Seven

by Susan Renee

  “Let me walk you down. Her room is number seven. It’s just down here, last door on the left.”

  “Thank you.” We both follow her down the hall.

  “My name is Helen. I’m one of the nurses in charge of Savannah’s care. Before you enter her room I feel like I should give you the heads up on what you should expect. The doctor can give you more information when he arrives for his rounds.”

  I take a deep breath, blowing it out full steam as we walk down the hall. “Okay, I would appreciate that very much. Thank you,” I tell her.

  “Right now Savannah is unconscious.”

  “WHAT?” I ask a little too loudly. “Why? What does that mean?”

  “That means her pain meds have sedated her to keep her comfortable and out of severe pain while she heals. She just hasn’t woken up yet, but she will. It’s not uncommon for cases like hers, but the doctors say there was no evidence of swelling in her brain, despite the hairline fracture to her skull. Everything seems normal in terms of brain function. She just needs to rest now. She’ll wake up when her body is ready. Once she’s awake, we’ll assess her and hopefully be able to move her from the ICU. She’s just here now as a precaution.”

  “Oh thank Christ,” I say as I bend over at the waist, my hands landing on my knees. I take a moment to breathe in and out a few times. Rachel rubs my shoulder in support. Damn if I’m not being the biggest pussy right now, but the girl I love could end up with part of her skull removed.

  “Are you okay Mr. Wood?” Helen asks softly. Her eyes tell me she understands all too well my reaction. I suppose working every day in the ICU, where many people don’t make it out alive, she sees a lot of people like me.

  “Yeah, I’m good. Sorry.” I stand up once again and step forward towards Savannah’s room.

  “She may not look the same to you right now as she’s suffered many facial contusions and has a broken nose. It definitely looks like she took a beating, but in time and if needed, a little physical therapy, everything should heal.”

  “Can she…umm…can she hear me if I talk to her?”

  Helen smiles. “We can never know for sure but if you’re asking me my personal opinion, I say absolutely. Let her know you’re here for her. It can only help with her recovery.”

  I nod.

  “Thank you Helen,” Rachel says.

  “You’re welcome.” Helen steps back, retreating to the nurse’s station and allowing Rachel and me to visit with Savannah.

  When we open the door though, we’re not alone. Two older people are seated at either side of Savannah’s bed. Though it’s been many, many, years, I recognize them as Savannah’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Sanders.

  “Bryant Wood!” Mrs. Sanders says quietly with a pleasing smile, much to my surprise. “I haven’t seen you in years.”

  “Hello Mrs. Sanders.”

  She gets up from her chair and crosses the room, her arms outstretched welcoming a hug. “It’s so good to see you. Savannah told us that she’s been seeing you a good bit these days. I’m so glad she found someone who cares for her after all she’s been through.”

  Nodding I say, “I care for her very much, Mrs. Sanders. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner. I only just found out about her accident a little over an hour ago.”

  I swallow the damn lump in my throat, praying that the word GUILTY doesn’t etch itself across my forehead. It’s my fault Savannah’s in here. Wait till Mrs. Sanders hears that one. She won’t like me so much then. I turn quickly to Mr. Sanders who is already standing, and shake his hand.

  “Mr. Sanders. I’m Bryant Wood. It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

  “Good to meet you too, Bryant,” he says calmly. I can tell by his inflection that he’s worried about his baby girl.

  I watch as Rachel hugs Mrs. Sanders as well. She’s way more comfortable with Savannah’s family than I am since they’ve been friends longer. While the three of them are catching up, I turn myself toward Savannah and silently study her, but I’m screaming on the inside. She looks so peaceful just lying there, covered in a white sheet, but everything else about her portrays a horrible nightmare. Her eyes are black and blue; her nose is swollen to at least double the size that it was. Her right arm is in a cast from her hand all the way up and over her elbow with a matching full leg cast on her right leg.

  Oh Seven.

  What the fuck happened to you?

  I did this.

  The chaos of sounds around her is unsettling. The woosh of the IV machine, the constant beeping of the heart monitor. It’s hard to listen to.

  “How is she?” I ask.

  “She’s stable for now.” Mr. Sanders says. “The doctor said she has a broken nose, a broken elbow and a dislocated knee. They did whatever surgeries they needed to do and ran tests. From what they’re telling us, only time will tell.”

  “How long has she been asleep?” Rachel asks.

  “Umm…we got here last night and she was in surgery, so I would say maybe twelve hours now? They told us to not be shocked if she sleeps through most of today and part of tomorrow.”

  “I just don’t understand it though,” Mrs. Sanders says, running a hand up and down Savannah’s leg. “She texted me last night and said she was on her way to our place to visit, but she ended up here in Elizabethtown. What on earth was she doing here? She doesn’t know anybody over here, does she Rachel?”

  Rachel looks to me quickly before she says “Uh, no. Not that I know of at least. I mean, I don’t know all of her friends so I guess I really couldn’t say.”

  “It’s my fault.” The words slipped out of my mouth before I had the chance to catch them.

  Damnit.

  “What do you mean it’s your fault?” Mrs. Sanders asks.

  I take a deep breath closing my eyes before I begin to explain.

  The truth will set me free in one way or another.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Sanders, Savannah and I…” My voice trembles. “I screwed up. I kept something from her that I knew would hurt her because I knew it would hurt her and she found out last night and…”

  “Are you sleeping with other women, Bryant?” Mr. Sanders throws his hands up in defense. “I mean I don’t want think about my baby girl in that situation but if you’re running around with someone else…”

  “NO SIR!” I say almost too emphatically. “It’s nothing like that. Please, you have to understand that I love your daughter. I love her more than anyone else, except for my own baby girl, Ivy Lynn.”

  “You have a daughter?” Mr. Sanders is surprised to hear this news.

  “Of course he has a daughter. You knew that, James. We talked about it a while back.” Mrs. Sanders comes to my aid, though her help doesn’t make me feel any less uncomfortable.

  “Right. Right. I remember now. You were married before?” Mr. Sanders nods.

  I shake my head. “No, sir. Ivy’s mother and I never married. We were stupid and made a mistake that we didn’t want to further complicate with a marriage that meant nothing to either of us. The baby was our number one concern. Samantha passed away a few days after giving birth to Ivy. She had three blood clots in her lung that the doctors couldn’t find fast enough.”

  Both Mr. and Mrs. Sanders look taken aback. I’m not certain if it’s because of the fact that Ivy’s mother and I never married or the fact that Samantha passed away and I’m now a single father. There’s a moment of awkward silence where I don’t know whether they’re waiting for me to go on and tell them everything or if they just want to drop the whole thing. They deserve the truth though and if I’m going to have any chance reconciling things with Savannah, I’m going to need her parents on board.

  “My daughter, Ivy, she’s almost three years old, but she was diagnosed with Biliarty Atresia when she was about eighteen months.”

  “Oh heaven almighty, that poor babe,” Mrs. Sanders says breathlessly.

  I nod my head slowly. “It was a rough time for us both as we waited on the donor list for Ivy to get a new
liver, but we were blessed with a perfect match donor back in January of 2013. Since then it’s been one doctor visit after another making sure that she continues to be okay.”

  “Praise the Lord,” Mrs. Sanders says smiling.

  “Yeah well…that’s the tricky part Mrs. Sanders. What eats away at parents whose kids receive perfectly matched organs is the fact that on the other end of that organ, is a life lost. I mean how can I be happy and grateful that my kid is alive and well because another child died?” My damn eyes are watering. I blink several times and look up to the ceiling in hopes that they’ll stay in my eyes and not drip down my face. I feel like I’m about the make the worst confession of my life.

  “Oooh, bless your heart, Bryant. Don’t you go beating yourself up for something like that. Little Ivy’s life should be celebrated.”

  I can’t.

  This is too hard.

  Shit!

  “Mrs. Sanders, it was Peyton’s liver that went to Ivy that day.” Fuck. I’m crying like a scared little baby. “Ivy’s alive because Peyton didn’t make it. I received a letter from Savannah about six months later through the Give Life Organization, but those letters are designed for the donor family to not know who they’re sent to at first.” Tears are shamefully trickling down my face. My chest constricts and I bend over slightly to try and catch my breath. “I didn’t want to tell her because what are the chances that something like that would happen? That both families would at least recognize each other. I…I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t hurt her like that again. I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry. I wish there was something I could’ve done differently back then, but I just couldn’t. I was too damn scared to approach Savannah about it.”

  I wipe the traitorous tears from my face, demanding myself to not be such a damn pussy. When I look up I see Rachel first, whose expression is one of befuddlement. When I glace at Mrs. Sanders, I see the glistening of tears run down her face just as it did me, except she doesn’t seem sad. She looks…grateful?

  “Praise God for whom all blessings flow,” she whispers through her small smile.

  “I’m sorry? I don’t…understand.”

  “What are the chances is right, Bryant. Honey, I am a believer in miracles and in our Lord’s divine intervention and this, this is the Lord’s work,” she says. “Your baby girl’s life was saved because Jesus needed little Peyton and she didn’t need her body anymore. God was able to provide for Ivy through Peyton and if you ask me, that’s a miracle if I ever heard one.”

  What the hell do I say to that? Savannah told me a couple months ago that her parents were devout Christians but I had no idea. For once, I’m speechless. Grateful, but speechless. I shake my head slowly, the guilt of Savannah’s pain still heavy on my shoulders. “I love your daughter,” I say to both of her parents. “But she’s lying in this bed because of this truth. She found the letter she wrote tucked away in my t-shirt drawer. I don’t even remember putting it there. It was an accident but it was too late. I couldn’t stop it. She read it and it upset her and…she…left. I pleaded with her to not go out in the rain but she was adamant. She didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

  Mr. Sanders clears his throat, which causes me to look in his direction. “Is that why you sought her out? Out of guilt? You feel bad for her? ‘Cause I imagine that’s what set her off, Son. She doesn’t like anyone pitying her.”

  “No, sir. It’s not like that,” I say softly. I sit down next to Savannah, taking her chilled hand in my own, watching her body rise and fall with the ventilator. “I do feel horrible for her, because I vaguely understand the pain she went through, but I had a crush on your daughter all through high school. I kicked myself then for doing nothing about it. She was too smart for me, books and cleverness…I just played football. Now…she walked into my life again a few months back and since then I’ve fallen in love with her. And before last night I could honestly tell you that she loved me, but now…I don’t…this is all my fault.”

  “Give her some time,” Mr. Sanders says, prompting me to look at him again. His brown eyes are intimidating, but sad, like this life is exhausting him mentally, spiritually, and physically. “She’ll come around eventually. She’s stubborn like her father, but you’ve been good for her. We could see her old spirit coming back. I imagine you have a pretty large part in that.”

  “Thank you, sir. I would give her anything.”

  “Then that’s all I need to hear. You’re a good man, Bryant. You’re good for Savannah. Her mother and I can clearly see that.”

  I nod silently with my head down because it’s taking everything I have inside to not get choked up by his words. A silent tear defies me as it slips down my cheek and on to the floor.

  “Bryant,” Mr. Sanders places his hand on my shoulder, squeezing just enough to tell me he’s sincere in his compassion. My body starts to tremble when he I feel the comfort of his hand. He could be punching me in the face, screaming at me to leave this room, to never see his daughter again, but instead, he did the opposite. He gave me his blessing to love his daughter. I’m the most unworthy man for this, yet overwhelmingly thankful at the same time. “Son, it looks and sounds to me like you need to understand something very important, so you hear me when I tell you that none of this is your fault.” He squeezes my shoulder a little harder. “Do you hear me?”

  Sometimes we refuse to realize how strongly something impacts our lives until it completely destroys us. The pressure of hiding an important truth from everyone in my life, the endless feeling of guilt every time I was with Savannah, the weight of knowing that Ivy’s life rests in my hands, and now the fear of possibly losing the one woman who was meant for me – it’s all too much for one man. Hearing Savannah’s father tell me that none of this is my fault breaks me into pieces. I sit in the chair next to Savannah, her father’s hand on my shoulder, and I sob silently. My body shudders as I try to wipe away the tears that just keep coming.

  Damnit.

  It was never my intention to come here and break down, but I suppose when the heart needs to speak we damn well better listen to it.

  “Savannah is a strong-willed woman,” Mr. Sanders says. “She’s brave and she’s compassionate and usually has a good sense of what she wants in this life. She didn’t cause the shit storm she’s been through and neither did you. I hope you understand that. You’ve both weathered your own individual storms over the past few years and neither one of you came out of those storms the same people you were when you went into them.”

  Through my tears I try to smile as I nod in agreement. “That is definitely a truth, sir. We are definitely not the same people we were.”

  “Well Son, as you get older, you’ll only regret the chances in your life that you didn’t take, so thank you for taking a chance on our daughter, for trying to protect her. For bringing her spirit back to us a little more every. It’ll be another uphill battle for a while but I think you’re well suited for the job.”

  I wipe another stray tear from my face as I stand up. I extend my arm to shake Mr. Sanders’s hand but he pulls me in for a hug. He pats me on the back before letting go and then says, “Margie, let’s go get some coffee. Bryant and Rachel will want some time alone with Savannah.”

  “Good idea. I could use a walk anyway. We’ll be back soon. You two make yourselves comfortable.”

  “Thank you,” we both say.

  Chapter 30

  Savannah

  It’s beautiful here. The field is so vast and open. It looks like I can walk for miles and miles and never walk out of the field. The wild flowers blowing in the wind create a vibrant splatter of color against the clear blue sky. I walk a little farther ahead, picking flowers as I go, wrapping them together into a crown. I’ve always wanted to wear a wild flower crown. Maybe I could make Ivy one the next time I see her. As I gather a few more flowers I hear the laughter of children playing. I follow the sound until my eyes reach a beautiful ranch house with a semi-wrap-around porch overlooking a gorgeo
us patch of roses. There are rose bushes of all kinds, but what surprises me the most are the purple roses growing amongst the red, pink, yellow, and white ones. Purple roses are my favorite. I can’t remember if I ever told anyone that before.

  Finally, when I make my way through the rose bushes, I feel a familiar pull in my heart to what I see before me. Ivy and two little girls are playing together, giggling as they trade roses of different colors, picking the petals off of each stem and throwing them in the air like colored confetti. Ivy faces me while the other two have their backs to me. I smile at Ivy and the girls as I calmly walk around their circle to see what the girls are up to.

  “Mommy!” One of them yells. I watch as she gets up and begins to run excitedly to…me.

  Peyton?

  I look around quickly in case I’m wrong in thinking she’s running to me. Perhaps there is someone standing behind me that I hadn’t noticed, but it’s just me. Bewildered I watch her as she runs to me. Her hair is longer with beautiful bouncy curls but those eyes…I would remember those eyes anywhere.

  It’s her.

  “Peyton?” I cry out. “Oh my God! Peyton?! Is it really you?”

  “Mommy!” she yells again. She runs right into my arms as I scoop her up and refuse to let go. Her smell, the feel of her wrapped around my neck, all of it…it’s heaven.

  Heaven.

  Wait…

  I squeeze Peyton’s body a little bit and she giggles, thinking I’m playing a game with her. In reality, I’m squeezing her to make sure she’s real. I shouldn’t be seeing her like this. Something isn’t right.

  “Vannie?”

  I gasp audibly. There’s only one person in the whole world who has ever called me “Vannie.” There’s no way he could be here. Sure enough I turn towards the house and he’s there, in the flesh, walking towards me wearing the most reverent smile.

  “Shawn?”

  “Yeah baby. Were you expecting someone else?” He walks out and hugs both Peyton and I together. We’re all here, finally. Together again as a family. I can’t take my eyes off of either of them. Peyton has changed so much but Shawn, he still looks every bit the good looking husband I married so many years ago. Time has been good to him.