Seven

by Susan Renee

  “I missed you both so, so, so, much. Oh, God it feels so good to just touch you!” I lean up and kiss Shawn while holding onto Peyton. His lips are warm and comforting, but they don’t quite feel the same. They don’t feel like the lips I’ve kissed recently.

  Bryant’s lips.

  Suddenly my body stiffens and I close my eyes, assuming that when I open them again I’ll realize that this was all a dream. A not too shabby dream, but a dream nonetheless. My eyelids lift and I’m still in Shawn’s arms, holding tightly to my beautiful baby girl who still smells of strawberries and birthday cake…just as I remember her. Guiltily, I glance at Shawn, who is watching me with understanding in his eyes.

  “Let’s take a walk,” he says.

  “Mommy can I go play?” Peyton asks me. I don’t want to let go of her for fear of losing her again, but I can’t just keep her to myself either. She’s so happy with her friends.

  “Sure baby. Who’s your other friend?” I nod to the third girl in the circle. Her beautiful hair is holds similar bouncy curls to Peyton’s except that hers are blonde. She looks up and I catch a glimpse of her face. Big brown eyes, soft rosy cheeks, and a smile that could light up a room. She’s a beautiful little girl. They’re all beautiful little girls.

  “That’s my friend Rose. Love you, Mommy!” She kisses my cheek and runs off to play.

  I watch in awe as she rejoins her friends. “How did she get so big?” I ask, shaking my head.

  “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Shawn asks.

  When I turn back towards him he takes my hand and leads me away from the girls so that we can be alone. “Are you okay?” he asks.

  “Yeah, I’m okay. God, I’ve missed you. I never thought I would see you again.” I wrap my arms tightly around his body, savoring his warmth.

  “It’s good to see you too.” He is quiet for a moment before he continues. “Vannie, listen. I’m sorry we left you. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough for you. I never meant for any of it to happen, but you’ve been so strong…”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second.” I interrupt. “What do you mean you’re sorry? You’re right here, Shawn. I don’t…” I shake my head nervously. “I don’t understand.”

  “The accident Vannie. Remember? We were in a car accident. It was black ice, remember? Our car flipped and went over the median. I’m so sorry Vannie. I couldn’t stop it and I wasn’t strong enough for you. Peyton wasn’t strong enough for you.”

  Visions of our car accident flood my brain.

  Car accident.

  Again.

  Bryant.

  “Where’s Bryant?” I ask cautiously.

  Shawn shakes his head. “He wasn’t in an accident, Vannie. You were.”

  I look around where we’re standing again. In front of Bryant’s house…which is surrounded by fields of wild flowers and bushes of purple roses. No horses, no farming fields, no woods to the side of the house.

  “So am I dead now? Is that why I can see you?”

  “I don’t know babe. Looks like you were beat up pretty badly.”

  “I don’t feel like I’ve been beat up,” I say matter of factly.

  “Look, I don’t think we have much time.” Shawn says. “So I need to say a few things to you, okay?”

  “What do you mean? Why are we running out of time? Tell me what’s happening,” I plea.

  Shawn holds my face in his hands and looks into my eyes. “Savannah Turner I need you to understand that no matter what happened to Peyton and me, or what happens to you soon, none of it is your fault. It was a tragic case of wrong place, wrong time and it is what it is. I don’t want you dwelling on the past. You have too much to live for.”

  “What do you mean, Shawn? I don’t want to live without you, or Peyton. You’re scaring me.”

  “I’m not trying to scare you Vannie. I’m trying to tell you that it’s okay. If you make the right choice, you’re going to be okay and then you can spend the rest of your life with Bryant and Ivy and whoever else might come along in your future.”

  I watch in horror as he mentions Bryant’s name, like he’s known all along that I’ve had an affair, but he answers my expression with sympathy. “Savannah, Bryant loves you. Ivy loves you. I love you too, but I don’t want to see you give up. I don’t want to see you throw everything away when everything you’ve ever wanted is right in front of you. You only live once, Vannie. Take the chance on love again and don’t look back. You deserve to be happy and he can make you happy.”

  “But I’m with you now. Why can’t things just go back to the way they were before? You’re here. Peyton’s here…”

  “But you can’t stay here,” Shawn says quietly.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because it’s not your time Vannie. One day, we’ll all be together again and when that day comes we’ll be here, Peyton and I, to welcome you home but for now…Vannie, it’s not your time. You have to go back.”

  Weeping, I shake my head and say, “I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back. I can’t do this again. I’m not as strong as everyone thinks I am.”

  Shawn’s hands smooth over my head and my face. “Yes you are baby. You’re the strongest woman I know. You can do this. Your body will heal. Your spirit will heal and Bryant will be there with you the entire time. Let him help you. Let him love you. Trust me when I tell you that I want you to let him love you. Your life isn’t over yet, so go live it. Don’t wait for moments to happen. Create them. Live and laugh, play and love, and do all those things that those inspiration posters are always telling us to do.” He smiles.

  “I’m scared,” I look deep into his eyes, allowing him to see my fear completely.

  Fear that I won’t heal physically.

  Fear that I won’t heal spiritually.

  Fear that Bryant will be mad that I left him.

  Fear that I’ll forget about Shawn and Peyton.

  Shawn smiles tenderly and leans forward to softly kiss my forehead. “It’s okay to be scared, Vannie. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave, and I’m so proud of you for taking that step.”

  “What if I forget you?” I cry.

  “You won’t forget me babe. Peyton and I will be with you forever, right here.” He says laying his palm over my heart. I place my hand on top of his and close my eyes momentarily, basking in his warmth.

  “I love you, Shawn,” I whisper.

  “I love you too, Vannie. I’ll always love you.”

  “I’ll always love you.”

  “I’ll always love you.”

  “I’ll always love you.”

  Beep...beep…beep…beep…

  Chapter 31

  Savannah

  “I wish she would wake up. How much longer do you think it’ll be?”

  Mom?

  “Depends. Could be a few hours, could be a day.”

  Dad?

  Mom, Dad, I’m here!

  I want look at her and tell her I’m okay, but my eyes are heavy. My body feels like dead weight lying here. I want so badly to open my eyes but I just can’t. Sleep is calling to me again, pulling me under into oblivion.

  *****

  “I miss you. I’m so sorry about everything, Sev. I never meant to hurt you and now look at you. You don’t deserve this. It should be me in that bed.”

  Bryant? He’s here?

  Wake up Savannah.

  Open your eyes.

  Once again I slide into sleep, unable to communicate with anyone.

  *****

  The haze starts to lift from around me for a short time

  “She can stay with me when she’s out of here. I mean, if it’s okay with you guys. You’re always welcome at my house. It’s a huge ranch house. There’s plenty of rooms for anyone who wants to visit, and everything Savannah would need is on one floor. She wouldn’t have to worry about steps.”

  Stay? With Bryant? He wants me to stay?

  “Don’t you have responsibilities at t
he tavern?”

  “I’ve spent a lot of time with Ivy,” Rachel says. “I’m more than happy to step in when Bryant needs to be away.”

  Consciousness wanes as I’m pulled under once more.

  *****

  Music. There’s music playing. In and out of consciousness I can hear her singing one of my favorite songs. Adele’s To Make You Feel My Love is being played through some sort of speaker. Even though my eyes don’t open I can feel Bryant’s presence near me. Plus, I recently learned of his small obsession with Adele…something I remember teasing him about a few days ago. Perhaps this is his attempt at waking me up with humor.

  *****

  “How long has she been here now?”

  That sounds like Audrey.

  “Couple days,” Bryant says softly. I feel him squeeze my hand and wish so badly that I had the strength to squeeze his back.

  “She still hasn’t woken up?”

  Fight Savannah. Open your eyes. You can do this.

  “Not yet,” he sighs.

  “You really love her, don’t you?” she asks sweetly.

  “I’ve never in my life loved a woman more than I love Seven.”

  Come on Savannah. Fight.

  Bryant squeezes my hand again,

  Stay awake!

  And for the first time…I squeeze back.

  “Whoa!” Bryant jumps letting go of my hand. I feel it fall back onto the bed. “Shit, sorry! Savannah can you hear me?”

  “What the hell just happened?” Audrey asks.

  “I swear to God she just squeezed my hand. Savannah…” He tenderly puts my hand in his again and squeezes it gently. “Can you feel that?”

  I squeeze his hand back, holding on tighter to his warm hand as I listen to him rejoice. “Oh thank Christ! You can hear me. Savannah, I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. It’s okay if you can’t open your eyes. I’m right here baby and I’m not leavin’.” I feel him bring my hand to his mouth and kiss the top as he lets his lips linger there.

  That was a lot of work for my body. All I can do now is…sleep.

  *****

  When my eyes finally open, it’s dark in my room, except for the light of the television on the wall. I would assume that it’s night time given the television show that’s on, but then again Say Yes to the Dress is on a lot more often these days. My throat is dry, my head is pounding, and my teeth feel like a wooly mammoth lives in my mouth. I wonder if there’s a toothbrush around here. My head hurts and my face feels like it’s been beaten. I try to pick up my right arm so that I can touch my face, but it’s extremely heavy. Slowly turning my head, I look down to see that my arm is in a bright blue cast with a matching blue cast running down my entire right leg.

  What the hell?

  I’m broken.

  And so thirsty.

  I can’t see a water bottle anywhere around me, no cup of ice. The room is dark except for the television hanging on the wall that is on. The sound is turned down though, so I can only barely hear what’s happening on the show. I’m sure there’s a nurse call button around here, but hell if I know where it is. I roll my head back to the other side, smiling to myself over the person I see asleep in the chair beside me. Bryant’s hand rests on my left leg. My heart leaps a little at the sentiment that he just wanted to be touching me even if he was sleeping. I try to clear my throat, thinking that might wake him up, but I can’t make any sounds. Maybe I need to go about waking him up some other way. I focus on my left leg since it’s not in a cast and try to wiggle it from underneath Bryant’s hand. Lying in a bed for so long has weakened my muscles immensely. I have a hard time, but eventually I can bend my leg up to me knee, but that doesn’t wake him.

  Ouch – I wince. My entire body feels like it’s one huge bruise.

  Damnit.

  The only other thing I can do is try to reach out and touch him. Raising my left arm slightly, I lay my hand on his forearm and rub my thumb up and down his arm near his wrist. In his sleep, he reaches over to scratch his arm. I want to laugh at him, but at the moment I’m so thirty. I just want him to wake up. Instead of rubbing gently I use all of my might to grab a hold of Bryant’s arm and squeeze as tightly as I can.

  Please wake up, Bryant!

  He jerks awake suddenly like he’s being attacked, but looks down to see my hand grabbing his arm. Startled and awake he puts on his biggest, yet cautious, smile as he leans over the bed closer to me.

  “Seven! You’re awake! Your eyes…they’re…” He exhales heavily. “They’re beautiful. I’ve missed seeing them this week, you stunningly beautiful girl.”

  I smile weakly and open my mouth to try and respond to him but I can’t get words out.

  “Seven? Are you okay? Can you hear me okay, Baby?”

  I nod slightly so he knows I can hear him. With my left hand I make a drinking motion towards my mouth and try to say “water”.

  “You want a drink? You need water?” Bryant asks softly as he holds on to my shoulder. I nod my head affirmatively.

  “Okay. Yeah. Water. Right…uhh…” Bryant looks around. For what, I have no idea. He turns back to me and says “Let me get the nurse and make sure it’s okay for you to have a drink.” He holds my face tenderly in his hands and looks into my eyes. “I’ll be right back okay? I’m not leaving you. I’ll be right back.” He kisses my forehead and smiles. The dimple in his cheek peeks out. “God, it’s good to see you awake.” Quickly he turns and heads for the door to flag down a nurse.

  In what I’m sure was less than sixty seconds he’s back with a nurse following right behind him carrying a Styrofoam cup of water with a tiny straw.

  “Well hello there, Savannah. My name is Helen and I’m the nurse on duty this evenin’. I’ll be checkin’ in on you every few hours, but this guy here tells me you’re thirsty.”

  I try to say “yes” but again, no words come out. I sound like I have a nasty case of laryngitis. Helen smiles at me, nodding in understanding. “It’s okay, honey. Water will help. I’ll bet your throat is sore from the intubation and the fact that you haven’t been able to physically drink anything in a while.” She holds the cup up near my mouth and places the straw between my lips. I sip eagerly. “Not too much at one time. Let’s make sure it’s going to sit okay in your stomach before we give you lots to drink, okay?” I take that as my cue to stop drinking. I swish around the last sip I took in my mouth for a second, wetting as much of my mouth as I can before swallowing.

  “Thank you,” I say a little more clearly. I try again to clear my throat but Helen was right, it is a bit painful.

  “You’re very welcome, Savannah. While I’m here do you mind if I just do your check-up now?”

  “Sure.” My eyes slide to Bryant’s. Looking at him again…his body…his face…the hat he wears backwards on his head. He’s gorgeous. He winks at me before grinning slightly. I’m pretty sure I wink back, but my eyes feel so heavy it’s hard to tell.

  “Great,” she says, pulling out her electronic table. “Can you rate your pain for me on a scale of one to ten?”

  I look to Bryant and immediately laugh out loud remembering the first words he said to me not too many months ago.

  Well on a scale of one to four I would give that little dance of yours a perfect ten.

  “Umm, on a scale of one to four I would say my pain is a what the fuck happened to me?” Bryant snickers standing next to me, but only because he knows why I answered the way I did.

  “That’s my girl.” He says placing a sweet kiss on my forehead. “Sorry, Helen. You’ll have to excuse my trucker-mouth of a girlfriend here. She’s not well…and the way she just responded is a bit of an inside joke. Sorry about that.” He smirks.

  Helen at least has a nice enough sense of humor that she can let my comments roll off her back easily. “Well it’s good to see you feeling okay enough to joke a little bit. So your pain isn’t too bad?”

  “Well…” I pause trying to focus on how my body feels. “I don’t really have much fe
eling in my right arm or right leg. But left side feels like it’s been beat up pretty good but it’s manageable. It’s a little hard to breathe through my nose. It hurts too, and I have a huge headache.”

  Helen nods as she jots a few notes down in her tablet. “Good. Okay. Your pain meds are starting to wear off, so we can give you another dose of that. Your head will be in a little pain for a bit because you broke your nose. You also have a small hairline fracture to your skull. The pain meds should help that a good bit though.”

  Damn.

  No wonder it hurts.

  “Also you can see from your casts that you have a broken elbow and a dislocated knee. Your surgery went smoothly when you arrived here which is good. Now you just have to rest and heal.” Helen reports.

  “When I was brought in here…” I repeat. “How long ago was that?”

  “Just a couple days ago. Now that you’re awake and alert I imagine we might be able to downgrade you from the ICU. I’m just going to check your vitals and then send the report to the doctor,” Helen explains. She excuses herself from my room, reminding me of the nurse call button and that she’ll be checking in with me twice every hour unless I need her in between. She also lets me know that the doctor will be in first thing in the morning for rounds unless he comes to see me before that.

  I thank her but frown, a little confused. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been asleep for that long. I must’ve been really messed up. Pictures of what happened to me flash through my head every once in a while, but I can’t seem to recall everything on my own. Nervously I glance at Bryant, hoping he’ll be able to provide a little clarity and comfort for me. I’m a little scared to hear what he may tell me.

  “What happened to me?” I whisper.

  Bryant swallows hard before speaking. “You had a fight with a semi, Sev. I’m not sure exactly about the details but you were hit from behind by a semi-truck on the highway. Your car was…” I watch as he rubs his hand behind his neck, a clear sign that he’s not telling me everything.