Torn

by A. M. Wallace

  A.M. WALLACE

  Copyright © 2015 by A.M. Wallace

  All rights reserved.

  Cover design by Najla Qamber Designs / najlaqamberdesigns.com

  Cover Photo by Taria Reed

  Formatting by Inkstain Interior Book Designing

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  For my husband, Tylor

  You were the first to believe in me and tell me my dreams were possible. I couldn’t have done any of this without your love and support.

  For my son, Thaxton

  You’re mommy’s biggest fan, even if you don’t know it yet. You’re the reason I’m pursuing my dreams now.

  For my grandfather, Karl

  You always believed in me, no matter what it was about. Without you and grandma, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I started this journey after you were gone, but I have no doubt in my mind that you would have supported me through this as well. You were my rock and I will forever look up to you. I’ve never known a greater man. I can only hope that my son grows up to be half the man you were. I love you and I miss you terribly.

  R.I.P.

  June 26, 1939 – April 26, 2014

  the air was just beginning to turn cool as autumn approached. I’d already started wearing a jacket around campus because I tended to stay cooler than the average person. I casually strolled through the crowd of people on my way to my seminar class. There was still plenty of time to make it before the professor arrived, and I liked taking my time on days like today.

  It was beautiful outside. The leaves had just started to change and the weather was just about perfect. While I loved fall, winter was by far my favorite season. There was nothing like bundling up with a cup of hot cocoa in front of a fire and watching the snow fall from your window on a winter night. Call me crazy, but I absolutely loved it.

  Pulling my bag higher on my shoulder as I walked, I found myself a little distracted by the scenery. The view from campus was wonderful. While being in a populated area, the entire campus was spread out to where it didn't seem so congested. One could almost pretend to be out of the city. But sadly, we were not. At least we were out of the bigger city, I suppose. I was so caught up in my thoughts, I didn't see the guy running in my direction until he crashed into me and I was on the pavement.

  In his defense, he did try to stop. Or, at least, I thought he did.

  “Hey!” he yelled in my ear as he took me down.

  I screamed just before the wind was knocked out of me. I tried to catch my breath as I looked up at the face of the man currently on top of me. He looked pissed.

  “You okay?” It didn't sound like he really cared.

  I pushed him off me and stood up, groaning at the soreness in my hands and butt from the fall.

  “Fine,” I said and he nodded, grabbed his things from the ground, and went on his way. I glared in his direction as he started running again. “What a jerk,” I grumbled as I picked up my bags, thankful nothing fell out of them, and walked quickly the rest of the way to my class. Lucky me, I made it at the same time as my professor. At least I wasn't late.

  Professor Lee glared at me over her glasses and stood to the side to allow me in before her. I proceeded straight to my usual seat next to Erica. She gave me a questioning look, knowing I'm never just on time; I’m always early. I just sat down and shook my head. She understood me well enough to know she’d hear all about it later. Groaning at the pain in my hands, I took out my notebook and pen to take notes as the professor began her lecture. When I felt a tap on my shoulder, I glanced up to find Erica giving me a ‘look’. I waved her off and she sighed in return. Despite the pain in my hands, I started writing. I needed to do this despite the pain if I was going to pass. I was struggling as it was.

  Erica kept giving me looks throughout the class, obviously worried about me. She caught sight of my hands, which were more scraped up than I’d originally thought. She’s a good friend and I appreciated her concern.

  Erica and I met three years ago, when we both started college. She’s two years younger than me. I had taken two years off after high school, so I was a little older than the other students in my program. We were both education majors, both going into Middle Childhood Education, math and science. After seeing we had so many classes together our first semester, we decided to try to help one another out. Our study sessions always turned into old fashioned sleepovers. We were fast friends from the very beginning. Plus, she got along great with Marcus, my best friend since childhood, so it was perfect.

  We were so much alike, but so different at the same time that we just went well together. After the first semester, we scheduled all our classes together when we could. Going into our second year, we decided to look for a place to share and were extremely lucky when we found, right off campus, a good-sized apartment for a decent price. Now, here we were going into our fourth and final year together. We'd already applied for student teaching jobs in the same schools, but we tried to be realistic. We knew we couldn’t be together forever, right? That didn't mean we weren't going to try.

  When Professor Lee finally dismissed us, we gathered up our stuff and made our way out. We weren't three feet from the door when Erica started in on me.

  “Where were you? And what happened to your hands? Did you see the look Professor Lee gave you?” It was a wonder the girl was able to get a breath in.

  “Slow down, would you?” I laughed as we stepped outside, back into the cool air. “Someone ran into me on my way to class and knocked me down. No big deal.”

  “No big deal?” She grabbed my hand and began examining it. “You need to clean this up. Is the other one this bad, too?” I shrugged and held up my hand, my palm facing her.

  “It’s really not so bad. Besides, I think my ass hurts more.” She let go of my hand and we continue walking.

  “Did she at least apologize?” I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check for any calls or texts. Nothing. That was strange. Marcus usually would have already texted me by now when he was on his way to work. Maybe he’d been running late.

  “He, and no, he didn’t. I'm pretty sure I pissed him off just by existing. He seemed to be in a pretty big hurry.” I didn’t have to look at her to know she rolled her eyes. She was the protector. Not that I wouldn’t want to hurt someone for hurting her, but Erica wouldn’t just want to. She’d do it. “I'm fine, E. Honest.” She looked less than convinced. Thankfully, she changed the subject.

  “If you say so. Hey, do you want to stay in to work on our lesson plans tonight or head to the library?” It may seem weird she would suggest the library when we lived together and didn't have to worry about being in anyone's way, but we liked to get out of the apartment occasionally. Yes, going to the library was our excuse to “get out” now and then. No judging.

  “I don't know. Want to swing by Marcus’? We could order a pizza and take a break tonight. Our Lit paper isn't due until next week, and we don't have much left on our lesson plans.” That was a lie and we both knew it. January was still four months away, closer to three, but it felt like tomorrow when our student teaching would start. We both had a long way to go on our lesson plans, but we chose to ignore it from time to time.

  “Yeah, that’ll be fun. When will he be home?”

  “His last client is at eight, I think, so around ten, maybe. I’ll call him in a
little bit and make sure he doesn't mind.” I knew he wouldn't mind. Chances were, he wouldn’t even have a client at eight and he’d leave early.

  “Sounds good. I’m gonna head home for this break. I need a nap and I can’t get one in the cafe with you.” I laughed. I worked almost all my big breaks between classes in the University Cafe. It was the only time I really had. I didn’t want to give up my weekends when I needed that time for my schoolwork.

  “All right, I’ll catch you later.” We both waved goodbye and she walked in the direction of our apartment and I went the opposite way toward the cafe. Four hours of work and then two more classes and I’d be done for the day. I just hoped it went by quickly. I always enjoyed spending time with Marcus.

  my final class had let out early, thank goodness. I was ready for this day to be over. Not only did it start out badly with me being plowed down by some asshole, but I hadn’t really gotten to talk to Marcus all day. Now Erica and I were on our way to see him.

  Marcus and I weren’t always attached at the hip, but we did spend a lot of time together. I think it had begun changing because we’re getting older. We now understood how difficult it could be to have a serious relationship while staying best friends with the opposite sex. We’d always said we’re determined to make it work, though.

  The thought of Marcus finding someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with just killed me. The horrible green-eyed monster came out of me every time it was brought up. Jealous, yes, because he was my best friend and I knew that meant things would change. But also, jealous because I wanted to be with him. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew the feeling wasn’t mutual. But I couldn’t help it.

  I’d been in love with Marcus Williams since I was twelve years old.

  Maybe it sounded crazy, but it was true. He was my first real friend. He was my first kiss. It was then I knew. I wouldn’t be that girl though. One kiss does not a relationship make. When all my friends were completely boy crazy, obsessing over any guy who looked their way, I didn’t want to be like them. I figured he would bring it up if he wanted to be more than friends. He never did. Ever. So there we were.

  I was okay with things the way they were, really I was. I cherished my relationship with Marcus. I just knew it was going to be hard when he met someone. I guess I still had this little fantasy in the back of my mind that he’d realize he was in love with me too and we’d live happily ever after.

  Yeah, right.

  In the meantime, I kept our relationship just as it was. Even if it seemed to be all Erica could talk about on the drive to Marcus’ house.

  “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? The worst that can happen is he won’t feel the same way and you’ll just keep being best friends.” She was trying to make me feel better. She knew just as well I as I did it wasn’t that easy. It would never be the same if I confessed my feelings and they weren’t returned.

  “Because you know it wouldn’t work like that.” She didn’t reply as she turned down Marcus’ road, which told me she knew exactly what I meant. She parked at the curb in front of his house and shut off the car. We didn’t say anything else about it as we got out and I grabbed the pizza from the backseat while she reached for the three two-liters of pop we got.

  I could tell Marcus wasn’t home yet because his car wasn’t in his driveway. He hadn’t texted me to let me know when he’d be home, so I assumed he was still at work. We walked up to his front door and I snagged his spare key hidden behind the shutter of the window next to his door. I let Erica and me in before returning the key to its hiding place.

  It wasn’t unusual to make ourselves at home while waiting on Marcus to get back. So that was what we were doing. I set the pizza on the coffee table while Erica took the pop into the kitchen, returning with two glasses full of ice. We sat down and made ourselves comfortable, eating our pizza and flipping through the channels while we waited on Marcus.

  preferred fitness was a breed of people all their own. I'd been working there for three years and I was still the ‘newbie’. Everyone who worked there was there before I was hired. I was amazed they even hired me to begin with. I had just graduated with a bachelor’s degree and certified as a Personal Trainer when a job opened up. I applied, but never dreamed I would get the job. Most employers want you to have experience; however, to get experience, you have to have held a job for x amount of years. It was a no-win situation, really. More than likely, I believed I was going to have to find a job where I worked under another trainer. To be trained, so to speak, before being let loose on my own. When they called and said I was hired, I couldn't believe it. Not only was it the first job I applied for after becoming certified, but it was for the Personal Trainer position. Not under anyone else, it would be all me. I'd been there ever since.

  I’d had the opportunity to work at other places over the last three years, but I liked it there. They took a chance on me and helped me build up my career, so as long as they'd have me, I wasn't about to leave them. Besides, we were a family. I genuinely cared about each and every person I worked with. None of us really hung out after work or anything, but our demeanor during work hours was very friendly.

  I was rarely late to work. Okay, so I was late sometimes, but this morning made me feel extremely late. I walked in at seven forty-five and already had two people waiting for me. It was all uphill after that. It was unusual to have couples training sessions, but today was the day for them apparently. Lunchtime had come and gone, and when I finally got a break, it was three o’clock. I couldn't believe how busy I'd been today.

  I walked back to my office and checked the calendar on my computer to make sure I didn't have anything scheduled for four o’clock today. Who the hell was I kidding? I hadn't had anyone scheduled today; however, having no appointments didn't stop them from coming in. Too bad. I was starving and I wanted a break. I walked back out of my office and to the front desk where Rachel was currently on the phone. She looked up at me with a strained expression and made the universal ‘this person talks a lot’ sign with her hand. I laughed and leaned against the desk to wait for her.

  I looked around the building and smiled. This wasn't the biggest gym around, but it was a pretty good size for the city where we lived. I was proud of it and I loved working here. I could hear Rachel behind me becoming frustrated about something the person on the line was saying before reassuring them she would get someone on it right away and hanging up. I turned back around just as she started pounding her head against the desk.

  “Remind me again how it's possible people don't read the membership contract before signing? What? Do they think it's just a bunch of words we put on paper to make it seem more legit?” I chuckled quietly. I knew her frustration well, especially with the younger crowd we had here. They would sign the contract for the one-year membership, stating they would pay a monthly fee for the entire year, whether the membership was used or not, and then decide they couldn't pay. Why wouldn't they just do the month-to-month plan, you ask? Because it cost a little more and they apparently couldn't afford it.

  “Who knew when you signed a contract, you'd have to stick to it, huh?” She gave me a small smile.

  “I'm headed to grab lunch. Dinner? I'm headed to grab food.” She laughed. “Want anything?” She wrote down her Subway order on a Post-It and handed it to me along with her money. This was our usual Friday. Well, except for the massive amount of people I had today. We had a bit of a schedule ourselves. Some days, she'd grab lunch and others I would, and every once in a while, the masseuse, Devon, would join us. But she rarely came down from the second floor. Being the only masseuse around here, she stayed pretty busy.

  I walked out the front doors and pulled my phone from my pocket for the first time today. I laughed when I saw the screen. Two missed calls and five texts. All from Hannah, I would guess. It was a wonder there weren’t more. I usually would’ve talked to her before now, but today was so busy I hadn't had a chance. Apparently she'd noticed.

  7:40am: Did
you leave for work yet? I tried calling you but you didn't answer. Hope you're awake! Don't be late!

  11:15am: Still haven't heard from you. I just got to work. Call me.

  12:00pm: Hello? Don't make me stalker call you. You know I will.

  2:34pm: This is just ridiculous. Marcus Alexander, I will murder you.

  2:55pm: Okay, fine. Don't answer my calls or texts. I'm heading back to class now. E and I will be at your house when you get home. We're ordering pizza.

  I shook my head, laughing while I read them. I texted her back right away. Not that she would get it now, she rarely checked her phone in class.

  Sorry. It's been a crazy day here. If it keeps up, I may not be home til 10, but I'll let you know.

  I went to put my phone in my pocket when it vibrated in my hand. I smiled. It was Hannah again.

  Well then, you may not get any pizza. You know how we girls like to eat. Have a good evening. Xoxo

  I smiled even wider reading the text. Hannah could always make me smile. Even on a crazy day like today when all I wanted to do was go home and go to bed. Ever since we were kids, she's been like that. We had definitely been through a lot together.

  Hannah and her parents had moved in next door to me when I was five. She had cooties and I was a dumb boy, but our parents forced us together. We had a love/hate relationship until around Junior High. That was when everything got really confusing for me. She was a girl. I wasn't supposed to like her. But I did. All my friends made fun of me for having a girlfriend, and I'd, of course, deny the hell out of the accusation. Hannah did too. At school, we didn't talk. We didn't hang out. But at home, it was different. It started out forced, but we grew on each other over time.

  Hannah was my first kiss, even if she technically was never my girlfriend. I was in the eighth grade and she was in the seventh when we both just decided to get it over with. All our friends had supposedly done it and we didn't want to be left out. I knew my friends were full of crap and had never even touched a girl, let alone kiss them. But still, I wanted to be like them, only I didn't want to lie. So one day, we just kissed. It wasn't awkward leading up to it, but, boy, was it awkward afterward. At least for me. I loved her. In more ways than I should have. The kiss confirmed it. Hannah just didn't seem to feel the same way.