Unspoken

by Liz McMullen

  “She was like my big sister. She always wanted more for me, but I was happy tending bar and fixing houses.” Rowan stopped talking, her eyes far away.

  Desiree turned so she was facing Rowan. She cupped her cheeks, then kissed her wet lashes, just like Rowan had on their last real date. The closeness was affecting her, and she felt the last remnant of reserve fall away. She almost said the words, but held back. This moment wasn’t about her feelings.

  “It was her thirtieth birthday that broke her heart, but she kept her smile in place. Until we left the bar. It was cold that night so we had to wait in the car while it warmed up.” The sadness that had taken over Rowan was making her words hard to understand. Desiree turned so she was able to pull her into her arms. Tears soaked the skin above her coat collar.

  Rowan’s voice was muffled when she continued, “There was an accident. Nicola didn’t make it. The last thing I remembered was the sadness in her eyes in that cold car. The shadows from the streetlights made her look older than her thirty years.” Rowan leaned back. Her eyes were haunted. “She died heartbroken. She burned. There was nothing left to bury.”

  “Oh, Rowan.” She held her close as the sorrow wracked Rowan’s body. “I got you,” Desiree murmured as she rocked her.

  Rowan let out a shuddering sigh. She was done crying, but the sadness lingered. Desiree wiped the last of her tears away. Sorrow this intense could break a person. Desiree was in awe of Rowan’s strength and her willingness to be so naked in front of Desiree. That level of trust shook her, and something shifted inside her. The fierce desire to protect Rowan was mixed with something deeper.

  A child’s laughter emanated from a trail to the right of the bench. The moment was broken. She wanted to shield Rowan from this interruption, but the slight smile on Rowan’s face made her pause. A little girl, improbably dressed in a purple snowsuit and a puffy pink tutu, ran from a woman who looked more like a corporate raider than a mother. The girl shrieked with joy every time she kicked through a pile of gathered leaves. Another woman followed with a mild waddle. She was dressed casually in an outfit that showed pride in her baby bump.

  “Oh wow, I know them. It’s their house we were going to when…” Rowan trailed off and started to tremble. Her eyes lost focus.

  Desiree turned to face her. “Hey, hey.” When she rested her hand on Rowan’s forearm, she could feel the tension—her muscles were as tense as wires on a suspension bridge. “Rowan,” Desiree tried to get her attention but was jostled by a missile of a toddler.

  The little girl launched herself into Rowan’s lap and began playing with her hair. “Oooh, your hair is really pretty, so soft.” Her little fingers became tangled. Rowan helped the child liberate her hand. The child wrapped her arms around Rowan’s neck and gave her cheek a loud smacking kiss.

  “Evangeline, you get down from there this instant,” the posh butch ordered with a thick Southern drawl.

  “It’s okay, Marley, I’m glad to see her.” Rowan adjusted so Evangeline was more comfortably in her lap as she listened to the toddler jabber on. Most of what she said was unintelligible, but Rowan made believe she was hanging onto every word. Desiree liked seeing this maternal side. She just knew Rowan would make a great mom someday, and if she was honest with herself, she wanted to be there to see it.

  “Forgive my rudeness, my name is Marley Jameson. That fiery ball of trouble is my daughter Evangeline, Evie to most.” Marley drew the second woman to her side. “And this is my lovely bride Sarah.”

  Desiree stood and shook their hands. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  They made a striking couple, Sarah’s fresh laid-back style was a complement to Marley’s polished look. Desiree had met a great deal of women who looked like Marley at home in New York, but this woman seemed different. Her clothes might have been out of place, but she was warm and her demeanor was welcoming.

  Sarah drew close to Desiree and spoke too low for Evie and Rowan to hear. “How are you feeling?”

  “Pretty good. Other than the occasional headache, I’m pretty much myself.”

  “Rowan looks too thin. I’m worried for her.” Sarah touched Desiree’s forearm briefly.

  “I’m worried too. This is the first time I have seen her since the accident.” Desiree sensed that Sarah was the touchy-feely sort, and for once, it didn’t get under her skin. She was more likely to shrink from strangers, but she found she wanted to bask in the warmth instead.

  “Marley, I think it’s time to bring Evie home for her nap. It’s getting a little cold for me.” Desiree knew that was not the case but was relieved to be given a graceful exit strategy without seeming rude to this kind family.

  Marley caught on quick. “Come on, little one.”

  “No, I want to stay with Rowan and play. She’s going to teach me to paint and we can draw with chalk on the sidewalk.”

  Sarah lifted the squirming toddler from Rowan’s arms. “You two should stop by the house sometime for dinner.”

  “My Yankee wife, she’s just trying to sweet-talk you into working on the mural.”

  “Am not.” Sarah sounded just like her daughter.

  “Do not tell a lie to these young women. You’ve been dying to fix, sand, and drywall.” Marley leaned in to share a confidence. “I caught her poking walls in the middle of the night just so she would have an excuse to patch the drywall.”

  “Now that’s an out-and-out lie,” Sarah insisted. She rocked the now sleeping toddler. Evie was sucking her thumb, oblivious to those around her. “Rowan, I’d love to see you for any reason. You can pick up work or just let me cook for you.”

  “Bah, and burn down my kitchen?” Marley protested. “You can pour her some beer as I cook. Let me have the baby.” They passed the child like the pros they were.

  “Thank you. Evie doesn’t weigh much, but with junior getting so big, holding them both is hard.” Sarah caressed the swell of her stomach. “He even gave Evie a good kick, but not even an earthquake can wake my baby girl.”

  Marley offered her free hand to Desiree. “It’s been a pleasure.”

  “Same here.”

  Once Rowan and Desiree said their good-byes, Desiree revealed her secret. “I brought a thermos of hot cider, fresh from Atkins. Are you game?”

  “You could talk me into it.”

  Opening the large canvas bag she had hidden under the bench, she retrieved the thermos and handed it to Rowan, then produced two mugs wrapped in cloth.

  “Wow, you sugared the rims.” Rowan’s smile was bright, bringing out the deep indigo of her eyes.

  “Yep, a sugar cane and cinnamon mixture. I thought we could celebrate date number four.” Desiree joined Rowan on the bench. “I’ll hold the mugs while you pour.”

  The sweet, tart beverage made Desiree’s mouth water and queued up more than a few of her fondest memories.

  Rowan rested the closed thermos on the grass beside the bench. She held the cider with her right hand so she could wrap her left arm around Desiree’s shoulder. “Thank you for this.” The words were simple, but the message was layered.

  “Thank you for your company. I can’t think of anyplace I’d rather be.” Rowan’s body melted a little more into hers at the compliment.

  Desiree inhaled another beloved scent. “I love the smell of wood burning.”

  Rowan shivered a bit. “Would you like to get up close and personal with my fireplace? It’s getting dark, and truth be told, I’m starving.”

  Desiree brightened. Sitting next to the fire sounded divine. “You had me at ‘up close and personal.’”

  “Wise guy.”

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Rowan and Jodeci’s Apartment

  They unwrapped their many layers of outer clothing and hung them on the clothes tree by the door. The room was warm and smelled homey, this time with the welcoming aroma of beef stew.

  “Ma? Pappy?” Rowan called out but there was no answer. “They must have stopped by long enough to get their things and
go to the inn.”

  Desiree was feeling a bit wilted. The emotions she had gone through over the last few days were catching up with her. “Tired,” she murmured.

  Rowan turned to face her. She looked sad even though she was trying to be brave. “I can take you home if you like.”

  Desiree closed the distance between them. “I’d rather sleep with you.”

  Rowan’s mouth opened and closed like a bass fish desperate to get off the hook and back in the sea.

  Desiree gently closed Rowan’s mouth and rested her fingers on Rowan’s lips. “Not like that. I haven’t been sleeping well.” She wrapped her arms around Rowan and enjoyed the full-body contact. “I thought we could share a bed. I’ve missed you.” She nuzzled Rowan’s sweater with her cheeks. “I’m not ready for sex, but I want to be close to you.”

  Rowan moaned, the sound was soft and sexy. “I want that too. I’m not ready for anything more either.” She stepped out of Desiree’s arms and led her to the bedroom.

  “Do you have a spare pair of pajamas?”

  “Yes. They’ll be a bit long on you, but they’ll keep you warm.” She passed Desiree a pair of blue-green plaid flannel sleep pants and a thermal top.

  Desiree thanked her and went into the bathroom to change. When she returned, Rowan was already under the covers and had turned down the blanket on the side where Desiree would sleep.

  Desiree’s heart raced, but her exhaustion overpowered the lust that stirred within her. She climbed under the covers, snuggled up to Rowan’s side, and was fast asleep before she could say good night.

  aaAA

  When Desiree woke, she was in exactly the same position she fell asleep in with one important and mind-blowing exception: she was curled up against Rowan’s right side, head pillowed in her silky black hair, her hand incredibly low on Rowan’s stomach, under her sweatpants. The tips of her fingers rested on Rowan’s hair.

  She was unable to swallow back the moan at this potent realization. She had dreamed of being this close and touching Rowan this way, but she knew Rowan wasn’t ready for this level of intimacy. She respected Rowan when she drew that line weeks ago, even if the rejection had stung at first.

  If she hadn’t been so preoccupied with how she was going to retrieve her hand without waking Rowan, she would have noticed her shallow breathing. Desiree opted for slow and steady, but the moment she lifted her fingertips, Rowan’s strong, larger hand held Desiree’s in place.

  “Please stay.”

  A full-body shudder followed Desiree’s moan. “Oh God.”

  Rowan guided Desiree’s hand until it was low enough to cup Rowan’s entire sex. Desiree unconsciously rocked her hips against Rowan’s thigh.

  Rowan sucked in a sharp breath.

  Desiree was trying to catch up mentally, but it was getting harder to think. Rowan’s hair was thick but soft and wet. Desiree opened her mouth to ask…something.

  Rowan released her hold on Desiree’s hand. Once it was free of her sweatpants, she ran her fingertips along Desiree’s thigh, moving it ever so slowly so she could cup Desiree’s ass.

  “Yesss,” Desiree murmured. As her heart started to race faster.

  “Please,” Rowan begged.

  She was so sexy in her vulnerability, but Desiree was sweating. There was no way she would be able to give Rowan what she needed.

  “I want to, and I will, but if I don’t get these pajamas off like yesterday, I’m going to burst into flames.”

  Rowan chuckled softly. “Well we can’t have that, but I do have one condition.”

  “Anything.”

  “That you let me help.” She patted her stomach. “Sit here. It will be easier for me to liberate you.”

  Desiree reluctantly removed her hand from Rowan’s pants. Rowan shivered. Considering the flannel she was wearing, it was definitely not from the cold.

  Desiree maneuvered herself until she was straddling Rowan’s waist. She was a little clumsy about it, but she was turned on and barely awake. Once she was situated, she sucked in a breath. It was quite the view. Rowan’s dark hair flowed around the pillows behind her, making her look like a butch version of Snow White. The pupils of her blue eyes were so dilated with arousal, her irises were black.

  Leaning forward to caress Rowan’s face, Desiree noticed her skin was still pale, but there was a touch of rosiness to her cheeks and her full lips were an alluring shade of red. Rowan licked her lips in a way that would have put rapper LL Cool J to shame, and in Rowan’s case, it was not done for effect.

  “May I?” Rowan asked, the hem of Desiree’s thermal top in both hands.

  Desiree nodded, unable to look away. Rowan’s blend of strength and vulnerability left her breathless.

  Within seconds, Rowan removed her top—much faster than Desiree anticipated. The appreciation in Rowan’s eyes and the chill of the air gave Desiree goose bumps.

  “You are so damned beautiful it makes my heart stop.” Rowan’s breathing grew more ragged as she caressed Desiree’s full breasts.

  Briefly self-conscious about her curvy yet muscular body, Desiree’s nerves faded away with each reverent stroke of Rowan’s hands. “Rowan,” she murmured breathlessly.

  The urgency she felt upon waking returned. She was not as tender when she relieved Rowan of her shirt. She gasped in shock. Even with her recent weight loss, Rowan’s body was a work of art. Lush breasts, washboard abs. She had to taste them.

  This time, when Rowan pleaded with her, she didn’t hesitate. She shimmied so she could kneel between Rowan’s legs. “Lift your hips a bit for me.” Rowan complied, and finally, she was able to see Rowan fully for the first time. “Beautiful.”

  Rowan shuddered and moaned. “There’s something about your voice,” she murmured. “I think I could come just from listening to you talk.”

  Desiree was lightheaded, her arousal making her head spin. And the things Rowan was saying, damn. Part of her wanted to tilt her head down and give Rowan what she asked for, but this moment was too big to be fueled by hormones alone. She removed her pants and drew the cover over them both.

  She fit her hips between Rowan’s, who automatically wrapped her legs around Desiree’s waist. “Oh God,” she cried out. She forced herself to take some deep breaths, then held her upper body slightly above Rowan’s. “I want to be with you, but I need it to come from the heart. I need to know this is what you really want. Are you ready for us to make love?”

  Rowan’s face went from flushed with passion to intensely vulnerable. “I trust you, Desiree.”

  Desiree grew still, her heart aching it felt so full. “I trust you too, Rowan.”

  “I know.” Rowan reached up and ran her hands through Desiree’s curly hair, then pulled her down into a brief, gentle kiss. “I want you.”

  Desiree shuddered, which made Rowan smile.

  “I…” Rowan paused. Her breathing was alarmingly shallow.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” Desiree pushed up on her arms so she could look into Rowan’s eyes.

  “You wouldn’t wake up Desiree. I called your name and you wouldn’t wake up.” A tear slipped from Rowan’s thick lashes. “I thought I lost you.”

  “Oh, Rowan.” Desiree reached beneath them so she could hold Rowan’s body to hers. When Rowan started to cry, Desiree did too. She remembered the terrifying moments between when she asked about Rowan and they finally told her she was alive. She had never been so scared in her life. “I nearly wrung the doctor’s neck after I asked about you and he ignored me. I thought he blew me off to keep me calm.” Desiree nuzzled Rowan’s shoulder as she cuddled closer still. “When I thought you were dead, I was devastated.”

  They clung to each other and kissed to ease their pain. They cried for the fear and anguish they’d felt and cried for the gift they’d been given—they had both survived. They had each other, they could be whole.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Desiree didn’t realize she had dozed off again until she felt the warmth of Rowan’
s open mouth on her throat. She moaned and tilted her head to offer up more skin. Although still twined together, Rowan’s legs were no longer around her hips.

  When Desiree shifted to get more comfortable, the top of her thigh met the warmth of Rowan’s sex. The accidental movement changed, and Desiree pressed more purposefully, rocking her thigh gently from left to right.

  Rowan’s lips broke from her neck as she gasped for air. “Desiree, whoa.” Rowan’s kisses up Desiree’s neck grew hungrier, as she rocked against Desiree, grinding her hips harder with each undulation.

  Desiree needed more than friction. She pushed up on her arms, laid a brief kiss on Rowan’s lips, and dragged her mouth from Rowan’s neck to the space between her breasts, planting kisses on her way to someplace sweeter.

  Rowan’s hand twined in the soft curls at the base of Desiree’s neck but did not guide Desiree’s mouth. It was just one additional point of connection. There were times when she gripped Desiree’s hair more tightly than she probably would have if there hadn’t been such urgency, but other than that, she just allowed Desiree to love her.

  Desiree lost herself in the soft texture and sweet flavor of her lover. She was so into it that Rowan had to call her name.

  “Desiree, please, no more.” Rowan shivered. “Just hold me.”

  Desiree made sure to pull the blanket up with her as she climbed up Rowan’s long frame. Once again, she rested her hips between Rowan’s legs. “Oh God,” she moaned at the feeling of Rowan’s passion on her stomach and sides. There was just so much. It was one of the most erotic sensations she had ever felt.

  Rowan drew her close again. This time, their kisses had a languorous quality. Soft, warm, luxurious. They kissed until Rowan’s shivering ceased, and a sense of peace came over Desiree. Her own passion had not been sated, but she felt whole.

  She moved back enough to look Rowan in the eyes. She brushed away the disarray of Rowan’s hair and cupped her face in both hands. “I’m in love with you.”

  Rowan stopped breathing for a moment; tears welled in her eyes but did not fall. “I’ve been in love with you for quite some time.”