Team Newb

by M Helbig

  “Vat of poison?” Alizia asked. “Ohh, that makes way more sense than a boiling bat of hoisin.” She looked back and forth between two angry friends staring daggers at her. “Sorry, continue.”

  Nanny laughed maniacally. “You don’t know? Didn’t your vaunted contacts tell you? The poor woman didn’t just die in game; she died in real life too.”

  “That’s quite terrible,” Decrona said. “But in a game with hundreds of millions of players over decades, deaths in the real world are inevitable. I’m sure I could prove it statistically if you’d like.”

  Nanny shook her head and stared at the floor. “This one was different. Her group rezzed back at their bind point, but she never joined them. They tried sending messages to her, but they came back as errors. Even talked a high-level player into casting a Resurrection spell on her, but that came back with a ‘Player Not Found’ message. A friend of theirs in one of the big guilds pressed his sources inside Pyrite, and they said the logs showed her dying in the real world at the same time her character did. None of her vitals had shown anything out of the ordinary before either. They even said some sort of tall monster in a long, black cloak that they’d never seen was walking around the area where she died.”

  The beaverkin became suddenly aware that every eye in the place was on her and quickly found a pair of wood elves near the door. Nanny turned one last time as she exited to flip Decrona off. The door closed with a creak and the noise picked up again as everyone went back to their business.

  Alizia let out a nervous laugh but quickly covered her mouth. Decrona grumbled as she hurriedly scooped up the seven coins from the table and counted them out in Alizia’s large hand.

  “Sorry about that,” Olaf said to me with an apologetic smile as he removed his hands from his ears. “But I thought it best to keep you out of it.”

  I smiled back. “You mean to keep you out of it.” The waitress finally returned to the dining room, so I waved her over and asked for a spoon.

  “That as well.” He laughed. “Also, do not mind what Nanny said. She just likes to frighten Decrona. The reaper at the end made it obvious that she invented it. As much as I miss Nanny’s leadership, it’s been nice to not have to listen to their daily argument.”

  The waitress handed me a spoon, and I dug into my oatmeal. “Is leadership a skill you can learn?” I asked between bites.

  “It is, but I was referring to the non-game variety. Decrona is very knowledgeable about the game, but Nanny was the one who made the decisions. Don’t tell Decrona I said that.”

  I don’t know how, but Pyrite made even bland oatmeal taste delicious. I hadn’t realized how fast I’d been shoveling it into my mouth until I saw the empty bowl. I hastily wiped my face with a napkin as Olaf rose and directed me to his group’s table.

  Decrona nodded at us as we sat down and resumed her explanation of budgeting while Alizia made faces at her. “I think we should each contribute 4.35% of all loot to a fund for camping supplies and healing potions. And then set aside another 5.8% to reimburse any members who die for lost money. Also, I learned of an investment fund where they buy cheap items at auction and resell them for more. I think we should put 5.37% of our earnings toward that. And then there’s the matter of—” A silver coin flew from Alizia’s hand to land directly into Decrona’s mouth.

  Olaf slapped Decrona on the back of the head, and the coin plopped down into the middle of the table. Not being sure of the group dynamic or my standing with them, I had to use every bit of my willpower to hold back my laughter.

  “And that is precisely the poor money management I was trying to explain to you. You still have three slots of newbie gear and you risk losing a whole silver? What if I’d swallowed this thing?” Decrona wrapped the coin up with a napkin and slid it back to Alizia.

  Her statement only caused Alizia to laugh harder. Decrona raised her hands in defeat and turned in my direction. My body tingled lightly as she used Inspect on me.

  “A whole level in a day,” Decrona said. “Impressive. It took us more than two weeks to hit level three—thanks to certain people. However, you only gained the minimum in Armor Class. I’m not sure.” She tapped the table repeatedly.

  Another tingle indicated that someone else was using Inspect on me. Alizia’s grin revealed who it was. “But he got five upgrades. That’s two more than you asked for, Scrooge. That’s good enough for me.”

  “Now, now. Let’s not be so hasty,” Decrona urged. “I only said we’d consider him if he completed those objectives. We need to do a pros and cons list first. Afterwards, we can begin the proceedings for a vote.”

  “Pros: he’s in and Decrona doesn’t waste our time,” Olaf said. “Cons: Decrona complains more. Welcome to the group, Horus.”

  “Welcome to the group.” Alizia shook my hand. “And I don’t think it’s possible for someone to complain more.”

  Decrona shook her head and grinned. “If you two keep it up, I’ll really show you complaining. I spent all night calculating how to make myself more efficient, and if I follow my new plan, I can increase complaining by at least 15%. Furthermore, since I’ve been outvoted and what our charter says goes, welcome to the group, Horus. Please read this document thoroughly, and then accept the invite.”

  Decrona has given you the item “Decrona’s Group Charter.”

  Decrona has invited you to a group!

  Do you accept?

  I scanned the agreement quickly. It was mostly about how to split loot, which in my experience from other games was where most of the conflict arose. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary, I accepted the group invite. Above each of their heads, the bars that displayed their HPs, MPs, and APs began displaying numbers instead of percentages.

  Alizia mussed Decrona’s hair. “Be careful, Deccy. If that heart of yours melts anymore, you’ll flood our favorite inn and tavern.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve accounted for two mop purchases in today’s budget.”

  The plump waitress grinned as she took the group’s breakfast dishes from the table.

  “Now that there’s some room, I think it time to go over today’s hunting options.” Decrona spread three pieces of paper on the table. “As Alizia is going for the Warrior class when she hits level five, we need to start gathering some high Armor Class gear for her. As such, our first option is to complete the shield quest which begins in the plateau above the forest. This will involve taking on the lizardmen, our first intelligent opponents. Olaf scouted it out for us two days ago, and I think we’re ready to try it now that we have a fourth member again.”

  The first piece of paper contained a map of the plateau with detailed descriptions of the monsters in the area and the quest line for the shield. Most of the information wasn’t new to me, but the “Do not take on without a group unless over level five or have exceptional gear” next to the Lizardman Youngling made my stomach churn.

  “If we want to focus on leveling instead, there are the Saplings to the west of Old Hope, but they drop little besides junk and lumber.” Decrona pointed at the second piece of paper.

  Alizia stared at the picture of the tiny tree men and gasped. “I was the president and founder of the Wood Appreciation Society in high school. There’s no way I’m signing up to kill things made of my favorite substance.”

  Decrona sighed. “They’re not actual trees; they only look like them. Besides, we’re not in the real world.”

  Alizia crossed her arms and glared.

  “Fine. I don’t want to rehash the argument of a few days ago.” Decrona pointed at the third piece of paper. “If we want to focus on pure money, the Flying Squirrels in the forest past the Saplings are our best bet. One of them can drop up to a whole silver.”

  The group stared in wonder at the description of the mob. If the information was correct, they averaged seven copper per kill and didn’t have a lot of Hit Points.

  “However, they tend to fly away when low on health. We’d all need ranged weapons to reliably fin
ish them off, and since my sling is the only such weapon we possess . . .”

  “So, then it’s settled,” Alizia said as she turned back to the first page. “We go get my shield—after we vote. My vote is the plateau with the lizards.”

  “For,” Decrona said.

  Olaf caught the look of fear in my eyes as I stared at the Lizardman Youngling. “I am not sure. Those things looked rather difficult when I scouted them the other day.”

  “I—I think we can take them,” I said. “Getting that quest done would be the best choice for the group. I vote for the plateau.”

  “Three is a majority,” Decrona said. “To the lizardmen!”

  As we rose and left the inn, I caught a subtle nod of thanks from Alizia. It seemed like I was fitting in, but would that mean anything if the lizardmen murdered us all?

  It’s a Different Quest With a Ring, I Swear

  We arrived at the plateau and immediately headed to the right, away from the lizardmen. I was about to object when Olaf pointed at an armored human standing on a large rock in the distance, reminding me that our ultimate objective was to complete a quest for a shield. Decrona took the lead and expertly guided us in a convoluted path toward our objective, which I thought was odd until Alizia pointed to the map overlay Decrona was following. Our path seemed to be taking us around every pack of Uni-Jackals and Eye Flies wandering the plateau. We were evidently on a timetable to get this quest done in one day and couldn’t afford any extra fights. With each step, our objective’s armor glowed more and more—the lone exception being her shield, as most of its outer surface was scraped off into a crude cross pattern. Decrona directed us to the left into a small ravine.

  “Where did you hear about this quest?” I asked.

  “Decrona has ‘sources’,” Alizia chirped sarcastically.

  “Sources?” I asked. “I thought they cut off all access to the net in here.”

  Since Pyrite introduced converting in-game coin to real-world money, they wanted to make the game as hard as possible, so they cut off all net access besides streaming—as it was too useful as free marketing—and sending messages on a one-week delay to the outside. At least that was what Dad had always told me.

  Decrona guided us out of the ravine and around a large boulder. “I know important people who supply me with useful information about the game in exchange for errands and any information I happen to come across.”

  The armored woman’s ears perked up at the sound of Decrona’s voice. In one fluid motion, the woman turned and drew her sword. When she took in our gear, her stance relaxed and she sheathed her sword. “This is hardly the place to be sneaking up on someone. What do you want?”

  “Our sincere and humble apologies, Lady Paladin,” Decrona said. “We didn’t mean to sneak up on you. You seemed to be in deep thought, and we did not wish to interrupt you. Is there something we can help you with?”

  The paladin removed her helmet to reveal a mess of half-braided dark hair. The sudden breeze at her back pushed a pungent odor toward us that made me take a step back. “I am a paladin no longer. After months of consternation, I’ve decided to abandon my vows so that I could marry, but just as I neared home, I noticed his ring was missing. How can I look him in the eye and tell him how important he is to me if I couldn’t even keep safe the one symbol of our love he entrusted to me?”

  “If he really loves you, he shouldn’t care,” I said.

  Alizia nodded enthusiastically.

  Decrona stepped in front of me to get the former paladin’s attention back. “What my friend means is that we’d be happy to help you find this ring. Did the lizardmen take it?”

  The former paladin bent down to sit, the scraping of her armor forcing me to cover my ears. “I’m not precisely sure where I lost it, but I’m sure it was somewhere on this plateau. I remember taking it out to look at as I ascended the slope, so I know I had it then. The lizardmen would be the most likely culprits.”

  Quest: It’s Not Your Preciousssssss, but It Is Shiny and a Ring

  Description: The fallen paladin, Velfantine, has lost her engagement ring somewhere on the plateau. She’s not exactly sure where, but the lizardmen do like shiny things and they have an encampment nearby. Maybe you should start there? Not that we’re telling you what to do or anything; it’s your digital life after all, and we at Pyrite Games are firm believers in the freedom of all people and digital representations of people.

  Completion Objective: Find Velfantine’s ring and return it to her.

  Reward: Battered Shield, 8,000 EXP, 1 gold, 5 silver

  “Neat, I got a quest,” I said.

  “We all did,” Decrona said, “but no one besides Alizia should need the shield as the rest of us are going for either a DPS class or healer. It should still sell for two or three gold to a vendor. My contacts say the market is too glutted with them to be worth auctioning.”

  The NPC put her helmet back on and climbed the tall rock to resume staring into the distance. We turned around and again began on the zig-zagging path from Decrona’s map.

  “What classes is everyone going for by the way?” I asked.

  Decrona didn’t even look up from her map as she spoke. “I’m going for the Mage class, so that I can go Light Mage at level twenty-five to be the group’s healer. Alizia is going for Warrior and then Shield. Olaf—”

  “Olaf can speak for himself,” Alizia said, “just like the rest of us.”

  “My apologies,” Decrona said while continuing to stare at the map. “I sometimes forget my manners in exchange for expediency. I suppose it is better that our new member hears it from your own lips.” She guided us to the left, around a large boulder. I could hear the growling of a pack of the horned dogs on the other side as they fought over some morsel.

  “I am going to be a Thief because they can use the Sneak ability,” Olaf said. “Very helpful if I need to access out-of-the-way places to look for my son. If I still have not found him by the time I hit twenty-five, I shall go for the sub-class that has improved Sneak. Which one was that again?”

  “While Ninjas do have Disguise, which does sort of act like an improved Sneak on intelligent mobs,” Decrona said, “Burglars are the one with the true ‘Improved Sneak’ ability.”

  “Burglar it is then,” Olaf said confidently. “Though hopefully we find Kasper well before that.” Alizia enveloped him in a hug, making his tiny, gnomish body disappear.

  “Oh,” Alizia said as she released a wincing Olaf. “My turn.”

  Decrona stopped moving and looked up. “This time I want you to explain it in a way that doesn’t make you sound like a crazy person.”

  Alizia put both hands on her waist and glared at Decrona. “Just because your ‘extensive and all-knowing contacts’ say it’s a bad idea, doesn’t mean it is, Deccy. Going all in on Charisma is a perfectly viable build.”

  Decrona turned back to her map and started moving. “I don’t need contacts to tell me what’s common knowledge. Charisma is only useful for getting better prices from NPCs, revealing a few quests, and improving the effects of a very small number of spells. And I’m not going to help pay for a respec. You’ll just have to wait for the free one you’ll get at level five.”

  “Why would I redo my stats? Charisma is awesome. I save a whole silver off my inn bill every day.” She reached her hand down to high five Olaf.

  Olaf awkwardly received her high five. “What about you, Horus?”

  “I was going to go for some sort of DPS class, but I haven’t really done any research yet,” I said. “I’ve always liked classes that attack fast in other games. What does that leave me with if you’re going for Thief?”

  We passed the path which had taken us to the plateau, but Decrona still continued to stare at her map despite there being no further enemies between us and the lizardmen’s village. “You could go for the DPS Warrior sub-class called the Gladiator at level twenty-five, any of the Thief sub-classes, or the ranged-based Woodsman sub-class called the Arch
er. There are also the caster classes, but all of their attacks are rather slow.”

  “It would give us more flexibility if you did not choose the Thief,” Olaf said. “But you should choose what best suits you, friend. The other Thief sub-classes would give our group some advantages that my Burglar would not, such as how Ninjas can cast spells, and how Assassins do more damage.”

  Decrona nearly fell through her map overlay as she stopped. “Very impressive, Olaf. Perhaps my influence has finally rubbed off on one of you.”

  Alizia gave Olaf a noogie. “Look at my whittle owd man contributing!”

  Decrona continued forward, eventually leading us to the incline where I’d met Olaf two days ago. I could hear the same low hissing sound coming from the village as before. “If you go Archer, put most of your points in Dexterity. If you go Gladiator or Thief, split points between Dexterity and Strength. When you pick which one you want, let me know—and I’ll tell you what other stats are optimal based on what you’re going for.”

  “She has been very helpful in guiding my decisions,” Olaf said. “I would take her up on the offer, friend.”

  Decrona expanded her map so we could all see it. “Now that we’re here, let’s go over the plan. According to my information, the item can drop off any of the lizardmen in the area.” She drew a circle around the camp with her finger. “Now, as we have a new member, I think it’s best if we start with something easy.”

  “Like that guy over there?” Olaf pointed at a lizardman toward the center of the camp.

  “No. No,” Decrona said. “One of the ones on the periphery.”

  “I still think we should get that guy.” Olaf pointed at the same one.

  “There’re several other ones near him. That’d be suicide.” Decrona pulled her head up from the map to point out the other lizardmen in the area. She stopped at three because she couldn’t find the other two through Alizia’s large, charging form. “Oh dear, not again.” Decrona closed the map and the three of us ran as fast as we could to catch up with our groupmate.