Order vs. Chaos

by Mary E Thompson

  I walked into the conference room at 9:59 am and took a seat next to Ada just before Kiana and Jack walked in.

  Of course, Kiana noticed where I was sitting and scowled.

  “I’ve been holding off on sharing this until after Valentine’s Day. I wanted us to be able to focus on the weddings we had, but now that they’re behind us, I want to tell all of you what I’ve been working on. An organization that helps military vets reached out to me a few months ago to see if I’d be willing to plan a destination wedding for a deserving vet. He and his fiancée have been together for almost five years. They met shortly before he went overseas for his last tour. He came back injured and has fought to have a normal life since then. She’s been by his side the entire time. They finally decided they’re ready to get married. He wanted to get married here, on the Big Island, so we’re helping to make it happen.”

  Kiana met the eyes of everyone in the room except me. Her grin was wide, but I could see the tension in the set of her shoulders. She was excited about the project. That was clear. But she was anxious about something else.

  Me, I guessed.

  “When is the wedding?” Ada asked.

  “Next month. First weekend in March. I have a lot of it planned out. We’ll go through everything I’ve already done over the next few weeks. I’ve been working closely with the bride, who’s amazing. I think you guys are really going to like this couple.”

  “Flowers?” asked Janet, the resident florist.

  “Lots of them. Money isn’t much of an object with this one. The organization is picking up the tab. They’re flying them out, along with their families. They want us to make it perfect for both of them.”

  “Can you tell us anything about them?” Cathy, the catering director, asked.

  “Yeah. I have a picture. Here,” Kiana said, handing the picture to Cathy. “He was a Marine. Wounded in the line of duty. She’s a painter. Incredibly talented. They’re perfect for us because they really are opposites. He’s the picture of order, and she’s chaos defined. But they’re both fun and friendly and amazing people.”

  Ada passed the picture of the smiling couple to me. I glanced from Kiana’s face down into the photo and froze.

  There was no way in hell I could do it.

  Kiana and the others talked around me, but I couldn’t move. I just sat there. The man I used to know stared up at me, smiling. He looked normal. Like he didn’t have a care in the world. But I knew the truth. I was there when his life changed. And I was to blame for it.

  I shoved out of my chair and headed for the door. I needed fresh air. Maybe a bucket. I couldn’t fall apart in front of all those people. I just needed to get the fuck out.

  “Where are you going?” Kiana demanded, stepping in my path.

  “I gotta go.”

  “Excuse me?”

  I shoved past her, not offering an explanation. My chest ached and my throat burned. I knew I was having a panic attack, and I couldn’t stop it.

  The sunlight blinded me outside, telling me what my body couldn’t feel. I was in the fresh air. I was out. I could breathe.

  It didn’t feel like it.

  I stumbled to my bike, knowing I couldn’t get on it feeling like I did, but knowing I needed to get away. Before I got there, the other person who haunted my dreams stepped in front of me.

  “You can’t just walk out of a meeting! What the hell are you doing?”

  “I can’t, Kiana,” I croaked. “I can’t look at him through a lens.”

  “Who? Joe? Do you know him?”

  I met her eyes, knowing I couldn’t do anything to hide what I was feeling. She gasped and took a step back. I moved as quickly as I could, getting around her and starting my bike. I tore out of there, desperate to get away, with her screaming at me.

  I wasn’t going back.

  What were the fucking odds that Carrington would be the Marine Kiana agreed to help? That he was the guy deserving of a dream wedding in Hawaii? Yeah, he was. He saved my dumb ass, and many others, but fuck. Why did he have to cross my path again?

  I drove until I was halfway around the island. I didn’t really intend to, but I ended up at Volcanoes National Park. I parked at the visitor’s center and grabbed my camera.

  It was easy to get lost for the day. I took pictures and tried to tell myself I could face Carrington again. I knew Kiana was pissed since she called me constantly, but I ignored her messages. I kept my phone on, just in case I decided to answer, but I never did.

  I debated calling Ethan, but he didn’t need my shit. He had enough of his own stuff to deal with.

  So I walked. And I took pictures. When my stomach rumbled, I grabbed something to eat, then went back to the shore to take some shots of the mountains as the sun set behind them.

  By the time I left, it was after nine and pushing midnight when I pulled up in front of Kapena’s dark house. I cut my engine on the street and walked my bike up the pitch black driveway, hoping I didn’t wake Kapena. I let myself in and went straight to my room, stripping down to my boxer briefs before I fell into bed, knowing it would be a night full of memories.

  A joke. A laugh. An explosion. “Stay with me, Carpenter!” The burning scent. The fire blazing hotter than the desert around us. Carrington screaming.

  I knew none of it was real. That I was dreaming. But I couldn’t stop the pictures, flashing through my head like a highlight reel of the worst moment of my life.

  “Sawyer?” a sweet voice said.

  That wasn’t normal.

  “Sawyer, are you okay?”

  “Kiana?” I asked, unsure if I was awake or dreaming.

  “Yeah. I heard you yell.”

  “You shouldn’t be here. It’s not safe for you,” I told her in my dream.

  “Why not?”

  “Because they’ll shoot you, too.”

  She moved closer, close enough that I could pick up the coconut scent that seemed to follow her. “No one’s going to hurt me, Sawyer. You’re safe. You’re in Kapena’s house.”

  “Kapena?”

  “My brother. You’re safe.”

  “Lay with me,” I said, half question, half request.

  The covers moved back before she slid under them. The bed was tiny, and neither of us were small, but she snuggled right up to me, her sexy ass nestled against my dick.

  Shit, that felt good.

  I slid a hand under her shirt to touch the bare skin on her belly and drifted back to sleep knowing she’d be gone with my dreams in the morning.

  “Mmmm,” I moaned, enjoying the hell out of my dream. Kiana was in my bed, her curvy body pressed tight against mine. I was hard as fuck and ready to slide into her. I had a breast in my hand, a peaked nipple begging me to keep touching her.

  I did so gladly, rasping my thumb over the hard tip. She moaned, the sound just loud enough to reach my ears. My hips moved, seeking her out. She rubbed against me.

  “Kiana,” I groaned.

  “Don’t stop.”

  My eyes flipped open. Holy shit. She was there. Really fucking there. In my bed. Her ass grinding against my cock. Her full tit in my hand. Her nipple hard. Her breathing shallow and needy.

  “Kiana?” I croaked.

  “Sawyer. Please.”

  I’ll admit. I was a little bit of an asshole. I knew I should stop. That everything between us was way too complicated to add a few orgasms to the mix. But I wasn’t about to deny a needy woman who was in my bed and begging me to keep touching her. I wasn’t that strong.

  I kissed her shoulder and searched for her other breast. My hand slid easily into the cup, and she moaned when I found her nipple.

  “Oh, God,” she whispered.

  I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t speak. I toyed with her, pinching her nipple, dragging my fingers over one then moving to the other. I wanted to slide my hand between her thighs and find out if she was as ready for me as I was for her, but I wasn’t about to push my luck.

  “Sawyer,” she whimpered,
her voice rough and needy.

  “Tell me what you want me to do, Kiana. Anything. Just tell me.”

  “Touch me, Sawyer. Please.”

  I reluctantly left her boobs and eased my hand over the curve of her belly. She was wearing some kind of stretchy waistband shorts, giving me plenty of access. I moved slowly, giving her time to change her mind.

  She shifted against me, grinding her ass into my cock. “Please, Sawyer,” she begged.

  Fuck me. I was screwed.

  My hand moved into her shorts, then into her silky panties. Trimmed, damp curls gave way to smooth, wet skin as I worked my way down. She was bare between her legs. I groaned. I loved a shaved pussy.

  “Yes,” she whimpered.

  “Fuck, Kiana,” I groaned. My fingers slipped between her lips, but I needed more space. “Put your leg over mine.”

  She lifted her leg, hooking her ankle around my calf and spreading herself wider.

  Two fingers slid over her, one on each side. Her entrance was wet, waiting for me. My dick throbbed against her ass, ready to get in on the action. There was no talking him down on this one. He wanted inside the sexy, curvy woman writhing in my arms.

  I thrust two fingers into her.

  She gasped and rocked her hips. “More.”

  I did it again, groaning. Her hips moved with me, rocking with the rhythm I set. I slid my thumb over her clit, keeping time with her movements.

  “Sawyer,” she cried softly. “Oh, God. Sawyer.”

  I pumped my fingers faster into her, loving the feel of her body clenching around them. My thumb pressed hard on her clit. She started to whimper, soft little gasps and moans that couldn’t get louder no matter how badly I wanted to hear her scream. Her brother really would kill me if he caught me with my hand down her pants.

  “Kiss me,” I demanded.

  She didn’t hesitate. She flipped onto her back, keeping her legs spread wide to accommodate my hand. I trapped her leg between mine and claimed her lips. She moaned into my mouth and lifted her hips to meet my hand. She went still, her entire body tight like a bow, then she snapped. Her pussy clenched hard around my fingers, pumping me. I didn’t stop, I didn’t even slow down. I wanted to feel that over and over again. I needed to feel her.

  A second orgasm was on the heels of her first. Her body shook, the bed squeaking with the movement. She broke our kiss with a gasp for breath and a demand. “Stop. Shit, please. Stop.”

  I stilled, my hand clamped between her thighs, my fingers buried all the way inside her. It was just like when I kissed her, except I wasn’t sure I’d recover this time. She couldn’t walk away from me and expect me to act like it was okay. Not after I’d heard her, felt her.

  “I can’t keep from screaming. That feels way too good.”

  I grinned. Yeah, I was an ass, we already established that. But shit, if that wasn’t a boost to my ego.

  “Stop smiling,” she said with a laugh. “You know how good it feels.”

  “Fuck yeah. You feel amazing.” I pumped my fingers into her again, my thumb slipping over her clit.

  “Sawyer,” she warned, even as she trembled and throbbed around my fingers.

  A cough outside my door had us both freezing. Footsteps thumped and a door closed. We looked at each other. The toilet flushed, then another cough outside my door. Footsteps and a knock.

  Shit.

  “You home?” Kapena bellowed.

  “Uh, yeah.”

  “Breakfast?”

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  I flashed Kiana a look of apology as Kapena’s footsteps carried him away from my room. Only then did I breathe.

  What the fuck was I thinking touching her? If Kapena walked in, he’d kill me. Hell, I was a little surprised Kiana hadn’t already killed me.

  I sighed and eased my fingers out of her, maybe making sure to graze over her clit as I removed them from her pants. She gasped again, her body lifting, reaching for mine.

  Hell yeah.

  “You’re evil.”

  “You loved it.”

  She chuckled. “I did. Anthony never—”

  “Nope. Stop. You can’t tell me about another man right now.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

  “Look at me,” I said, tilting her chin up. “I’m sorry he wasn’t what you deserved. I am. But I’m hard as a rock right now. You’re in my bed. You just came I don’t know how many times. I can’t have you talking about your ex. Even if it is to bash him.”

  She nodded. “You’re right. I need to forget about him entirely. He’s not worth another second of my time.”

  “Damn right.”

  “Sawyer?” she said, her voice soft and questioning.

  “Hmm?”

  “What are we doing?”

  I huffed a laugh and rolled to my back, doing my damnedest to keep from touching her again.

  “Fuck if I know. I don’t even know how you got in here. I thought I was dreaming when I woke up this morning and you were in my bed.”

  She shook her head. “I came in last night. I didn’t know where you were after you left the meeting. I waited for you to come home. I was worried about you.”

  I closed my eyes, Carrington’s smiling face staring at me. I did not want to talk about it.

  “You asked me to stay with you last night.”

  I sighed. “I thought you were a dream.”

  “You were dreaming when I came in here. And you told me to leave so they didn’t shoot me, too.”

  “Sorry about that,” I said, the familiar nightmare filling my mind.

  But one thing was different. I’d never been able to go back to sleep afterward. If I did, the dream came back.

  Kiana chased my nightmare away.

  And if that wasn’t something huge, I didn’t know what was. It was like Ethan said. I needed to find the woman who made the nightmares run. Who made me forget about them. Instead of scaring the shit out of her, Kiana jumped right in there with me, literally. She let me hold her, and I slept.

  Better than I had since I got to Hawaii.

  “Thank you for staying with me,” I said, my throat rough and dry. I grinned. Damn, it felt good to get some sleep.

  She cupped my jaw and brought my lips back to hers. I wanted to devour her. To kiss her the way she deserved to be kissed. For her to know I wasn’t just thanking her. She did something for me no one else had ever been able to do. She made me forget.

  “I’m just glad I could be here for you,” she said when she pulled back. “The only time I’ve ever seen that look on anyone was when Kapena had to tell me our parents died. I’m guessing you know Joe?”

  I nodded.

  “Sawyer?”

  “Hmm?”

  “What happened?”

  Yeah, because that was what I wanted to talk about with a sexy woman in my bed.

  Chapter Eleven

  “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” I said, staring at the ceiling. “A lot no one really knows about me.”

  “Like what?” she asked, propping herself up on her elbow.

  I wanted to look at her, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I knew what would happen when I told her the truth. Her eyes would change. Fear would sneak in. Every aspect of her would shift. She’d start to pull away.

  I didn’t blame her. But it would hurt to watch.

  “I’ve always been a photographer. I wanted to travel the world. The town I grew up in was small, suffocating when I was a kid. I dreamed of seeing all the different places I read about in books. The pyramids in Egypt. The Great Wall of China. Hawaii. The only place I ever visited growing up was Niagara Falls because it was less than an hour away from my hometown. But I wanted more.”

  Kiana rested her head on my shoulder. I pulled in a deep breath, her head rising with my chest. She brought peace to me, so for however long I could have her, I wanted to keep her. I rested my hand on her hip, holding her close to me.

  “I got hired for a big paper shortly after
college. I was amazed that I got such a good job, but my professors all liked me so I got really good recommendations. I started working, thinking I was going to be this superstar photographer. They sent me out with the photogs, and I had to do all the shit work. I never even picked up a camera for two years. It sucked.”

  Her fingers threaded through my chest hair, distracting me and soothing me. She didn’t speak, just let me know she was there.

  “I was getting more and more frustrated that I wasn’t getting any work, so I started my own blog. I took pictures of the world as I saw it. I didn’t write articles. Just took pictures. I posted them, and after a while, I started to develop a bit of a following. My boss took notice and sent me out on an assignment. My first. The president was coming to town, and he wanted me to take pictures of the crowd to use as extra footage. There was another photog that was cleared and assigned to be with the president, but they wanted more shots, so I went.

  “The pictures were good. Really good. I got noticed by some people who wouldn’t normally notice a nobody like me. And I was offered a job. The US military was trying to get pictures of soldiers in the field. Working in the trenches, so to speak. They wanted me to do it. To go from base to base and station to station. I went to some aircraft carriers and other ships, too. It was an amazing job.”

  “I didn’t see any of this on your resume,” she said, her voice soft, the lilt of her accent dancing over me in the early morning.

  I shook my head. “It was all classified. No one was allowed to know where I was or what I was doing. Between my trips, they took me around the world to places like Egypt and China, sometimes setting me up with actual gigs for a cover story, but my real job for almost nine years was to take pictures for the military.”

  “Okay.”

  “One of my assignments was with a group of Marines. One was the bride’s brother. From a few weeks ago?”

  Kiana nodded.

  “He was in the same regiment as Carrington, but they weren’t in the same battalion. I met them a few days apart. I was with Carrington when a roadside bomb took out our convoy. He got shot and lost his leg because of me.”

  Kiana gasped. I released her, knowing she was going to leave. My hand fell limply to the bed, waiting for her to get out.