“ None of that, my Juniper. Don’t cry. See it. See that you’ve always been with me.”
A strangled sob leaves my throat and instead of letting the pain of all of our years apart destroy this moment, Jake claims my mouth with his. His lips press softly against mine, but then the warm wetness from his tongue quickly makes my mouth part and he is inside of me. It’s a hard, menacing kiss, meant to take my mind from everything and anything except for this moment.
I barely register my bra being unclasped and falling at my feet until his firm chest brushes against my taut nipples.
He breaks from the kiss only to flip me around so that I am on the bed and he is over me. My heels dig into the mattress as I take his weight on top of me, pressing me into the white down comforter. I grip at his back and suck at the salty skin on his neck. I feel his thick length against my core and shift my hips to feel the friction. He moves off of me and I sigh, not wanting him to be any further away than necessary. I let out a low whimper and am met with a smirk as his fingertips graze against my sides and then up and down my thighs until finally they hook the edge of my lace panties and pull them down.
I reach for his button on his jeans wanting to feel his silky skin just as much as I want him to touch me. As soon as I undo the button, I slide my hand inside, moaning as I grip his length in my palm. He’s so hard. His thick shaft strains against the material.
Jake lets out a low feral growl and I’m rewarded when his fingers slide up through my slick slit, circling my clit and then a long hard finger slides deep inside of me.
I moan and arch my back.
Jake’s mouth takes in my small pert breast and sucks and bites at my nipple. This is good, but not enough.
I need more.
I release his hard length and focus my attention at ridding him of his jeans. He lifts his hips and with his free hand helps me undress him. His body is nothing like I remember. It’s so much bigger, more colorful and more riddled with scars. I want to examine every change in him, but then the slightest move of his fingers inside of me has me forgetting everything, but the pure bliss he is creating.
“Jake baby, I need you,” I whimper.
He removes his fingers from me, sits up and grabs his wallet from his jeans and fishes out a foil packet. I pang of hurt courses through my chest at the thought that he would have condoms so accessible. I push the thought aside and watch with rapt attention as he sheathes himself.
When I was fifteen, I thought he was the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. When I was twenty-two, he was sexy and sensual. Now at twenty-eight, he is the most beautifully intoxicating man I’ve ever laid eyes on.
My pussy clenches at the realization that he is going to be inside of me. I let my legs fall open inviting him in in. Jake wastes no time moving on top of me. His body, slick with a fine sheen of sweat, slides over me. I yearn to lick the moisture from his chest, as his cock prods at my opening. He uses his hand and slaps it against my clit making me cry out. Damn. Wherever Jake has been, he’s a different kind of lover.
“Fuck,” I hiss.
And then he’s pushing inside of me. It’s fast and hard as he buries himself deep. I hook my heel around his leg drawing him in even more.
“Dammit, June. I’ve thought about this. Dreamt about it. But never did I think it could be this good. You’re so fucking tight. So fucking good.”
He pulls out almost all the way leaving just the tip at the opening. I need him. I try to move my hips up, but he only backs away.
Using his hand, he pulls himself in and then out again. It’s not enough, it’s a torture.
“Jake, please,” I beg relentlessly.
He enters me slowly, filling me to the hilt and stills again. I can feel him throbbing and pulsing inside my needy walls.
“You’re mine. I won't let you go again. Mine. You hear me, June?”
“Please,” I say again nodding my head.
He abruptly pulls out and slams in again. His force is a fucking meant to claim every single inch of me. I lift my leg and circle my heel around his shoulder. The black pump slaps against his hard muscle as he fucks me, deep and hard.
I cry out. “So good, baby!” I’m panting and grasping, holding on for dear life as Jake fucks every inch of me.
My entire body is lit up. Every nerve ending is a glorious spark of need and fire and then it all pulses together, “Fuck, baby I’m coming.” I squeeze my leg around him, let my head fall back and my eyes roll as waves of pleasure crash through me.
He gives me a minute to have mine, then his greedy pace is on again.
Fast.
Deep.
Insatiable.
I’m breathing hard. Our bodies are slick with sweat. He pulls out of me and flips me to my stomach, raises my hips, then pounds into me from behind making me scream. It’s euphoric. If sex was a drug, then his thrusts are a shot straight to my soul because with each deep thrust, I get higher and higher. Every single time he moves, it’s a rush. His balls slap against my clit, making the thrumming need inside of me beat harder and harder.
“Oh my,” I moan.
“Yes, baby. Come again. Need to feel you clench. You’re so fucking drenched,” he whispers into my ear and then bites down on my shoulder.
Jake grips my hair in a tight fist. His other hand grasps my hip as he rides me and guides me back and forth matching each thrust.
I begin to scream and call out incoherent pleas of pleasure.
And then I feel my orgasm happening again. His pace quickens and I know he’s close. He releases my hair and presses hard on my clit and then slapping it with each deep thrust.
“Holy fuck!” I scream as my walls climax against him. He pounds me like this, once, twice, three times, and finally stills letting out a melodic groan. His pleasure, the most thrilling, guttural noise I’ve ever heard.
Chapter Fourteen
“That was incredible,” I gasp noting the red numbers on the bedside table flashing six o’clock. After round one, we had round two. Now looking at the clock, I know we need to get out of bed. “I need to get Lily.”
“I want to meet her right away. Is that okay? Can you bring our daughter back here, so that I can finally meet her?” Jake asks getting up from the bed and throwing on his jeans.
“I’m so glad you said that. She’s so anxious.” I move about my room quickly getting dressed, then tame my long auburn sexed-up hair.
Jake sits on the edge of the bed watching me as I get ready.
“Daryn’s a couple of blocks from here, so I should be back pretty quick.”
He runs a hand through his short hair. “Are you nervous?”
“Nervous doesn’t even begin to cover how I’m feeling.”
Without thinking, I walk to him and give him my lips, as if my body remembers what he wants. “I’ll be back soon.”
I hop in the car and make the short drive to Daryn’s. Daryn walks outside and meets me by my car before I even get a chance to step out.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, I think it’s going to be alright.”
“That was pretty intense.”
“You’re telling me.”
“And that guy? How did he take the news?” Daryn asks, his voice laced with concern.
“To say he was surprised is an understatement, but he’s anxious to meet her. How did the girls do?”
“Lily was a little wound up, but they talked me into buying them some new app on the iPad and they’ve been engrossed in it ever since. Listen, are you sure everything's okay? That guy seemed...”
“I’ve known Jake since I was fifteen. We have a lot of history and a lot we need to work out. When he showed up unannounced, I’m sure it was to work some of that out, but then you were there, and he had no idea who you were.”
“Alright, June, just be careful. I’m worried about you. You let me know if you need anything. Yeah?” he asks turning towards the house, “I’ll grab Lily.”
Lily races out of the
house, her dark hair bounces off her shoulders. “Hey, Mom. Can I meet him now?” she asks as soon as she sees me. I smile, both excited and nervous for her.
“Yeah, baby. Let’s go meet your daddy.” I smile at her and then meet Daryn’s eyes, “Thank you,” I mouth to Daryn. He gives me a lift of his chin, and closes the door to his house behind him.
I open the car door for Lily and gesture for her to get in. “He’s really excited to meet you,” I tell her, looking at her in the rearview mirror and watching satisfied when her seatbelt clicks in place.
“He is?” she asks unsure about the situation, then she breathes on the glass window and draws a heart with her finger. “What if he doesn't like me? What if I don’t like him? What’s he like? Is he nice?”
“Relax, honey, he already loves you.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you’re you and he’s him. As soon as he learned about you, he loved you.”
When we pull up in front of the house, I don't know why, but I'm relieved that Jake’s truck’s still here. A part of me thought he would disappear again, and that the entire afternoon was a figment of my imagination?
I release a breath I didn’t realize I'm holding, and lead Lily into the house to meet Jake.
He’s sitting on the couch, one leg kicked out further than the other as we walk through the kitchen and into the living room. Jake immediately stands, brushing his nervous palms against his jeans.
I give him a reassuring smile and walk with my hand on Lily’s shoulder, guiding her and calming her as she takes in her dad for the first time. Jake is tall, broad, muscular and tattooed. I would imagine to a child he could look intimidating.
“Hello?” the soft word leaves Lily’s mouth. She’s shy and curious at the same time. Jake is no longer standing and staring at her. He moves so quickly to her that I barely notice the tear running down his cheek.
“You’re beautiful,” he says falling to his knees and wrapping her small frame in his arms.
“So are you,” she cries. In that moment, when my daughter falls in love with her father, I realize how much she was missing out on all of these years.
I don't realize I’m crying and how impactful the moment is, until Jake looks up at me from the embrace with our daughter and whispers, “Thank you.”
I move to the pair and suddenly I’m pressed against them. Jake pulls me in so that Lily’s and his heads are pressed against my stomach. I cling to them, like they’re my lifeline because they are.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t been here. I missed so much. You’re so big, Lily,” he pulls back appraising her. I attempt to move away and give them space, but Jake grabs my hand imploring me with his eyes to stay. “You look so much like my Mom. Her name was Lily too. Did your Momma tell you that?”
“I do?” Lily questions, “Can I meet her?”
“No honey, my mom is in heaven singing with the angels, but she would’ve loved you.”
“Oh,” Lily says a tad disappointed. She pauses, thinks for a minute, and says, “My grandma's really nice.”
“I know she is. I haven't seen her in a long time, but she was always good people.”
“You met her?” she asks as the three of us move to the couch. Lily, still hugging onto her dad and me holding his hand.
“Yeah, the summer your mom and I met.”
“Where did you meet?” Lily asks.
“We were at Grandma and Grandpa’s summer home,” I explain to Lily.
“Your folks still own that place?” Jake asks.
“Yeah, I haven't been there since that summer, though.”Lily whines loudly, “Mom never lets me go with Grandma and Grandpa. They invite us every year and then they invite me, but she always says, ‘Noooo.’”
“I’m sure there’s a good reason your Mom hasn't wanted to go there.”
‘Maybe,” she says taking a breath, “and maybe she’ll want to go now that you’re back? You’re back, right? You and Mom are going to be together right? Like a real family?”
Wow, there are so many questions and assumptions pouring out of Lily.
“Lilypad, Jake and I just found each other again. How about we have some dinner and start with tonight, okay?” I can’t help it. Even though Jake and I emptied our hearts out to each other, I don't trust him yet and deep down, I’m not sure if I ever will.
“Lily, how about you see what coupons we have for pizza?”
She gets up from the couch, but not before glancing back at Jake, as if she too thinks he might disappear.
“You doing okay?” I ask him.
He nods, “I don’t know what I did to deserve that moment, but thank you so much for giving it to me. You’ve done so well with her. She’s perfect.”
“Mom, I found Guido’s and Mama Catina’s. I want Guido’s. Can we have Guido’s?”
“Sure, honey.”
“Dad, can I call you dad? Ever had Guido’s? It’s the best,” Lily’s habit of talking to cope with her anxiousness is coming through full force.
“First, I’d be honored if you called me Dad. You know, I only ever dreamt about babies with your mom so you're a dream come true,” Jake says grabbing the coupons from Lily’s hands. Her eyes light up big and I see the way she’s looking at Jake. It might be the same way I looked at him when I saw him all those years ago like the sun could rise and set with Jake Daniels and I’d be a happy girl because he exists. “Second, if my girl likes Guido’s then we should have Guido’s.” Jake fishes his cell phone out of his pocket and calls Guido’s ordering way too much food.
While we wait for dinner to arrive, we sit on the white, oversized couch with Lily tucked in between us. She has a photo album out and is going through each picture, animatedly telling Jake about each one. “This is when Grace and I played in the sprinkler so long our skin got all wrinkly and Mom had to shut it off. Oh, and this one here, we’re at Chuck E. Cheese’s. I got so many tickets.”
The doorbell rings and breaks up our trip down memory lane. “I’ll get it,” I say getting up and grabbing my purse, but Jake is faster than me. Before I know it, he’s opening the door and handing the delivery guy a wad of cash.
I give him a look that says, ‘I could have gotten it’, but he shakes his head at me.
We take seats at the dining room table and eat our pizza, because… 'hello, white couches', while Jake and Lily carry on a conversation.
“What’s your favorite color?” he asks in between bites.
“Green. Yours?”
“Green,” he smiles, “Favorite food?”
“Easy. Guido’s,” she says taking a bite of her pizza and grinning at him. The sauce coats her teeth with tiny red specks. After she chews she asks, “Favorite sport?”
“Easy, MMA.”
“What’s that?” she asks.
“It’s like boxing, but without gloves.” He holds up a fist.
I think about what it was like the first night I met Jake when he was pretending to be Lucas. We sat on Garfield’s Monument looking out over the city and asked similar questions. Both of us were intoxicated, but in many ways, it was a rapid-fire get to know you. I wonder what it would’ve been like if Jake just told me it was him. We could’ve run. Made a life together. I know he says he was running from bad things and it was all to protect me, but it hurts that he didn’t trust me enough to let me in. We could’ve had Lily somewhere else and Jake could've spent the first six years of her life with him. Instead, he was in jail and I was alone.
I finish my pizza and bring my plate to the sink; it clinks as I set it down. I look out my back window as I wash it and all I see is darkness. The darkness is a cloak, shielding me and letting me wallow in my train of thoughts. This isn’t fair to Jake. He thought he was protecting me. I have to, at least, give that to him. He wanted to keep us safe and truly we were. One thing that gets me so angry is that this Eli guy who used Jake is dead and didn’t have to pay for what he did to Jake. I mean, I guess he paid for something he did to someone, it just fe
els like everything that happened was for nothing.
“Alright, honey. It’s bath time,” I call out to Lily. She groans as I climb the stairs and pour pink bubbles into the tub and start the water. Once the tub is filled high enough, I shut off the water. Lily and Jake are still talking, when Jake notices me and tells Lily, “Time for your bath. I’ll be here when you’re done.”
She searches his eyes as if she is making sure he’s telling the truth. It’s not just me who’s going to have a hard time trusting Jake. I watch as she smiles and kisses him on the cheek, then makes her way towards me, practically stripping on her way to the tub.
“Mom, did you see his tattoos?” she ask me once she’s finally in the water. I laugh, “Yes Lily, I saw them. Let’s wash your hair. It’s getting late and you have school in the morning.”
“Do I have to go?” she whines.
“Of course, you do. I have work tomorrow and I’m sure Jake does too.”
I begin lathering her hair when I spot Jake’s shadow in the hallway. I’m betting he doesn't want to miss a moment with her. I know I wouldn't.
“Will I see him again? Is this it? Will I get to have a real Daddy?” she asks in small worried voice.
I know Jake heard this and there’s nothing I can do. I want to protect him but I need to protect her. “Yeah, baby. I think we will see him again,” I say as I dump a cup of water over her head to rinse her hair.
I dry her off and wrap her towel around her. When we walk into the hallway,Jake isn’t there. We move to her room and I hand her clothes to dress for bed.
“Do you want me to send him up to tuck you in?”
Her eyes light up, “Really?” she asks.
“Sure,” I say kissing her on her head. I walk down the stairs to find Jake in the kitchen washing the last couple of plates. “She’s about ready for bed, do you want to tuck her in?”
“Really?” he asks hopefully.
“Yeah, she’d like that. She likes you, but she’s nervous that it’s not going to last. See that it does, okay?” I say this to him as a warning. Don't you break my little girl’s heart. You’ve broken mine and I know the pain. I bore it, but I won’t let her. He gets it and I know he wants to say something to me, but time is of the essence when there is a six-year-old getting ready for bed. He walks upstairs and I hold my breath. This entire thing is scary to me in so many ways.
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