The School for the Insanely Gifted

by Dan Elish

  “We still don’t know what Ignatious is looking for,” Harkin said.

  Cynthia stood directly over the demasked antelope. “Out with it. What does Ignatious want?”

  Daphna knelt down beside him.

  “No one’s going to hurt you,” she said. “Does Ignatious want a Flex-Bed?”

  With Daphna’s more gentle approach, the man managed to sit up. “Not a Flex-Bed,” he said. “An X-Head.”

  “X-Head,” Harkin said. “So that’s what it is.”

  Daphna turned to Billy.

  “Does that mean anything to you?”

  Billy shrugged. “The X-Head? Can’t say that it . . .”

  His eyes went wide, leaving the rest of the sentence unspoken. He stared across the wide open field.

  “What?” Daphna asked.

  “X-Head,” he murmured. “I should have thought of it when you first mentioned the Flex-Bed. How stupid!”

  Daphna, Harkin, and Cynthia gathered close to Billy. He rubbed a hand through his beard and smiled down at them.

  “What is it?” Cynthia asked.

  “Put our guest with the others,” Billy called to his head monkey. He glanced at Daphna. “And treat him gently.”

  Billy turned toward his home.

  “Come with me,” he said. “I have something to show you.”

  Chapter 18

  Everything You’ve Ever Wanted

  to Know About Everything

  Daphna was bursting with questions. What was the X-Head? Why did Ignatious want it? Was it the key to his next product? Did it have anything to do with her mom? She forced herself to be patient—a difficult task—until they were back in Billy’s house.

  “Congratulations on your glorious victory, sir!” Harrison said as Billy held up his whip to be taken by its hook.

  “Thank you, Harrison. But I didn’t do much. It was all my Tops and these kids.”

  Daphna knew it was a lie. Sure, everyone had done their part, but Billy was the true hero.

  “We’re going to be in the library for a while, Harrison,” Billy went on. He untied his bandanna and shook out his shaggy auburn hair. “No interruptions, please.”

  The robot bowed. “Very good, sir.”

  With a brisk nod to his three young guests, Billy walked to the back of the enormous front chamber of his cabin. There stood a light blue door—Daphna realized that in their time in the valley she hadn’t seen anyone use it. With a loud creak, Billy pushed it open and led them into a musty room, dimly lit by three tiny bulbs perched side by side on the far side of the ceiling. The walls were all wood, as were the two chairs and desk in the center of the room. Against all four walls stood rows of uneven, homemade bookcases. When Daphna had heard the word library, she had expected that Billy would have a private chamber filled with books on a wide range of subjects. But in the dim light she saw that three of the four bookcases were empty. On the other, standing on the middle shelf, was a single book, an oversize hardcover that resembled a textbook.

  “I’ve already told you that I left behind all my notes at college,” Billy said. “But I did take along this.”

  He crossed the room and pulled the lone book off the shelf.

  “What is it?” Harkin asked.

  Billy blew dust off the cover and looked it over affectionately. “It’s Henry P. Johnson’s masterwork.”

  “Henry P. Johnson?” Cynthia said.

  Billy nodded. “My favorite professor at the College for the Extraordinarily Talented.”

  Billy held up the front cover. The title was written in elegant gold lettering. Daphna read it out loud:

  “Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Everything.”

  “Wow,” Harkin said. “Must’ve been one smart dude.”

  “Johnson was a genius, Thunk,” Billy said, tapping the book. “He conducted the very first brain swap between a chimp and a lemur. He was the first to experiment with a computer chip that the user could wear up his nose. He taught me most of what I know.”

  Daphna wrinkled her brow, more confused than ever. “That’s all really neat,” she said. “But what does it have to do with the X-Head?”

  Billy placed the book on the desk and turned to the page just before the back cover.

  “Look here.”

  Daphna and her friends gathered close. In the left upper corner was a detailed sketch of an eyeball looking across the page. Facing the eyeball on the right-hand side was a drawing of some sort of oval. Three arrows pointed from the oval to the eye.

  “What is it?” Cynthia asked.

  “I know,” Harkin said, before Billy could respond. “The oval represents a new computer chip.”

  “Or a satellite dish?” Cynthia asked.

  “Even a hat,” Harkin said. “Who knows?”

  Daphna leaned closer.

  “What about this writing?”

  Below the drawing was row upon row of nearly microscopic handwriting. Squinting, she slowly deciphered the first lines. “‘The B head of the yellow wire must be retrofitted with the R cathode, by taking the Y cathode to the X quadrant of the superstructure, in order to achieve an ideal negative absolute overflow.’”

  Daphna looked to Harkin, who shrugged.

  “Please,” Cynthia said to Billy. “Say something!”

  Billy merely nodded toward the door. “It’s musty in here. Let’s see if Cook-Top has come down from his battlefield heroics enough to whip us up a snack. Then we’ll talk this out.”

  Billy, Daphna, Harkin, and Cynthia sat at the kitchen table before a plate of cookies and cups of cold juice. Billy carefully ripped out the page with the drawing and the strange microscopic text and laid it flat in the middle of the table, directly under the light. Cynthia leaned close, studying the picture and mouthing the strange words.

  “What are you doing?” Harkin asked. “Memorizing it?”

  Cynthia chuckled. “Sorry. A bad acting habit. Whenever I see writing, I automatically pretend it’s a line I’m going to have to say onstage.”

  “These lines wouldn’t be very interesting,” Billy said. “Just a bunch of complicated math formulas written years ago one night by a young college student.”

  “Tell us,” Daphna said.

  Billy stroked his beard. “This story starts one night in my senior year. Iggy and I were studying for exams in my dorm when I got an idea. While we were on a break, I jotted this down.”

  “The formula for the X-Head, you mean?” Harkin asked.

  Billy laughed. “That is what Iggy called it. He only mentioned it once. Unfortunately, the words Flex-Bed did nothing to jog my memory.”

  “That’s understandable,” Cynthia said. “It was twelve years ago, right?”

  “What’s it do?” Daphna asked.

  Billy leaned over the drawing. His beard was so long, it brushed over the pages like a bristly sponge. “It’s quite simple.” He swatted away his beard and draped it back over his shoulder. “This is an eyeball, and that’s a contact lens.”

  Harkin blinked. “Ignatious Blatt has been chasing down a new contact lens?”

  “Not just any contacts. These work a bit like your Gum-Top. The wearers of these lenses would be online and be able to scan websites—all through their eyes.”

  “Really?” Daphna said. “A computer on your eyes?”

  Billy nodded.

  “How does it work?” Cynthia asked.

  “Easy.” Billy had the glow Daphna had seen when she’d first arrived—the glow of a little boy proudly explaining one of his inventions. “The user thinks of the site he or she wants to visit, and voilà! It appears right before his or her eyes.”

  “And it works?” Harkin asked.

  Billy shrugged. “I never tried it. But I don’t see why not. In any case, there’s more.”

  “What?” Daphna asked.

  Billy took a long look around the table. He appeared to be deadly serious.

  “Mind control,” he said finally.

  Daphna felt a chi
ll. “Mind control?”

  Billy nodded gravely. “If my calculations are correct, the X-Head can be calibrated so that one person can control all the users’ thoughts.”

  “You mean like get the other users to do whatever he wants when he wants it?” Harkin asked.

  “Precisely.”

  Daphna and her friends were quiet, taking in what they had heard. Then Cynthia took off her glasses and rose to her feet. “Well, no wonder Ignatious has been trying to get his hands on it. He wants the X-Head to be his next big product. And he wants to use it to control the mind of everyone who wears it.”

  “Right,” Harkin said. He, too, rose to his feet and began pacing the length of the table. “And now we know why the first antelope man broke into Daphna’s apartment. He worked for Ignatious and was trying to find clues about the X-Head.”

  “He probably thought Daphna’s mom had some of Billy’s old notes,” Cynthia said. “Or maybe even this book.”

  “I bet she was searching for Billy when she disappeared,” Harkin said. “What do you think, Daph, dude?”

  Daphna took a bite of cookie, then washed it down with some cold juice. Everything her friends said made sense, but she needed to work some things out for herself. She looked at Billy.

  “I guess my mom wanted to warn you that Ignatious was looking for the X-Head.” She paused. “Maybe that’s why she met with Ignatious just before she left?”

  “I bet Ignatious threatened her,” Harkin said.

  “Asked her about the X-Head,” Cynthia added.

  Billy stroked his beard. “Which would explain why she decided she had to come warn me.” He looked at Daphna. “I always knew your mother would be smart enough to figure out how to find me if she really wanted.”

  Daphna sighed. It seemed her mother had sacrificed herself for a worthy cause. Still, it was all so sad.

  Billy knelt beside Daphna and put a hand on her shoulder. “Your mother was a lady who always did what she thought was right. I’d bet that she’d make the same decision today.”

  Daphna swallowed back her tears. “Yeah.”

  “The least we can do,” Billy went on, “is to make sure that old Iggy never gets his hands on this.” He took the drawing from the table where Cynthia was, once again, looking over the small print of the formula.

  “Still memorizing?” Billy asked.

  Cynthia shrugged. “Like I said: bad habit. It’s all Swahili to me anyway.”

  Billy nodded and grabbed the paper.

  “Cook-Top!” he called.

  The laptop chef was still outside, now having a sword fight with Joke-Top. When Harrison was finally able to retrieve the computerized chef, Billy told it what he wanted. Cook-Top whirred. An image of a stove lit up on his monitor. Then Cook-Top took the paper and held it over the lit flame. With a quick pfft! it was all over.

  “Wow,” Cynthia said. “Pretty anticlimactic.”

  “Maybe,” Billy said. “But now we can see if Iggy Blatt can come up with a new product all on his own.”

  “Not a chance,” Harkin said, grinning. “The dude couldn’t invent ice if he was given a pitcher of water and a tray.”

  Despite her glum mood, Daphna smiled. “He couldn’t invent mud if he was given a pile of dirt in a rainstorm.”

  Billy laughed, a low chuckle that seemed to rumble out of him and invited everyone to join in. And soon they were all laughing—even Daphna, finally letting all the tensions of the past few days wash away. When they had finally laughed themselves dry, Daphna and her friends retired to their rooms to straighten up and pack.

  “Hey, Harkin,” Cynthia asked, “do you think you can get online? I need to send an email to my folks. Tell them that I’m coming home.”

  “Nice idea.”

  With only a few minutes of fiddling, Harkin was able to get a signal. Then he tossed his wristwatch to Cynthia.

  “While you’re at it, write a short note to my dad.”

  “And to Ron,” Daphna said.

  “Will do,” Cynthia said.

  Cynthia sent off the emails while Daphna and Harkin took a moment to relax after the day’s drama. Billy put up his feet and took his afternoon nap. As for Cook-Top—it began preparing a farewell banquet.

  Chapter 19

  Time for Good-bye

  Early the next morning, Daphna, Harkin, and Cynthia stood in Billy’s front yard by the Thunkmobile. All their new friends—the monkeys, Cook-Top, Harrison, the special defense Tops, and, of course, Billy—had gathered to see them off.

  The previous night, Daphna had taken a brief stab at convincing Billy to come along but had quickly given it up as a lost cause. It was obvious that Billy was comfortable with the choices he had made and was happy in his chosen home.

  That didn’t mean he wasn’t open to having visitors. As the morning sun beat brightly onto his front yard, Billy smiled.

  “Come back this summer,” he said. “Stay for a while.” He winked at Harkin. “Maybe you and I can collaborate on something.”

  “It’s a date,” the boy said.

  “And you,” Billy said, turning to Cynthia. “Your elephant will be waiting.”

  Before the girl could reply, the animal came trotting into the yard and nuzzled Cynthia with its trunk.

  “Deal,” she said.

  Finally, Billy turned to Daphna. The time had gone so quickly. Though she cherished their conversation by the pond, hearing Billy’s stories of her mother had made her hunger to know more. There was something she wanted to tell him too—something silly. With their departure only minutes away, it was now or never.

  “Remember the funny names you and my mom gave each other in college?”

  “Of course I do,” Billy said.

  “Well, my mom had a funny name for me too.”

  “Why doesn’t that surprise me? What was it?”

  Daphna laughed, even more embarrassed than she thought she’d be. “It’s pretty stupid.”

  “Stupider than Billy B. Brilliant?”

  “Okay, if you put it like that.” Daphna laughed. “My mom used to call me Miss Sadie P. Snodgrass sometimes. Or just Snods. Isn’t that crazy?”

  Daphna had expected Billy to laugh—or at least pretend to laugh. Instead he was momentarily expressionless.

  “What?” she asked. “Not funny?”

  Billy snapped back to life, wagging his head and pulling at his long beard. “Oh, no. No! It’s great. Sadie P. Snodgrass, huh? Very like your mom. I like it. I like it very much!”

  There was an awkward silence. Daphna wondered if she had done something wrong. Then Billy leaned down and kissed her cheek, scratching her face with his thick beard.

  “Good-bye, Daphna.”

  “Bye, Billy.”

  Harkin and Cynthia climbed into the flying car. As Daphna turned toward the door, she threw herself into Billy’s arms. The large man held her tight, then kissed the top of her head.

  “See you this summer,” he said.

  “Yeah. This summer.”

  Daphna climbed into the Thunkmobile choking back tears. Cynthia squeezed her hand. Harkin flipped a switch, and the roof closed over them. He turned on the ignition, and the car came to life with a cough, a bang, and a puff of blue smoke.

  “By the way,” Cynthia called out the window to Billy over the sound of the motor, “what are you going to do with the antelope men?”

  At that, Billy’s gang of monkeys chattered wildly among themselves. Some of them simulated a game of catch.

  Billy laughed. “We’ll probably make them clear some fields and haul some rocks for a while. When I think they’re ready, I’ll let them go. Then again, maybe I won’t.”

  Daphna waved out the window a final time.

  “Safe travels!” Billy called.

  There was still so much that Daphna wanted to say and so much she wanted to know. Before she had time for another good-bye, she was slammed back into her seat. The car screamed past the group of monkeys and the cabin. Twenty feet from the edge o
f the clearing, Harkin pulled hard on the green lever. The car climbed quickly, narrowly clearing the wall of trees that surrounded Billy’s cabin. As Daphna and Cynthia tightened their seat belts, Harkin stepped on the accelerator. The car burst out of the quiet valley air directly into the raging snowstorm of the mountain above. It was a minute of howling wind and wild bumps. But with Harkin steady at the controls, the car climbed past the majestic peak of Kilimanjaro.

  Daphna looked out the window and took a final look into Billy’s valley. They had defeated the antelope men and destroyed the plans for the X-Head, but Daphna knew that this didn’t mean Ignatious wouldn’t try something else. There were final chapters to be played out in the story. As the Thunkmobile hurtled home, she only hoped that the ending would be happy.

  Chapter 20

  A Rude Return

  Ashort hour into their trip home, Daphna gave voice to something that had bothered her since the previous night. Given what they now knew about Ignatious, should she and her friends even compete for the Insanity Cup?

  “We should concentrate on proving to the world that Ignatious is a crook instead of trying to win a prize,” she said.

  “No way,” Cynthia said. “If we withdraw from the competition, Ignatious will suspect that we know something.”

  “He will?”

  “Absolutely,” Cynthia said. “But if we stay in it, we can keep our cover and work behind the scenes to expose him.”

  “Makes sense to me,” Harkin said.

  With a plan in place, Daphna and her friends took turns napping. After a light lunch, Cynthia went into the back compartment to put the finishing touches on her one-woman Macbeth while Daphna tweaked the end of her rhapsody and Harkin pondered the best way to introduce Gum-Top. When the Thunkmobile finally approached New York Harbor, the sun was rising over the city, casting an orange glow on the water.

  “Is it really only morning here?” Daphna asked.

  “Don’t forget about the time difference,” Harkin said. “It’s much earlier in New York than in Africa. As we’ve flown home, we’ve kept even with the rising sun. It’s Monday morning.”