I get what he is saying. Seven years ago, we were June and Lucas. When we had sex the other day, we were a frenzied mess of hurt and regrets. Now, it’s just us. I’m suddenly slightly nervous. I want everything to be perfect. A soft look from Jake and a kiss to my collar bone has me forgetting any nervousness. “It’s just you and me baby.”
More languid kisses against my skin, and finally his hands release my bra, and then my thong. His skin against my own ignites little sparks all over my body. It’s not so much that I’m turned on, (which I am) but that I’m completely tuned in. Every single time his lips hit me, I wiggle and squirm. I want him. No, that’s not completely right.
I need him.
I whimper and am rewarded with Jake’s lips against my own. His fingers run between my breasts, over my stomach, slide down my clit and very gently inside of me.
“Already so wet for me, Juniper.”
I can't help but reach out and stroke his hard length. “Already so hard for me, Jake,” I mirror his words.
“Always,” he leans over me, sliding his body up and down mine and then sliding himself against my clit. He links our fingers above my head and stares deeply into my eyes as he slowly slides into me. We make the most deliciously beautiful, painfully slow love of our lives.
Jake is right. Slow can be so good. Every moment between us is savored. Every kiss, stroke, and thrust feels like it binds us and mends a little bit of what’s been broken.
Afterward, Jake carries me up to my bed and holds me close to him, his leg thrown over mine, my head buried in the crook of his neck. I fall asleep like this; completely in love and for the first time in so long, completely happy. There is no longer that piece of me that’s missing. There is no longer an emptiness. I am full.
Chapter Sixteen
I wake to the ringing of my house phone and very sleepily sit up in bed, my silk sheets slide off my body. My house is quiet with the exception of Jake’s inhaling and exhaling. I can hear the answering machine kick on and wonder who could be calling me. As much as I want to snuggle in Jake’s arms, I need to check the machine, start coffee and get ready to get Lily.
I start to get out of bed when an arm hooks me around the waist and pulls me backward. “Where are you going?” Jake’s sleepy voice grumbles behind me.
I giggle, “I have to get up. We slept late and I need coffee.”
“Mmm, but I need you.” he’s instantly on top of me, and before I can give coffee a second thought, he’s inside of me.
After one of the best wake-up orgasms of my life I get up and begin rushing around picking up blankets that fell to the floor.
“What are you doing?” Jake laughs at me as I quickly throw on a robe and make the bed around him.
“We don’t have that much time until we have to get Lily. I need coffee and the house picked up and I need to get dressed.”
“Settle down. You’re cute when you’re all frazzled. Get dressed, I’ll start coffee and pick up Lily.”
I nod, liking the sound of that plan, and rush to my ensuite bathroom. I brush my teeth, noticing how my face has a pink blush to it, a look that says I just got lucky. With lightning speed I run a brush through my tangles. I throw on a pair of jeans, a black blouse with cap sleeves, and a pair of sandals.
The glorious smell of coffee hits me as I descend the stairs. The living room is picked up, and there is no evidence of last night. I smile at Jake pouring two cups of coffee, easily moving around my kitchen. He’s wearing the same jeans from last night and a black tank top that he had under his dress shirt. He looks delectable in my kitchen.
“Mmm, coffee,” I reach around Jake and grab my cup. “You always made the best coffee.”
“Still do.” He takes a sip of his coffee.
I sip mine and smile agreeing completely. “Once we grab Lily, what do you want to do today?”
“What if we take her to the Lake? I know it’s too cold for the water, but maybe she’ll like the sand?”
“She loves it there. I’ve been bringing her there for forever. She’d love to go.”
Jake gives me an unreadable smile. I can’t tell if he’s smiling because he’s happy I’ve been bringing her, or if it’s something else. I shrug off his unusual smile, and hit the red flashing light on the answering machine.
“Hey, June. It’s Alister. I’ve been out of…” Shit, Alister the investment banker. I attempt to hit the button to shut off my answering machine, but Jake stops my hand. “Listen, I’ve been out of town for work, and I broke my phone so I have zero contacts. I’m hoping my girl is still in bed. I’m going to stop and bring you pastries from Bella’s. I know how much you love those.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. “Jake, it’s nothing. We’ve been on a few dates, but I’m most definitely not his girl. I’ll call him and make sure he knows.”
He gives me a look, “You be sure to do that, June.” Before I get a chance to do that, my doorbell rings. Shit, I didn't do anything wrong. Why am I acting like I’ve been caught with my hand in the candy jar? I move to answer the door, but Jake is on it before I get a chance. He throws the door open and standing there with a white box, no doubt filled with the best pastries in the world, is Alister, the investment banker. Alister is dressed impeccably. His hair is immaculately styled with a ton of product, keeping his blonde curls perfectly in place. Alister is well built, spending his mornings running and then a vigorous weight lifting regiment at the gym, all before seven am. I know this because Alister wouldn't shut up about himself. He’s wearing a polo shirt and jeans. He’s attractive, just not for me.
“Is June here?” He asks nervously.
“Yup,” is Jake’s one-word answer. He’s fills the entire doorway and I have to forcefully move past Jake to say anything to Alister.
“Hey Alister,” I say stepping outside, but it’s only for a moment because Jake throws his arm around my waist and very obviously stakes his claim in front of Alister. I glare at Jake because this possessive bullshit isn't cool. “Give me a minute, will you? I’ll be right in.”
“Nope.”
What the heck is that? I glare at him again.
“June, what’s going on? Who is this guy?” Alister asks. I look at Jake again pleading with him to give me a moment of privacy, so that I can let Alister down easy. He doesn't budge.
“I’m Lily’s dad and June’s man. We’re together. She’s mine.”
“I thought you were single?” Alister asks looking at me like I’m some two-timing whore.
“I’m sorry Alister, I was. This is new and we’re giving it a shot.” I grit my teeth feeling very annoyed that this conversation is having to happen in front of Jake.
“Maybe next time you should give the guy you’re dating a little heads up?” Alister retorts with way too much attitude.
“Maybe, if you were smart you’d watch your tone?” Jake puffs his chest out and flares his nose.
Alister looks at me and then looks at Jake, “You know what, screw this. It’s not worth it. He drops the pastry box and turns to walk away. Jake picks up the box, grabs a raspberry pastry, and I know this because it’s my favorite, and shouts at the back of the retreating Alister, “Thanks for breakfast, but don't come back.”
I aim my biggest death glare at Jake and storm past him into the house. I am pissed. I get it, he was asserting himself and staking his claim like I’m some prize, but that was not okay.
“You’re an ass,” I say hitting Jake on his arm. “You had no right to do that. I hadn’t spoken to him in over a week. I figured he felt the same way I did, but I had the right to tell him that. Not you. That was so uncool, Jake. Now move your truck, so I can go pick up Lily.”
“June, that guy needed to know. You want me to feel bad for that? I don’t. No man is going to come to my woman’s house bringing breakfast and not be told how it is. I told him how it was. It’s done. Now, let’s get in the truck and go get our girl.”
Who the hell is this guy? One minute he is singing to me and making th
e sweetest love to me and the next he is this guy who thinks he can talk for me.
He walks outside to his truck and I follow him. “I’m not going with you. Move your truck, so I can go and get Lily.
“We’re going to get our daughter and have a good day.”
“No, I’m going to get Lily, and you’re going to leave.”
He shakes his head at me and walks towards his truck. “I’ll be back in fifteen.”
“Where are you going?” I snap.
He doesn't answer. He pulls his truck out of the spot and rolls his window down, “I’m getting Lily. Get over your pissed off mood, will you? It’s a great day out today.” He drives away leaving me stunned. I could race to Daryn’s, but I think that will just cause a scene. I’m pissed off beyond all measure. I can't stand the way he acted.
I first send a text to Alister, I’m sorry about that. I truly am. I didn't even think you were interested, since I didn't hear from you. I would’ve been with Jake anyways, but I’m sorry that just went down like that.
I don't get a response from him, and I don’t expect too. I hate that Jake just acted that way. I drink a few sips of my coffee, and try to be objective. How would I have felt if a woman was trying to claim him in front of me? I would let Jake talk to them. I’d be jealous. I’d hate it, but I wouldn't react the same way, I’m sure of it.
I give a quick call to Daryn to let him know Jake is picking up Lily and pace around my living room. His truck pulls up, the distinct sound of his diesel engine loud and clear.
Lily bounds into the house. “Hi Mom. I spilled juice on my shirt. I’m going up to change, and then Dad says we’re going to the beach for a picnic. I’m so happy.”
She races up the stairs and I meet Jake’s eyes. “I’d like you to go.”
“Not gonna happen. I told my girls I’m taking them to the beach and that’s what I’m doing,” he says casually, opening the fridge and grabbing items for “our picnic”.
“You had Lily in your car without a booster, do you know how dangerous that is!” I accuse. I know I’m picking a fight, but I’m still so ticked.
“You must have missed the booster in the backseat last night. I bought one the other day.” He grabs fresh fruit from the table and begins collecting a pile. “Do you have a picnic basket?” I don't answer and continue to stare at Jake.
“Hey Lily, can you grab the picnic basket?” Jake hollers up the stairs at Lily.
“Sure thing, Dad,” she calls back.
I breathe out a deep breath, feeling like our picnic is happening no matter what I say. I look at Jake, needing distance. “I’ll be in the truck.” I grab my purse and walk outside to the truck, but not before catching a smug smirk on his face. Oh, how he’s infuriating me today.
Jake walks out of the house, with Lily’ hand in one hand and a picnic basket in the other. He loads her into her seat, and walks around the truck and sets the picnic basket down next to her. I watch in fascination as he opens my garage, gets Lily’s sand toys and then proceeds to lock up the house. We’re so new and he’s already moving around like he lives here.
I’m silent in the car, which is okay since Lily talks Jake’s ear off telling him everything she and Grace did last night.
When we pull up to the Lake, it’s fairly empty. The sky is blue and the water is calm. We’re lucky to get a day as nice as this. It will probably be one of our last nice days before winter. Jake unloads everything from the truck and I help Lily down. She runs ahead of us stopping on the bridge to the beach. It’s one of her favorite spots too.
“Dad, look at the seagulls” Lily bounces excitedly.
“That’s awesome, Lil,” he smiles warmly, pointing to the bird just inches from her.
I want to let them have this moment and I know I need to stop being a bitch. I grab the basket from Jake and walk away, giving them this time.
I spread out a blanket on the sand and kick off my sandals reveling in the warmth from the silky sand. Jake and Lily take their shoes off at the end of the small bridge, and begin racing towards me. Jake’s legs are so long that I can tell it’s a real challenge for him to make it look like she has a shot. He gives up trying and swoops her up in the air and onto his shoulders. They pass me and continue to run down the beach. She laughs loudly and I watch her hands grip around his head.
I want to be mad at him, but watching him with Lily erases some of my anger.
So much has happened since Jake and I were here last. We’re finding our way back to each other. As angry as I am, I want to enjoy the day.
I open the basket and begin setting things out, so that when they’re ready, we’re all set. I put grapes and strawberries on a plate, popping a few of the ripe grapes in my mouth. I smile, in spite of myself, when I get to the bottom of the basket and see the white box from the bakery filled with my favorite pastries. I don't know why he put those in there, but I can't help but crack a tiny smile.
Watching Jake and Lily, I bask in their playfulness. I thought I was happy all these years, but looking at the two of them, I can really see everything I’ve been missing.
We had such an amazing night last night. I know I love Jake, but I can't help but feel like if he had made different decisions, like trusting me with the truth, then things would’ve been so different. We could’ve had years like this with us together. There would be no investment bankers for us to fight about. There would only be Jake and June, like it was supposed to be.
“Heads up!” Jake yells as a Frisbee comes zooming at me.
“Come on, Mom. Let’s play,” Lily giggles running around. I get up and throw the Frisbee hard towards Jake. It soars and he catches it, then throws it to Lily. She tries to catch, but misses. He stands behind her and teaches her how to throw it to me. I dive for it, wanting my little girl to have a decent throw and surprisingly, I catch it.
“Good catch!” Lily says.
“Yeah, nice catch,” Jake offers me his hand to help me up from the sand. I dust myself off smiling, “Thanks. Why don’t we take a break from playing and get something to eat. There are these great pastries from Bella’s.” I wink at Jake letting him know I’m calling a truce and the three of us sit down and enjoy our pastries and fruit.
I watch Jake and Lily for hours. We’re at the beach way longer than I could’ve thought possible and by four o’clock, I call out, “Hey, you two. We need to wrap this up. We have to have dinner. Lily has school tomorrow.”
“How about I treat my girls to dinner?” Jake plops down on the blanket next to me.
“What do you say, Lily? You want to go out to eat, or do you want to just head home?” I give my girl the option.
“Can we go to Friday’s?” she asks excitedly.
“I don’t see why not,” Jake helps me pick up the containers and gets rid of our trash.
We make our way back to the truck stopping for a moment on the bridge. Lily stands in front of us and Jake puts his arm around me and we are all quiet. I think we all needed today and to be here. For Jake and me, this place signifies so much, but now having Lily here with us, it feels like it cements us together.
After a nice dinner, Lily falls asleep on the way home. Jake carries her to her room and meets me in the kitchen. I’m pouring myself a glass of wine. “Beer?” I ask and he nods. I open the fridge and hand him a bottle and watch as his thumb effortlessly flicks the top off.
“Want to sit outside?” I ask.
Jake shakes his head, “First, I need something.”
“What’s that?”
Jake leans forward and presses his lips to mine. I immediately open and feel all the sweetness his kisses have to offer. He pulls away, “I get why you were mad. You gotta see it from where I stand. I needed to make it clear. I get I could’ve let you do that, but my point might not have been made. I don't want any man thinking he has even a shot with you, June. You and anyone else is not a possibility. I messed this up and I won’t let anything come in the way again. You held out your lips from me,” he acc
uses.
“I did not. Okay, I kind of did, but I wasn’t mad about the Alister thing. I mean I was, but then watching you with Lily, I couldn’t hold onto it. I guess I just was thinking about how much time we’ve missed.”
The look on Jake’s face changes. I think I see defeat. I don't want that, but I want to be honest about how I’m feeling. I put my head against his chest and wrap my arms around him. He holds me tight, takes a few more swigs from his beer, and sets it down on the counter.
“I love you, June.”
“I love you too,” I hug him tighter.
“Better pass on sitting outside. I have work in the morning.”
I look him over trying to read what’s behind his eyes. “Are we okay?”
He takes another swig from his bottle of beer and kisses me on top of my head, “Yeah,” and is out the door.
I finish my glass of wine and get ready for bed. I lay down, but sleep eludes me. My mind is a constant swirl of wondering if we truly can ever be fixed.
Chapter Seventeen
Over the next two weeks, I talk with Jake daily, but I don't see him as often as I would like. Some days, it’s my schedule; others it’s Lily’s soccer schedule getting in the way. I feel like Jake is suddenly more guarded and that’s why we haven’t seen him as much. Truthfully, it’s scaring me.
Tonight, we’re having dinner at my parent’s house. Last weekend, I spent the day at their house filling them in on Jake being back. I didn’t tell them he was in jail. I lied to them when Lily was born, and I can’t see coming clean now.
Jake’s been here for the last hour hanging out with Lily downstairs, while I get ready. Normally when I’m at Mom and Dad’s I wear whatever, but I want it to be special tonight. I even baked, which is a huge feat for me. I finish running the straight iron through my hair and decide that I’m happy with my appearance. I have on a floral print dress that cinches at the waist but is flowy enough that it’s appropriate for dinner. My make-up is subtle, done in soft hues of pink with a peach lip gloss. With my auburn hair and big blue eyes, sometimes subtle is just enough.
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