from school the minute the last bell rang. Aiden found a secure spot to watch for Zoe where he wouldn’t be seen by anybody else in the group. He hoped he could avoid everyone so he could grab Zoe alone. He needed to get it over with and he wanted to speak with Zoe in person. Face to face. It would be too easy for her to dismiss his desires on the phone. And he wouldn’t dream of putting it in writing in text or email.

  Zoe strolled out of the building with her silky hair flowing in the breeze. Her long legs covered a lot of ground, making it seem like she floated along the parking lot. Aiden found it difficult to look at Zoe now that he had seen her body naked and involved in so much...sex. Things began to stir in his pants until he reminded himself what he needed to do. The thought quelled any uprising.

  Aiden jogged up behind Zoe. He glanced around to make sure Leah and Jordyn weren’t in sight. He had no idea where they were. Or Spencer, for that matter.

  “Zoe?”

  She heard a familiar voice behind her as she strolled to her car. Zoe spun around to face Aiden. His face appeared ashen. She wondered if he was sick and the thought of them all sharing the chalice and the hot tub water made Zoe cringe. The idea of sick germs floating around and being passed between them made her skin crawl. Sometimes, Zoe still surprised herself with all she had done lately considering her phobia of germs and other people’s filth. The larger objective overshadowed those fears these days.

  “Can I talk to you real quick?”

  Zoe shrugged her shoulders. “Sure. What’s up?”

  Aiden shifted his feet nervously. She picked up a vibe that something she wasn’t going to enjoy was about to reveal itself to her. Aiden was always awkward but this was on a whole other scale which even made the normal Aiden appear calm, cool and collected.

  “I need to talk to you about The First Cut.” Aiden glanced over his shoulder.

  Zoe found herself searching the vicinity for other students. She felt a bit annoyed Aiden had brought their private group up in a public setting. “What about it?”

  “I’m quitting.” Aiden blinked quickly a few times.

  Zoe felt her temper explode. The pounding in her temples threatened to drown out any sounds from her ears. “What do you mean, you’re quitting?” She struggled to restrain herself at such an idiotic statement.

  “I quit. It’s just not for me.” He looked at his hands.

  “Fucking beautiful women isn’t for you? What are you a fag?” She tried to hold her tongue but the words shot out instantaneously.

  “No, I’m not gay. I just...don’t feel comfortable...”

  Zoe cut him off. “You don’t feel comfortable with what, Aiden? You’d rather jerk off alone in your room? You don’t want to hang out with your friends anymore?”

  Aiden looked aggravated by her vicious attack. But what did he expect? He springs this shit on her after all she had done for him and the others? Zoe was furious with the lack of respect.

  “You know what, Aiden? I’m afraid you can’t quit.”

  Aiden chuckled. It wasn’t a defiant chuckle. More like he was surprised with her statement. “I’m quitting.”

  “Have you discussed this bullshit with anyone else?” She scanned his face for truthfulness.

  “No.” Aiden’s response was direct. Zoe didn’t pick up any hints he had whined to someone else. Which was good. Now she could turn the heat up on him without worrying about having to talk it over with anybody else.

  “You can’t quit.” She poked Aiden’s chest with a stiff finger. He held his hands up as if to question why he couldn’t quit. “There are no quitters here. We are your friends and we all CHOSE to do this as a group. We COMMITTED to each other, Aiden. To quit now would be to turn your back on your friends. And that would be a really shitty thing to do to us.”

  Aiden stuffed his hands in his pockets but he maintained eye contact, which Zoe found interesting for him. He wasn’t turtling like she expected.

  “Well, my friends, REAL friends, would respect my wishes and not condemn me for stepping aside. I think the others would be fine with my choice. MY choice.”

  Zoe was stunned with Aiden’s defiance. Who the fuck did he think he was? And since when did his balls drop from his belly? She was both impressed with his sudden toughness and thoroughly annoyed with his lack of respect
.

  “You’re right, Aiden. It is your choice. A choice you are going to regret real soon.” She stepped closer to Aiden and dropped her voice. “You will be sorry for walking out on us.”

  “Are you threatening me over wanting to leave your stupid club?” Aiden looked shocked.

  Zoe fought the urge to cut him open on the spot. She couldn’t allow this to go unpunished but now was not the time and this wasn’t the place. Zoe hated she had the reasoning to control her anger.

  “Oh, I don’t threaten people, Aiden. But I promise you, you will find yourself wishing you had never pissed me off.” She glared at Aiden. “At least do me a favor. Be a man for once, and show up at the next meeting to quit on everyone. In person. Instead of being a coward and crying to me behind everyone’s backs that you’re too much of a pussy to be part of something great.” She began to get into her car but paused. “It’ll be interesting to see how devastated the rest of your friends will be when you explain your betrayal. Should be fun.”

  Zoe climbed into her car and slammed the door. She glowered through the windshield at Aiden. It felt good to leave him with the fear of quitting in front of all of them. She knew it would eat him up inside all week. Zoe backed out of the spot and floored her car, leaving a peel of fresh rubber on the pavement.

  As Zoe pulled away, she glanced back at Aiden in the rear view mirror. He stood stunned where she left him. It pleased her. But she took several deep breaths to get herself under control. She was livid and wished she could drive right over the scrawny weasel.

  This changed the plans. It forced Zoe to think on her feet just when she had everything figured out to her liking. She was furious with the distraction. But she would turn it to her advantage. Somehow. Zoe would not be deterred. And all problems could be turned into assets. Years of manipulating her friends and her parents had taught her that lesson.

  She started to grin and cranked up the radio. As she drove faster through the neighborhoods, Zoe sang along with exaggerated volume to match the levels of the speakers.

  Chapter 42

  Leah ran across the parking lot. Her backpack bounced off her ribcage as she tried to hurry. Aiden remained in the same place he had been when Zoe drove away. Leah could tell Aiden was beside himself. She feared for what transpired between them. If only she had gotten to him earlier. Leah cursed herself for arriving too late.

  “Aiden.” Leah gasped as she reached him. He was frozen in place, still not responding to her. “Aiden?”

  He finally faced Leah. She noticed how red and puffy his eyes looked. He wasn’t crying but he probably had been recently enough for his eyes to look so bad. Either that or he hadn’t slept much either. Aiden stood and blinked at Leah like he wasn’t sure what he was looking at.

  “Aiden. What happened? You didn’t tell her your plan to quit, did you?”

  He slowly nodded, mouth slightly agape. The stun was tattooed to his face.

  “Shit.” Leah was too late. “You shouldn’t have done it.”

  “Why not? I can’t show my face anymore. I let you down.” Aiden sulked. Leah thought it was pathetic. Where had the strong, confident-looking Aiden gone to? Just seconds ago he had been completely different.

  “Get over yourself, Aiden. I forgive you.” Aiden’s expression brightened. “But don’t get excited. I’m still hurt and it’s going to take time for me to trust you the same way again.”

  Aiden’s shoulders slumped. She felt horrible for missing the chance to stop him. Before she knew what she was doing, Leah hugged Aiden tightly with her arms around his neck. She felt his body try to pull back for a brief second before he gave in and hugged her back.

  Leah let go of Aiden. “What did you say to her? And what did SHE say?”

  Aiden filled Leah in on the conversation. He expressed his desire to quit the group but he didn’t reveal the reason. Aiden told Leah she gave him a hard time about letting his friends down. She implied something bad was coming his way but he had no idea what she meant by it. Finally, she expected him to quit The First Cut in person at the next meeting. In front of the entire group.

  “So what are you going to do?” Leah scanned Aiden’s eyes. He had a far away stare.

  “I...don’t know. I guess I will quit on Friday.”

  Leah tried to think quickly. What else could he do? It was too belittling for him to grovel to the group. And what would happen when he quit? Would the others understand or would they react badly? Leah thought she knew the answer to her question but wondered anyway. She was worried about Aiden.

  “Maybe you can go to Spencer and explain to him what you want to do. He’s as much a leader of this thing as Zoe is. Maybe he would understand.”

  Aiden shook his head. “He won’t understand. He’s a guy getting free sex from hot girls. Only an idiot would quit such a deal.” He jammed his fists into his pockets and walked.

  Leah followed alongside Aiden. She smiled at his last comment. He thought all the girls were hot, including Leah. It warmed her heart to hear him talk flatteringly about her. But she still had to help him.

  “What about...? Never mind.” Leah realized it would be even more foolish to consider getting through to Todd and Ryan. Aiden appeared to pick up on where she was going with it.

  “Yeah, the horn dogs are going to call me a “fag” and beat the crap out of me. Then they’ll hump the air and give each other high-fives.”

  Leah snorted at the imagery. She knew Aiden was right. He giggled at her snort and they both lightened a bit.

  “I can try to appeal to Jordyn. And Zoe.” Leah pleaded with Aiden. She wanted to help in any way she could. She felt some guilt now, too, after missing her chance to save Aiden from himself.

  “No way.” Aiden stopped walking and grabbed Leah by the arms. His strength alarmed her for a moment. “That would be suicide. I already sacrificed myself so you wouldn’t have to endure their crap. The focus will be centered on me and you can bow out with an excuse. You don’t like the way they are treating me and you can’t be a part of it anymore.” His eyes darted wildly at hers.

  “Maybe the club isn’t so bad.” Aiden dropped his arms and backed away. He looked like somebody gut-punched him. “I mean, we can be together. Maybe we don’t have to have sex with them.” She knew it was wishful thinking but she would rather submit herself to the group than have Aiden banished. Or worse.

  “Are you crazy? I can’t believe you even said that.” Aiden looked hurt. He stormed off but Leah chased after him. The thought crossed her mind that he was the one who was supposed to be chasing after HER. Not the other way around. She had really lost control of things, she chided.

  “Stop.” Leah grabbed Aiden’s arm to stop him. “Listen. I don’t mean it like that. I just don’t want you to get hurt. Do you realize what they’re going to do to you when you quit?”

  “I don’t fucking care!” Aiden screamed in her face. She felt the words like a force barreling into her chest. “I’ve destroyed our relationship. Your memories are fucked now because you’ll be seventy years old reflecting on how Todd took your virginity. And not only Todd, but Zoe, Jordyn, everyone. Everyone but me.” He backed away. “I’m done.”

  Leah stared after Aiden as he left. Things had gone from horrible to catastrophic. She brushed away fresh tears and wished none of this had happened. Just a few days ago, they were all hanging out together and having fun. Now, Aiden was leaving the group. And her. She was too embarrassed to look the others in the face after what she had done. Leah struggled to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

  There had to be something she could do to save Aiden. Maybe she could talk with Todd and Ryan. Using a back door approach to appeal to their guy code of “bros before hos” or something ridiculous. Anything was worth a shot to keep Aiden from getting hurt. There was still too much school year left for Aiden to survive the social abuse she knew was headed his way.

  Leah thought of running after Aiden. But she let it go. A slow walk home alone would give her time
to think about potential solutions. And give her some time to get all her crying done before she got home. Leah didn’t think her parents would give her too much room if she showed so much emotion soon after the recent episode. They would probably try to stage an intervention with her as if she were suicidal.

  Leah hugged herself as she walked home. She prayed God would show her the way. Because she was out of answers. And time was running out. She would need a miracle to save Aiden.

  Chapter 43

  Aiden was all Zoe could think about. Their conversation earlier in the day left Zoe frustrated and angry. She had been moody with her family after school, although they would never surmise it was different from any other day. Zoe brooded over the surprise news, sitting in her darkened room. Thinking. Once she grew weary of Aiden, Zoe called Ryan and told him to pick her up.

  Ryan didn’t waste time getting to Zoe’s house. She figured he would come running, sensing a booty call. He was easy to lead around by the nose. She imagined a pair of used panties hanging off a stick as Ryan followed the scent.

  Zoe had Ryan take her to their favorite meeting spot. The park. When night fell, the park was closed to the public. However, the parking lot outside the park was available. The dark sections and the dead end street on which it was located, provided privacy for hanging out. Most times, the police didn’t bother patrolling the area at night. The swim club next door had security cameras so the police probably thought they would deter activity.

  Ryan pulled his car into a spot near the far corner, where the trail head wound into the park proper. He killed the engine and the headlights. Then he turned in his seat to stare at Zoe. She could feel his eyes undressing her, making her skin crawl at first.

  “So. What did you want to see me about?” Ryan acted all suave and his voice imitated a seventies porn star. His words weren’t far off the mark, either.