Shattered & Mended (Shaken Series)

by Julie Bailes

  “I’m tired of empty promises,” I whisper.

  “My promises aren’t empty, butterfly. Every breath, every heartbeat, it’s all for you. Just choose me.”

  He’s like gravity, pulling me into him. Even though I try to pull away, it’s impossible. “I just— I need time, okay? Can you give it to me?” I ask.

  “I’m not going anywhere.” His ocean-blue eyes bore into mine as he kisses me briefly. “Now, let’s go get our little angel,” he smiles.

  “Let’s go,” I say, mimicking his smile.

  As we round the corner to Baylee’s area, I see Blake cradling her in his arms and rocking her. She’s holding onto his finger as he talks to her. My heart melts as I see his interaction with her, but it also clenches at the possibility I’ll never see it again. He may be keeping his distance from me and believe I’m a crazy lady, but he’s been here to see the babies every day since the DNA test proved he’s their father. Wyatt stays behind as I go over to the two of them.

  “Hey, Blake,” I greet, leaning down to kiss my princess.

  “Allie,” he acknowledges with a smile. He’s smiling at me? That’s something I haven’t seen in far too long. “How’s Blaine,” he asks.

  “Well, he’s somewhat demanding, but he’s doing fine,” I giggle, thinking of how much Blaine resembles his daddy. “She’s beautiful, don’t you think?” I ask as he admires Baylee.

  “Just like her mother,” he admits. My heart contracts at his words. Why does he do this? Why does he avoid me, and then tell me how beautiful I am and flash me his seductive grin?

  “How’s work?” I ask, changing the subject and trying to engage in small talk. I know he’s been slammed since he’s returned back to work. After he was released from the hospital, he was on medical leave for almost four weeks, and he’s had a lot of catching up to do.

  “It’s work,” he shrugs. “I hear she’s going home today. Are you staying at the place my parents bought?” Why does he care?

  “No. I don’t feel comfortable staying there without you. And I’m not ready to be on my own yet,” I admit. His muscles tense as I mention the two of us under one roof. “Anyway, I’ll let you visit with her until you’re ready to hand her over, and then we’ll be on our way.”

  I turn to walk back to Wyatt, but Blake speaks up, “Allie, wait.”

  I turn around and look at him. “I’m sorry I don’t remember. I’ve tried really hard to remember what everyone says we had, the love that created our two wonderful children … I just can’t, but it’s not from lack of trying,” he confesses, his eyes misting over.

  “I believe you, B. I’ve tried everything I can. I’ve tried hard to reach out to you, but you continue to avoid me.”

  “I’m not avoiding you. I can’t stand to see the hurt I inflict on you when we’re near each other. I saw it in the hospital, and every time we’ve seen each other here with the twins. I may not remember what we had, but I’m not an insensitive asshole.”

  “Trust me, I know you’re not. You’re the most generous, considerate, loving and amazing man I’ve ever known. I’ll always love you, no matter if we’re together or apart,” I tell him.

  He kisses Baylee and stands to place her in my arms. “I guess we need to discuss visitation, right? My parents want to see them frequently. In fact, they’ve sold their home in Nashville, and they’re purchasing one nearby,” he sighs.

  “Of course. I’d much rather do this outside of court, if you don’t mind. I won’t keep them from you or your family,” I promise.

  “Definitely. You’ll call me?”

  “Yeah, I’ll call you,” I confirm. He bends to tell Baylee he loves her then he leaves. And it’s obvious that he’s lost something that can never be replaced: his love for me. The spark that would flare in his eye when we were together is no longer there. The love I believe consumed his heart, it doesn’t. Blake and I, we’re two strangers who happen to share a family, nothing more. The kind-hearted and loving man is who he remains, but my Blake… He’s gone.

  Twenty-Seven

  ~Wyatt~

  Blaine and Baylee turn seven months old today. Man, time flies. Things between Allie and me are going great. I have to admit I was beginning to think I’d never have her to myself again. To have her as mine to hold and kiss whenever I feel like is amazing. I know

  Blake will always hold a piece of her heart, but I’ll always be its possessor. Allie and I’ve seen Blake several times around town. Sometimes he’s been alone, but we’ve spotted him with several different women. We’ve seen him at Willie’s with a chick named Lana; apparently she’s one of his exes. And there have been several times we’ve seen him at the coffee shop having coffee with someone else. I can tell him being with another woman bothers Allie, but that’s natural. He comes by after work sometimes and spends a few hours with the kids, and he takes them to his place every other weekend, or whenever he and Allie agree. Never in my wildest dreams did I think Blake and I would become friends. This Blake, the guy who’s not trying to steal my girl, is pretty damn cool.

  I admit the last few months have been rocky. It was difficult for me to sit back and watch Allie fight fate by chasing Blake. But I’ve remained true to my word and have stuck by her side and taken care of the twins as if they’re my own. It was heart-shattering watching Blake reject her time and time again. Finally, after he announced he was in a serious relationship with Lana, she gave up. She didn’t take the news well, but she got over it. Clair and Aken were generous enough to sell me the house they bought for Blake, Allie, and the kids at a price that was well within my budget. I know they spent well over the amount they sold it to me for, and for that, I’m thankful.

  Lacy stays every other week with us. Although Allie and Lacy have been separated for almost four years, they share a strong bond. The two of them are inseparable. Our sweet little

  Baylee just lies around while Lacy and Allie play kitchen, color, and paint each other’s toenails.

  They abandon Blaine and me, but it’s all good; we got that whole male-bonding thing going on. He snacks on his veggie puffs, and I scarf down pizza while we watch the game, any game- basketball, football, or baseball, whatever’s on.

  Lucille and Jack come by every few days and take the kids for a while so Allie and I can have some alone time. And by alone time, I mean sleep. Allie and I are taking things slow this time around. We’ve talked about getting married someday, but what she doesn’t know is I’ve arranged a weekend for us to be alone, and I plan on proposing. She may think things are going too fast, but to me it’s not going fast enough. Having blue balls at twenty-seven isn’t ideal, especially when I’ve got a woman to help me cure the problem. She wants to get married before we have sex again, and that’s perfectly fine. I respect her wishes. But damn, can’t we just speed this shit up and get hitched at the courthouse?

  I go up to check on Allie and the girls because they’re too quiet; quietness equals trouble. When I walk in, I see Lacy brushing Allie’s hair, while Baylee’s lying down on her back with her legs up; she’s sucking her toes. I take a seat next to my favorite ladies and see what they’re up to. “Momma A, where’s your fwiend now?” Lacy asks Allie.

  Allie’s holding a photo book in her lap, and she’s flipping through the pictures of her and Sophie, which takes me by surprise because she won’t even watch the remaining DVDs Kyle left for her. She explains to Lacy who Sophie was and how they were like sisters, similar to her and Baylee. “Well, sweetheart, she’s not here anymore,” Allie replies vaguely.

  “She’s not in Jacksonville?” Lacy asks, cocking her head and puckering her cute, soft pink lips.

  “Umm, something like that. How about we go get some lunch?” Allie suggests, changing the subject.

  Lacy agrees and heads down to the kitchen.

  “You okay?” I ask Allie.

  She smiles and nods. “Yeah, just reminiscing. I miss her and wish things would have ended better than they did. That’s all,” she confides.

>   “I know,” I sympathize.

  We go down and Allie prepares lunch. Just as we’re finishing up, the doorbell sounds. When I open the door, I’m greeted by an exhausted-looking Blake. “Hey, man, come in.” He stalks in and plops down in the recliner.

  “Dang, B, you look horrible,” Allie acknowledges.

  “I’m just tired. Four deliveries and no sleep for two days will do it to you,” he smirks.

  She slaps him on the shoulder. “I told you to get more sleep. You want something to eat? I make a killer PB&J. Want one?” she asks.

  “No, thanks, I just came to see Baylee and Blaine for a few minutes before I head home. Where are they? It’s eerily quiet. They’re still alive, right?” he asks, skimming the entire downstairs.

  “Shut up! Yeah, they’re alive. Blaine’s napping and Baylee’s in here,” she says, nodding to the dining room.

  ~Allie~

  When we’re in the dining room, Blake takes Baylee into his arms and peppers her face with kisses. I’m really worried about him. He’s paler than normal and his eyes are bloodshot. “You sure you’re okay?” I ask. I don’t hide the concern from my voice.

  He blows on Baylee’s chunky cheek before answering. “Yeah, Al, I’m fine,” he states.

  Wait, he just called me Al. He’s only called me Allie since the head injury, never a nickname.

  “Al?”

  “Yeah, that’s your name.”

  “Yeah, but you’ve only called me Allie.”

  He shrugs. “No big deal. I can call you Allie, if you want.”

  No big deal? It’s a HUGE deal to me. “Are you beginning to remember anything about us, you and me?” I ask. I want him to remember, badly.

  “I don’t know. I keep having these dreams with you in them. Don’t worry, they’re not inappropriate or anything,” he winks. I don’t care if they’re appropriate or not, he’s dreaming of me.

  “Go on,” I encourage.

  “I don’t know, Al.” See, there it is again. “I have vague memories that include you. Some from college; all from college, actually. Your attitude, your deep brown eyes, your laugh… they’ve been haunting my dreams. I can’t sleep, trying to remember you. I know you’re with Wyatt, but I still want to remember how strong our love was and what we shared. I look at your necklace and read the inscription every time I see you, hoping to remember the man I once was,” he begins, pausing to tickle Baylee. “I look at Blaine and Baylee, and I love them more than words can explain, but I can’t help but wonder the type of love that made them,” he adds.

  “But you’re starting to remember our friendship?” I question excitedly.

  “Bits and pieces,” he admits.

  “That’s a good thing, right? If you’re remembering things from college, then maybe you’ll get it all back, sooner or later.”

  He kisses Baylee and plays with her for a few more minutes before handing her over to me. “Is it okay if Mom and Dad take them this weekend? I’m going to stay over because Brody’s coming to town, and he really wants to see them,” he asks nervously.

  “I already told you I wouldn’t keep them from their family, B. Of course they can go,” I smile, reaching up and kissing his cheek. “Now, go on home and get some sleep. You’ll need your energy for the weekend, since Blaine now scrunches around like a caterpillar. He’s all over the place.” He laughs and brings Baylee and me in for a brief hug. He says his farewell to Lacy and Wyatt on his way out.

  I miss my Blake. I miss his warm hugs, his always-gleaming eyes, and his smile. He smiles, but it’s not the same. I still feel so distant from him, almost like it’s a stranger who fathered my babies. I’ll keep my promise to Clair, and I won’t give up on him. We’re not meant to be soul mates, but we’re definitely meant to be friends. He will remember what we had; if it’s our friendship or lover status, I don’t care. The only thing that matters is he remembers. And if, for some reason, the memories he and I shared never come to surface, at least he’s an amazing dad; I couldn’t ask for two better men. In the end, I knew I’d end up with Wyatt. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love him. I’ve tried, but I was unsuccessful.

  You can’t fight fate; she’s undefeatable. I fought her with all my might, and she kicked my ass. When you call her out, tragedy strikes, death occurs, and hearts get shattered. Our stories are written out before we’re brought into existence, never to be edited. Over the years, my heart’s been repeatedly broken: the death of my father, my brother, my best friend, losing Wyatt, handing over Lacy, the accident, and Blake losing his memory. But, all of it was necessary in order for me to become the person I am today. Now, I’m strong. That weak girl I once was has vanished. My heart’s no longer shattered and missing pieces. It’s mended and finally complete.

  Epilogue

  Two years later …

  Today’s the day. It’s the day I stand beside the man I once despised most. Not only am I watching him marry the love of my life, but I’m his best man. It’s been a rough couple of years. Up until three months ago, I had no idea how Allie became part of my life. The memories came in bits and pieces, and then one day they flooded my mind and knocked me on my ass. The passionate love we shared, the way her body melted from my touch, the way she went into convulsions when I pleasured her … I remembered it all. Have I mentioned it to her? Hell, no. I can’t inflict anymore trauma to her delicate heart. She’s experienced her own personal hell on Earth, enough heartache to last the rest of her life.

  Do I want to object to her marrying the man who hurt her the most, shout it loud and proclaim my love for her? Fuck, yes! But, I won’t do it. You see, when you love someone more than life, love their life more than your own, you’ll sacrifice your own happiness for theirs. And that’s what I’m doing, putting her first. I’ll never love another woman the way I love Al. What we shared was a once-in-a-lifetime love. Do I want her to marry Wyatt instead of myself? Not really. But if he’s what makes her complete, then yes, I do. Am I being a complete fucking coward by standing silently, a smile plastered on my face to cover up the agonizing pain my heart’s experiencing? Possibly.

  For almost two years—two entire fucking years—I had no recollection of this amazing woman who stole my heart and blessed me with two awesome kids. None. The more time I spent around her, getting to know the real Allie, the more I began to remember. Her loving brown eyes, her beautiful smile, her laugh, her energetic personality, each of them sparked memories I didn’t know existed. Then to find out about Sophie’s death, and that she was the driver who caused our accident, it’s unbelievable. And even though Sophie’s gone, I’m angry with her for ruining our lives. She decided to drug a man and take advantage of him. She decided to get wasted off her ass and run the red light. She’s the reason we’re not living our happily ever after, at least I’m not. But sometimes, I blame Wyatt. If he would’ve never returned, Allie and I would be married and raising our family together. Then, I think of how irresistible Al is, and I can’t help but think that, if the roles were reversed, I’d do the same.

  As much as I hate to admit it, I knew Allie and Wyatt would have eventually ended up together. She loved me, but it wasn’t enough. I held parts of her heart, but Wyatt consumed most of it. While I was the oxygen mask that delivered her oxygen, Wyatt was the oxygen itself. They both go hand in hand, but one’s more important than the other. A piece of me is angry she went back to Wyatt so easily. Then I get pissed at myself for being angry with her for moving on. What was she supposed to do, wait on me to get my memories back? It’s not like she gave up on me; she tried. She drilled me every time we were together.

  Allie showed me multiple pictures of the two of us together, the locket I gave her, the engagement ring, but nothing helped. These are all the reasons I’ve chosen to bite my tongue while she says her vows to Wyatt. I have to admit that Wyatt’s not so bad. He provides for and protects my family, loves Baylee and Blaine as if they’re his own, and we’ve become great friends over the last couple of years. Though I will
say, if he hurts Al again, I’ll kill him with my bare hands without thinking twice.

  The music begins to play, and the cutest kids I’ve ever seen are being escorted down the aisle by Mom and Lucille. Lacy’s showing Baylee how to throw the petals, but all she wants to do is put them in her mouth. And Blaine, my little man, is as handsome as his daddy. He’s wearing a black and white tux looks small enough to fit on a doll, a red rose clipped to his jacket pocket, and the pillow he’s carrying the ring on is bigger than him.

  Once everyone’s taken their places, another song begins to play, Jack Johnson’s “Angels”. She didn’t want the traditional ‘Here Comes the Bride’ melody. When the doors open and Allie comes into view, I am completely breathless. As usual, her beauty’s captivating. Her long, crisp, white dress clings to her hourglass figure. Her hair is pinned to the side, long, chocolate curls flow down the front of her arm, and there’s a blue lily inserted behind her ear. As Jack walks her down the aisle, my heart pounds harder against my chest with each step she takes. When she’s front and center, her eyes find mine, searching them as if she’s awaiting my approval. I swallow past the lump in my throat, blink back the tears that sting my eyes, smile, and nod slightly. She flashes me an ear-to-ear smile followed by a wink. Jack places her hands into Wyatt’s and makes his way to his seat.

  The preacher welcomes the guests, but the only thing I hear is the sound of my heart beating inside my ears. It’s not until the vow exchange that I’m able to focus on what’s being said. My eyes have been glued to Allie ever since she emerged through the doors. Of course, hers have been lost in Wyatt’s. The pastor urges Wyatt to begin his vows, and as he speaks, she cries with a content smile. “Allie Grace Anderson, I vow to take you as my wife. To love you with all of my heart, body, mind, and soul until I’m laid to rest. I promise to handle your heart delicately, to prevent and protect it from harm. I vow to never betray you, give up on your dreams, or walk away from you when times get rough. I promise to be the best father, husband, and man I can be, to give the best of myself to you and to bring out the best of you. I promise to hold your hand and walk beside you through life and not in front of or behind you. Most importantly, I promise you my forever and to love you faithfully,” he chokes.