Order vs. Chaos

by Mary E Thompson

  “Fuck you.”

  Noah laughed. “Best loss ever. Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

  I shrugged. “Not much to tell. We’ve only been on one date.”

  “But you like her. A lot.”

  “I do. She’s fun.”

  “But?”

  “But nothing. It’s still new. She just got out of a shitty relationship, and she’s accusing me of things he did before I even get a chance. I like her, yeah, but I’m fighting against the asshole she used to date.”

  Noah laughed. “Been there. It sucks to be blamed for another guy’s mistakes, doesn’t it?”

  I’d forgotten about the drama with Tara’s ex when she and Noah started dating. He was another first class asshole. One Tara handled a hell of a lot better than I would have if I were her.

  “It does,” I agreed. “Those fuckers shouldn’t be allowed to be called men. It’s not fair to the rest of us.”

  “So true.”

  “How did you and Tara get past all the shit?”

  Noah let out a long sigh. I heard the cap of a bottle being removed before he took a sip. “Keep trying. If you like her, you won’t walk away because she expects you to. You’ll keep coming back until she knows you’ll always be there.”

  “Yeah, but you did walk away from Tara.”

  He sighed again. “Biggest mistake of my life. I never should have doubted who she was.”

  “I was pretty damn convincing,” I admitted, knowing I had a big hand in Tara and Noah breaking up. I was sure she was going to destroy my brother and used every bit of ammunition I had to convince him she was a snake waiting to strike.

  I was an asshole. A very, very wrong asshole.

  “You were. And I wanted to hate you for it, but I needed to know who she was. You need to figure out who your girl is.”

  “She’s a beautiful pain in my ass. She’s pulled together. She’s sexy and sweet and seductive and so fucking amazing she baffles me. She’s impressive and going to realize one day that I’m not nearly good enough for her, but every day I wake up praying it’s not the day she figures it out.”

  “Sounds to me like you’re in love, big brother.”

  I shook my head. “Nah. I’m not there.”

  “Why not?”

  I shrugged, wondering why not. I didn’t really have an answer. I thought about Kiana a lot. Too much, it felt like. She was the only woman I wanted. And I didn’t see myself getting sick of her anytime soon.

  Did I love her?

  “Shit, I don’t know. How the hell do you know when you’re in love?”

  “When you know you can get through anything with her by your side.”

  I thought about it. The worst shit I’d ever dealt with came back to haunt my dreams, and I got through it with Kiana at my side. That nightmare was coming to life in a few weeks, when the man who lost everything because of me was getting married, and I knew I could handle it because Kiana would be with me.

  Shit, maybe I was in love with her.

  My brother laughed on the other end of the phone. “Well, well. It sounds like my big brother had his ass handed to him. I can’t wait for my wedding now. I want to meet this woman.”

  “Don’t let Tara hear you say the only reason you’re excited about the wedding is to meet my woman.”

  Noah snickered. “Your woman. I love it. Thanks for the good mood, big brother. Tara will send her appreciation another time. I hear my woman coming in the door right now.”

  “You little—” The phone was silent. He hung up on me. My little brother hung up on me.

  And told me I was in love.

  Shit.

  I was starting to like weddings.

  Son of a bitch.

  I was actually excited to get to work that weekend and shoot the wedding. I’d joined some wedding photog groups online and was checking out new blogs about it. It was still little more than point and shoot, but I admitted that it wasn’t that simple.

  It was about telling a story. Showing a side to each and every couple that other people could only see through my lens. When I showed up for the wedding Saturday, I saw the whole thing differently.

  I asked the bride if I could take pictures of her before the wedding. It seemed common to take shots of the bride with her attendants getting ready. Same with the groom. Since they all showed up at Opposites Attract dressed and ready, it was harder to do, but Kiana had a room the bride waited in ahead of time so I took advantage of it.

  Sandy, the bride, had big brown eyes and a red painted grin. Her off-white dress had a lot of detail in it that I wanted to capture and use in other scenes. My mind was firing with ideas and possibilities. I spent about thirty minutes with the bride before I went to see the groom.

  “Will you show me some pictures of Sandy?” the groom, Keith, asked.

  I shook my head. “Not a chance.”

  “Ah, come on. Why not?”

  “Because the first time you see her needs to be in person. When you catch a glimpse of her in that dress, you need to be able to meet her eyes and tell her how much you love her with just a look. Because I want to capture that look for her to remember every day for the rest of your lives together.”

  Keith nodded sharply, his eyes glassy. He got it. He worshipped Sandy. He was excited to see her, but he knew I meant every word and that it would be so much better if he waited.

  I really was turning into a lovesick fool.

  I took pictures of the guys, then headed outside to wait for them to get married. Jack found me and paused for a picture.

  “Best one yet,” he joked.

  “Yeah, if you don’t want to make any money.”

  “Ha ha. Any man would be lucky to have me.”

  “I agree. But I’m shooting a wedding today. And it isn’t yours.”

  “Rub it in,” he growled.

  “Hey, have you seen Kiana today?”

  Jack nodded, listening to his ear piece. “Yeah. She’s with the bride now. They’re about to start. Why?”

  I shook my head. “No reason.”

  Thankfully, Jack was distracted and didn’t press. I was not about to tell him that if I didn’t see her every day, I got twitchy. What the hell was happening to me?

  He walked toward the beach and the twelve guests waiting for the bride and groom. I followed a bit behind him, taking shots of the little touches Kiana put into each wedding. Small things that made each one unique, even if it was in the same location each time. Flowers lined the walkway. Torches were ready to be lit at dusk. Dots of red all over to match the bridesmaid dresses. It was all perfect, and all so Kiana.

  The groom appeared shortly after I reached the beach. He nodded to me, looking calm and anxious at the same time. I knew it was a look the bride would want to see, so I snapped a shot of him. I listened for the music cues and quickly swung my camera toward the building when I knew the bridesmaids were approaching. They each walked past me with a smile. The one who kept trying to flirt with me when I was taking pictures earlier signaled for me to call her.

  I had zero desire.

  When I swung my camera back to the office, Kiana was following the bride out. She was focused on the back of her dress and thankfully didn’t see the bridesmaid asking me to call her. I snapped picture after picture and grinned when Kiana stopped next to me, winking.

  “You look hot in that dress. Did you know blue was my favorite color?” I whispered as I took pictures of the bride walking toward her soon-to-be-husband.

  She shook her head. “I didn’t. But it’s good information to have.”

  I leaned a little closer to her, keeping the camera in front of my face. “You smell like coconut.”

  “It’s my lotion.”

  “It’s been killing me since we met.”

  “Want me to change?”

  “Not a chance.”

  She smirked at me then walked away. I took more pictures, finding the story within the wedding. They were happy. I could see that clearly, and I knew th
ey were going to cherish the wedding Kiana designed for them. She was more and more impressive every day.

  I worked my way around the reception, making sure I got all the pictures on the list Kiana gave me. I was ready to drag her off for a quick make-out session when the flirty bridesmaid waved me over.

  “Will you take our picture?” she asked, her arm looped through the bride’s.

  “Of course,” I said, bringing my camera up. “How long have you two known each other?”

  They shared a grin. “Forever,” Sandy said. “We grew up next door to each other.”

  “It’s nice you’re still close,” I said as I took multiple shots of them.

  Sandy nodded as the friend was called away by one of the other bridesmaids. “It really is. She helped me find Keith. We wouldn’t be here without her.”

  “You’re lucky to have a friend like her.”

  “I really am. She’s funny and smart and beautiful. Don’t you think she’s beautiful?”

  I smelled a trap, but I wasn’t quick enough to avoid it. “Yeah, sure,” I said, as though she was asking if the ocean was beautiful.

  “We saw you checking her out. She can be a little shy, so I told her I’d ask for your phone number. She wants to hook up later if you’re up for it. Whenever you get off.”

  “Uh…” How the fuck did I get out of that one?

  “Sawyer,” Kiana said from right behind me. “Could I steal you away for a minute?”

  I smiled at Sandy and excused myself. If I wasn’t already in love with Kiana, I would have fallen for her in that second.

  Whoa. Shit. Noah was right. Dammit.

  I followed Kiana into the office, thrilled she was on the same page as me. At least for the moment. I owed her big time for that rescue.

  She went into the storage room, walking toward the back. She spun on me as I reached for her. She slapped my hand away. “Don’t touch me!”

  “Huh?”

  “Were you going to hook up with that bridesmaid?”

  I blinked, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. “Are you joking right now?”

  “No,” she said. “I need to know.”

  I pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I didn’t want to hook up with her. I did not give her my number.”

  “But you wanted to. You hesitated.”

  “I was trying to figure out how to blow her off without costing you a good review.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want that woman. Or any other woman,” I said, reaching out to touch her arm. “I want you, Kiana. You’re the one I think about when I’m alone. You’re the one I want in my bed. She was flirting with me. I was not flirting back.”

  She sighed and dropped her head to my chest. “I’m such an idiot.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m treating you like Anthony again. He would flirt with all the bridesmaids. He said it was good for business.”

  “Why would it be good for business?” I asked, not wanting the answer.

  “Because if they were happy, they would make sure the bride left a good review.”

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry he did that to you. You deserve better, Kiana. I’m sorry you had to deal with him.”

  She pulled back. “You’re not pissed at me for getting mad at you?”

  “No, honey. I’d never cheat on you, or even think about it. But you have some shit to get past before you can trust me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Really?”

  I nodded. “Yep. So give me your worst. I’ll still be here.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered before she lifted on her toes to kiss me.

  I swept my tongue through her mouth, feeling solid and steady with her in my arms again. She centered me. Brought me everything I was looking for in Hawaii. Ethan was right. Home wasn’t a place. It was a person. And that person was Kiana.

  I pulled back and kissed her nose. “When can I take you out again? Or at least see you outside of work.”

  She shrugged. “The wedding isn’t going to be too much later. If you want to have a late dinner, we could do that.”

  I grinned. “I’ll take it.”

  When the wedding was cleaned up and everyone was gone, Kiana handed me her keys to drive us to a late dinner. I wanted to get her home, but she said she was starving and there was a diner close that she liked to go to.

  I followed her directions and parked in front of the brightly lit diner. Inside was a room full of cracked vinyl booths, a long counter, and a grill visible from every seat. She sank into a booth, and I sat opposite her.

  “What can I get you two?” the waitress asked.

  “Water, please. And a burger. Swiss cheese, mushrooms, mayo and onions.”

  “I’ll have the same. No mushrooms though.”

  The waitress left, and Kiana stared at me.

  “What?”

  “No mushrooms?”

  I shook my head. “Can’t stand them.”

  “Then why did we order stuffed mushrooms on our first date?”

  I shrugged. “Trying to impress the girl?”

  She rolled her eyes and laughed. “It worked.”

  “Good. What did you think of tonight’s wedding?”

  She nodded. “It went well. Sandy was happy when she left, so that’s a win for me.”

  “Good. If the bride’s happy, it’s a good day.”

  “Absolutely.”

  The waitress brought our waters, then our food not long after. We both ate like we’d been starved for a week. When the waitress offered pie, we jumped on it.

  “I love pie,” Kiana confessed.

  “Me too. I never got it when I was overseas. I always asked my mom to bake me a pie when I’d come home from a long assignment.”

  “Where do your parents live?”

  “Florida. They retired there a while ago. They love it.”

  “What do they think of you working here?”

  I shrugged. “They know I wanted to be here for a while. They wished I’d settled closer to them, but they keep threatening to come visit.”

  Kiana smiled. “I’m sure they’d love it here. As much as you do.”

  I nodded. “They would. They’ll be here for Noah’s wedding. Hopefully, I’ll have my own place by then so they can stay with me.”

  “Real estate here can be tricky. Are you looking to rent?”

  I shook my head. “I want to buy something. I’ve been looking, but nothing has felt right yet.”

  “I’d love to buy a bigger place, but everything is so expensive. Plus, I don’t want to end up with more than I can handle.”

  “You don’t like your place?”

  “I love it. But I don’t love driving thirty minutes to work every day. Especially when there are closer places to live, but they’re all so much more expensive because they’re on the beach.”

  “It would be nice to be on the beach like Kapena is.”

  She nodded. “I’d love it.”

  The waitress brought our pies. We devoured the slices of banana cream and peach crumble, sharing bites with each other. We laughed and talked about the wedding and what we had coming up. By the time we finished eating and I paid for our dinner, Kiana was half asleep.

  “Why don’t you just stay with me tonight?” I asked, knowing it was the most logical.

  She shook her head. “My brother would have a fit if I slept with you in his house.”

  “You already did once.”

  “Yeah, and if memory serves, he punched you for it.”

  “Twice,” I agreed.

  “Exactly.”

  “He’d punch me harder if he found out you fell asleep at the wheel, and I was the one who let you drive home. What if I sleep on the couch?”

  “I’m not kicking you out of your own bed, Sawyer.”

  “I’m offering, Kiana. You can’t drive home this exhausted. Your options are stay in my bed with me or stay in my bed without me.”

  She huffed a laugh. “T
hose are my only two options?”

  “Yes,” I said firmly.

  “Fine. I choose you.”

  Damn, that sounded good. We left my bike at Opposites Attract and drove straight to Kapena’s house. I knew my plans to have Kiana in my bed all night were blown to shit when the lights were on.

  Kiana walked in ahead of me. Kapena took one look at her and said, “You’re sleeping in my room tonight.”

  I shook my head. “She’s staying in my room.”

  “I’ll be damned if I let my sister get screwed under my roof.”

  “Stop it. Both of you. I’m sleeping on the couch.”

  “No,” we both said.

  “Guys, I’m exhausted. I don’t care where I sleep, but I’m going to be asleep in about three minutes. If you two don’t come to some kind of an agreement, I’m curling up right here and falling asleep.”

  I gripped her arm and started leading her down the hall. Before I made it to my room, Kapena shoved me out of the way and dragged her into his room. He glared at me when I tried to argue. Kiana flashed me a look of apology, right before she closed the door.

  Dammit.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Kiana came to me Tuesday morning with a look on her face that said I wasn’t going to enjoy the conversation. She sat across from me and nibbled her lip.

  I wanted to nibble on that lip again. She let me take her out for her birthday, complete with a few orgasms as a gift. I bought her a necklace, too, but I think she liked the orgasms more.

  Then again, she was wearing the necklace.

  “Let me have it.”

  “I know you don’t like talking about this, but we need to work out a few things for the Carrington wedding.”

  I sighed. It was definitely my least favorite topic. She’d brought it up a few times, but I kept brushing it aside. I didn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it. But the wedding was coming up fast, and they were arriving in ten days. It was time to learn the whole story.

  “Okay, let me have it.”

  She raised her eyebrows but didn’t comment. She glanced down at her notes, then looked up at me. She handed over a picture printed from online. I stared into Carrington’s smiling face, his beautiful fiancée grinning up at him.