Hickory Smoked Homicide

by Riley Adams

  Gee whiz? Cherry must really be tipsy to be pulling those kinds of phrases out. “So you didn’t see or hear anything or anyone?” asked Lulu. “No pounding footsteps running from the scene? No suspicious-looking people lurking around?”

  “No, although it wouldn’t have been a suspicious-looking person who did it, would it? It would be someone we know—and I guess the same person who murdered Tristan. But, you know, any of the people who Dee Dee talked to could have slipped out of the restaurant to kill her. Nobody was keeping track of anyone’s going or coming. We were all moving around a lot. I might’ve kept track of Dee Dee . . . for a while. But then she obviously left to go to her car. Once she left, I really wasn’t watching anyone except for Loren. And keeping half an eye on the time because I wanted to go out there and ask Dee Dee what she was playing at, trying to blackmail me.” Pepper was looking annoyed again, just thinking about it. “I did notice that kind of slick-looking guy, Steffi’s boyfriend, come back after I got out of the restroom. At that point, I was sitting out on the screen porch, so I noticed him coming back into the restaurant. He’d arrived at the fund-raiser the same time I did—so I thought it was a little weird that he would leave and come back. ”

  Lulu said, “But that would have been after Dee Dee was already dead, right?”

  “Sure. But he must have seen her body if he was out at his car. He and I parked right next to each other and walked over to Aunt Pat’s at the same time that night. Nobody could have missed seeing Dee Dee’s body spread out on the ground like that.”

  “Wonder why he didn’t say anything?” asked Lulu.

  “Same reason I didn’t, I guess! He didn’t want to be a suspect. I’m guessing that he probably hasn’t got a spotless record—he might look like a logical suspect to a cop.”

  “Do you have any idea what Dee Dee wanted to talk to you about?” asked Lulu.

  “Sure I do. I saw that painting lying next to her on the floor of the parking deck. She wanted to talk to me about Tristan’s messed-up portrait,” said Pepper coolly.

  “You’re the one who destroyed it?” asked Lulu.

  “Yes. The night of Tristan’s party. And I’m sorry because I know that Sara spent a long time painting it. I promise that I didn’t have a single thought in my head about Sara or the time it took, or the picture as art. All I thought was that I couldn’t stand that woman. She told the Women’s League that I wasn’t good enough to join—she blackballed me. But somehow, my husband, who doesn’t make enough money for her to consider letting me in her club, is having an affair with her. Tristan comes into the picture and wrecks my marriage; then, on top of it all, she’s still insulting Loren and me for not being good enough for anything.”

  Lulu said quietly, “So when you saw the opportunity at the party to ruin Tristan’s portrait, you took it.”

  “I did. I think I was possessed, Lulu. I’d followed Loren’s car over to Tristan’s, not knowing that she was having a party. Of course, I didn’t know she was having a party! She wasn’t likely going to invite Loren or me, seeing as how she looked down on us as dirt.”

  “But seeing the cars there didn’t stop Loren. He was desperate to see Tristan, who wasn’t returning his calls or answering the door when he rang the bell.”

  “Yes,” said Pepper, rolling her eyes. “Loren was being an idiot.”

  “Seeing the cars at Tristan’s didn’t stop you, either. You went inside and talked to Tristan—but she didn’t want anything to do with Loren anymore.”

  “Which almost made things worse,” said Pepper thoughtfully. “He was disposable to her. And I was disposable. She was done with him. Yes, it made me even more furious than I already was. So when I saw the portrait, it had been put off to the side—sort of near the back of the house.”

  Lulu nodded. Tristan had grabbed it from the auctioneer and was probably trying to hide it in her bedroom where no one could see it when Sara had come up to talk with her about it.

  “So I whipped my lipstick out of my purse and scribbled all over the canvas. Even that wasn’t good enough for me. Like any good southern girl, I carry a pocketknife—my daddy gave it to me when I was a girl. I took it out and slashed that portrait to pieces.”

  “Dee Dee somehow ended up with the portrait,” said Lulu. “She must have seen you mess with it and decided that it would be the perfect thing to hold over you. . . . At the time she probably thought you’d fork over a few bucks to keep her quiet about it.”

  “Yeah. But then she really hit pay dirt when Tristan was murdered. I guess she thought that the police would love to know that I had vandalized Tristan’s portrait. They probably would have jumped to the conclusion that I was also the one who killed her. Dee Dee was planning on blackmailing me, I’m sure.” She shrugged. “And now the cops are going to find out it was me who messed up the portrait anyway, I guess. Since I used my lipstick, there’s bound to be DNA all over the painting.” Lulu raised her eyebrows in surprise, and Pepper shrugged again. “I watch all those crime shows on TV.”

  “I guess it would have been easy enough for Dee Dee to swipe the portrait,” said Lulu. “Everyone was leaving with big canvasses, anyway.”

  Pepper said, “Or maybe someone else took it. Maybe Dee Dee had a picture of the damage. Or, who knows, maybe she even took a picture with her cell phone of me when I’d originally vandalized it.”

  “And so, maybe the person who murdered Tristan actually took it to plant near the body to point suspicion at you,” said Lulu thoughtfully.

  “If I’d had any sense, I’d have swiped that portrait and stuck it in my car. But seeing Dee Dee like that with the picture next to her made me sick—literally. I rushed back to the restaurant and straight into the restroom.” Pepper looked a little green at the memory.

  This made Lulu think. Why would the killer have gone to the parking deck at his or her assigned time to meet with Dee Dee? If Pepper had the first meeting and Dee Dee was already dead for that one, then the murderer would have known there was no point in going out there. Maybe they should be looking for the person who didn’t leave after Pepper returned to Aunt Pat’s.

  “What a mess I’m in,” said Pepper with disgust. “My husband is hounding me. My marriage is in ruins. And now I’m probably the main suspect in a murder investigation. Life just doesn’t get any better.”

  Pepper was in such a state that Lulu and Cherry excused her from any further cleaning up. It was too bad, thought Lulu. Considering the disaster that Cherry had created in the kitchen, they could have used all the help they could get.

  The wine was now making Cherry sleepy. “What’s the next step in the investigation, Lulu?” she asked, yawning.

  Lulu stopped scrubbing dishes for a minute. “I’d like to follow up with Pansy and Steffi on the night of the fund-raiser and exactly where they were. Although it sounds like Steffi’s cigarette habit probably explains some of her absence that night. And I do want to talk to Steffi’s boyfriend again and see if he has any information to give us from that night.”

  “Sounds good,” said Cherry sleepily. She looked around the kitchen. “This is good enough for tonight, Lulu. We’ve reached a stopping place, right?”

  Lulu blinked. The kitchen still had pots and pans lined up on the counters, empty wineglasses, trash to go out . . . “You don’t want to tackle the mess tonight?”

  “The dishes will keep,” said Cherry positively. “Cleanup is quicker the next day, anyway. This stuff will . . . soak.” She reached over and turned out the kitchen light, and Lulu had a feeling Cherry would be in bed two minutes after she left.

  An opportunity to talk to Steffi presented itself the very next day when Steffi poked her head around the Aunt Pat’s office door. “Lulu? Is it okay that I’m working the early shift today? I traded shifts with Abby. I know I’ve switched around a lot, but I’ve got to go to the bank with Marlowe this afternoon.”

  “Sure, honey, that works out fine,” said Lulu, closing up the desk drawer. “Did you have fun at B
unko last night? Even if you didn’t win the big pot of money?”

  Steffi grinned. “It was great to go out and have fun. And it was nice of Cherry to invite me. She was so hilarious last night. I kept wondering why she didn’t just leave the cooking to you. . . . You’d have solved her cheese-dip worries in a second.”

  Lulu rolled her eyes a little. “Yes, well, she can be really stubborn. I think she thought she should be able to at least pull together a cheese dip.”

  Steffi smiled and pulled an apron off a hook on the office wall. “Oh, and is it okay if I take thirty minutes or so for lunch? My friend is coming over for an early lunch—we made it for ten forty-five so it wouldn’t be during the lunch rush.”

  “Friend?” asked Lulu innocently. “Anybody special?”

  Steffi flushed. “David. You met him—taking care of the yard? He came to the fund-raiser, too.”

  “That’s right,” said Lulu. “I’m glad that’s working out so well for you, Steffi.” Lulu couldn’t bring herself to say that he seemed like a nice young man. She wanted to, but she simply couldn’t do it. Steffi obviously couldn’t see through him and glimpse the guy he really was underneath the smarmy charm. “By the way, Steffi, someone mentioned to me that they’d seen you smoking recently.”

  Steffi said quickly, “I’d never smoke in Aunt Pat’s, Lulu. I haven’t even needed a smoking break—I really don’t smoke all that much.”

  Lulu shook her head. “I wasn’t trying to say that, honey. But I thought I’d mention it because Derrick—you know Derrick, don’t you?—quit smoking six months ago, and he could probably give you some tips if you want to try to stop.”

  Steffi looked rueful. “Thanks, Lulu. I guess it’s stress that’s made me pick it up. If I see Derrick today, I’ll ask him about it.”

  “I just like to look out for my employees’ health!” said Lulu. She hesitated, then asked, “Were you out on smoke breaks during the fund-raiser? There were a couple of times when people couldn’t track you down.”

  Steffi gave Lulu a swift look that Lulu couldn’t really read. Was Steffi hurt that she’d suspect her? “Smoking. Guilty as charged,” said Steffi. She shrugged. “It started out as a way to rebel against my mother, who hated smoking—said it gave people leathery skin and yellow teeth.” Steffi gave an unhappy laugh. “That’s the thing—it wasn’t that she didn’t want me to smoke because it might harm me. She didn’t like it because of how it made people look. That’s all she ever cared about . . . appearances.”

  Lulu stood up and gave Steffi a hug. “I’m so sorry I brought up bad memories for you, sweetie. I really meant to say that I do care for you, and I hate for you to have a habit that could end up killing you later. That’s all. And that I rode Derrick about it the same way, and he managed to stop the habit.”

  “Thanks, Lulu,” said Steffi. “That does mean a lot. And thanks for shifting my hours today and for lunch, too.” And she hurried off to start getting the dining room ready.

  Steffi’s friend David actually arrived at Aunt Pat’s around ten thirty, and to look at him, thought Lulu, he came straight from doing yard work. He obviously did a lot of his work first thing in the morning, before it got too hot.

  Lulu saw Steffi glimpse him, then hurry over. “David! You got here early. I’m not really ready yet—I’ve still got to roll the silverware into the napkins and stuff—just get ready for the day.”

  He shrugged and stood up. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll go outside and have a quick smoke. Take your time—it’s not important.”

  As he headed out to the front porch, Lulu said, “Steffi, you can finish up with the napkins after your lunch break if you want to. Or I can do it for you.”

  Steffi smiled. “Lulu, you’ve done enough. Really, it’s fine. I think David is probably happy to take a smoke break anyway. And thank you for not telling him about the dangers of smoking while you had it on the brain.”

  Lulu said, “Well, I was able to dig up some self-control—for a little while, anyway. If he goes out for another smoke break while he’s here, I might not be able to help myself.”

  Steffi disappeared back into the kitchen to finish with the silverware, and Lulu decided to sit on the porch for a bit before the lunch rush started—and try to catch David on his own before he joined Steffi inside.

  Beale Street had plenty of tourists walking around it, despite the early hour. The never-ending parade of people kept the porch entertaining. Visitors came from all over the world, and you never knew what you were going to see or hear as they walked down the street.

  Another nice thing about the porch was that you could overhear people talking sometimes. And Lulu was overhearing a conversation now—David was apparently talking to a friend on his cell phone in between puffs of his cigarette.

  “What? No, I’m at the barbeque joint where she works. Yeah. Who knows? I guess she’s still working here because she doesn’t want to let the old lady who owns the place down—Steffi is that kind of goody-goody. She sure doesn’t need the money.”

  The friend talked for a couple of minutes more. “Yeah, there was that fund-raiser thing, too. I guess they wanted to do something for her—she’s planning to go to school, so maybe they were just getting her some extra money for tuition or books or something. How should I know? I tell you who needs a fund-raiser—me! I’m the one who can use some money. And I’m not like Steffi—it won’t bother me a bit to quit my job. I don’t care if I ever cut a blade of grass again in my whole life.”

  There was another pause on David’s end of the conversation, and then he said, “Look, I’ve got to go. She’s going to be waiting for me in a minute.” A rough laugh. ”Are you kidding? I wouldn’t date that chick in a million years if she wasn’t loaded. Not pretty like her mom was, is she?

  “See? That’s what I’m saying! Oh, shut up—I’m not always hustling a deal. But I do have something starting up now that looks pretty good.” His voice dropped a little, and Lulu strained to hear him. “Yeah. I’m not saying, except that if getting hooked up with Steffi doesn’t work out for the long haul, then maybe this will help me have more regular income.”

  There was another pause, and then David said quickly, “Got to go.”

  Lulu closed her eyes as if she was dozing in the rocker and gave what she hoped was a convincing startle as David pushed through the porch’s screen door. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

  Then he paused and looked sharply at her. “I guess you heard some of that,” he said.

  Lulu said dryly, “I couldn’t really help it.”

  “I’ll make her happy, you know,” David said in a defensive voice. “Who cares why I’m going out with her as long as I treat her like a queen and make her happy?”

  Lulu decided to let that pass. “I’m curious what you meant when you were talking about the thing that would provide you with regular income. Do you have some sort of information from the night Dee Dee was murdered?”

  David shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t hurt to tell you. I’m pretty sure it was that woman, Pepper, who killed Tristan—and Dee Dee, too. I got bored at the fund-raiser—didn’t know anybody there except Steffi, and she was busy talking to everybody. So I went out on the porch to listen to the band and text a couple of friends. I saw Pepper leave the party. She and I had parked on the same level of the parking deck, and I’d followed her into the restaurant that night. When she came back a few minutes later, acting like she was trying not to be noticed? I noticed her. That’s the kind of thing I pay attention to.”

  David really was a hustler, then, thought Lulu. It sounded like he wasn’t above blackmail, either. She was starting to think the whole world was into extortion.

  “Anyway, I saw her come in, and she was all sweaty and kind of sick looking. She disappeared into the bathroom. I was ready to take off from the party and head home—it was getting pretty boring. So when I got to my car, parked real close to Pepper, I saw this body lying on the floor of the parking deck.” He shrugged again. “It doesn’t t
ake a genius to put two and two together. And I saw that painting beside the woman on the floor—I figure it has something to do with the fact she’s dead.”

  Lulu said, “So you’re planning on getting Pepper to pay you to keep quiet. If she murdered two people, do you really think that’s a good idea?”

  “I can take care of myself,” said David sullenly. He continued walking into the restaurant. When Lulu turned around to look into the dining hall, she saw David greet Steffi with a kiss. She shook her head. She was going to have to figure out a way to break it to Steffi gently that David didn’t have her best interests at heart. Steffi didn’t deserve to be in another cold relationship after a lifetime of living with her mother.

  Chapter 21

  Lunch was in full swing when Lulu noticed Pink had come up to the lunch counter. “What’ll it be, Pink?” asked Lulu, taking out an order pad. “Or will it be your usual barbeque plate with a side order of coleslaw and a sweet tea?”

  “My usual,” said Pink with a grin. “Gotta love coming to a restaurant where they know your order before you do! And what a great honor having the restaurant owner actually taking my order.”

  “It’s on the house, too,” said Lulu with a flourish of her hand. “Got to keep our men in blue happy. Aunt Pat’s appreciates her law enforcement officers!” She handed off the order to a passing waitress.

  Pink drawled, “And I surely do appreciate the free lunch! But tell me, Lulu, what brought all this on? You’re not still messing around in the case, are you?”

  Lulu developed a sudden interest in the menus she was holding. “Oh no. Not me. I’m a mild-mannered restaurant owner.”

  Pink raised his eyebrows at her.

  “Well, maybe I’m just interested in getting an update, Pink. Just some general information, you understand.” She lowered her voice to a hush. “Like whether or not you found Dee Dee’s black notebook.”