Five minutes pass and then ten. I wonder what's happening. What could they be saying? My curiosity gets the best of me and I walk quietly up the stairs, not wanting to disturb them. It only takes me a few minutes until I hear Jake. He’s singing to our daughter. I freeze, the last time I heard that beautiful, melodious voice was when Jake poured his heart out to me in that song, letting me know who he really was.
He gets to the chorus of the song and with my eyes closed, I instantly recall the past.
“Step by Step. Oh, Baby. I’m gonna get to you, girl. Step One: We can have lot’s of fun. Step Two.”
“Stop, June, I get it, I get it. New Kids on the Block is your thing,” Jake teases, throwing his hands up in the air. I’m not a good singer. I know this, I also don’t care. If I want to sing, to hell with everyone’s ears.
“Okay, Jake. No more NKOTB, but you have to sing for me.”
“I’m not singing for you.”
“Fine, Step Two: There’s so much we can do.”
His hand slaps over my mouth. “Alright, alright. You win. Just please, June, no more.”
I laugh and giggle hysterically. Once I am under control I say, “Okay Jake, sing to me.”
“It’s a country song. Not like that New Kids junk.”
“That’s alright. I’d love anything you sing,” I say hoping Jake can sing. I’ve overheard him humming to himself sometimes and all I wanted was to hear his voice. Somehow, I know it’s going to be perfect. I climbed on top of a hay barrel, the course straw scratched at my legs. He watches me with amusement. “You ready?”
I nod vigorously.
Then he opens his mouth and the most beautiful lyrics come out. I think some guy named Garth Brooks sings it.
“Johnny's daddy was taking him fishin'
When he was eight years old
A little girl came through the front gate holdin' a fishing pole
His dad looked down and smiled, said we can't leave her behind
Son, I know you don't want her to go, but someday you'll change your mind
And Johnny said "Take Jimmy Johnson, take Tommy Thompson, take my best friend Bo
Take anybody that you want as long as she don't go
Take any boy in the world
Daddy, please don't take the girl”
The words continue on about a boy who doesn't think he wants this young girl around him, but as they grow up, she becomes his everything. By the end of the song, tears stream down my face, because this man would do anything for his girl. I love that Jake sings this to me.
“Was it that bad?” he laughs when he sees the tears on my face. He's trying to make light of the situation. He doesn’t like attention, but he just floored me.
“Bad! Are you kidding me? That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,” I laugh as I wipe my tears. “You know now, you’re going to have to sing to me all the time.”
“No way, June! That was a one-time thing,” he says shyly.
“Jake! Where the hell are you, you little shit?” Mike Daniels calls walking into the barn and ruining our moment.
Just like in my memory, by the time Jake finishes I’m crying, but Lily claps her hands and says, “Daddy, that was so good, but what happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did he get the girl?”
“I’d like to believe he did. Their love was so powerful he got the girl.”
“Can you sing it again?”
Jake chuckles, “You have school in the morning, but I promise I’ll sing to you at night as often as I can.”
Lily moans a whiny, tired protest, “I don't want today to end.”
“Oh, Lily. There will be more. I love you so much, and now that I know about you, I will always be here. I promise I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”
“Okay, Daddy.”
“Night, pretty girl,” Jake says, and I imagine him kissing her on the forehead.
“Night Daddy,” she whispers sleepily.
I brush my tears away and smile up at Jake as he closes Lily’s bedroom door. In a quiet voice, I say, “It’s warm out tonight. Want to sit on the back patio?”
He nods and we walk down the stairs and out the back door without saying another word. The sky is dark but lit up by the many stars. The air has that wet soil smell to it, letting you know that Fall is on the horizon. I feel a chill and goose bumps raise over my skin.
“Sit with me,” Jake says motioning to a small glider meant for two. I do and he pulls me close to him, rubbing my arm as he notices my chill.
“You know the song you just sang to Lily, I’m pretty sure she dies.”
“Not in my version. In my version, he gets the girl and his kid.”
I reach up and kiss his cheek, thinking that I like his version better.
“She’s so amazing. I can’t believe I missed that?” he says after several long minutes of silence. I don’t know what to say because truthfully, I can’t believe he missed that either. We started the day with so many wild feelings needing to get out, but now? Now, it feels like we are both on emotional overload. Maybe today was too much, too soon?
“She’s so much like you. She’s so perfect.” He strokes the side of my arm.
“She is pretty great, isn't she?”
“You did so good with her. I can tell you’re both nervous about where I think I’ll fit in your life. So, I’m laying my intentions out there.”
I pull away from him a little so I’m eye to eye with him, staring at those blue-greens I’ve loved since I was fifteen. I need to hear what he has to say. What if he isn’t interested in this instant family? What if he breaks our hearts all over again?
He clears his throat, “I plan on dating you like I always wished I could. I plan on being at every soccer game Lily has, every school function, and any other kid thing she needs. I’m going to be the man I should’ve always been for you, and when the time is right I’m moving in here, or we’re getting a place with the three of us, whatever you want. I don't plan on waiting a long time for that. I want this family. I want Lily more than my breath, and God help me June, I don’t just want you, but I fucking need you. You’re the piece that’s always been missing. You’re my current; the only thing that’s kept me moving all these years. I hate what’s happened to us, but I promise you June, just like I promised Lily, I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Fifteen
True to his word, Jake is over the next night for dinner and the next, and the one after that. I haven’t had him stay the night. I want to give Lily security and no matter what Jake has proclaimed I feel like he needs to prove that he’s here to stay. Maybe it’s not fair and maybe it’s just a result of constantly being ripped apart.
Jake has talked with Daryn a few times and I think, besides the fact that Jake very obviously staked his claim in front of Daryn, that the two are getting along. It’s important to me that they do since Grace and Lily are so close. I think Jake doesn’t like that Daryn and I have come to rely on each other, but once I explained about Daryn’s wife, Jake seemed to calm down.
I finish securing the back of my diamond stud earring. They were a gift from Liz the first time she secured a multi-million dollar deal. I hardly wear them, but I figure tonight being the first official date that Jake and I have is as good as a reason as any. Lily is staying overnight at Grace’s, so we have the entire night.
I splurged for tonight and bought a red dress that cinches at the waist. It’s fitted, but not overly tight. I can’t wait to see Jake’s reaction. Even more so, I can't wait to see his reaction on the tiny red thong and matching bra underneath. I check the bedside clock. It’s five minutes past six; Jake is late, which isn’t usually like him. I slip on my heels and walk downstairs and open the front door nervously peeking out for him.
His back is to me and he’s waving to a few guys who are pulling away in an older black sedan. My face lights up with a huge smile. My SUV is in the driveway and his truck is parked behind it.
�
�My car!” I squeal, “I thought it wasn’t going to be done for a while!” I rush to Jake and he grabs me in his arms, lifting me up with one hand on my ass and the other around my back.
“The dress looks good, Sprite,” he nuzzles his head into my neck.
“Put me down,” I laugh and playfully slap Jake’s chest.
“I thought, you’d like your SUV back,” he smiles shyly.
“I thought it wasn’t going to be ready for another week?”
“I might’ve pulled some extra hours that last few nights to get it done.”
“Thank you,” I squeeze Jake’s hand, and finally take in the sight of him. He’s wearing well-fitted jeans and a black button-up shirt that’s rolled to his elbows showing off his inked arms. He looks amazing, but he’s so much different than he used to be. Years in prison have given him a harder exterior.
Suddenly, I’m nervous. Here is this man that I’ve known since I was a kid, but we are so different now. Sure, we proclaimed our feelings for one another, he’s made his intentions clear and we had sex, but what if we are too different?
“What’s going through that mind of yours, June?”
“What do you mean?” I look up at him, trying to hide the guilty look on my face. The look that is questioning everything.
“You know exactly what I mean, Juniper.” He’s close to my ear and his voice is husky.
I shiver, “I was just thinking how nice you look, and how much bigger you are now.”
“Yeah, well working out in the prison yard, lifting a ton of weight, for anyone who might want to fuck with you to see is one way to make guys think twice.”
I gulp. I hate when he talks about prison. I get that it wasn’t my fault, but I can’t help but feel responsible. I change the subject, “Let me grab my purse from inside and lock up, then we can go. Okay?”
I grab my bag and lock the house up. When I walk out towards the car Jake is standing next to the open passenger door of his truck. In his hand is a single red rose.
“I wanted to come to your door before and bring you a flower like a proper date, but you beat me out here.” He hands me the rose and I blush.
“Thank you,” he extends his hand and helps me into the cab of his truck. “So, where are we going?”
“I made us reservations at that new Chef Symon restaurant.”
“No, way! You got us in there? I heard you had to make reservations well in advance.”
“We did a custom car for him and he told me if I ever wanted to come in and see him to give him a call.”
“That’s awesome. I got to help with a piece we did on him. It was pretty cool. He is such a laid back, local guy. Even though he’s a big shot on TV, he still puts so much effort into our city. I love that he’s still opening restaurants here and hasn’t moved his family. I got to meet his wife, she’s so nice and genuine.”
Jake smiles and listens to me talk about work. It reminds me of how he used to be. When we were young, he would encourage me to talk for hours and it was easy with him. I realize it still is. Maybe my fears about him being different are unfounded?
The restaurant is classy with white linens, low music, and dim lighting. White tea light candles flicker on the table and the waiter brings us menus.
“Would you like me to order for you, June?”
“How do you know that you know what I’ll want?
“I know you. Just because time has passed doesn’t mean I don’t know you. I remember everything about you. The thing is June, when all I had was time on my hands, thinking and savoring every single thing I know about you is what got me through. So, I know what you want.”
Damn, that felt heavy and I’m not ready for heavy. “Okay, what do you think I’ll want?”
He smiles, “That’s easy. You’d like the steak, because you always love a good steak, but then there is the clam bake and you love seafood way more than steak. In fact, I bet reading everything in the clambake has your mouth salivating.”
I slam the menu shut and grin at Jake.
“I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Yes,” I laugh nudging him with my foot. “Okay smarty, let me try you.” I reopen the menu and look over all of the entrees. Double damn, I was hoping that bacon was in something. That would have made this easier. “Ugh, it’s a toss-up for you. You were never as cut and dry as me. You either want the halibut, or the strip steak.”
“I’m in the mood for steak tonight,” he smiles and his eyes twinkle in the candlelight.
The waiter comes and Jake places our orders, ordering me a glass of Riesling and beer for himself.
We make small talk and Jake grabs my hand holding it across the table. All too quickly, our salads come.
“What’s Lily’s full name?” he asks in between bites.
“Lily Marie Withers.” He looks disappointed and I don't get it. “Hey,” I put the palm of my hand against his face. “What is it?”
“One day I swear it, you’re both taking my name.”
Oh, that. “My parents know that you’re her dad, but I told them we had a one night stand and that you were just passing through town. I couldn't give her your last name.” I hope he understands.
“I get it. Even then, you wanted to protect me against your parents. It makes sense, but still I wish my daughter had my name.”
I nod because I understand that too. “I gave her your name the best way I could.”
“Yes, you did. Thank you for that. My mom would’ve loved it. How did you know it?”
“You’re not the only one who’s spent countless hours filling the silence with memories. I remember everything there is about you.”
Our dinners come and we devour it. Everything is delicious and this restaurant is every bit worthy of its hefty price tag. On the drive back to my place, I ask him about his work. He tells me stories about the guys he works with and I laugh when he tells me about the way they joke on each other.
“What did they think when I went all crazy on you?”
“As soon as you left Stouty was like, whatever you did, you need to fix that. He said any woman willing to beat my ass like that must love me, ‘cause only a woman in love can hold onto that much hate. He didn't have to say it, though. I knew as soon as I saw you that you loved me,” he chuckles, “The rest of the guys teased me about getting my ass handed to me by a tiny woman.”
“Damn straight,” I laugh as we pull into the driveway.
Inside, Jake kisses my shoulder. “I know I said it earlier, but you look incredible.” He lights a few candles I have in the living room. I watch silently as he moves to the stereo and slips in a CD.
Soft music strums through my living room. I don't recognize it. No one’s singing, it’s just a nice slow, steady beat.
“Dance with me, June.” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond, but reaches out his hand and grabs mine. In the living room, we sway back and forth. I stare up at him, my heart beating wildly. Thump, thump. I’m so in love. Thump, thump. It’s never gone anywhere. Thump, thump. He’s going to kiss me.
Those lips meet mine, soft and tender. Then he pulls away. “Before the other night, singing to Lily, I hadn't sung in so long. Hadn’t even wanted to write any lyrics.”
The song ends, a new one begins and I sway with Jake to a new beat.
“Never did I want to let you go.
You sang to me
My muse
Never did I want to say goodbye
You came for me
My muse
Never did I mean to hurt you, June
I’m begging you, please
My muse
Open your heart
Let me back in
I’m begging you, please
My muse
The music continues and Jake looks at me shyly. “That’s all I have for now. Still working it all out.”
“Jake,” I pull his head down to meet my lips. I’m so overwhelmed with his words. I’m already letting him in. I love him. I just need to work on tru
sting that he’s here to stay.
He kisses me sweetly again and a moment later he turns me around and unzips my dress. I reach up and move it off my shoulders so that it falls to the ground.
Jake sucks in an audible breath, “Jesus.” In the lightest possible way, he starts at my neck leaving barely there kisses. His lips are so soft and gentle that it gives me goosebumps along my skin. He is torturously slow kissing between my shoulder blades, my lower back, down the backs of my thighs and behind my knees. He’s careful where he touches. It all feels so gentle, so deliberate. He moves to the front of me and lifts each of my feet, grabbing my calves gently in each hand, so that he can completely free me of my dress that’s pooled on the ground. He walks behind me and mirrors his movements, kissing up my legs, my hip bones, and all over my stomach. The pads of his thumbs trace the outline of my panties. As his kisses move higher, they brush the outline of my bra. He kisses the tops of my breasts, but never moves the fabric to kiss below it.
“These new, Juniper?”
I smile and nod, “Yeah, for you.”
A sound close to a growl comes from deep within him. “Beautiful,” he says, and lowers me to the ground. Normally I am a rush of grabby hands on him, but something about the way he is kissing me and taking his time tells me he needs it like this.
I watch with hooded eyes as Jake unbuttons his shirt and then shrugs it off. His rippled abs make my mouth water. His shoes and jeans go next, followed by his boxer briefs. I want to rid myself of my bra and underwear, but this is his show, so I watch with anticipation.
“I’m going to go slow. I want tonight to just be me and you, June. A man and a woman. None of our baggage in the way, not us trying to reconnect in some frantic way. Tonight's about a man taking his woman out, and then bringing her home, so he can worship her. We’ve never had this; just us, Jake and June. Something has always hung over us.”
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