False Illusions (False #1)

by A. Cramton

  Only thing getting me through the days was training. I wanted this more than ever. Not just for me anymore. For Madison, I wanted to teach Marcus a lesson on how a woman like her should be treated.

  Pouring my shake into my to-go container my phone starts to vibrate off the counter. Seeing that it’s Chris I slide the answer icon.

  “What’s up?” I twist on the lid.

  “Where are you?” I hear noise in the background.

  “I’m about to head over there. Why?” He knows I don’t show up until around nine. It’s only eight-thirty.

  “Just making sure you didn’t jump off the building.”

  I narrow my eyes. What the fuck. I’m not suicidal. “No such luck. I’ll be there in thirty to whoop your ass.” Tossing my phone in the counter I go to put my sneakers on.

  Did he really think I would jump off a building over a breakup? Sure I was bummed that it’s over, for now, but suicidal? No. How can I get my girl back if I’m dead? Besides, I would have offed myself as soon I got back in town.

  Shaking my head I grab my phone and protein shake. The car is already waiting for me downstairs, I slip in the back seat and pull my phone out. Temptation has me wanting to dial her number or send a text. I told her not to give up on me just yet and I meant it. She might think it was all fake, but it wasn’t it. It was all real. She had me after Knock, Knock.

  I had to let her go for now, but not for long.

  Instead of pushing my luck with Madison, I call my mom, Maria. I haven’t spoken to her in weeks.

  She picks up on the third ring. “Yoel. You remembered your mother?” Her thick accent tsk’s.

  Rolling my eyes I smile. “Mom, you know I have been busy training.”

  “That’s not what I heard from Rico. I know what he did and I gave him a good smacking, but tell me about this girl, El.” Her voice is soft, She knows I don’t go crazy over any female, except for family.

  I sigh. “Her name is Madison and she’s smart and funny. You would have loved her mom.” I go on to tell my mom the story. The good, bad and ugly. How do I expect advice if I don’t tell the whole story? I’m not proud of my actions, but it brought me to Madison.

  My mom takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe you, mijo. I thought I taught you better than this.” She’s disappointed. Of course she is.

  The car is now outside of the gym, but I’m not ready to take this conversation in there with Chris having me on suicide watch.

  “All you can do is give her time and pray she forgives you,” she continues. “You know when your father left I tried to raise you the best I could. I taught you to respect women, Yoel. You knew better.”

  Closing my eyes, feeling the shame I nod even though she can’t see me. “I know. I know better, mom. Never doubt how you raised me. I will never be able to repay you, but I’m going to try.” My voice is thick. I missed my mom.

  “I know, Mijo. Make me proud. “ She hangs up.

  I hold the phone to my mouth before getting out the car and slipping my phone in my jacket pocket. Getting things off my chest to my mom made me feel a little lighter. She was right I need to pray on it, I can’t forget where I came from.

  Chris is already suited up and sitting on the side of the ring when I walk in. His arm resting on the middle rope and his feet dangling.

  “Look who decided to join us,” he says to no one, because no one is here.

  Ignoring him I go into the locker room to change. Gulping down my shake on the way back out to the floor, I grab my gloves.

  “You ready for this?” I smirk. “Just got off the phone with mom dukes, so I’m feeling good after confessing my sins.” I slide the gloves on.

  He laughs and stands up. “You mean your mom. Who still says mom dukes?” Chris shakes his head. “Can’t take the boy out the hood.”

  Stepping into the ring I smile. “Never forgot where I came from. Money doesn’t change that.”

  “Not even for princess Madison?” He cocks an eyebrow.

  Taking a stance I tilt my head. “She doesn’t care where I came from. She just cares that I played her. Now shut up and let’s spar.”

  We touch gloves. “You should look for a replacement for Rico. I’m not a trainer, El.”

  “Don’t worry, I’m flying in Javi.” My older cousin used to train me when I first started out years ago, but had to stop and be a family man, but when I called in a favor days ago he gave in.

  “Now shut up and box!”

  I had to keep my mind off Madison.

  Back To Me Without You- The Band Perry

  It’s been three days since he left my apartment. Three days that I stayed in bed, only to get up for food and to open another bottle of wine. Three days of playing sad depressing music. I was pathetic, who was this sad depressing creature that I turned into? I wasn’t even like this the first time Marcus cheated on me. Now that I think about it I didn’t even cry, but here I am nursing my fifth bottle of wine and forcing myself to eat two day old chinese food so I won’t die of alcohol poisoning.

  Yeah, this had to stop. I need to get up and actually take a shower, I smell. Ew, that’s disgusting.

  I have ignored every call from my mom, who has been calling damn near every hour on the hour. Marcus actually called a few times and I almost picked up. Almost. What really bothered me is Yoel hasn’t called or texted at all. I know he said he’ll give me space, and granted it has only been a few days, but I thought he would still reach out.

  This was good though. He was right. I do need space. Figure out who I am again. It wasn’t as if I went from one relationship to the next. I was engaged and cheated, I had an affair and fell in love. I fell in love with the enemy. As much as my mind wants to deny it, my heart knows he fell for me too. Before I even think about him again I need to get myself back together.

  That needs to start now with ringing that’s coming from my cell. I can’t avoid her forever.

  Step one: Stop trying to make everyone happy.

  I take a deep breath and hit answer. “Hello, mother.”

  She huffs. “Don’t you dare ‘hello mother’ me, Madison. Where the hell are you?”

  “I’m in New York, but we both know you know that.” I don’t have the time for this or the energy.

  “Madison, you need to stop being foolish. I have spoken to Marcus and he says you can come home.” She ignores me.

  Taking a sip from my wine bottle I laugh. “I’m not going back. If you love him so much divorce dad and marry him. What part of I don’t want to be with him are you failing to understand?” I’m beyond annoyed now. “Look, I appreciate everything you and dad have done for me, but right now I need my mom. I’m fucking broken hearted.” Oh shit that felt good. Go liquid courage!

  My mom is quite for a moment. “You aren’t broken over Marcus are you?” This time her tone is gentle.

  Tears slip down my face and I shake my head. “No, I’m not,” I whisper.

  I can hear her sigh. “I’ll be in town next week, let’s do lunch and talk.” This surprises me. She wants to talk?

  “Until then, baby girl, pick yourself up. Wipe those tears and put down the wine.” I want to cry even harder. She hasn’t called me baby girl in a long time. Gosh I miss her right now. I miss how she used to be before the Wellington’s pushed their horrible son in our lives.

  “Okay.” I set the bottle on the night-stand. “I’ll see you next week.”

  “We love you, Madison.” She hangs up.

  I was prepared to fight with her but she surprised me. How did she know that I wasn’t hurting over Marcus? Guess it’s a mother thing.

  My mom was right, I needed to wipe my face and pick myself up.

  Step two: Get out of the house.

  After taking a shower and dressing for the day I head out the door and into Central Park. It was a warm spring day in April and families were buzzing around with activity. I wasn’t usually one to be the outdoorsy type, but staying in the apartment wasn’t an option today. Spottin
g a hotdog vendor I realize I haven’t eaten much in the last few day and end up scarfing down two dogs with a bottle of water while sitting on a bench by the pond.

  I people watch for an hour trying to remember the last time I just sat somewhere by myself and thought about life. I met Marcus when I was barely twenty-one, and soon he was part of everyday life. I graduated a year later and we moved in together. I’ve never been alone.

  Someone once said, ‘Don’t ever feel bad for making a decision about your own life that upsets other people. You are not responsible for their happiness. You’re responsible for your own happiness. Anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness should not be in your life to begin with.’

  Whoever said that is right, I shouldn’t be responsible for anyone’s happiness but my own. Marcus will get over it, but I knew I would have to see him again.

  A couple was flying a kite a few yards away from where I’m sitting. They were young, maybe a little younger than I am. Young love. Yoel and I never got that. We spent our time in a hotel room and that one time we had dinner in a group, the dinner that he wasn’t invited to. We never went on a real date. It was sex from the beginning, but I’ll miss the dinners where he would order my favorite pasta or pizza while he ate his brown rice and chicken. I’ll miss binge watching T.V. shows together into the early morning. I’ll miss what we had, but he did this to us and I had to move on.

  Taking another glance at the laughing couple I decide I have gotten enough air and head back to the apartment. I force myself not to stop at the corner store to get a bottle of wine because I can not continue to drown my sorrows.

  It’s time to get back to being me, without anyone.

  The next day I go on the adventure of finding my new office. If I walk it’s about an hour away which is how I found out it was only eleven minutes by taxi because I refused to walk that mission back. Although it was a lovely walk, I couldn’t see myself torturing myself on a daily bases. My ass was hurting the drive back. Yep, I’m out of shape, maybe I should join a gym. Or not. Change is good, but I’m not looking for cutting my hair off or toning up. Maybe I should join a church.

  You might catch on fire at the front door.

  I frown, okay maybe not.

  Flopping down on the couch as soon as I get in the apartment, I flip on the T.V. and of course the first thing I see is the news talking about the upcoming fight. Yoel and Marcus’s pictures come on the screen along with their stats. I couldn’t get away from them. The taxi driver was listening to an interview when I got in, and now this. Fuck my life.

  I stare at Yoel’s picture taking in his tan skin and dark eyes. His tattooed arms taunt me, I was a sucker for his tats and messy dark hair. I’m still a sucker for him, broken heart and all. Willing myself to change the channel I settle on re-runs of The Big Bang Theory after skipping Supernatural. Sam and Dean will never be the same for me.

  I still was depressed, but I was better than I was four days ago and that’s all that mattered.

  Til I Collapse- Eminem ft. Nate Dogg

  Sweat drops in my eye and I quickly wipe it away as I pull myself back up.

  Javi has me on the gym floor mat as he holds my feet while I do my sit ups. He has been back training me for two days and my ass is already sweating my soul away.

  The ice bath was my best friend last night.

  “Come on, El,” he barks.

  Huffing, I pull myself up again doing a quick left right jab and back down again. I repeat it about a thousand more times before he calls it enough and tells me to hit the punching bag.

  “I see Rico was going soft on you.” Javi stands by me while I send punches into the heavy bag.

  “More like I didn’t listen to him,” I grit out steadying the bag before plowing into it again.

  Javi admitted he knew all about Madison as soon as he landed. I guess Rico went home running his mouth about why I fired him, ‘Over a broad’. If he wasn’t blood and I didn’t want to get disqualified I would have beat his ass that night.

  Chris already told Javi that Madison was a touchy subject for me so he knew not to bring her up. Period. He also knew that she was engaged to Marcus, but didn’t ask for details. Chris stopped making snide comments about offing myself after I knocked his helmet off our last sparring session. Point was I was no longer fucking around. I haven’t fucked in over a week. I missed Madison like fucking crazy and wished I could just hear her voice. To say I was wound up and frustrated was an understatement.

  Instead of finding some random chick to warm my bed I took everything out on my work-outs and this punching bag. This punching bag was my bitch.

  “Bro, you seriously need to get laid.” Chris cracks open a water.

  I stop the bag from swinging and shoot him a glare. His facial expression tells me he realized what he said. Instead of responding I go back to throwing combos.

  I haven’t heard from Madison since I saw her. Chelsea gives me updates every morning and I’m content with that. Her first day of work is tomorrow and I may or may have not sent her flowers and a gift that will be delivered to her desk. Yeah, maybe I should have sent them to her apartment. She might not be happy that I sent them to her place of work on her first day, but fuck it. Go big or go home right?

  “You know it’s not cheating right?”

  My head snaps to Chris. “What are you talking about?”

  Chris is about to speak when Javi cuts him off. “Nothing. He’s not talking about nothing. We’re done for today.”

  “No he was saying something.” I glare at him. “What are you talking about?”

  Chris takes a step back and shakes his head. “Nothing, El. Just forget it.”

  I know what he was talking about. I know it isn’t cheating if I dip my dick in another girl, but it will feel like cheating. My emotions are invested in someone else and my dick happens to only like her.

  “Alright you two, lets change and get some food. You need to eat, El.”

  Javi comes between us.

  Shooting Chris another look I head into the locker room. I know he’s just looking out for me and wants me to get over the hurt, but fuck I refuse to get over her.

  Dinner was painful. My cousin and friend are assholes who order beer while I sip ice water with lemon.

  Treating myself, I order a steak with a cup of rice and a cup of steamed veggies, the waitress looks at me like I’m crazy at first, but goes on to take the guys’ order full of carbs. First thing I’m eating after this fight is a huge burger with fries and milkshake.

  Javi made sure I’m actually sticking to a diet since I have been slacking with Rico. Madison loves pasta and as much as I tried to stay on track I found myself taking bites of her food. Fuck I miss her.

  “You ready for the fight.” Javi asks. “It’s a little less than two months away.”

  “Readier than I’ll ever be.” Ready to take Marcus’s belt, just like I took his girl.

  And lost her, don’t get cocky.

  I ignore my brain’s comment. “Ready for that belt.”

  Chris slams his beer down. “Hell yeah, you’re going to take that belt just like...” He trails off and I smirk. This is why we’re best friends. He knows exactly what I’m thinking.

  He almost starts to apologize when he realizes I’m laughing. Javi frowns in confusion.

  “What’s funny?”

  Shrugging I sip my water. “Nothing. I’m going to take his belt just like I took his girl.” Okay I’m still an asshole, but I’m an asshole who is helplessly in love with the girl I took.

  Javi shakes his head. “I can’t believe you did that. Have you heard from her, or is she still ignoring you?”

  Checking my phone I frown. “She’s still pretending I’m dead, but I hope to hear from her soon.” I’ll even take a just ‘thank you’ for the gift. Or you could get a big FUCK YOU.

  I’ll take any reply I can get.

  Have I mentioned how much I hate going home? I fucking hate it. I still haven’t let
housekeeping touch the sheets and I know for sure they think I’m fucking nuts, but I don’t want to lose her scent. Half of the time I fall asleep on the couch in the sitting area because the bed brings too many memories, and sometimes I can’t handle the flashbacks.

  After taking a shower and throwing some sweats on I settle on the couch with my laptop to check the status of my order. Great, still on time for tomorrow. I just hope she likes it and doesn’t send it back in pieces.

  Pushing the thought to the back of my head I log into Netflix, my cursor hovers over Supernatural, but I can’t do it so instead I opt to watch Making a Murderer. Chris can’t shut up about it so now I’m intrigued. Clicking play and I already know I’m going to be stuck on this show.

  My phone vibrates on the table. Chelsea’s name comes up in my text inbox.

  Chelsea: Just thought you should know that she misses you.

  I suck in a breath. Fuck I’m like a fucking chick now. My heart beating all fast and shit.

  Me: Did she say that?

  Chelsea: Yes. Night future champ.

  That gave me hope. Hope that I really needed. My night instantly became better.

  Try- Colbie Caillat

  Four.

  That’s how many cups of coffee I nervously drank since I got up at six this morning. I was a nervous wreck. This was technically my first job and I’m sure my last name helped me land this. Still I was determined to make it. This was my dream, I got a degree in journalism for a reason, because I love to write.

  I double check my outfit in the mirror for the tenth time. Going with cream wide legged slacks and a black button down seemed like a good idea this morning, now I wasn’t sure.

  Stop overthinking the outfit.

  My stomach drops, I want to throw up. Dammit nerves, go away! Maybe if I didn’t stay up half the night crying to Chelsea I would have gotten a good night’s rest and wouldn’t be as nervous.

  Taking a deep breath I give myself one more look over before saying eff it and grabbing my messenger bag. Thankfully I was able to reschedule with my mom and do dinner instead. I doubt I would be able to squeeze lunch in my first day.