Pretty Little Lies

by Jennifer Miller

  I can’t help but wonder what is going to happen when Luke drops me off. Will he kiss me? Will he want to? Do I want him to? It seems too soon for that. We just reconnected again, and while my mind is telling me to take things slow and to remember that I have walls up for a reason, my heart remembers this - remembers him. He made an imprint on my heart long ago, and it hasn’t forgotten, it’s begging for me to let him in again. And my body – well it refuses to be left out of the equation. His nearness and brief touches still set my body on fire. I feel like a live wire, ready to sizzle at the slightest touch. I both love and hate the feeling.

  We pull into the parking garage and I turn my head towards Luke, “You don’t have to park or anything, you can just let me out and then you can take off.”

  He looks at me like I’m crazy, “Now that wouldn’t be very gentlemanly, would it? I’m going to ride up the elevator with you and take you to your front door.”

  I nod my head in a manner that says sure, if you insist, then that’s fine with me. The tension between us in the elevator is palpable; the uneasiness and slight giddiness make the corners of my mouth slightly turn up, even though I’m trying not to show that I’m affected. I’m looking at Luke out of the corner of my eye, I can see him looking at me in turn, with a soft smile playing at the corners of his mouth when he realizes we are both checking the other out.

  When the elevator reaches my floor, Luke saunters uncharacteristically slow to the door of my condo – as if to savor every last second. I turn to look at him, and part of me really wants to ask him if he would like to come in for a cup of coffee or a beer; but it has been a long day and the other part of me just wants some time alone now. I’m looking forward to getting into comfortable pajama pants and reflecting on everything that’s happened.

  “Thanks for breakfast and the movie, Luke.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad you came out with me. I know the last thing you expected was for me to storm in on you this morning. After seeing you last night, I couldn’t wait another minute to try and talk to you to make things right between us. Thank you for giving me a chance to be in your life again. Whatever you do, please don’t change your mind. I’ve missed you.”

  I get a little choked up at his comment, so I just nod. I start to put my key into the lock, knowing that Pyper may be home. But I’m not going to check first. If she sees us standing here she will invite him in. I’m not ready for that. Before I can get the key in all the way Luke stops me by asking, “When can I see you again?”

  I freeze, and my brain starts turning. It isn’t that I don’t want to see him again, and I’m not surprised he asks to see me again, but I’m startled because I don’t know what to say. I want to see him again, but by immediately agreeing, does that make me seem way too eager and available? I also just want time to digest everything before I decide.

  Luke, seeing my hesitation takes another step towards me, causing me to look at him. With sincerity in his eyes, he cups my face between both of his hands, “I want to see you again. Soon. Can I see you tomorrow or in a couple days?”

  I get lost in his eyes for a moment. They’re full of hope, eagerness, sadness, and something else that I don’t want to think about right now. Just the thought makes me tremble. He notices the fact that I’m lost in him for a minute, because a knowing smirk appears on his face, which snaps me out of the moment. He may be sexy as hell, but I still want to wipe that look off his beautiful face. I pull away from his hands, “I’m sorry, I’m not really sure what the rest of the week is going to look like for me. I’m supposed to go on a date with Noah this week, but we haven’t nailed down an actual day and time yet, so I can’t commit to anything right now.”

  Luke takes a step back from me and his eyes narrow slightly and I’ve accomplished my goal, because that arrogant look that was on his face has disappeared. “A date?”

  “Yes. A date.”

  “You’re dating?”

  “Yes. I’m dating. I’ve been dating. That’s what people, adult people do, right?”

  Luke sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and is quiet - the wheels turning in his head I’m sure. I can’t believe I mentioned Noah and my potential date with him, but why not? Luke and I may have reconnected, but that doesn’t automatically make me his. I don’t belong to anyone. I’m not property.

  “Well, where are you going with this guy Noah?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I asked you where you plan to go.”

  “I heard what you said, why do you want to know?”

  “Well, how did you meet this guy? How do you know he’s a good guy? Has Pyper met him yet? How serious is this?”

  I’m taken back by his questions. “Not that it is any of your business, but he is a good guy, I’ve been out with him before. I…well, I like him. And no, Pyper has not met him yet, not that it matters.”

  He just stares into my eyes for a moment and I wonder what he’s thinking. Before I can ask him he asks, “May I please have your phone?”

  I wasn’t expecting that, “My phone? What for?”

  “I’d like to put my phone number in it so you can contact me when you know your schedule.”

  “Oh, okay. Sure.” I start digging around in my purse looking for my phone; I find it and swipe the screen so I can enter my password before handing it over to Luke. Once I give it to him, he starts tapping at the screen, adding his information to my contacts. I hear a chiming sound after a moment and Luke pulls his phone out of his pocket and glances at the screen.

  “There. Now I have your number too.”

  I smile at him when he hands my phone back to me and notice that he is not smiling at me in return. He has a serious look on his face.

  “Olivia, I’m not going to let you run and hide from me. I had a great time with you today, and I know you had a good time too. I finally found you again, and I’m not about to let you go.” He reaches his hand towards my face again and brushes his thumb across my cheekbone. He leans in and places a kiss on my forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment, making my breath catch and my eyes flutter close.

  Luke pulls away from me and when I open my eyes I see that damn sexy smirk is back on his face again. “Goodbye, Olivia. I’ll be seeing you soon.” Then he gives me one of his dazzling full blown smiles, his dimple winks at me and makes me want to place my lips there. Damn these hormones.

  I clear my throat, “Goodbye. Thank you again for today.”

  He winks at me, “You’re welcome,” and starts walking back to the elevator.

  I stand and stare at him for a moment, not able to move my body. He looks back at me, “Go on in so I know you are safely inside.”

  Fumbling with my key again, I roll my eyes because really, what could happen? I have been going into buildings at my own leisure without needing oversight for quite some time, but I indulge him and push my key the rest of the way into the lock, turn it, and open the door. As I start to close it behind me, I hear his soft chuckle.

  I’m barely through the door before Pyper pounces on me. “How did it go? Are you okay? Did you have a good time? What did you do? Did you guys kiss? Tell me everything!”

  “Geesh, calm down and give me a minute to breathe here!”

  “Not a chance, I didn’t think you would ever get back. I’ve been dying here. I need information!”

  “Okay, okay, let me just go change really quick.”

  Pyper sighs at me like I’m the biggest pain in the ass. She’s so impatient when she’s about to get good gossip. “Oh, alright.”

  I head to my room, walk in, throw my purse on the bed, and head to my dresser. I decide to go for comfortable and take out some yoga pants and my favorite Madonna t-shirt, then go to my bathroom to change. Once I’m feeling relaxed, I decide to pull my hair to the top of my head into a messy bun and wash my face really quick. When I’m done, I head out to the living room, where I know Pyper will be impatiently waiting for me.

  “Oh my gosh, it is about time! I about di
ed from the waiting in here!”

  Rolling my eyes I tell her, “Don’t be so dramatic, Pyper.”

  She sighs and holds a wine glass out to me. “Here is a glass of wine, just get on with it already!”

  “It isn’t even five o’clock yet.”

  “Who cares? Now spill!”

  I take the glass of wine from Pyper and share the details of my day, leaving nothing out. Everything from what I ate and what Luke ate, to the hostess that couldn’t keep her eyes off of him, to his hand at my back, the question and answer game, the movie, and then his insistence that he drop me off at the door.

  Pyper is leaning in towards me as I‘m talking, as if she’ll miss a word if she doesn’t. “Are you going to see him again?”

  “Yes, I think so.” I know I don’t sound convinced and Pyper hears it in my voice.

  “Why didn’t that sound more believable? Do you want to see him again?”

  “I do want to see him again, that’s the problem.”

  Pyper scrunches her nose at me, “I don’t understand.”

  I take a sip of my wine, then try to explain, “I want to see him so much that it scares me. But then, when we were standing at the door and he was holding my face in his hands, I started to lose myself in him and he stared back at me for a moment and then that confident I’ve got her right where I want her look appeared on his face, and suddenly I didn’t want to make things so easy for him. Plus, I don’t want to jump into a relationship with him. I may know the truth now, but that doesn’t mean we should pick up right where we left off. It also doesn’t mean that things are going to be easy.”

  Pyper frowns, “What do you mean?”

  “Well, first of all, I don’t want to seem pathetic because I’m instantly available when he wants me to be. I know I don’t have a demanding social life or anything, but making it seem like I would do anything, say anything and drop anything to be with him tomorrow is not a vulnerability I want to show him.”

  “Well that is understandable. Playing a little hard to get isn’t going to kill him.”

  “I know, you’re right, but it’s more than that. I may have agreed to give him another chance and to let him into my life again – as a friend - but my life doesn’t revolve around him. First, I’ve been there done that with Deacon. No thanks. I’m not making the same mistake twice. Second, while being with Luke feels…”

  I struggle to find the words and Pyper knowing me well, just waits patiently for me to continue.

  “Being with him feels kind of like coming home. It’s hard to put into words but I instinctively remember him. Not only do I remember things about him, like the soda he drinks, or how he sucks his bottom lip in when he’s thinking hard about something, but my heart remembers him too. I feel content with him. I mean, sure, I’m also nervous as hell but at the same time, I feel like I can be myself with him more than anyone.”

  “Well that’s good. Some spouses can spend years together and never feel that way. I think that’s amazing. And the fact that you remember him and feel that familiarity in your heart makes sense. You share a history together. It makes sense that in some ways, you would instinctively gravitate to what you know. Even resort to what was habitual behaviors and well-known territory.”

  I pull my legs up under me on the couch, “Yes, you’re right. I wish I could just go with it and not read into every thought and every emotion, just let my instincts take over, but I can’t do that. Luke apologized, and I do forgive him, but I haven’t forgotten that the lie he told his mom spun my world out of control and sent me careening straight into the clutches of Deacon. I mean sure, I know intellectually that I am the only one that can be held responsible for my choices because they were mine and mine alone, but there is a part of me that feels like Luke is at least, in part responsible, and I haven’t forgiven him for that. I know that’s crazy.”

  Pyper reaches out and grabs hold of my hand, offering me comfort, “No, that is not crazy. It makes complete sense.”

  “I just think it is going to take time for me to get over that. Seeing him and hanging out like we did today I know will help, but again, I know it may be a pride thing, but I don’t want to appear too eager. He really wants to see me tomorrow or the following day, but I told him I have a date with Noah this week and so I can’t give him a firm day or time right now. At least not until my plans with Noah are solidified.”

  Pyper’s eyes widen and then she bursts out into laughter, “You told him you were going out with Noah?”

  Pyper’s reaction makes me laugh too. “Yes. I can’t believe it. He was looking at me with cocky confidence in his eyes and a smile on his lips that makes me want to simultaneously smack and jump him. It made me pissed that I felt that way, so I used words to wipe it off instead. I admit it; I wanted to knock him down a few pegs.”

  Pyper is holding her stomach because she is laughing so hard, “That’s just freaking perfect. It’s good for him.”

  “Well, by the time he left, it didn’t seem to faze him much. He winked at me,” I frown remembering the look on his face, “Cocky bastard. Sexy cocky bastard, though. Damn him.”

  Pyper giggles at me. “So do you and Noah really have something going on this week?”

  “Yeah, we do. We talked about meeting at Water Tower Place to grab a bite to eat and shop around a bit. I just need to check my email to see what day and time he chose. I told him I’m pretty flexible, and to just let me know when it works for him.”

  “Well, why don’t you go check your messages while I make myself a quick salad for dinner. Are you hungry?”

  I groan and pat my still full belly, “No, I had a ton of popcorn at the theatre.”

  “Okay, be right back and then we can talk about our date this week.”

  “Our date?”

  Pyper tosses a grin at me over her shoulder as she heads to the kitchen, “Yep. It’s called retail therapy.”

  The next afternoon Pyper and I are at the mall shopping. My date with Noah is in a couple of days and I decided a new top is in order. I’m in the dressing room at Nordstrom trying a few that caught my attention - and hopefully that of others - and showing Pyper after I try each one on to get her opinion.

  I walk out wearing the one I think is a keeper, Pyper looks up, “I love that! “ I turn around so she can see the back and she whistles, “Ohhh sexy!”

  “I feel sexy. It’s a perfect combination of sweet and sexy.” I look down at the pink and white vertical stripe top and admire how the front has a slight oval neckline while the mirror reveals that the back forms a deep v. At the bottom of the v, there’s a bow that has ruffles cascading down from underneath it. It makes me grin; even feel happy. “This will look great with a pair of jeans and maybe my pink wedges.”

  “You have to get it. If you don’t, I will.”

  As I walk back into the dressing room to change back into my own top, I hear my phone chime. Pulling it out of my bag, it says I have a new text message from “Luke – Love of my Life.” Way to be subtle. Opening it, I read his message, “I woke up smiling today because I finally found you again.” My face warms at his message and my heart jerks in my chest. I decide not to respond and instead let it sink in. I lock the screen and start to tuck it back into my purse, when it chimes again. Luke has sent me another message. I realize I’m smiling before I even read it. “I love your smile.” My grin becomes wider.

  Heading to the register to purchase the top, I smile at all of the bags in Pyper’s hands. She’s an expert shopper. She’s bought a new Coach bag and sunglasses, as well as a gorgeous new blouse from White House Black Market. Once I have my new top in hand, Pyper grabs my elbow and starts pulling me out of the store. “Let’s go to Victoria’s Secret next!”

  “Okay.” As we approach the store, I admire the gorgeous lingerie in the windows and am quickly transported somewhere, watching the expression on Luke’s face as he longingly gapes at me, wearing the lacey black bra and panty set. Thinking of his gorgeous eyes smoldering at the
sight of me makes me excited.

  “Come on, Olivia. Now that you are back in the dating world, it is time to buy some beautiful things for your imminent sexy times.”

  I laugh, “Imminent huh? Thank God. I could use some sexy times. It sure as hell has been a while. I contemplated sitting on the dryer the other day just for a change. How sad is that?”

  Pyper laughs and I giggle; and we begin browsing through the lacey bras and barely there panties and lingerie. I start looking for my size in a sexy black number, and before I realize it, my hands are full of items for me to try on. I look at Pyper and see she has several items too.

  “I’m going to go try these on, Pyper.”

  Pyper starts heading to the dressing room area with me, “Me too.”

  Upon reaching the dressing room, we pause as the attendant who has her back to us, helps unlock a room for another customer. Pyper looks at a display next to us while we wait. When the attendant turns toward us, I gasp. Pyper comes quickly to my side, no doubt having heard my gasp. It’s Kim Anderson, a girl from high school that I never liked.

  “Well, well, well…look what the cat dragged in. Olivia Summerton, it sure has been a long time since I’ve seen you.” I don’t bother to correct her when she calls me by my maiden name.

  “Kim Anderson. Wow. Long time no see. How are you?”

  “Actually, it is Kim Chadwick now.”

  I’m not surprised to hear her last name. She dated Kyle Chadwick throughout high school. Good for them, I guess. Kim is a classic over-achiever. She was very competitive in high school, always trying to one-up me in everything. I tried out for cheerleading, so did she. I would raise my hand to ask a question, so would she. Anything Luke and I did, she and Kyle would try to do better. I remember when Luke and I were voted “Class Couple” she threw a tantrum because she thought they should have been chosen. She was my constant, annoying shadow in school. Pyper being ever protective of me, could never stand her.

  “Good for you, Kim. I assume that means you and Kyle got married?” Pyper makes an attempt to be nice, and I’m impressed.