Complete Fictional Works of Washington Irving (Illustrated)

by Washington Irving

  Caspar

  With all my heart, boy! Think you I’ve no soul in me, because I will not lend my company to all the riff-raff of the forest? No; give me but companions like yourself — freehearted blades and lads of pith and mettle, and by the lord, I’ll drink with them till cock-crowing.

  Andreas

  Say you so? why, then you’re my right-hand man. Here’s Karl and little Hans Handaside are talking of deserting me — let ’em go, if they will. You and I’ll two-by-two it together, and ‘s-blood! we’ll have a night of it!

  Caspar

  Agreed — and to begin I’ll give you a toast. (Fills). Here’s Success to merry souls and sharpshooters! (They all drink).

  Andreas

  Meaning me, no doubt. Thank ye, thank ye.’S-blood! hand over another bottle. (Exit Christopher). This is amazing dry wine; there’s no keeping our lips moist with it.

  A Hunter

  And now, comrades, before we go, let us have a parting song. Come — that song you sung last night as we came thro the forest. I dare say Caspar has never heard it.

  Andreas

  What! my “Three joys of life?” You shall have it. Look you, Master Caspar, I’m called a re-raw kind of a fellow — but I have my creed, as this song will show you.

  Caspar

  I don’t doubt it; and I like a random fellow that is irregular according to method. So come —— your “Three joys of life.”

  SONG BY ANDREAS (After first couplet they all applaud)

  Caspar

  Aye, aye — all the ills of life vanish before the jolly god. So come, I’ll give you another toast. (Fills round). Here’s to the heart that fills as the bottle empties. (They drink).

  Andreas

  Meaning me, no doubt — thank ye, thank ye, Caspar.’S-blood! who’d have thought you had been a lad of this mettle!

  Caspar

  And now, my boy, at it again — I’ll wager I guess your second joy — or you’re not the cheery fellow I take ye for. (Andreas sings second verse).

  Caspar

  I was sure that would be it. Aye, there’s nothing after all like the dear creatures. Life’s naught without ‘em. Come, I’ll give you another toast: May the girl of your heart be as true as your rifle. (They drink).

  ENTER MARIAN WITH ANOTHER BOTTEE

  Andreas Thank ye, thank ye, Master Caspar. Here’s to the lasses — and, egad, here’s pretty Marian just in time to share the toast. (Kisses her. She resists). Old Kit, this daughter of yours is devilish hard on the trigger and kicks like an old musket.

  Christopher

  A young thing — a young thing — she’ll know better by-and-by. Go to, girl — there’s no harm now and then in a civil kiss. (Aside)

  —— from a good customer. (Exit Marian).

  Caspar

  Now, comrade, your third joy.

  (Andreas sings).

  Caspar

  A good finale too — women, wine and play. Give me your hand, comrade. Faith, you are not merely the King of Sharpshooters, but the King of good fellows into the bargain.

  Christopher

  That’s what he is — as my cellar can bear witness. And so, gentlemen, with your leave I’ll suggest to you one toast before you break up — May every Sharpshooter be able to pay his shot.

  Andreas

  Out upon him! out upon him! A publican’s toast — a publican’s toast! (They drive him out in sport).

  First Hunter

  Well, comrade, it’s getting late. ’Tis near eleven; we must be off. (They rise).

  Caspar

  What! you will not leave us, lads?

  Second Hunter

  We must; we have to be at the Hunting Lodge early in the morning. The Duke will be on the ground soon after sunrise.

  Caspar

  Well, ere you go, one round to the success of our friend here — and may tomorrow’s trial make him Ranger of the forest.

  Hunters

  With all our hearts. Success attend you, Andreas!

  Caspar

  Oh never doubt — the place is his for certain. (Exeunt hunters).

  Andreas

  (Half drunk)

  I’m not quite sure of that, comrade. Between ourselves, the more I drink, it seems the more I doubt. This wine has potent reason in it. I begin to see clearly (blinking a little), that fellow Albert’s a devil of a marksman.

  Caspar

  And so are you.

  Andreas

  That’s admitted, friend; there’s no disputing that — I’m King of the Sharpshooters — that’s enough.

  Caspar

  And Albert, if you recollect, did not get a single star today.

  Andreas

  That’s true again; and no less strange than true, considering what a shot he is.

  Caspar

  I hear he has been unsuccessful for this week past; depend on it, he’s out of luck — he’ll miss tomorrow.

  Andreas

  Maybe so — maybe so; but I doubt it. I’m an unlucky dog and never won any prize in my life before today. But what care I if he does get the place of Ranger — that for the place! (Snaps his fingers). Damme, I’ve got credit yet at some of the Inns, and when that’s run out, why I’ll off to the wars. There’s rare living, I’m told, in camp.

  Caspar

  Aye, rare living indeed — to lie on the ground, drink sour wine and be obliged to fall into the ranks instead of roving about like a deer of the forest. Why, the place of Ranger would be the making of you — you might then be your own master — live like a prince — drink your six bottles a day, man!

  Andreas

  ‘S-blood! that’s true — there’s sound reason in that — six bottles a day!

  Caspar

  Aye, and you might have “the laughing girl with roguish eye” that you were singing about just now.

  Andreas

  Fire and perils! — but I’d take up my quarters in old Kit’s castle here — I’d marry Marian and take all the bottles in the cellar into keeping!

  Caspar

  Aye, or what say you to Bertha, for instance —— is not she a choice girl?

  Andreas

  Softly, comrade; tender on that point, if you please. You know I had a sneaking kindness for the girl, but this Albert cut us all out. No matter, that’s an old affair — I’ve poured so many bottles on it that it’s quite drowned, and you must not fish it up again.

  Caspar

  (Increasing in earnestness)

  And do you know so little of the sex? Or do you think so meanly of yourself? Faith, man, the girl’s within your reach—’tis your own fault if you don’t make her yours. What made her give the preference to Albert? A woman’s vanity! He was the talk and boast of all the forest — the first of marksmen. Well, he has lost his skill. You’ve carried off the palm and been the hero of the triumph. Shoot but tomorrow as you have today and you are Ranger of the forest.

  Andreas

  Well, and what then?

  Caspar

  What then? Why, change of fortunes changes minds. You’ve plucked the feather out of Albert’s cap that made him everything in Bertha’s eyes. Think you when she beholds you Ranger of the forest — prais’d by the hunters, courted by the women — (Andreas chuckles). Turn ‘round man, let me look at ye. Faith, the very fellow to please a woman’s fancy. Zounds! the case is clear — Albert will stand no chance against you.

  Andreas

  Well, supposing all this true — which I dare say it is — do you not recollect that Bertha is engaged — positively engaged, man?

  Caspar

  And did ye not hear what Conrad said to Albert this evening, man? If he fails in the trial the engagement is at an end, for she can marry none but one who can succeed him in his hereditary office of Grand Forester. And will you not be the very man when you are Ranger and first marksman? And will she not gladly make a merit of obedience and take the man her father chooses for her? To be sure she will.

  Andreas

  (A little muzzy, b
ut showing interest)

  Faith, the case grows clearer and clearer; but — there is only one little difficulty remains.

  Caspar

  None that I know of.

  Andreas

  I have not got the place of Ranger, you know.

  Caspar

  Oh, for the place, we can make sure of that!

  Andreas

  Make sure of it? How? (A slight flash of lightning is seen thro the window).

  Caspar

  Why, look ye, Andreas! A lad of spirit and mettle like yourself need never despair. It is because men flinch at difficulties that they fail. (Distant thunder is heard). Some are impelled in their course by virtue (sarcastically) — some by fear. —

  Andreas

  ‘S-blood, man! no one can accuse me of too much virtue; and as for fear, the Devil himself can’t frighten me — (A tremendous clap of thunder is heard — a Hash of lightning — Urian glares in at the window and passes by). Zounds! What was that? I tho’t something passed the window.

  Caspar

  I suppose the Devil heard you and had a mind to try your mettle; but I see, comrade, you were a little frightened.

  Andreas

  (Swaggering)

  Frightened? What — I? Not I, I promise you.’S-blood! I frightened?’S-blood! a’nt I called Daredevil Andreas all thro the forest?

  Caspar

  Well then, what say you to another glass? (Fills). Come, here’s to the Wild Huntsman —— eh? (Lightning).

  Andreas

  With all my heart. Damme, I had always a kind of good feeling for that will o’ the wisp fellow, and should like to join one of his hunting parties in the clouds.

  Caspar

  Faith, you’re the lad I took you for! (Taps him on the shoulder). You shall have the place and the girl and the six bottles into the bargain, for you deserve them. You shall have them —— I promise you, and that’s enough.

  Andreas

  ‘S-blood, you’re one of the most promising fellows I ever met with; but how will you keep your promise?

  Caspar

  Nothing more simple — now I see you’ve courage. Thus: you shall shoot tomorrow with magic balls; and then, you know, you cannot miss the mark.

  Andreas

  Magic balls? Aye, aye — but where to get them?

  Caspar

  I can provide you, — (Whispering).

  Andreas

  (Growing grave and surprised)

  You, Caspar?

  Caspar

  Aye, lad — this night — this very night. It happens luckily this night the moon’s eclipsed —— that is the only time to cast such balls. At midnight — at the very time when night and morning separate. I know all the spells — an ancient hunter taught me them. How lucky that the moon should be eclipsed tonight! I see you’re born under a happy star. Come, drink, boy; you shall one day be Grand Forester. (Lightning).

  Andreas

  ‘S-blood! how the lightning sizzes!

  Caspar

  Never mind—’twill serve to light us at our work. At twelve we cast the balls — you must assist me. At twelve precisely, meet me in the Wolf’s Glen. (Tremendous thunder).

  Andreas

  In the Wolf’s Glen! (Starting) — Why, that’s the very place where the Wild Huntsman prowls. Aye, and they say a whole legion of hobgoblins haunt that glen.

  Caspar

  Whether Saints or Goblins what is’t to us? Are you not called Daredevil Andreas thro the forest? (Sarcastically).

  Andreas

  True, true, but can’t we go together? — (A little anxious).

  Caspar

  No — I must first prepare alone what’s necessary for the purpose.

  Andreas

  Well then, at twelve I’ll meet you. (Lightning).

  Caspar

  And be silent; a single word would mar our hopes.

  Andreas

  Depend upon me.

  Caspar

  (Going)

  Till

  twelve — farewell. (Exit Caspar. — Tremendous thunder).

  Andreas

  ‘S-blood! this strange talk of Caspar has somewhat sobered me. I don’t half like this business of the Wolf’s Glen. Not that I’m afraid, damme! Daredevil Andreas afraid — that would be a good joke! Rut I don’t like this cooking in the night air, and I’ve not been long enough in the conjuring line to feel easy in it. Egad, I’ll e’en have another pull at the bottle. (Fills). If I am to be a conjurer, damme, it shall be a bottle conjurer.

  ENTER CHRISTOPHER IN NIGHTGOWN AND SLIPPERS

  Christopher

  What! still at it, Master Andreas? Shall I bring you another bottle?

  Andreas

  No, good Christopher. It’s time for sober people like me to go home to bed. (Looking out of the window) — Zounds! what a storm is gathering! Harken, good Christopher, no more wine, but a cloak, good Christopher — a good mantle to keep out the rain. Your wine is dry wine, good Christopher, and I wish to keep it dry; so give me a mantle, good Christopher, to keep out the rain. I’ve no idea of making a flask of wine and water of myself. A dry body and a wet soul — that’s my motto; so give me a mantle, honest Chistopher. ‘Twere a pity good liquor should be spoiled. (During this muzzy speech Christopher goes and returns with mantle).

  Christopher

  Here’s one for you, Master Andreas; and a weatherproof one it is, I’ll warrant you — but don’t fail to bring it back in the morning.

  Andreas

  Never fear, never fear. And now go to bed, old man — go to bed — I hold it a shame that old men should keep such late hours — but what can be expected from a man that passes his whole life in a tavern? (Exit).

  Christopher

  (Looking after him)

  There he goes — one of the most rattling roaring, rantum-scantum fellows in the whole forest. One of your good-for-nothing chaps that’s nobody’s enemy but his own. He’s a good drinker and that covers a multitude of sins. I love such fellows, — I joy in them. May I never want such a friend, nor a bottle to sell him. But Marian! Marian! (Enter Marian). Come — hustle, hustle, girl — clear away the things and make all fast; it’s time we were in bed. But harken, child, what a bother didst thou make this evening about nothing?

  Marian

  Indeed, father, I can’t abide that Andreas! He’s always pulling one about.

  Christopher

  Pooh-pooh, child! he means no harm. Mere barroom romping. I’d have thee take care of thyself, child, but be reasonably honest; there is virtue of all kinds — and suited to all conditions. Some stands all on end like a porcupine and stings on every touch. That wont do for us. Virtuous — but be thou as reasonably virtuous as befits the daughter of a publican and I’m content.

  Marian

  (Goes to the window and shuts it)

  Dear me, how the wind begins to howl about the house! And there’s such a whistling about the old forest trees. Father, they say the Wild Huntsman has been seen lately.

  Christopher

  Hush, hush, child! You must not talk on such subjects at night. We are too near the Wolf’s Glen to meddle with its concerns. I dare say the Wild Huntsman is a very worthy kind of gentleman, if he does ride at nights.

  Marian

  And, father — they say he is the Devil himself.

  Christopher

  Pooh-pooh, child! — no such thing; and if he was, what’s that to us? We publicans must learn to be civil to all kinds of people; and to give the Devil his due.

  Marian

  Will you help me out with the table, father?

  Christopher

  Stop — first let me count the bottles and keep good tally. One — two — three — four — five — six —— so — (Goes to the slate) — Let me see, it has been rather a mellow night — Andreas is sometimes troubled with second sight in his cups. I’ve no doubt he saw double tonight, and if so, why, he enjoyed double the quantity of wine. So mark up twelve bottles. And now, my girl, let’s say pray
ers and to bed.

  (Exeunt)

  ACT I, SCENE III

  ENTER ALBERT

  Albert

  The hand of fate is sure against me. I am almost ready to turn driveller and believe in spells and witchcraft. What! I who scarcely knew what ’twas to fail — whose skill was proverbial among the greybeards of the forest —— now to be surpassed, defeated — to lose all skill — now when everything is at stake, — fame, fortune, Bertha — Oh! tomorrow, tomorrow!

  RECITATIVE AND ARIA (At the end throws himself on the bench at the door of the cottage and hides his face in his hands. Enter Caspar. Stands for some time unobserved by Albert, contemplating him with an air of malicious satisfaction)

  Caspar

  What, comrade! — lost in thought?

  Albert

  (Starting up)

  Caspar!

  Caspar

  What! has a little turn of ill luck sunk so deeply in your heart? Pshaw! Give not way to melancholy, man! But how in the name of wonder happens it, that you, the keenest marksman of the forest, should suffer such a paltry shot as Andreas to surpass you? Nay, that for seven days, you should not once have hit your mark. Sure there must be some strange mysterious cause! Have you an enemy?