Natexus

by Victoria L. James

  “Scary as hell?”

  Scary? No. I wanted to say beautiful, but I had no idea why. I was transfixed. I was caught in its spell completely. I felt like I could stand and stare at it for hours and never get bored. “Yeah, scary. That's what I was going to say.”

  “Everybody!” Paul's voice cried out in a rough bellow from somewhere over the other side of the room. “It turns out Zeus, or whatever he’s fucking called, is trying to throw parental restrictions on our plans for The Drinking World Cup out on the patio.”

  “The what?” Suzie giggled beside me and it was a girly kind of giggle. The type that only a man a woman adored could draw out from her. I didn’t look away from the rain, though. I couldn’t. “He's the one who needs the straight jacket, Nat, but God, do I love him for it.”

  The word love made my stomach swirl with nausea.

  “Zeus can kiss my arse!” Paul shouted out again. “We’ve got a cellar beneath the kitchen that practically runs the full length of the house. Snooker tables, music system all set up and…” He beat his hands against the wall in a drum roll motion. “That’s where all my father’s finest whiskey lives.”

  The entire party erupted into cheers, whooping and laughter. Before I really understood what was happening, the room began to empty all at once.

  “See. He’s crazy.” Suzie beamed before she reached up to grab my hand and began to pull me forward. “Come on, let’s go.”

  “Wait,” I croaked, digging my heels in and freezing on the spot. “I just…”

  “What?”

  “Water. I need some water.” I gulped down the deceit in my voice before thumbing over my shoulder. “The kitchen’s that way, right?”

  “Yes, but…”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be down in five minutes, I promise. I just need a glass of water. I’m going to hunt for some painkillers to kill this bad weather headache, and then I’m all yours.”

  Suzie paused for a moment, looking over my shoulder and back at my face before she eventually let her body sag and gave me a small nod of approval. “Five minutes.”

  “It could be ten.”

  “That means an hour,” she said as she laughed.

  “Go have fun,” I told her through a smile. “You don’t have to babysit me. None of you do. I’m having fun, too. I really am. I just feel a little claustrophobic. Some water and painkillers, and I'll be fine.”

  “You sure?”

  “Hundred percent.”

  I must have been getting better at lying than I had realised because my small, false declaration of happiness seemed to make her unsure eyes drift away as a beaming grin erupted on her face. “Great. See you down there. I’ll go find Danni and Sammy.”

  “You betcha.”

  It didn’t take long for her to disappear along with the rest of them, and apart from some drunken kid who was slumped asleep on a beanbag in the corner, I was suddenly left all alone.

  The noise from the rain sounded like a welcoming song, one that made me want to close my eyes and just listen to the precise aggression of it all. The rain was frustrated. It was angry. It was unrelenting in its abuse on the world. It was tired of hiding up in the clouds for so long. It was breaking free. Shouting. Yelling. Screaming in frustration with every droplet that landed against a hard surface outside.

  I envied it.

  Moving automatically, I padded quietly across to the patio doors and reached out to grip both handles tightly. Why I was being so quiet and so discreet, I didn't really know. Maybe I didn’t want to disturb what was going on out there in the open. Or maybe I wanted to just slip right outside without being noticed and stand in the middle of its chaos.

  The pounding in my chest became heavier and my breathing more laboured as I watched the beauty of the storm. When my smile broke free and my hands pushed down on the handles without permission, I didn’t give anything else much thought. As soon as the doors opened, a gust of wind swirled around in the room again, blowing all the fabric of the curtains out into their own dance. I stepped out as quickly and quietly as I possibly could, then pulled the doors closed behind me. The snap of the locks clicking together would normally have made me jump, but I was lost in the moment of madness I was having, part scared, part nervous, but mostly feeling more alive and more confident than I had done in a long time. At least… since he had gone.

  Lifting my face up to the sky, I scrunched my eyes up in self-defence, but the feel of the rain upon my skin was nothing short of magic. Within seconds, I was soaked to my core. The thin, white material of my shirt hung limp and open, exposing my stomach to the world as the rest of my body became drenched in warm rain, then blanketed in random gusts of unforgiving wind.

  A short burst of laughter broke free as I allowed myself to be ruined by nature. The more the water attacked me, the more I kept walking forward into the open. It was trying to steal my breath, snatch it right from my throat and whisk it off somewhere else. When the rain began to drip from my top lip and into my mouth like a waterfall, I had to lift my head back up for just a moment and collect myself.

  “What are you doing, Natalie?” I whispered quietly as another small huff of laughter broke free. “You’re going crazy.” I pushed my wet hair away from my face with both hands before I wiped the water from my eyes.

  It was when I blinked furiously and followed the direction of the two patio lights that I first thought I saw somebody else out there with me.

  “H-hello?” The rain was beating down so heavily it was a struggle to see much of anything that was more than a foot in front of me. Looking up at the light, I followed its trail all the way back down to the ground and repeated myself. “Hello?”

  Fear prickled my skin all at once when I saw the shadow step forward. The strength of the shoulders as they moved closer, the sway of their body as they took slow, confident strides towards me… I knew that body. I knew that walk. I knew I shouldn’t be out there alone, but that didn’t stop me from standing perfectly still and waiting.

  “Who’s there?” I gasped as the rain poured down over my mouth.

  The hands of the shadow came out from their pockets and up towards the hood of what looked like a dark, heavy, leather jacket. They paused briefly in their movements, as if somehow deliberating if what they were about to do was the right move to make or not.

  The moment they eventually pushed it back and stepped directly into the blurry light, I felt like I’d been winded with a hard blow to the stomach. Inhaling hurt when I saw him. Every broken part of me hurt all at once, especially my heart.

  “Alex…”

  His brows scrunched together as though he was in pain, but he never spoke. The way his jaw was set tight, the tension in his body, it was all the exact opposite of how I was reacting at that moment. My mouth was hung open in shock and my hands were suddenly pressed hard against my stomach in an attempt to keep myself standing.

  Breathe, Natalie.

  But I couldn’t. I wanted to run to him, throw my arms around his neck and ask him where he’d been. I wanted to apologise for what I’d done in his home and said to his father. Mainly, though, I wanted to check if he was okay – to see that he was safe, well and unharmed.

  “Alex,” I whispered again, unsure if he could hear me through the noise of the weather. Taking a cautious step forward, I stopped to see if he retreated. He didn’t. No part of him moved at all except for his eyes, which were frantically searching mine. “You’re here.”

  Butterflies and nausea made my stomach turn over and over and over. I couldn’t feel the effects of the alcohol anymore. The only thing making me dizzy was him.

  I had to look away – just for a moment – before I braced myself to move closer to him. The fear of even more rejection was nagging me, warning me not to get too close, but all that was silenced by a bigger part that just wanted to be near him, to hold him, to kiss him.

  Touching him seemed like such a long distant memory after so many days without seeing his face.

  I move
d anyway. One step. Two steps. Three turned into four, and four shuffled into a mix of five and six until I eventually looked up directly into the rain’s path and stared into the blurry hazel eyes of the boy I had come to crave more than the air in my lungs.

  I reached up to touch him, and my hand trembled as I ran the back of it slowly up his cheek. He felt warm against me. Inviting. Tempting. Alex’s eyes stayed trained on mine, but it was impossible to miss the subtle way he leaned into my touch and flared his nostrils to inhale carefully.

  “I’ve missed you.” I blinked, trying to see him clearer through the downpour. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  Still, he didn’t speak.

  Lifting my other hand, I did the same to the left side of his face, caressing his skin until I eventually held his head in my grip enough to run my fingers through the ends of his rain-soaked hair.

  “Say something, please.”

  He swallowed loudly. “You shouldn’t be out here. It’s cold.”

  “Neither should you.”

  “I don’t care about me.”

  “I care. I care about you a lot.”

  “Too much,” he mouthed as his eyes dropped to my lips and lingered there a while.

  The rejection was on the tip of his tongue, flashing at me like a neon warning. Don’t get too close. Don’t say the wrong thing. One false move and he’ll be gone. Only I didn’t seem to fear the threat of losing him again. I had to know. I had to feel something, instead of nothing at all, like Sammy had said. Even if that something was heartache. I was getting used to living with that now.

  I’d find a way to survive living with it for the rest of my life if I had to.

  Taking the final step towards him until there wasn’t an inch between us, I slid my hands down to his cheeks and forced his face closer to mine. “Do you want me to leave? Just say the word and I will go. I know you’re mad at me and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I only ever wanted to save you.”

  “I’m not the one who needs saving.”

  “Do you want me to go?” I repeated, slowly and quietly.

  Alex sucked in a breath and swallowed again. Every part of his body was tense in my grip, and I could feel the way he clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly down by his sides. The tips of his fingers brushed against my thighs with each movement.

  “I’m sorry, Alex,” I whispered again, moving my lips closer to his until there was only a breath between us.

  “This can’t ever work with us,” he croaked, but there wasn’t a single ounce of conviction in his words.

  Shaking my head, I stared at his mouth and pulled my body up against his. “Anything can work if you want it to. Anything can happen if you just try.”

  Unclenching his hands, he ran the tips of his fingers around the edges of my thighs and stayed there this time. Alex’s breathing became heavier as he tilted his head to one side and finally plucked up the courage to slide the palms of his hands up my jeans until they landed on my waist.

  “You should walk away, not because I tell you to, but because you know it’s the right thing to do. I’ll only hurt you,” he confessed quietly.

  “So hurt me.”

  I was through being cautious. Looking straight up into his eyes, I knew the look I was giving him said enough about how I was feeling. I knew he could feel the rise and fall of my chest, as my need for him grew stronger while my body began to shiver from his touch. I knew all he could see was confidence, certainty, and a reflection of the magnetism I just knew he felt somewhere deep inside for me.

  “I don’t need saving, either,” I breathed against him, repeating his words. “I’ve never needed saving. All I need right now is you, and I know you need me, too.”

  His fingers curled into the small of my back and with one sharp tug, I was against him, feeling everything there was to feel of Alex Law.

  “You have no fucking idea,” he whispered, and then he kissed me. Alex kissed me so hard all the air was knocked out of my lungs as he bent my body back over his arms and poured everything he had to say into our one moment together.

  With my arms wrapped around his neck, I was lost. I was handing everything I owned over to him, and I’d never felt safer in my whole life, even though I was certain I’d come out of this a little more scarred and broken than I’d ever been before.

  I just couldn’t find it in me to care when all I could taste was him.

  THIRTEEN

  Our breathing became erratic as we deepened the kiss, but breathing didn’t seem that important anymore. Alex held me firmly, yet somehow delicately. Sliding his hands under the thin, wet material of my shirt, he kept me in place as his lips massaged mine with a hunger he’d never shown me before. I couldn’t feel anything but him. Not even the rain. It was only when the lightning struck above us, the thunder soon following suit, that Alex tried to pull away from me, but I refused to let him go. Our lips had barely even parted when I grunted my disapproval and pulled him back down in place. The seductive smirk he flashed me before his mouth met mine again made my legs go even weaker than they already were.

  I wanted us to lay on the ground in the cold and get lost in each other. I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I didn’t even know if there was a world outside of the two of us. It felt like we were somewhere else, somewhere warm and homely… almost heavenly.

  The second, third and fourth rumbles of thunder had Alex growling again, and as the rain came down impossibly harder, he pulled me up into his arms and swept me off the ground until my legs were wrapped tightly around his waist.

  Once the water began to hit our already soaked skin again, I’ll admit that it felt like small fireworks were going off all over me.

  “Fuck,” he grunted. “I need to get you inside.” His voice had turned into a shout as he spun us both and looked around frantically.

  Pushing all my hair out of my face, I snapped my head to the side and pointed behind him. “The house is that way!”

  “No.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not taking you back in there, Nat.”

  “Why not?” I gasped as the water continued to cascade down my face.

  Alex was looking in all directions until he found exactly what he was searching for. Hoisting me up in his grip, he tightened his hands around me before he began to run as quickly as he could. “Because I’m not through with having you all to myself yet.”

  My grin was immediate as I slid both arms around his neck and buried my face in the curve of his shoulder. My lips pressed against the small area of skin that was exposed, and I breathed in every ounce of him while I could. I had no idea when I would be able to do it again. Alex smelt indescribable. The rain mixed with his aftershave and tangled with the leather was making my head spin, so I did all I could do, tightening my thighs around him to silently show how content I was in his arms, even if we were about to be washed away with the storm.

  “Hold on,” he cried.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Within a second, we were charging up a few steps, and even Alex’s aftershave was drowned out by the smell of pine. Pushing us through a door, he slammed it closed behind us and the noise from outside faded away as though someone had just turned down the volume with a remote control.

  The only distinguishable thing that could be heard was our breathing. Mine was short and sharp, his loud and heavy, as we stood there wrapped up in one another, indulging in a quiet moment of calm. The only distinguishable thing that I could see was Alex as the weak light from the patio filtered in through the windows, just enough to allow me to see him. Then the only distinguishable thing I could feel was love.

  He was perfect.

  As soon as I came face to face with him again, and stared into his eyes clearly for the first time that night, the butterflies in my stomach began to soar throughout my entire body.

  He was with me.

  He was really with me, and he’d never looked more beautiful than he did right then with the water dripping
from the ends of his unruly hair and the twinkle of want that flashed from his eyes.

  “Hey.” I smiled, dragging my fingers through both sides of his hair again.

  “Hey.” He smirked back.

  “We're in a shed.”

  His eyes brightened as he turned his cheek to look around. “I think this is more of a summerhouse. Sheds are smaller and have more... tools.”

  “I refuse to ruin the moment with a bad joke about which tools you brought with you.”

  Alex huffed with laughter, both his brows rising high. “Well, if enquiring minds are asking...”

  “I'm definitely not asking.”

  “In that case, we're absolutely in a summerhouse.”

  “Hmm. You’d think they’d be happy enough with just the one mansion, wouldn’t you?”

  “I’ll take it. It’s dry, it’s warm, and it’s private.”

  “Private is good.”

  As I uncurled my legs from around his waist, he dropped his focus back to me around the same time my feet landed carefully on the floor in front of him. Alex reached up behind his neck to take my hands in his, bringing them down until our joined fists rested against his soaking wet chest. “Private is very good.” Leaning down, he brushed his lips against mine.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry for what I’m about to do. I need you tonight, Nat. I’ve needed you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. Even if it’s just–”

  “Don’t say it,” I pleaded quietly, closing my eyes. “I don’t want to think about tomorrow.”

  “Only tonight.”

  “Natexus all the way,” I whispered with a smile.

  Alex laughed so softly it was barely even a breath, but that response was all I needed to know that I was doing the right thing. I could no more turn away from him now than I could fly to the nearest cloud and sit with Elizabeth for an hour. I wasn’t feeling weak, just strong enough to handle whatever would happen after this. For now, I needed him. I wanted him so badly. I was prepared to give him whatever he asked of me.