Hickory Smoked Homicide

by Riley Adams

  Chapter 19

  Lulu had played Bunko with the Graces in the past, but then it got too hard to work her evenings at Aunt Pat’s around them, so she decided to sub from time to time instead. Every time she played, though, she felt like she was missing out by not being a regular part of the group. This group was especially raucous, but they definitely knew how to have a good time. This group was even louder than usual. Wine was poured and drunk, everyone brought in a decadent appetizer or dessert, and each person put five dollars into the kitty to serve as a prize for the winner.

  Cherry had set up three tables, and four people sat at each table. Lulu’s partner for the night was Steffi, and Pepper was paired with Cherry. Steffi looked excited. “I’m glad to get out,” she said to Lulu. “Everything I’ve done lately has been either planning a funeral or answering police questions or going through Mother’s things. It’s great to do something fun.” She flushed suddenly and said, “Of course, the Aunt Pat’s fund-raiser was fun, but that’s been the only thing.”

  Lulu looked sad. “Actually, the fund-raiser wasn’t much fun. It was supposed to be. But the way the evening ended really put a damper on the festivities. Poor Dee Dee couldn’t help it, of course.”

  Colleen joined them. She had on a very loud jumpsuit sort of outfit that Lulu guessed was stylish, but it looked horrible on her. Her face was garishly made up, too, and made quite a contrast to her daughter’s. Pansy looked pretty in a much more natural way. Colleen said, “Did you find some new clothes, Lulu? You and Cherry really looked so determined to go shopping the last time I talked to you.” She stared at Lulu’s faded floral dress.

  Oops. Lulu had temporarily forgotten that she was supposed to be more of a fashion plate. “You know,” she said, thinking quickly, “Derrick had told me . . . you know young Derrick, don’t you? Sara’s nephew? Derrick told me that I needed to think about Aunt Pat’s branding.” Colleen tilted her head to one side like she didn’t totally understand where Lulu was coming from. “I mean, people think of Lulu as a sort of frumpy old lady with a fondness for floral dresses. Maybe I’d mess up the brand identification if I went shopping.”

  Colleen looked doubtful. “I don’t think anybody thinks of you as frumpy, Lulu. Just maybe not all that daring with your wardrobe. But at least you could wear your new clothes when you weren’t at work. It would give you a whole new lease on life.”

  Steffi said, a little roughly, “I think Lulu looks great. She’s always neat and tidy and friendly and comfortable-looking. Lulu, you shouldn’t change the way you look for anybody.”

  Lulu remembered how hard Tristan had been on her daughter. She could imagine that she’d probably tried to force her into wearing clothes that she really wasn’t comfortable in, simply because they were stylish.

  Evelyn, one of the Graceland docents that made up the Aunt Pat’s group of regulars the Graces, walked over. “Y’all,” she said, delicately sniffing the air, “I hate to bring this up, but does something smell funny to you?”

  Lulu frowned. “Something’s burning. Cherry, do you have something cooking, hon?”

  “Oh snap!” said Cherry, putting a hand to her head. “The cheese dip!”

  It had, thought Lulu, probably been cheese dip at some point in the cooking process. Before it had morphed into a charred lump in the pot, that is. It didn’t help matters that the rubber spatula had been left by the careless Cherry in the pot. It had melted, and the smell of burning plastic was getting pretty strong.

  “Too bad,” drawled Evelyn, waving a bejeweled hand languidly. “I was sort of in the mood for some cheese dip. Luckily, Pepper brought some bourbon balls that I think I’m going to start indulging myself with.”

  Lulu hurried over to the sink and started washing her hands. “I’ll help you make something else, Cherry. It’ll only take a few minutes.”

  “No,” said Cherry quickly. “Everybody out of the kitchen. Shoo! Shoo! You too, Lulu! I’ll come up with a substitute dish real quick. Y’all have some wine, and I’ll be back in a jiff.” Lulu was the last to leave the kitchen, and Cherry caught her by the arm real quick. “You need to be doing some investigating, Lulu! Don’t worry with the food.” Lulu opened her mouth to protest, and Cherry said, “I know it goes against your nature, but seriously . . . leave the food to me. I’ll be out in a jiff, and we’ll get started with the game.”

  So Lulu joined the raucous group in Cherry’s den. Peggy Sue was just saying, in a loud voice, “Then my mother told the butcher he could call me up anytime. And gave him my phone number. Can you believe it? She’s still trying to set me up on dates, and I’ve been married to Grayson for thirty years! She’s gone plumb senile.”

  “Was the butcher cute at least?” asked Evelyn.

  “Not likely! That’s another of Mama’s problems—cataracts. So she’s trying to set me up with men who are in their dotage half the time. It’s not like she’s giving my number to some muscle-bound Brad Pitt look-alikes.”

  “In which case it would be okay, Peggy Sue?” asked a scandalized Jeanne.

  “Maybe,” said Peggy Sue, batting her lashes.

  Cherry’s husband, Johnny, a grim-looking bald man with a general air of resignation, appeared at the bottom of the stairs, eyed the group balefully, and headed out the front door.

  “Guess we’re too scary for old Johnny,” said Peggy Sue with a shrug. “Another excuse for him to stay out too late with Eric, playing poker. He thinks that’s a real game. Except they drink too much and pass out with their faces on the poker table.”

  Cherry pushed through the kitchen door in a rush. “Okay!” she said. “I’ve got some more cheese dip made up, y’all.” Lulu watched in horror as the dip container bobbled, tilted, and smashed on the hardwood floor in front of them all. Really, thought Lulu, it was almost in slow motion.

  They all stared at the pile of yellow mush on the floor. “Cherry, honey,” said Peggy Sue in a serious voice, “have you been drinking?”

  “Not as much as I’m about to,” said Cherry, with her hands on her hips, staring at the cheese-dip disaster grimly.

  “Here’s a novel idea,” said Evelyn in a languid voice. “Why don’t we have the actual cook make the cheese dip?”

  Everyone looked hopefully over at Lulu, who was ready to don an apron and get started cooking. “Don’t y’all ever go to parties?” asked Cherry irritably. “Guests don’t cook. The hostess does. I promised cheese dip, and everybody is going to get some cheese dip. And leave that mess alone. . . . It’ll keep until I get some paper towels out.”

  The wine flowed and people snacked on the goodies everyone brought. Really, thought Lulu, there was plenty of food. They didn’t have to have a hot dish. But Cherry had seemed absolutely determined. So Lulu decided to listen in on the conversations and see if any good gossip churned up in the process.

  Pepper was asking Marlowe, “You mean to say that it was all a fake? That Tristan didn’t really have a lot of money?”

  “Well, at one point she sure did. But I guess if a person spends money like it’s going out of style and throws elaborate parties and has a huge wardrobe and a designer-shoe collection, then the money tends to disappear pretty fast,” said Marlowe dryly.

  “That’s why Lulu had the fund-raiser,” said Steffi. Her shoulders slumped a little. “I had a feeling that people were going to wonder why I needed money—especially since Mother had been so showy.”

  Pepper said quickly, “No, I bet they don’t. People also realize you want to go to college and that you had to bury your mama and funerals aren’t cheap. Besides, who cares what people think? They were all happy to go to Aunt Pat’s and support you—and have a fantastic buffet.”

  Lulu said, “I’m sorry that the evening turned out the way it did.”

  “Lulu, it was a wonderful night—up until the very end,” said Marlowe. “You can’t help the way that it ended. And you did such a great thing for Steffi . . . and me, too. That money is a great head start for Steffi’s college education
. Especially since Tristan didn’t provide Steffi with any help.” Marlowe’s face was brooding.

  The doorbell rang, and the women looked puzzled. “We’ve got our whole group here, don’t we?” asked Peggy Sue. She walked to the door and opened it.

  It was Loren, who quickly approached Pepper. “Thanks for chucking all my clothes out in the yard, Pepper,” said Loren in a bitterly sarcastic voice. “Some of those clothes I wear to work, you know. I can’t afford to go buy a whole slew of new clothes because you ruined them.”

  “The weather has been perfectly clear,” said Pepper coolly, but Lulu saw the anger in her eyes. “Nothing was going to happen to those clothes.”

  “And you changed the locks?” Loren sounded peeved. “There’s stuff that I still need to get out.”

  “When I’m over there,” snapped Pepper. “I didn’t want you sneaking over to the house and coming in while I’m at work or something. And taking my stuff, instead of your own. Besides, what on earth are you doing over here?”

  “I saw all the cars over here and figured you might be here or I’d ask Cherry if she’d seen you.” Loren looked smug at his accurate detective work. This, thought Lulu, was starting to be a party to rival her fund-raiser.

  But then Cherry, flustered and sweating from her hot kitchen, pushed her way through the kitchen door crossly. She paused to take in the scene in front of her—the cheese dip still on the floor, Loren looking like he was about to pick a fight.... Then she looked down at the bowl she was holding with her third attempt to make a relatively easy appetizer. Lulu leaned over to see, and apparently Cherry had run out of Velveeta finally and made something out of shredded cheese . . . which, as watery as the dish looked, seemed to be cheese soup.

  Cherry carefully put the watery cheese dip down on a table and put her hands on her hips. “I’ve had enough tonight. Loren, you picked the wrong time to come in, buddy. This is a ladies night, and unless you’re willing to clean up the messes I’ve made or go to the store for more processed cheese, you need to leave. I don’t know how your mama could have forgotten to tell you, but you’re not supposed to crash a party. Since this is the second party I’ve seen you do that to, you’re uneducated about it. But I promise that’s the rule—if you’re not invited, you don’t go.”

  Loren looked crestfallen. “Sorry, Cherry,” he mumbled. Pepper was already leaving the room for the direction of Cherry’s bathroom.

  “It’s okay,” said Cherry. “But don’t do it again.” And she watched as Loren meekly left.

  She rolled her eyes as the door closed. “Okay, now that that’s all over with, what the heck am I going to do about my cheese dip?”

  It was decided that everyone had filled up on the cold snacks and wine and didn’t even have a spot left, everyone assured Cherry, for any cheese dip. Particularly, thought Lulu, cheese dip that sat in a cup of water. It was time to play Bunko. Lulu was glad that even Pepper seemed able to relax and enjoy the game.

  When the game was over and Evelyn was declared the winner (although it seemed a little unfair that wealthy Evelyn would take home the fifty-dollar kitty), everyone talked for a few minutes before the party started breaking up.

  Cherry, Lulu noticed, had indulged in a few glasses of wine as the evening progressed. Lulu guessed that she was entitled, and she sure wasn’t driving anywhere, since she was already at home. Another thing she noticed was that wine seemed to eliminate any filters that Cherry had, as far as what came out of her mouth.

  Pepper was getting ready to leave when Cherry suddenly stopped her. “Hey! Can you help Lulu and me clean up?” Pepper looked surprised, and Cherry said in a low voice, “I only ask close friends and neighbors, so really, it’s an honor!”

  Pepper looked longingly at the door but agreed to stay. She started busily picking up wine and water glasses and bringing them into the kitchen.

  The kitchen, thought Lulu, looked a little like a crime scene itself. She wasn’t sure why every bowl and spoon Cherry owned had been conscripted into the Great Cheese Dip Disaster, but they all seemed to be out on the counter in varying degrees of mess. Maybe Cherry had planned it that way, since they’d needed a cleanup as an excuse to keep Pepper there. Or maybe not, thought Lulu, looking at how frazzled Cherry appeared and how cheese dip seemed to be on every bowl and spoon that was pulled out.

  They’d been doing some washing up for a few minutes when Cherry said, “Pepper, I don’t really know how to ask this, and I sure wouldn’t invite someone I thought was a murderer to my house for Bunko, but where were you exactly on the night of Lulu’s fund-raiser? Because there’s some debate about that. And thanks for staying to clean up.”

  Lulu held her breath at Cherry’s rambling question. Pepper froze up for a second before jerking around to look at Cherry and Lulu. Her face was pale. “Cherry, I don’t know what you’re getting at.”

  Cherry batted at the air with a hand. “Sure you do, Pepper. Where were you? Because I’m hearing that folks noticed you weren’t around. And there was some talk that Dee Dee was meeting up with people in the parking deck. So . . . were you away from the fund-raiser? If not, were you just spending a whole bunch of time in the restroom?”

  Pepper pressed her hands against her eyes as if she was blocking out some unwelcome images. “Both,” she finally said quietly, and Lulu released her pent-up breath. “It was both. Yes, I was away from the party for a little bit. And yes, I was also in the restroom for more than the usual time. That’s because I was positively sick to my stomach by what happened that night.”

  Lulu and Cherry drew closer to Pepper, all ears.

  Pepper sank down onto a kitchen stool. “It was that awful Dee Dee. I’m not sorry a whit that she’s dead because she was a really horrible person. Nobody is going to be crying any tears at her funeral.” She looked over at Lulu. “Except I guess you’ll miss shopping at her store, right, Lulu?”

  Pepper gave a sigh and leaned her head back, looking at the ceiling. “I was a fool to even come to your fund-raiser, Lulu. I’d read about it in the paper and took it into my head to go. I knew Loren was going to be there, of course, considering his total obsession with anything to do with Tristan. And Steffi had to do with Tristan, but not much.” She gave a short laugh.

  “I apologize for not coming to your party in the right spirit, Lulu. I wasn’t there to raise money to help Steffi, although I guess I did that, since I was sure eating and drinking there. But I wasn’t in the giving state of mind—I was actually royally ticked that night.”

  Cherry drunkenly veered off topic. “What the heck got into Loren tonight, by the way? And what’s with that huge dog that you installed in your backyard?”

  Pepper sighed. “Brutus? Well, he’s there for protection. A single girl’s got to look out for herself, and I seem to be becoming a single girl again. Loren was bent out of shape because I’d changed the locks on the doors, and he wanted to sneak in there and get some stuff out. And I guess he wanted to get back at me for messing up his evening at Aunt Pat’s.”

  Lulu tried to navigate the conversation back to the fund-raiser. “Going back to the benefit, honey, I can’t blame you for being royally ticked. Of course you were wanting to make the man uncomfortable. Besides, I don’t think anybody really even knew what you were doing, anyway. You probably looked real ominous, didn’t you, dear?”

  Pepper nodded her head. “That’s right. I could have really made a scene, but I wasn’t looking to totally destroy the evening—I was just thinking I would make Loren nervous until he left. Then maybe I’d pick a fight with him on the way over to the parking deck.”

  “But while you were there, Dee Dee came over and talked to you,” prompted Lulu, trying to shepherd the conversation away from Loren a little.

  Pepper now looked purely spiteful. “Yes, she did. Witch. She said that she had something with her that I might be interested in seeing. She handed me a note that said to meet her at the second floor of the parking deck at eight o’clock.”

  L
ulu’s stomach churned a little with excitement—or maybe with the cheese dip she’d eaten out of pity for Cherry. “So you slipped away from the restaurant around eight o’clock.”

  “Yes,” said Pepper, “but after she spoke to me, I started really paying attention to everybody else that she talked to. I figured if she was trying this on me, then she’s probably trying it on everybody she spent time with that night.”

  “Who else did Dee Dee talk to?” asked Lulu after she took a deep breath.

  “Well, she tried to talk to Sara, for one. But don’t worry, Lulu—Sara just shook her head at Dee Dee like she didn’t have the time to bother with her.”

  “Who else?” asked Cherry breathlessly.

  “Oh. Well, every one of the people who had been at Tristan’s party. I guess I was the very first one. She talked to Steffi, Pansy, Colleen, Loren, and Sara.”

  “So you went out to meet her at the assigned time,” prompted Lulu.

  “Yes. And I saw Steffi outside, smoking,” said Pepper.

  Oh, thought Lulu. So that’s probably where Steffi was during that pocket of time where Loren wasn’t sure where she was. Lulu hadn’t realized that Steffi smoked—she sure didn’t see her do it while she was working at Aunt Pat’s. Stress did funny things to people, though.

  “I’m sure that Steffi probably told the cops that she saw me leave and come back. Because she was still smoking when I came back to the restaurant a little later.” Pepper sighed heavily. “Maybe all that fund-raising money will end up going to lung-cancer treatments. What a shame that would be.”

  Lulu said, “What happened during your meeting with Dee Dee?”

  “Nothing.” Pepper held her hands out in a beseeching way. “Nothing happened. Because when I walked up to Dee Dee’s car, I saw her lying on the ground—dead.”

  Chapter 20

  Cherry and Lulu gaped at Pepper now. “So she was dead before you even got to talk to her,” repeated Cherry in a breathless voice. “Gee whiz!”