Natexus

by Victoria L. James

  It wasn't easy for me to leave him alone.

  I hadn't realised just how much the other kids had been taking notice of our daily interactions, but the moment his absence was picked up on by his friends and teammates, it soon became apparent that everyone had been watching us for quite some time, while I'd been lost in our own private bubble of contentment.

  “Where is he?”

  “He never mentioned a holiday.”

  “Dammit, we have a football tournament in two days. Two days! Where the hell am I meant to find a new striker in that time?”

  Every answer I gave was automatic and lifeless. My folders and books were once again clutched tightly to my chest, the small reprieve from loneliness and isolation now over.

  On the tenth day of missed classes, almost two weeks since I'd fled from his home, Daniella approached me as I walked from my English Literature lesson to the science building.

  “Nat, wait up!” she wheezed as she swished her hair over her shoulder and pulled up beside me.

  “Hey,” I said through a small smile.

  “God, you look fucking terrible,” Daniella, my not so terrible looking, actually really goddamn beautiful friend said as she leaned in closer and ran her thumb under both my eyes. “When was the last time you slept? Your skin is so pale, and don't get me started on these circles under here. You look like a panda.”

  “I do?” I frowned.

  “A panda but less cute and furry. Or you could be furry. Judging by the state of your face and hair, I doubt you've taken the time to shave your legs recen–”

  “Okay, okay, okay,” I rushed out quickly, effectively cutting her off. “Point taken. I'll be sure to run a comb through my hair tonight.”

  “Either that or a lawnmower.”

  I pulled my files closer to my chest and gave her a sarcastic smile. “I sure have missed you.”

  Her bright grin was immediate. Danni was the kind of beautiful all girls dreamed of being. She was effortless with her style, and more annoyingly, she had the gorgeous personality to match. It was impossible to envy someone who had no idea how much they made the world sparkle just by being in it. “Yes, well…” She threw her arm around my shoulders, guiding us both forward as she spoke. “About that...”

  “Uh oh.”

  “Don't be like that. Hear me out.”

  “Like I have a choice.”

  “We've all missed you, too. We've missed you since... Well, I don't need to say it out loud, but we're worried. I'm not going to pry about what's going on between you and Alex or ask where the hell he is. Unless you want to tell me, that is.”

  “I don't have anything to tell.”

  “Didn't think so.” She squeezed my shoulder gently and brushed her own hair back with her free hand. “Anyway. That's neither here nor there. Bottom line is this: me, Sammy and Suzie want you back. Even if it's just for one night.”

  “What do you mean, one night?”

  “Shh.”

  “Sorry,” I muttered in apology.

  “We don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but we also don't want you to rot away in that bedroom of yours, only for some explorer to find your bones all shrivelled up in a corner with a skeleton of a cat around your neck in two thousand years.”

  “I don't like cats. I had a dog once, though.” I smiled, purposefully teasing her.

  “You don't have a cat? Well, maybe we can give you a few seeing how Sammy is shitting kittens for England over your behaviour these last few days. You know how protective she is.”

  “Shitting kittens for England? Is that a new Olympic sport for the next games?”

  “If it was, she'd win us the gold for sure. Stop changing the subject.”

  “She's sent you to talk to me, hasn't she?”

  “No.”

  “Liar.”

  “Would it matter if she had?”

  “I wish she would have spoken to me herself.” I loved how much Sammy cared. I just hated myself for not letting her know I was okay more often.

  “Whatever. It doesn't matter who speaks to you. We all give a kitten. All that matters is that you say yes to me. So, you, me and the girls, what do you say?”

  I stopped and turned to face her, searching her eyes for some kind of script. “To what? I've no idea what you're talking about.”

  “A night out with the girls, for the mother of crabs and fishes’ sakes!” Her hands flew up in the air before she slapped them on the outside of her thighs.

  At that exact moment, Paul Harris ran up behind us, swatting both her bum cheeks with the palms of his hands.

  Daniella's squeal of surprise and horror rang out around the entire school grounds, and I was just about to ask what the hell was going on with the two of them when Suzie jogged up behind him with a huge beaming smile on her face.

  “Paul, leave her alone.” She giggled, jumping on his back for him to catch her in a piggyback hold.

  “She fucking loves it.” He smirked, twisting his head around to gift Suzie with a sweet kiss the sheer sight of which had my gut twisting.

  My smile soon disappeared completely, and a wave of nausea rolled heavily in my stomach. I was convinced I must have been turning green. Jealousy was a new emotion I was having a little trouble adjusting to.

  “Hey, Nat,” Suzie said before winking at me. “Miss your face.”

  “Hey, Suze. Paul.” I offered back with a nod.

  “Is it me or have you gotten hotter recently?” Paul practically shouted, making my eyes pop with surprise.

  “I...”

  “I mean it. You're looking tidy!”

  Suzie slapped him on the shoulder. “Quit coming on to my friends, arsehole.”

  “Christ. Can't a guy say anything nice to a girl anymore without it being classed as flirting?”

  “We know you, Paul.” Daniella rolled her eyes before turning her full attention back to me. “Ignore him. Are you in or what, Nat?”

  “A night out?” I nodded like a nodding dog from Noddyland, trying to piece together all my confused emotions in front of all my friends who seemed to have their whole lives together and figured out. “Umm.”

  “Wait. Is this my house party?” Paul asked, lowering his girlfriend carefully to the ground. “Shit, Vincent, you gotta come. It's gonna be epic. No parents, a garage stashed with alcohol. I've even got some of that girly pop stuff you chicks seem to dig. That bright blue crap that none of my bros will be interested in.”

  Bros. Brothers. Alex.

  Alex was one of Paul's best friends. If he was hosting a night like that for everyone in our year, Alex was certain to be there, wasn't he?

  I didn't know if that excited me or terrified me. Not until I felt the sickness returning and knew that fear was the only emotion taking over.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Please say yes, Nat.” Both girls pleaded with me in unison.

  I blinked furiously before eventually looking up at Paul, hoping he could see the silent question in my eyes.

  “W-will… Will all your friends be there?”

  Turning his mouth down, he shrugged lightly and sniffed. “Fuckers better be.”

  “All of them?”

  “Yeah, all of them. Why’d you a–” He didn't finish what he was about to say. The penny had dropped on the floor with a clang and within seconds, I saw the one thing staring back at me that I hated almost as much as I hated this feeling of loneliness again.

  Pity.

  “Uh, yeah. All of them except… except him. He hasn't replied to any of my messages.”

  “None of them?”

  “Not for the last two days.”

  “You spoke to him two days ago?”

  “He text me, but it was just the one word. I called him a boring cock and told him to quit sulking.” Paul’s eyes shifted around to all the other girls.

  Everyone fell silent then. Embarrassment overtook my friends while every negative emotion one could ever have seemed to crawl over my skin like a thousand
foreign insects that had just got to taste my flesh for the first time.

  “Thanks,” I said, not knowing what I was thanking him for.

  “Natalie?”

  I had no idea who called my name. I had no idea what forced me to look up at them all or what superglued that fake, plastic grin on my face, but despite the ache in my bones at how much I missed Alex, I shrugged at them all and bounced on my toes.

  “Count me in. Party at yours. Sounds like a great idea.”

  Daniella squealed and pulled me in for a hug, but as I looked over her shoulder, I didn't miss the way that Paul and Suzie locked eyes with each other. I also didn't miss the sadness they were trying to hide from me.

  But I did miss Alex.

  On my life, I missed him so much.

  *******

  Paul's house turned out to be bigger than I had imagined. Somehow, he and his family had managed to create their very own version of a Californian mansion, slap bang in the middle of Leeds. Huge didn't even begin to explain it.

  I got homesick just from travelling the hallways. One wrong turn left, and I could have been in Outer Mongolia for all I knew.

  The party had been going for about an hour. At least, the official party had been, anyway. From the state of some of the people that kept bashing into me, it was pretty clear that the majority of them had been drinking way ahead of schedule.

  All my friends were there, all but one, and no matter how much I tried to pretend I wasn't looking for him, every time the door opened and a new crowd of under-age drinkers arrived, I searched for his face.

  “Take a shot,” Sammy's voice rang out behind me.

  I spun on the spot, feeling the curls of my hair slap against my back as I turned to face her. We hadn't spoken much since we arrived, but I was determined to show her that she didn't have to babysit me. I wasn't going to curl up in a ball and cry. I had my shit under control. My expectations were not racing ahead of my reality. I knew I wouldn't see him tonight, and I could handle it. I would handle it. I would handle it for all of them.

  Sammy was standing there in a cute, long-sleeved black dress, wearing only a little green pendant in the middle of her chest, which really brought out the red in her hair. She was so beautiful. They all were.

  Glancing down at the tray of shot glasses in her hand, I picked one up without uttering a single word before I eyed her carefully and threw it down the back of my throat.

  “Well, shit,” she mumbled. “This is progress for the princess of 'no, I don't wanna play', isn't it?”

  I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, dropping the empty shot glass on her tray before picking up another one and repeating the process without thought. It was hard not to gag. Alcohol and I were fairly new acquaintances, and I was hoping that she wasn't going to be shy because I was fairly certain I was going to go all the way with her tonight.

  “Please don't be sick,” Sammy whispered, watching me again as I dropped the empty glass on her tray and winked.

  “It's party time!”

  Her eyes fell to my feet before travelling all the way up my body, no doubt taking in my usual faded blue jeans before they paused on my open white shirt and black crop top underneath. I was showing off my midriff in a false display of unusual confidence.

  “So I can see.” Widening her eyes, she leaned closer and prodded my stomach not so carefully. “Are those... abs? Have you been working out?” She gasped, pulling back so she could drop the tray on the counter and give me her full attention.

  “No!”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Sammy, the only exercise I get is walking from the sofa to the fridge and back again.”

  “Those were definitely not there before.”

  “Says who?”

  “I do.”

  “And when was the last time you saw my stomach?”

  “In my dreams last night.”

  “Stop it.” I chuckled, rolling my eyes.

  “It wasn't that long ago. Those are definitely new, and your boobs are creeping up in the Cs now.

  I acted instinctively, suddenly embarrassed by the whole interaction. Grabbing both ends of my open shirt, I began to wrap the material around my exposed skin as I tried to ignore the heat rising in my cheeks.

  Sammy reached out quickly, gripping my wrists. “Don't do that.”

  “No, you're right. It's too much. I don't know what I was thinking.”

  “Nat, have you seen the majority of girls here tonight? They've barely managed to put underwear on. I've seen more butt crack and vagina than a gynaecologist. You are not showing too much skin. Christ, I wish you'd show more.”

  I shuffled on my feet, looking everywhere but at her. I didn't want to admit to Sammy why I'd worn what I had. I barely wanted to admit it to myself. I wasn't exactly wearing a seductive little number with my boobs hanging out, but just the thought of showing Alex a part of me he'd never seen before, should he turn up... well, it had made those butterflies mumble quietly in their sleep again.

  I missed those butterflies.

  “You've no idea how fucking beautiful you are, have you?” she asked me.

  My mouth clamped shut quickly. When I turned to stare down on my friend, I let my head fall to one side and smiled a little too pathetically.

  “Come here,” she ordered, not giving me time to respond before she'd pulled me into her arms and buried my face in her neck. “God, I hate that sadness in your eyes. I wish you could see yourself the way we all see you. The way he sees you.”

  I stiffened in her hold immediately. There was no need for me to ask who he was. I knew. It seemed like everyone knew.

  “That's right,” she whispered. “I went there.”

  “You cow,” I said as I sniffed and aimed for humour, hitting insulting and pouty instead.

  “It's okay to be sad, you know. Remember what I said to you all those weeks ago? I'd rather you show me some emotion, anything, raging lunatic behaviour – I don't mind. Just show me something instead of nothing at all.”

  “I depress myself.” My pout was almost comical and my fingers curled tighter into her tiny embrace. “It's all woe is me, feel sorry for my tragic life. I need to get over it.”

  “Or under him.”

  My short laugh was genuine that time. It burst free like it had been hammering on the door for weeks to escape. “I wish.”

  She squeezed me harder, and I could hear the smile in her voice when she eventually whispered in my ear again. “Keep wishing. I've always believed in fairy tales. Cinderella was my favourite. Your fairy godmother will visit when you least expect it. It's always when you think you're down and out.”

  “You promise?” I asked, closing my eyes as a warm half smile took over my face.

  “I promise. And I can promise because I believe.”

  TWELVE

  Her belief seemed to placate me for a while. Either that, or the alcohol was responsible. I’d never been a big drinker, but suddenly it seemed to make perfect sense to fill the giant void in my body with something else that allowed me to believe the sun was still shining. In actual fact, the rain had begun to pour down heavily, forcing all the outside smokers and drinkers to rush back into the main room of Paul’s house like a clowder of felines that had been scalded by the water.

  I'd never seen such a stampede of drunken limbs before. Some of the quieter boys allowed their girls to seek shelter beneath their jackets while others pushed and taunted them in a transparent display of ‘pulling the pigtails of the one you want to bed that night’.

  I couldn’t help but smile.

  It wasn’t as enthusiastic as it would have been had Alex been by my side, but I wasn’t allowing myself to think much about him at all that night. The beer was seeping its way through my veins deliciously as I blinked my way slowly through all the faces in the room. Some I knew, most I didn’t, but nothing seemed to matter while I was swaying backwards and forwards on the balls of my feet.

  “Easy there, swishy,” Suzie said
through a smile beside me.

  I lifted my beer bottle to my mouth and took a small sip, well aware of the fact that she was eyeing me the whole time until I dropped the bottle back down by my side and turned to her with a smirk. “It’s the room. It’s spinning.”

  “Sure it is.” She chuckled. “How you holding up over here?”

  “Holding up?”

  “Oh, don’t give me that look, Nat.” Whatever look I was giving, I'd had no conscious thought about giving it. “I was only asking if you were having a good time. I know these events aren’t your kind of thing.”

  “I’m having a blast,” I lied. “Fun, fun, fun. Lots of fun.”

  “Good.”

  “If I asked you something, though, would you answer me honestly?”

  Her frown was immediate, and her arms crossed neatly over her ribs as she studied me. “You know I will.”

  The bottle spun in my hand as I shuffled awkwardly and leaned in closer. “Tell me. Do all my friends think I'm a ticking time bomb of hidden crazy about to go off, or am I getting the wrong vibe completely?” I whispered.

  “Half a dozen of one and six of the other a good enough answer for you?”

  “Huh. I guess that's better than the straight jacket answer I was expecting you to throw at me.”

  We both laughed, and the tension of the moment disappeared right out of the door along with the last gust of wind as the patio windows slammed together hard, causing the entire room to shriek in surprise.

  Even though the fancy shutters of Paul's parents' windows were tied back, they were struggling to break free from their captivity, as the weather outside grew wilder. It was dark out there now, except for two lights around the decking area that were doing nothing more than highlighting two strips of horizontal rain that were falling fiercely and freely from the skies.

  “Christ,” Suzie whispered. “It's getting crazy out there.”

  “It is.” I frowned hard, unable to take my eyes off the way the rain battered down against the windows like it was trying to break in. “Doesn't it look–”