Know Your Roll
Page 16
Five blocks away from the ocean and a cautious half hour later I crept up across the street from ‘Less is Mortar’, the most exclusive alchemist supply shop in Hallow.
The upscale establishment was run by a VC Cleric. In an amazingly repeatable coincidence, every week or two another bevy of laws and taxes rained down on the Cleric’s competition, driving smaller hedgewitch and hermetic shops out of business or into the much riskier black market.
Commandant Sanguine only trusted the Cleric and his shop to supply the expensive herbs and potions for the magics her religious zealotry required. Her high standards and ravenous demands meant that Less is Mortar doubled as a Vigilance Committee haunt.
I’d had to go there three times in my life, once when I heard from one of Mother’s waifs that she needed yellow root to fight a breakout of alley cough amongst the her orphans and twice on behalf of Illgott, who’d been ordered to send his best booze free of charge because the VC ‘required’ it.
Each of my trips had ended the same way, with me getting tossed out on my ear through a plate-glass window by a cold-eyed Hero. On every occasion a bill for the damages had been presented to me when I showed up for work the next day, further extending my servitude at that damned desk.
“Knock, knock,” I said, throwing a last glance over my shoulder and picking up a loose cobble when I was sure I wasn’t being observed.
Friskiness Roll
Modifier: +2
Roll: 14 + 1 = 15
Result: Success
The rock sailed true, smashing the window I’d bought a few times to smithereens, sending glass cascading to the.
An aquamarine pulse swam out from inside the shop and lanced through my chest in an unmissable dart before I had a chance to react.
First Person: If fully healed, 33% chance that damage that would instantly kill you is negated.
Intrinsic Ability Roll: 14%
Result: Heartstopper Hermetic Fizzled
I hadn’t even been aware of the blood stopping in my veins until it started flowing again. My ticker skipped a couple of beats and then revved up to compensate as I shrugged off the effect of the magic I hadn’t been expecting.
I hadn’t expected the shop to have countermeasures in place, and I’d come a few percentage points away from kicking the bucket.
If I told Patch about my brush with death, she’d take it as a sign that RNGesus was watching over me. I didn’t believe in that tripe, but if I kept relying on luck instead of my brain, I’d be a cooling corpse before the sun rose.
The noise of the glass breaking and the magic pulse would have given away my intentions to the neighbors. I ducked between a bakery and the woolery on the other side of the street to catch my breath, waiting for almost two minutes.
Nobody showed up to investigate it. I’d already lingered as long as I felt safe, my sharp eyes watching as many angles as I could.
Maybe it really is destiny. That, or they put all their faith in the Heartstopper.
Here’s the thing about petty crime; it’s better to be quick about it than good at it. If you can do both, by all means. But if you’re only able to choose one, speed is of the essence every single time. Now that I figured nobody was going to respond to the sound, standing around out here was only increasing the chance that somebody’d find me lurking across from my most recent act of vandalism.
More to the point, stalling wasn’t adding seconds to the ticking clock that I felt weighing me down.
THE BRAWL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING
begins in
2 days - 10 hours - 33 minutes - 41 seconds
“Open says me,” I whispered, re-crossing the street and stepping through the broken window. I wouldn’t have minded earning some cuts and scrapes along the way, but I made it through unscathed.
The Less is Mortar was, as they say in the biz, the shit. It boasted polished shelves full of every spell component imaginable and sparkling focus crystals as far as the eye could see. Over by the shelf of powders and salves a row of Ever-Boil™ cauldrons were set to bubble-bubble, and an impressive display of flasks, vials, goblets, and carved oak steins managed to look inviting even though they were empty.
I sauntered across the shop floor like I owned the place, my eager eyes taking an inventory even as I began to fill my pockets with the choicest of ingredients.
When I’d been casing the joint before pulling the trigger on the rock, it’d been hard to know if there was going to be enough light in here to see by. I was happy to discover that there was plenty spilling in from outside, and I made my way through the room without knocking something over.
Even if there hadn’t been, the wicked smile splitting my face would’ve easily been bright enough to navigate by.
The long, metal counter separating the customer’s area from the open-faced stock room drew my attention. Illgott would probably have turned his nose up at it, since it didn’t require the same sort of love and care as the walnut bar he so lovingly wiped down for hours, but I liked it.
Once I’d climbed up on a chair and made my way on to a table, it was a simple hop, skip, and jump to the top of the counter.
There were diagrams, charts and mathematical tables with measurements and corresponding prices glazed into the top of it. The Cleric had spent a lot of time enchanting the thing, so I knelt and put my hand on it, just to see what I was dealing with.
Alchemical Counter Counter
Weight: 4,500 pounds
Durability: 10/10
Description: Made of solid Mechronite, this counter acts as a method of calculating components, ingredients, additives and elements, making it a counter counter. The powerful enchantments soaking the metal guarantee the purity and quality of the shop’s wares.
Minimum Level Required to Operate: 5
Base Resale Value: Priceless
Base Dismantle Result: 900 Mechronite Bars
Base Alchemical Result: 290 Effervescent Elementals Stars, 666 Black-centered Spirals, 420 Technomatic Clockwork Sprockets
Base Decantation Result: over 9,000, randomized based on the most recent decade’s owners and clients
Mechronite. That’s the McGuffin Bingo was talking about in the tunnel. There’s no way I can swipe it, but he’ll be happy to know there’s at least a bit more laying around.
It was time to make the most of the risk I was taking with my B&E. “You bastards should’ve been nice, the last few times I was here,” I said, surprised by the venom in my voice as I ever so gently reached out with the toe of my boot and ran it along a row of purple potions.
They tumbled to the floor in a bright cascade and shattered, the contents sizzling with corrosive fury. “Now that your alchemical assassin didn’t work, let’s play a game. I call it ‘A Little of This and A Little of That’.”
The sheer array of ingredients was stunning. For a Dreg like me, the word ‘enough’ wasn’t really part of my vocabulary, and being able to stretch out my hand and pluck one item after another from the shelf behind the counter and throw it in the pestle or the simmer stove reminded me of how much the Heroes had compared to the rest of us.
For the first time I had skills to grind, access to materials and a little bit of time. I chucked things together at random, sloshing things into glass containers willy-nilly and inspecting the results that looked salvageable.
Proficiency Check
Alchemy Roll: 69
Result: Failure
Alchemy Roll: 81
Result: Failure
Alchemy Roll: 40
Result: Failure
Alchemy Roll: 11
Result: Success
Alchemy Roll: 92
Result: Failure
Alchemy Roll: 24
Result: Success
Alchemy Roll: 9
Result: Success
Alchemy Roll: 76
Result: Failure
Alchemy Roll: 15
Result: Success
Alchemy Roll: 53
Result: Failure
/> Alchemy Roll: 31
Result: Failure
Alchemy Roll: 88
Result: Failure
Alchemy Roll: 26
Result: Success
Alchemy Roll: 66
Result: Failure
Alchemy Roll: 13
Result: Success
New Skill Values:
Alchemy = 44/100
Even better than having raw materials though was the random cool stuff I’d concocted!
Bubblegum Brew
Description: Everything the imbiber eats or drinks after consuming this brew will taste like bubblegum. Forever.
One Leaf Clover Elixir
Description: What’s the worst that could happen? Whoever drinks this elixir will find out for the next hour. The results won’t be fatal, but that doesn’t mean that the unfortunate victim won’t wish they were. Those around them are vulnerable to the afflicted’s accidents.
Euphoric Philter
Description: A powerful sense of joy, freedom, and excitement overwhelms anyone who so much as takes a whiff. They’ll recover once they sleep it off, but who seeks slumber when the beautiful world their eyes have been opened to is so full of wonder?
Potion of Sentient Clothing
Description: Use sparingly. Seriously.
Bone-Shatter Juice
Description: This extremely dangerous concoction causes bone to detonate upon application. It doesn’t take much, but the fact that flesh is completely immune to the effects dramatically limits the situations where it is applicable.
Ichor of Conspiracy
Description: Take a swig and every plot against you will be revealed. Imaginative consumers be warned, if the world in your head is more conspiracy-laden then the one in which your body resides, you will be unable to decipher fact from fiction.
Altitudinal Corrective
Description: ‘I can see my house from here!’ Good for you. Red Bull had better give you wings though, because this potion certainly won’t provide them. It will immediately launch you 1,000 feet into the air, though.
I kept all of that, and chucked the failures into the far corners of the store. The Less is Mortar had a massive drum of dripfire attached to the wall, and I shoved it over.
Before the inferno took hold I grabbed one last thing, a helpfully labeled skin full of screaming ink.
I needed to get out of here. The heat was already making the ensorcelled components blend and merge in ways they were never intended to. There weren’t any buildings butted up against this one that were useful to anybody but Heroes, which was good because they’d burn down in a few minutes too.
Some of the shapes in the smoke were beginning to look at me with hungry, flicker-flame eyes. That was when I ran, and it wasn’t until I was outside with the chill night around me that I felt safe enough to uncap the ink and whisper my message to it.
Supposedly this stuff was originally made to allow the illiterate to use long distance communication, but the mail carriers had gotten sick of the shrieks and banned it. Now it was only sold as a lark, something to screech ‘Surprise’ or ‘Congrats on your loveless engagement’ when the parchment upon which it lay was opened.
But I had other plans. The ink would get into the cracks of the cobbles and run down the street. It’d take them weeks to get rid of all of it, and until then the viscous stuff would do exactly what it started to do as I poured it on to the street – scream “THE RULE OF COOL IS HERE TO STAY” at the top of its nonexistent lungs.
Satisfied with my handiwork, I checked my watch. I had one more place I wanted to mess with, now that the patrols from all over town would be distracted by the blaze.
Chapter 18
A while later I caught Adrius trying to balance on the top rail of the fence. His robes were gathered high on his scrawny white legs so that they didn’t trip him, and he was craning his neck in the direction of the bright flames blocks away.
The Hero questgiver had a concerned look on his face, but I had to give him credit for still manning his post.
“Am I too early to aid the Significant Fraternity?” I asked loudly, purposely scaring him. He tumbled backward, hitting the ground so hard that I was worried I’d just tanked my chances of making this work.
It was still hours from dawn, but the fire roaring to the east of us made it look like the sun itself had decided to poke its head over the horizon and see what all the fuss was about.
“No…” he groaned, holding his head and slowly getting to his feet. “I’m sorry, I was simply curious about the commotion.” Whether it was because of the whole Hero thing or the concussion he’d just gotten, I could
Contested Cunning Roll
Raze’s Cunning Modifier: +3
Roll: 12 + 3 = 15
Adrius’s Cunning Modifier: +2
Roll: 12 + 2 = 14
Result: Raze Success
tell by his face that he didn’t recognize me.
Even if I hadn’t won the roll I wouldn’t have thought him capable of faking the blank face he was giving me. Adrius and I had always taken pride in antagonizing each other, and I’d earned his hatred a long time ago.
I waved dismissively at the chaos behind me. It sounded like most of Hallow was waking up earlier than they’d intended, and a lot of them were starting to shout about the expanding fire. “I’m sure that’s nothing the Heroes can’t handle.”
“Perhaps. It does seem to be spreading, though…”
I was so short that it was damn hard to look down my long nose at anyone, but I tried it anyway. “Are you doubting their ability to deal with something as minor as an act of arson, Priest? That’s the sort of lack of faith I’m sure the Vigilance Committee would be interested in stamping out before it has a chance to infect others. You are the first encounter with the existing authority of Hallow most of them, I mean most of us have… Should I worry about your motives?”
“Of course not!” he whimpered, clearly worried.
It may have been cruel, but I didn’t feel bad for him. He was a Hero and yet he’d still chosen this path. The Fraternity was full of zealots who’d happily waste their lives taking turns standing beside this cobbled laneway. They were eager to spread the word, as persistent as the rats that crawled through the fallen temple behind him.
Maybe one day they’d finally clear one of the vermin infestation, though the two-legged on was by far the worst.
“Please, allow me to begin again?” he begged.
“Go for it.”
Adrius swallowed hard and got back in to his routine. “Hail and well met, Hero,” the Priest finally called out to me, the same as he’d done to Patch earlier. “I see that you are new to humble Hallow.”
“I’m not…”
“Oh. Well, I have need of your services anyway, for the temple of the Significant Fraternity has been overrun by vermin!” He always hammed it up, but the fervor I heard in his trembling voice was real. This wasn’t soap opera level drama to him. He firmly believed in everything he said.
I did my best not to blow the whole thing and laugh in his face. Did I sound this cheesy when I stuck to my script? “What do you need me to do?”
Adrius was overjoyed and so was I, since it appeared that I was about to be officially recruited and given my first quest.
The Fraternity representative didn’t try to hide his enthusiasm. “I confess to the situation being more than a little embarrassing. You see, many years ago this temple was reclaimed from another, more capricious God. It was never well-kept, but it has fallen into an even deeper state of disrepair.”
I sniffed the air. “It smells like rats.”
“Precisely!” he said. “And we cannot find the source. Our mages have investigated, without success. It does offer an opportunity for you to learn a few of our ways, at least. Now that the Hero population of Hallow has swollen, we will soon have need of the temple. Our conviction is strong, but we lack the martial ability required to clear the rodent population.”
“B
ummer,” I told him. “If only there was someone standing immediately outside of it willing to waste their lives recruiting protagonists and offering them experience and vendor trash in exchange for trading in a stack of rat tails to a devilishly handsome Gearblin in a certain arcade.”
He blinked and stammered, and I worried that, as usual, I’d pushed things too far. I was so high on the life of a Hero that I’d shot right past ‘annoying’ and landed squarely in ‘offensively irritating’ territory without any effort.
Before I could worry about that, his head whipped around in the direction of the forest. “Hail and well met, Hero. I see that you are new to humble Hallow. I have need of your services, for the temple of the Significant Fraternity has been overrun by vermin!”
I turned and followed his gaze as a dwarf emerged from the trees. He was only lightly armored, and he clutched an axe as if his life depended on it. His eyes darted here and there, though he didn’t have anything to worry about. This first quest wasn’t meant to do anything other than stroke the Hero’s ego, provide them some experience points and teach them how to turn quests in.
In theory, it was a walk in the park.
“I’d be happy to assist,” said the dwarf. “Truth be told I’ve been lacking direction. If you’ve advice and a task to set my mind to, I’d be grateful.”
Adrius nodded happily. “I was just telling this fellow about the Fraternity’s needs.”
“Don’t forget your failings,” I added helpfully. “Of which I assume the list is long.”
Adrius tried to ignore me, but I knew from painful experience how hard a questgiver had to work to give a Hero the cold shoulder, particularly when the topic was the quest you oversaw. “Yes,” he told me begrudgingly, “but perhaps the two of you are here to change that.”