Team Newb

by M Helbig

  Alizia caught the first lizardman with a brutal downward smash of her odd club that appeared to have once been the sign of an alchemist shop. I couldn’t read the damage numbers, but figured it was a crit from the loud howl of her opponent. Two more lizardmen circled behind her and landed blows to the back of her legs.

  “Hey, that wasn’t very nice,” Alizia said as she spun to face her two flanking attackers. “To make up for your rudeness, I’d like both of you to go stand in the corner for the next five minutes while I kill your friend. Agreed?”

  They raised their spears in unison and thrust. One of them caught her in the thigh. The other’s blow skidded off the side of her left thigh. Alizia yelped and rubbed her backside as her initial target hit her from behind.

  Decrona yelled, “Number two!” as she and Olaf sped off in front of me. I wasn’t sure how they were running faster than me all of a sudden, until I saw the running icon float from them. I made a note to learn that skill as soon as possible.

  Alizia stayed on the lizardman in front of her while Olaf and Decrona each drew the attention of the other two. The 2s and 3s of damage she was taking were coming at a much more manageable rate, but with the four gaping wounds, I wasn’t sure if she’d make it.

  I rushed to join Alizia. While she was focusing all her efforts on dodging, her large build made her an easy target; the Youngling didn’t even need to aim to score another shot on her thigh. With her HPs down to 4, I desperately threw everything I had into my assault to draw the thing off, but it knew it had her and wouldn’t budge.

  “Guys, a little help,” I said.

  Decrona shook her head. “The strategy we call the ‘number two’ dictates that when faced with two extra enemies, an additional person must draw aggro—called ‘off tanking’—on each one. We do this so that one person isn’t receiving all the damage.”

  “That also means our offense is split up and everything dies slower.” I aimed my shot at the forearm holding the lizardman’s weapon to knock its swing off course. With my terrible luck (though probably more from my low sword skill), I missed and instead hit its jaw for 4. Its blade skidded against Alizia’s leather vest for a modest 1.

  “True,” Decrona said. “But this way is much safer, and not dying is the name of the game.”

  “I may not know this game very well,” I said. “But in every other role-playing game I’ve played, if you’ve done enough to make an enemy start hitting you and nobody else does anything to change that, it’ll stay on you.”

  This time I gave up trying to aim at anything specific with my terrible weapon skill and tackled the lizardman. Despite being twice its size, I bounced off it. I did manage to push its sword off course. The blow landed harmlessly between Alizia’s legs.

  “A very astute description of how aggro works in this game. Perhaps you aren’t as much of a newb as I thought. However, I don’t see how this helps us in this situation. I told Nanny the same thing when she suggested it.”

  “Well, if you have the attention of those two, you should be able to start swinging at Alizia’s without losing their aggro, right?”

  “So, that’s what Nanny meant . . .” Decrona mumbled.

  “His point is good, Decrona,” Olaf said. “Will our young friend’s plan work?”

  As the monster reached back for another thrust, I feared Alizia was about to be finished—but prone on the ground, I couldn’t help. A pebble whizzed by the side of my head and landed with a resounding Plink! on the lizard’s elbow. I took a quick look back and Decrona had switched from her dagger to a sling. The monster’s poke skidded off the dirt, landing two feet wide of the target.

  Decrona’s shot was all the answer Olaf needed. He rushed in and caught the lizardman in the back of the skull before it could attempt another blow. Given my position, I couldn’t quite make out the damage number, but it began with a 3. The monster howled in pain and dropped its weapon. As it attempted to run away, another pebble caught it in the back of the knee and Olaf ended its life with another Vital Shot/Flanking Attack combo at the base of its skull.

  You have gained 83 (75 +8 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 1,010/8,000 to next level.

  You have received -5 Faction with The Lizard King. Total: -1,005 The Lizard King (Hated).

  With one danger gone, I jumped up and veered slightly to the left, arriving behind Decrona’s lizardman as it caught her on the edge of her left hip for 3. An empty vial crashed to the ground behind me, distracting me enough that my sword connected with the side of my opponent’s jaw instead of under it for 7. The smooth, scaly humanoid hissed as he twirled around to respond, but I was too close for his spear point to reach, and the only thing he could do was bludgeon me with the haft for 1. My sword was similarly ineffective that close—hitting for 3 with the pommel—but it didn’t matter as Olaf landed a Vital Strike from behind for 26! Its spear plopped down in the dirt beside me as a wide-mouthed icon accompanied by the word Panicked floated into my face. The distracting icon caused me to swing wildly into its back, but through incredible luck I still managed to end its life.

  You have gained 1 skill point in Flanking Attack! 4/25

  You have gained 83 (75 +8 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 1,093/8,000 to next level.

  You have received -5 Faction with The Lizard King. Total: -1,010 The Lizard King (Hated).

  I almost stopped to celebrate when the pained curse of Olaf shot out from my left to remind me of the last lizardman. Olaf was under half HPs, and even as well as we were doing, I knew how a few lucky damage rolls could end you quick. I howled in defiance as I landed a blow into the side of the loinclothed monster for a 4. Decrona’s next pebble whizzed by my cheek, hitting the mob for 4 but causing me to miss. Alizia bashed its face for a 5 almost at the same time as Olaf caught it on the other side. It tried to fight back but couldn’t aim very well as four different attackers rained blow after blow on it. 4, 8, 3, 2, 5, 4, 6, 3, 7, 12!, 4, 8, and a 15! It panicked but failed to make a step. The poor mob was more blood than corpse as Decrona looted it.

  You have gained 83 (75 +8 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 1,176/8,000 to next level.

  You have received -5 Faction with The Lizard King. Total: -1,015 The Lizard King (Hated).

  Decrona has looted a Lizardman Youngling.

  You have received 1 copper as your share of the loot (out of 6 copper).

  Decrona has looted a Lizardman Youngling.

  You have received 1 copper as your share of the loot (out of 5 copper).

  As group leader, Decrona has been granted the loot: a Lizard’s Tail.

  Decrona has looted a Lizardman Youngling.

  You have received 2 copper as your share of the loot (out of 7 copper).

  Very nice to get straight cash instead of things I’d have to haul and then sell, but that wasn’t the real shock. “Group experience bonus? Nice!”

  Decrona patted me on the back. “In groups, the experience is divided by the number of members. So, to compensate there’s a 10% bonus if you have four members and 25% percent for a full five-person group.” She glared at Alizia. “And when we don’t go charging off like a crazy person, it’s much safer.”

  “Harder mobs like these—they have a better chance for rare loot as well.” Olaf beamed. “Such as equipment, potions, or even world drops.”

  “What’s a world drop?” I asked.

  “No use worrying about that,” Decrona said. “World drops can be truly amazing things, like a potion that grants free levels, a deed that allows you to found your own town, or even mounts that can fly, though most of them are only for cosmetic changes. It’s better not to think about them anyway. My information indicates their chance to drop at .00000000001%, and they only drop off rares and bosses. I’d focus on more immediate concerns.” She pointed at Alizia, who was downing a second healing potion.

  “What?” she asked as she wiped the thick, red liquid off her chin. “You said we need to have less downtime, so I was topping off my health.”

  “Y
ou could’ve done that by just not getting hit for a while.”

  Alizia giggled and pulled out another potion.

  “You have a problem.” Decrona grabbed the potion.

  Alizia jumped up, turned around, and charged toward the heart of the lizardman camp. “And the only cure is more mobs!”

  Decrona put a pebble in her sling and chased after her. “One of these days, we’re not coming after you.”

  I raised my sword and followed. “She does this a lot?”

  Olaf grinned as he sprinted past me. “Only when Decrona is being especially insufferable. So, yes, a lot.”

  Deadly Shenanigans

  This time Alizia only managed to draw the attention of two lizardmen—or rather one lizardman and one lizardwoman, judging by the fur bikini top over its very un-lizard-like breasts. By the time I rounded the tent, Olaf had managed to draw the female named as a “Lizardwoman Initiate,” while Alizia had the Youngling. As Alizia’s target was closest and easiest to get behind, I decided to join her.

  I missed landing a Vital Strike to the back of its head, but still managed a respectable 6. Alizia danced to the right and artfully dodged a thrust of its spear, but in doing so positioned her club in an awkward angle and missed.

  The crack of a pebble as it connected with the Initiate’s hard scales was followed by the howl of Decrona’s voice. “Horus, get over there. Initiates are—”

  A terrifying blue light erupted from behind me. My back seared in pain as everyone but Alizia's HP bars plummeted by roughly 25%. I barely managed to stay on my feet as tears welled in my eyes. Jeez. What would’ve happened if my pain filters were all the way up? Before I could pull up the option to turn off the filter, Olaf’s bar suddenly dropped another 15%, and I hurried to his aid.

  Olaf expertly maneuvered his dagger to go low under the Initiate’s chin, but the Initiate suddenly reversed her swing and whacked him in the wrist.

  “Gah!” Olaf shook his arm furiously. “It’s Disabled. Did I mention how much I hate casters?”

  Alizia bounced on the balls of her feet and grinned. “Only like a hundred times. Is there an achievement for that or something?”

  A pebble skittered off the Initiate’s elbow for 2. “Focus on your opponent, Alizia,” Decrona said. “And I keep telling you this game doesn’t have achievements.”

  Alizia landed a hard smash with her odd club, imprinting an upside-down potion symbol in the Initiate’s midsection for 5. “Relax, Deccy. I know what I’m doing. You’d think I wiped the group four times or something.”

  Determined to prove myself, I rushed my blow and only managed to hit the Initiate’s side for 3. His weapon hand still useless, Olaf caught the initiate in the side with a kick for 1.

  Decrona’s pebble bounced off the Initiate’s back for 3. “You did wipe us four times.”

  “Nuh-uh,” Alizia said. “Olaf lived through the last one, so that only counts as a three-fourths. You know, for someone who’s so precise about everything, you’re not very good with math.” Her club crashed down on the initiate’s skull for 13!

  Decrona’s shot sailed way over everyone’s head. “I’ll have you know, I aced all of my Accounting classes in college. Just for that, I’m not doing your budget anymore!”

  Olaf kicked for another 1, and I nicked the Initiate for 4.

  The Youngling caught Alizia in the shin for 7, dropping her to 45%, but it didn’t stop her giggle. “Darn. My spam filter’s going to get fat and slow without its daily exercise of deleting your budget messages. Could you sign me up for The Scion’s newsletter to fill the void?”

  Decrona gasped. “You haven’t signed up for that? But it’s full of useful information about changes to the game. I’d never have known they’d decreased the experience from goblins by 2.3% without it. Why, we’d be hunting them now, if not for that.”

  The Initiate raised the staff over its head, lips quivering in a low, hissing chant. All mirth left Alizia’s face as she abruptly changed targets. She reached her right arm all the way back and then brought it forth with all her might. A white 14! appeared as her club connected with a crunch on the still-chanting Initiate’s temple. The force of the impact knocked the Initiate’s head to the side six inches, completely ruining the aim of my attempt at slicing its throat. I did at least manage to get a 5, so it wasn’t a complete loss. Decrona’s flying pebble, however, only managed to connect with Alizia’s club.

  Bluish energy engulfed the Initiate’s staff, raised above its head. I winced at the pain I knew was coming, and just as I pulled my sword back to cover my face a white 37! exploded from Olaf’s knife as it dug deep into the middle of the Initiate’s back. He added in an extra kick for good measure as the mob dropped limply to the ground. The Initiate’s staff clattered on top of it, and the blue light faded gradually before ending in a sad puff.

  You have gained 110 (100 +10 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 1,286/8,000 to next level.

  You have received -5 Faction with The Lizard King. Total: -1,020 The Lizard King (Hated).

  Olaf stared at the bloody corpse and wiped his forehead in relief. “If that debuff had lasted another second, close as the three of us were . . .”

  I patted him on the back. “Focus on the good. Like how perfectly you aimed that shot and under so much pressure. I hope I can develop nerves of steel like that someday.” The sentiment was ruined as one of Decrona’s pebbles slapped me on the side of the cheek.

  “Less back patting, more backstabbing,” Decrona said. “There’s still one on Alizia.”

  My feet took the hint before my brain processed what she was saying. A line of blood trickled down the side of Alizia’s face. She had most of her weight on her left foot as three holes poured blood onto her right thigh. Her HP bar showed 40%, and it dropped steadily as each second passed by. The pulsating blood droplet icon indicated that Bleeding was the likely culprit. She attempted to hobble to the left to dodge another hard thrust but in vain. A red 6 dropped her to 30%, then 28% as the Bleeding took its cut. I was only halfway to her, but I knew that barring a miss, I wouldn’t make it in time.

  “Use a potion now!” Decrona howled.

  Alizia summoned one, but right as it got to her lips the lizard’s spear shattered it, spraying delicious red liquid everywhere. A few drops did get into Alizia’s mouth, taking her to 35%, but the lizard’s next poke took most of that back. She toppled onto her back and the lizard raised its spear high over her torso. It licked its lips, savoring the kill—but giving Olaf and me just enough time to close the gap. We leapt side by side, catching the scaly monstrosity with nearly identical blows right where the neck and jawline met on opposite sides of its body. Our 22!s neatly merged together into one huge number and the lizardman gurgled its last breath. The ringing pain that shot up my arm as my sword connected with Olaf’s dagger was oddly comforting, since it meant my new groupmate was safe.

  You have gained 83 (75+8 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 1,369/8,000 to next level.

  You have received -5 Faction with The Lizard King. Total: -1,025 The Lizard King (Hated).

  Alizia groaned as she hobbled back to her feet. Olaf poured a potion down her throat, and she suddenly stood straighter. The Bleeding took her down to 53% a few seconds later before fading. With her leg now mostly healed, she bent over to loot it before changing her mind and giving it a kick instead. “Take that, you jerky jerk face.” After she was done giving it a few more kicks, Olaf looted it.

  Olaf has looted a Lizardman Youngling.

  You have received 1 copper as your share of the loot (out of 6 copper).

  As group leader, Decrona has been granted the loot: Lizard-Skin Belt.

  “Neat, an item,” I said.

  Decrona held the belt out and smiled. “Who can use it?”

  I didn’t want to seem greedy, so I held my tongue and shook my head.

  Olaf stuck his finger in his furry belt and said, “I am out on this roll.”

  Alizia has looted a Lizardman Initiate.


  You have received 2 copper as your share of the loot (out of 8 copper).

  “Eww, green. It doesn’t match any of my outfits,” Alizia said. “No thanks.”

  Decrona was about to put it in her bag when her eyes caught the cloth cord holding up my pants. “Horus, your selflessness is laudable but if you need it, it’s yours.”

  “I still have my newbie belt, so probably.” I focused Inspect on the scaly belt and got a skill up.

  Item: Lizard-Skin Belt

  Slot: Waist

  Rarity: Uncommon

  AC: 3

  Weight: 2 Pebbles

  Description: Lizardmen (and lizardwomen) like to fashion belts out of the skin of their fallen rivals. While the craftsmanship is crude, they are surprisingly sturdy and are quite the conversation piece at parties.

  Decrona handed me the belt. “It’s group policy that any loot goes to someone who can use it. If no one can, we sell it. If more than one person needs it, I go to my spreadsheet, and it does a complicated equation that balances who’d benefit the most against how much loot they’ve received.”

  Alizia licked the remnants of her third potion off her chin. “There’s no spreadsheet. Deccy just picks whoever’s having the best hair day.”

  Olaf rubbed his bald head. “Is that why I never win?”

  Alizia slapped him on the back. “Don’t worry. I’ll get you a nice wig when we go back to town. I’m thinking something in dreadlocks or maybe a mohawk. Ooooh, both! I’ll call it the dreadhawk . . . mo-locks?”

  Decrona handed me the belt. “Thanks.” It was a duller green than the lizardmen’s skin and felt hard and scaly to the touch. As I moved it near my waist, it suddenly contracted and snapped into place. My old belt dropped to the ground, and I picked it up to put it in my bag.