Pretty Little Lies

by Jennifer Miller

  I open my other eye and see Pyper running around my room like a crazed lunatic flailing her arms like a muppet. I can’t help but smirk a bit because she looks ridiculous. When she disappears into my closet, I wonder what the hell she’s doing, but decide I really don’t care and close my eyes again.

  “Olivia, I said get up right now,” she hisses at me. I crack my eyes open again and see her approaching my bed. She’s carrying a pile of my clothes in her arms that she ends up throwing on my bed.

  “Do we have an appointment or something that you didn’t tell me about?”

  She sighs and rips the blankets off of me. I sit up and glare at her fully, “What the hell? What is going on?”

  Putting her hands on her hips she snaps, “Well excuse me for being a good friend! I just thought you might want to make yourself presentable. You have a guest.”

  It should be against the law for someone to be this snippy and sassy first thing in the morning. Does she think I have mind reading capabilities? How should I have known someone was here?

  “A guest?” I ask, confused.

  “Yes. That’s what I said! Now get the hell up, Olivia. Luke’s here!”

  “WHAT?!” I shriek.

  “Shhhh!” Pyper holds her finger over her mouth shushing me while rolling her eyes.

  “What do you mean Luke is here? Why is he here?” I’m panicking. Why is he HERE?

  Then it hits me. Last night. Parts of the evening are fuzzy, but I do remember Pyper and I getting dolled up for a girl’s night out. We decided to go to the new club, Zero Gravity, and we had fun. We drank too much, laughed, danced. Thinking about dancing makes me remember Dylan and Ken from last night. I still can’t believe those two jerks accosted us on the dance floor. Then I remember more.

  Luke.

  Oh God, Luke.

  At the nightclub.

  He ripped Dylan off of me. My bloody lip. I remember hearing his voice and freezing. Turning to him and then…oh no.

  “Pyper?”

  Pyper has been watching my face. I know she saw my confusion turn into clarity, because she raises an eyebrow at me, “Yes, Olivia?” I hear sarcasm in those two words.

  “Please tell me I have finally lost my mind. That all the stress in my life has made me bat shit crazy and I’m hallucinating that I saw Luke last night.”

  “Oh honey, you more than saw Luke last night.”

  “Oh God, Pyper, please tell me that I did not throw up on him.”

  “Not only did you toss your cookies on Luke, my sweets, but he assisted us to a cab while you were pretty much out of it. You were dealing with the combination of alcohol and shock, so you may not remember that Luke made sure we got home safely. I wasn’t thinking and when he asked the address for the cab driver I gave it to him. That is how he knows where we are, and is the reason he is currently sitting in our living room.”

  “And you let him in? Why couldn’t you have called security? What if I don’t want to see him?”

  “He repeatedly knocked on the door, refusing to go away until I let him in to see you. He said if I ignored him he would just keep coming back every morning again and again. He made it clear he is not taking no for an answer. I figured you would rather see him on your own turf, than be confronted by him somewhere else because he is obviously on a mission. Now, you should get up and hop in the shower real quick and get dressed so you look presentable when you see him again. Right now, you’re sporting an awesome semi-death look.”

  “No. No way. Tell him I don’t want to see him. I have nothing to say to him.”

  “Olivia, I just told you he isn’t going to take no for…”

  Before Pyper can even finish her sentence my bedroom door is pushed open and Luke is standing in the doorway. I’m struck stupid looking at him. My heart starts pounding and I can’t look away. I hate that he is able to still take my breath away after so many years. And those seven years, well they’ve been kind to him. He’s absolutely gorgeous. He’s wearing jeans, a black t-shirt, black boots and a black leather jacket that is unzipped. His dark hair is longer on top, and styled with a carelessness that looks like he just shoved his hair every which way. He’s sporting a very sexy five o’clock shadow and his blue eyes look intense and are red-rimmed, like he didn’t get much sleep.

  That brings me to his body and oh boy, it has filled out. Where he was lean at eighteen, he’s downright built, and no doubt sculpted, making him all man and downright sexy at twenty-five. His shirt is pulling across his chest and as if he sees me looking he crosses his arms over it drawing my attention back to his eyes.

  “Umm… I’ll just… yeah… ummm… yeah I’m going to go.” Pyper stammers.

  I don’t even acknowledge her or watch her go. I’ll deal with that traitor later. I can’t believe she let him in here.

  He just stands there at first, his eyes locked on mine. I hear him clear his throat and he finally breaks the silence, his lips lift slightly in a grin, “So…you’re back.”

  I can’t speak. I just nod stiffly.

  He lets loose a full blown grin at me and it takes my breath away. I remember that smile with gut wrenching clarity. Girls used to be rendered speechless at that smile, willing to do anything to make it appear again, as if he was bestowing a great blessing upon anyone he revealed it to. Despite trying or thinking I am, I can’t look away from him.

  Taking a step further inside my room he says, “There have been many times over the years when I’ve imagined what it would be like to see you again. I have to say, I didn’t imagine the encounter would include puke.”

  I feel heat rise in my cheeks and I know they are pink. I’m so mortified. I also feel self-conscious with him standing and me still sitting in bed. I stand quickly in my haste to put us at an even level, and he immediately takes me in from head to toe. I swear I see his eyes heat a little. I look down at myself and say a quick prayer of thanks that I’m wearing my cute navy blue, eyelet lace cami and boyshort set from Victoria’s Secret. Then I get angry at myself when I realize what I’m thinking and I stalk to my closet so I can grab my robe that’s hanging on the back of the door. I feel his eyes follow me the whole way.

  I step into the closet, grab my robe, and shove my arms inside. I temporarily mourn the fact there isn’t a mirror in my closet, wishing I could check my hair, which is no doubt morning crazed and wish I could brush my teeth too. Once I realize that I even care a little, it just makes me stop. I’m not trying to impress him. At least I think I deserve points for trying to convince myself of that.

  I walk out of my closet and come up short when I realize he’s come all the way in my room and was waiting outside the door to my closet. I close my robe and cinch the belt tightly. We just stare at one another for a minute. Silence has never felt so loud.

  “Olivia…”

  I interrupt him, “What are you doing here, Luke? Do you want an apology? Okay fine, I’m sorry I threw up on you.”

  “No. No of course that’s not why I’m here,” he takes another step towards me and when I back up a step, he stops. “I came here because I need to see you, to talk to you. I want to know how you are, how you’ve been the last seven years. I want to look at you, to hear your voice. To see that you really are here, that you’re real and really back. I want to know that I didn’t just imagine you or think I saw you like I’ve done so many times before.”

  I gasp slightly and my heart twists. I don’t know what I expected him to say but that definitely was not it.

  “I don’t understand Luke. Tell me why. Why do you care?”

  Luke shoves his hand into his hair. It’s a gesture I remember well. It’s his tell-tale sign that he’s nervous or feeling frustrated about something.

  “Olivia, I have so much I want to say, so much I need to tell you, so much I want to ask you.”

  “Well, I don’t have anything to say to you. I heard everything I needed to seven years ago. I want you to leave. Now.”

  I begin to slide past him to go to my b
edroom door, with the intent of holding it open, emphasizing my point. I want him to leave.

  I think, right?

  Yes. Definitely.

  Luke reaches out and grabs my arm gently as I start to walk by him. Startled, my eyes meet his. He’s touching me, and that fact makes me lose my breath. Being this close to him makes my brain scramble and my cheeks flush again. I hate that my stupid cheeks always give away how I’m feeling. I press my lips together as a way to try and help me hold my emotions inside.

  His eyes look to my lips, then back to my eyes and he says, “Don’t. Please. Just, give me five minutes, Livvie. Just hear me out.”

  Maybe it’s the use of his nickname for me only used by him, and the rare occasions when Pyper is displaying extreme affection, since she knows how it affects me. Or maybe it is the look in his eyes, but I find myself nodding in agreement and saying, “Fine. Five minutes.”

  He loosens his grasp on my arm, trailing his fingertips down towards my wrist and lingering there. Even though I have my robe on, his touch feels like fire blazing down my arm and I feel every inch of the gesture, as though we are skin to skin. He hesitates, like he doesn’t like removing his fingers from touching me, or maybe he’s just afraid I will walk away from him again if he’s not holding onto me.

  “Wow. I…” he swallows hard and I see a quick flash of something in his eyes. Confusion? Pain? Uncertainty? I’m not sure. “It’s hard to know where to start. I have dreamed of having this chance with you. To talk to you, to try and explain and now that you’re here, I feel like I’ve forgotten everything I wanted to say.”

  My heart starts to soften, but I give myself a mental slap and make myself remember the pain this man caused me when I heard him tell his mother I was just a distraction. I feel my body stiffen and my eyes harden, “You now have four minutes.”

  Suddenly his words start coming at me so fast it’s like a verbal avalanche. “Olivia, what if I told you that what you heard me tell my mom that day seven years ago was not what you thought it was? You walked in at an awful time.”

  I grunt at this comment. I can’t help it.

  He continues like he didn’t hear me, “What you heard me saying to my mom was my attempt at getting her off my case by telling her what she wanted to hear. I was so sick of her always bad mouthing us and putting her two cents in about us all the time. That day was hardly the first time I heard her opinion about my relationship with you; her assumptions about what you meant and what was going to happen if we stayed together. She didn’t like it or want it for me. She was worried I was getting too serious, too fast and that my studies would suffer. As you know, I was leaving the next day for a family vacation for the last couple weeks of summer and you and I were going to spend that day together before I left. My mom saw me getting ready to head out and asked me where I was going. When I told her I was meeting you, she started in on me again. Right there and then, I had a plan. I just wanted the subject of us dropped so I could get to you as quickly as possible and spend as much time with you as I could, but I was also determined to try and make peace in the only way I knew how. I didn’t want to go on vacation with my parents and have her bitch at me the whole time. It would cause my parents to fight, impose unneeded anger and drama, so I gave in. I played her game and told her what she wanted to hear, so I could get out of there, leave the next day, and maybe actually have a good time with my mom and dad for once.”

  He pauses and runs his fingers through his hair again. He looks away for a moment, “I told her…”

  “I heard what you told her. You told her I was a distraction you were planning on cutting loose, that I meant nothing to you other than a good time.”

  “Yes, that is what I told her. It was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I told her those lies, even though they couldn’t have been further from the truth. I just wanted to pacify her. Nothing mattered to me more than starting college with you and finally getting to live our own lives. I was finally going to be out of the house and away from her constant judgment. I just had to get through two more weeks. The plans you and I made were everything to me. You…you were everything to me. I hate that I made you doubt that.”

  I just stare at him. I don’t know whether I should believe him or not. The rational part of me knows that if what he’s saying isn’t true, he wouldn’t be here. Why would he bother? The stubborn part of me isn’t convinced.

  “I’m so sorry. God, I’m so sorry Olivia. I tried reasoning with her before that day. I told her how much I loved you and wanted to be with you, but she just wouldn’t hear me. She refused to believe my feelings were real, telling me I was far too young to feel that way. She told me I couldn’t possibly know what true love was at only eighteen years old. Eventually, I realized I would just have to play along to get her to leave me, and you, alone. If I had any idea you would have heard me, or that you would leave me…” he whispers the last part trailing off.

  After a moment he clears his throat and continues, “Olivia, when I saw you in my club,”

  It takes a second for what he just said to register, “Wait. What do you mean your club?” I ask, shocked.

  “Oh. I’m the owner of Zero Gravity. It’s a new development, and no one really knows about it because I was able to keep my name out of the paper when an article was written about the new club. I bought the space and renovated it quickly. It hasn’t been open for very long.”

  I’m amazed that the club I was admiring last night was his doing. I can’t believe that out of all the clubs we could have gone to last night, we go to one that Luke owns.

  Without thinking it through I admit, “The club is amazing.”

  He smirks at me and I see a little of the old Luke in that look, “Thank you.” Then he continues our previous conversation. “As I was saying, when I saw you last night, I just knew this was my second chance. Our second chance. Fate brought you to my club.”

  “Second chance? Fate? I don’t know about that, Luke. I think you are reading too much into this. I appreciate you telling me what really occurred that day, but it doesn’t change anything. It still happened and I’m a different person now. I’m not the same Olivia I was seven years ago, and I’m sure you aren’t the same Luke I knew either. At one time, I wondered if I ever really knew you at all. Maybe we saw each other again last night so it would allow us to have closure.”

  Luke grabs my left hand and looks at it then asks, “Olivia…are you…are you involved with someone?”

  I hesitate before answering. “Well no, not right now.”

  His brow furrows and he lets go of my hand so that he can cup my face instead. He looks at my mouth and brushes his thumb over my sore, slightly swollen lip. I just stare at him dumbfounded, once again affected by his touch and the tender look in his eyes. When his eyes meet mine again, he says, “I believe you walked into my club last night for a reason Olivia. I don’t believe in coincidence. I know we were put back into one another’s paths again for a reason. I refuse to let you just walk away from me again. I want you to let me in on everything about you, Livvie, leaving nothing out. I want you to tell me everything I’ve missed. I want you to tell me everything I should have been there for. I want you to fill me in on every moment of the last seven years, and I want more than anything to know you again and have you know me in return. I know you are angry, and I know you have doubts, but let’s work through them. You are right, I am a different person now. I’m sure you are too, but I’ve never forgotten you, Olivia. Never. I can’t let you go again. Don’t ask me to.”

  My eyes fill with tears. He seems sincere and my heart is aching. He is right, I’m still angry and I do have doubts. I can’t help it. Even if what he said is the truth, the day he broke my heart was pivotal in my life. To have it explained away so simply, makes me feel such angst.

  Aside from those feelings and thoughts, I want this. My heart, my mind, my body remember Luke. Like a magnetic pull, I’m drawn to him. I feel a need for him, but I’m afraid. I can’t take anymore h
urt; I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it. To let him in again, knowing that I could just be setting myself up for failure seems unwise. I’ve already been through enough, I can’t handle much more. Part of me wants to hide and run away. Being a grown up sucks ass sometimes.

  Pulling away from Luke with much more internal effort than I hope is apparent, I look away and say, “I don’t know, Luke. I’m sorry, I just don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can give you access to me, to my heart, and risk getting hurt all over again.”

  Luke grabs my upper arms, not in a cruel or mean way, but in a firm, loving gesture to make his point and I marvel that with Luke, I feel fire at his touch; with Deacon, this same gesture always meant pain was forthcoming. The realization that a part of me instinctively still trusts Luke, despite everything, says something. His touch makes me feel alive again for the first time in months. He waits for my eyes to meet his again and when they do, I’m lost. “We can take it slow, Livvie. Let’s be friends again. See what happens. Just…just give it a chance. Give me a chance.”

  I swallow. Can I really say no? Would I really be able to just let him walk away? Do I want him to? No. I would rather have him be in my life again for a little while, than not at all.

  Before I can think it through anymore, I nod my head, “Okay Luke, friends. We can try being friends.”

  Luke takes me in his arms and I can’t resist putting my arms around his waist and hugging him back. I hear him breathe in deep and I think he’s smelling my hair, which for a moment worries me because I have morning hair! Then I hear him whisper, “Thank you,” and it makes all thoughts of my hair leave my mind.

  I inhale and take in his spicy scent, and I hope I’m confident in my decision-making.

  I’m putting my heart out there again.

  I just hope he doesn’t break it into pieces again.

  uke pulls away from me and holds me at arm’s length. A pleading look appears on his face and he says, “Let me take you to breakfast. I would really like to spend some time with you, catching up. Do you have plans? Would that be okay?”