Torn

by A. M. Wallace

  “You really don't remember, do you?” I scoffed, folding my arms over my chest. He raised his brow and shook his head.

  “No…should I?” I blinked a few times before answering.

  “Really? You don't remember knocking me on my ass Friday morning? I know I don't really stand out, but it should be easy to remember that.” I was getting exhausted with my own anger, but I stood my ground. He looked genuinely surprised at what I'd just said.

  “That was you?” I nodded and he hung his head for a moment. “Look, I'm really sorry about that. I was having a bad morning and I was running late for my LSAT prep and I was kind of freaking out about missing anything there so, yeah…I just ran. I should have apologized then, but I was panicked. That prep course could help make or break the start to my career.” I felt my face soften; I was growing less angry the more he spoke. I sighed, dropping my arms from my chest.

  “It's fine.” I shook my head, slightly embarrassed from how I reacted to seeing him after what happened Friday. “I was kind of overreacting. I'm a bit dramatic sometimes.” I lifted my hands to give him a better look. “My hands are fine. Thank you for your apology.” I smiled my first real smile since he approached the counter. He smiled back.

  I felt that stupid crush come back as well.

  “So, you were saying you'd like something new today?” We both laughed a little, though I wasn't really sure what was funny. “Pumpkin flavored anything is very in right now.” I grinned, making it sound like a trend and everyone was doing it. Which it kind of was, what with fall being here and all that.

  “Can you add some pumpkin spice to a black coffee?” he asked with a smile. Was he mocking me? I glared playfully before turning to grab the cup again, filling it with black coffee and putting the lid on it.

  “Tell you what…” I grabbed a couple of the pumpkin spice creamers from their holder and turned back to him, handing him his coffee and the creamer. “I know creamer isn't really your thing,” he smirked, “but you can add however much of this as you want to see if you'd like it. Then we'll talk something else. You might have to work your way there. I can make a pretty sweet drink, but if you're not used to it, it may put you in a sugar coma. Just saying.” I couldn't believe how comfortable I'd just become with this guy. This felt natural. Even after my minor freak out earlier.

  He continued to smirk as he handed over his money, in exact change.

  “Thanks for the tip.” He made a point to take his lid off his coffee as I rung him up and added one of the creamers. I laughed as he looked around for something to stir with and I pointed him to a small table beside him that had the spoons and stirrers. I slid him his receipt as he took a sip and made a slight face.

  “It's not bad,” he said and I laughed again.

  I tilted my head a little as I watched him take another sip. He really was very attractive, with slightly dirty blond hair and brown eyes. He wasn't huge in the muscle department, but he wasn't exactly lacking, either. I could tell by the tight polo he was wearing. He was the scholarly type. I knew that about him before he mentioned the LSAT.

  He was the complete opposite of Marcus in the looks department. Possibly in personality as well, but how would I know that? The realization that I'd just compared this guy to Marcus, like it was something to live up to, made my stomach hurt. I couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to like this new guy and felt guilty, or because I wanted to find a reason not to like him because of Marcus. Maybe a little of both.

  “Yeah, most people make that face when they like something.”

  “I'm just getting started.” He put the lid back on and held out his hand. “I'm Justin, by the way. I've been coming here so long, I forget we don't actually know each other.” I reached over and shook his hand.

  “I know what you mean. Only I'm more apt to remember your order rather than your name. Actually, I'd say we know each other pretty intimately now.” I held up my hands for effect. We both grinned at that. “My name is Hannah.”

  “I'll be sure to remind you then, I'm more than just black coffee. It's nice to officially meet you, Hannah, and again, I'm very sorry about your hands.” He held his cup up in a salute and turned to walk away. “See you tomorrow. Be prepared.” I shook my head, a bemused smile playing on my lips.

  “And what if I'm not here tomorrow?” He turned and gave me an even look.

  “Then I'll just have to go back to my usual and we'll have to start all over the next day.” He winked at me before finally turning and walking away.

  I looked down at my magazine, trying to pay attention to what was on the page. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. What started out as what I was ready to call the worst day ever, turned into…I'm not sure what I'd call it. But I liked this Justin guy. I didn't really know him, but maybe that was for the best right now. I had just turned the page when I saw movement in front of me and looked up. I blinked and opened my mouth to say something, but decided against it.

  Justin was standing right in front of me with a very confused expression on his face.

  “See, I was on my way to my study group and I couldn't stop thinking about how I should really make it up to you.” I raised my brow and he elaborated. “For running you over on Friday.”

  “You really don't have to do that. It's okay, really.” What could he possibly be thinking of doing to make it up to me?

  “Oh, but I want to.” He grinned and leaned onto the counter, getting a little closer to me. Instinctively, I wanted to back away to protect my personal space, but forced myself to stay where I was. I didn't want to seem easily intimidated. Besides, he smelled really good. “What time do you get off work?”

  “Uh…” I swallowed hard and turned to look at the clock on the wall. Was it really five thirty already? Wow, time flew when you're chewing someone out and then flirting shamelessly with them. “In thirty minutes.”

  “Perfect.” He grinned, then got serious all of the sudden. “Wait. Do you have plans after work?”

  I shook my head. I wasn't sure I trusted my voice. Was he doing what I thought he was doing? What I hoped he was doing? Did I want him to? Yes, I did. But I still felt guilty about it. I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like Marcus and I would ever be together, or I was going behind his back or something. He wouldn’t care anyway.

  “Now it's perfect. Can I take you out to dinner?”

  Oh, my God. He was asking me out. Or maybe it was just an apology dinner. Just great. Now I'd be analyzing every single thing he did and said all night if I said yes. I should just say no. Yeah, I was going to say no.

  Maybe I was looking for an excuse to say no so I wouldn't feel like I was betraying Marcus in some way. The only way I was betraying him was in my own little fantasy. I would never tell him how I really felt, because I couldn't handle being rejected by him. I needed this.

  “Yeah. That would be nice.” I smiled and he smiled back. My smile quickly turned into a frown as I looked down, realizing I wasn't dressed for a date. I was in a plain, green sweater that I'd had for years and some old blue jeans. Justin must have realized my apprehension as he spoke.

  “Hey.” I looked up to find one of the most dazzling smiles I've ever seen. “You look great. Don't worry about that. Your sweater really brings out the color in your eyes.” I smiled, but I was slightly uncomfortable. I couldn't remember the last time I had a compliment from a guy who wasn’t Marcus or Chad. “They're beautiful.”

  Now, I truly felt like I was melting. One compliment from this guy and I was ready to turn to complete Jell-O. I smiled at him in thanks.

  Marcus who?

  he walked me out to his car when my shift ended and held the door open for me, which felt so different from when Marcus did it. This was a good sign right? My stomach was in flutters and my heart was pounding as I got in the car. He walked over and got in the driver’s seat, smiling at me before starting the car and taking off. I looked around the interior of his car. I didn't know much about cars, but I could tell this one was new a
nd very expensive. I was sure Marcus wouldn't care much for it. He liked the older ones, or classics, as he called them.

  I should not have been thinking about Marcus right then.

  “You know, for all I know, you could be some serial killer taking me to my doom right now.” He laughed and shifted gears as he pulled onto the highway. So wherever we were going wasn't in this part of town.

  “You're right, I could be.” He looked over at me and smiled that heart melting smile at me. What was I concerned about again? “I guess you're going to have to trust me.”

  I chewed on the inside of my lip and turned to look out the window, trying to figure out where he could be taking me. Hopefully, it wasn't anywhere too fancy. I wasn't dressed for it. Not that I expected that. I wasn't even sure if this was considered a date yet or not. But the way he reassured me about what I was wearing gave me a lot of hope.

  I wanted to get over Marcus. Maybe this would be the push I needed.

  A few minutes later, Justin pulled off into the parking lot of Antonio’s, the Italian restaurant just outside the city and I had to laugh. He looked over at me with a confused look on his face. I hoped he didn't think I was making fun of him or anything.

  “Sorry. This is just kind of ironic,” I said and he raised his brow as he waited for me to continue. “This is probably my favorite place to eat, but I haven't been here in forever.” He smiled at me and I smiled back. We sat there for a couple of minutes, just smiling at each other, but oddly enough, it wasn't weird. At least not for me.

  “Well, I'm glad I brought you here then.”

  i finished my session with Mrs. Kelley around seven forty-five and walked with her back to my office. She had always liked to schedule all her sessions with me a month in advance, and as it was nearing the end of September, we were due for another sit down. I glanced toward the front desk as we walked past, trying not to seem too obvious as I looked for Amy. I didn't see her. I raised an eyebrow, taking a seat at my desk. Of course she wasn’t there. Receptionists usually got off at five o’clock, but I was used to Rachel hanging around later. Not that it mattered. I probably wouldn't approach her again just yet. It wasn't my style. I wasn't that smooth with the ladies, despite popular belief.

  Mrs. Kelley took a seat in front of me and took out her day planner. See? She had a day planner. Maybe I should get one too. I grinned at the thought. Nah, I didn't need any more help in the dorky department. Mrs. Kelley looked up at that time and matched my grin.

  “I know it's not me who has you grinning like a fool, Marcus.” She winked, crossing her legs and laying her planner open on her knee. I cleared my throat and turned toward my computer, bringing up the calendar.

  “I don't know what you're talking about.” I looked over and saw her give me a knowing look before holding up her planner so she could read it better.

  “I'm sure. Well, I can keep Mondays and Thursdays for at least the next couple of weeks, but then I'm going to have to change to Tuesdays and Fridays. If that's okay with you?” She looked at me expectantly. As if I'd tell her it wasn't okay with me, even if it wasn't.

  “Of course.” I started typing her name in the noon slots, already assuming she'd keep them. “Noon, still?”

  “Yes. Bingo is starting again at the Senior Center on Mondays at one o’clock and I can't miss it. I don't want to have my workouts that close together, so it'll have to be Fridays instead of Thursdays. You understand, right boy?” She gave me a halfhearted stern look, which I couldn't help but smirk at.

  “Well, I guess if bingo is more important than me, I'll make do.” She rolled her eyes, not even bothering to come back at me.

  “So what about that new girl?” Here we go. I knew this was coming. I pretended to be confused.

  “What about her?”

  “Don't play dumb with me, boy. I saw her when I came in. She's very pretty.” I had to look away from her scrutinizing stare, continuing to add her to my calendar, taking my sweet time.

  “Yes, I suppose she is.”

  “Well?” I looked up, raising my brow at her with an amused grin. I'd humor her, but that's all she was getting.

  “Well, what, Viv?” She huffed and shoved her planner back in her purse and then shoved her purse back in her gym bag.

  “You're hopeless, boy. Completely hopeless. What am I going to do with you?” I took my glasses off and pretended to be very interested in cleaning the lenses. “You're much too smart and good looking not to have settled down yet.” This is why I loved Vivian Kelley. She was very good at keeping my self-esteem up.

  “I'm only twenty-five, Viv. Plenty of time to settle down and have kids.” I winked at her.

  “I'm not getting any younger, and I'd like to enjoy them, you know.” I chuckled. I'd lost my grandparents, both sets, before I got to know them as a child, so it wasn't exactly terrible to have this woman in front of me stand in. In fact, I kind of liked it.

  “Tell you what, Viv.” I put my glasses back on. “I promise to start looking, if you promise not to try and set me up with Amy behind my back.” I leaned forward, resting my arms on my desk and clasping my hands together as I said it. She glared.

  “I will do as I please.” She stood up and her face softened. I didn’t think I'd ever seen her truly mad at me. Frustrated, yes. But never really angry. “But I promise not to play matchmaker.” She turned to leave, but turned back around at the door. “But don't you take forever, you hear? Because then, I may not be able to keep my promise.” She walked out this time, calling behind her. “See you Thursday!”

  I shook my head as I sat back in my chair. That woman. It was hard not to like her. Hell, it was hard not to love her. I sighed, reaching for the mouse to go through and make sure my calendar was saved before exiting the program.

  I didn't have any more clients scheduled tonight, but that didn't mean someone wouldn't come in. It was going to be a long couple of hours. I could have finished my workout from this morning, but decided against it. I could find something to do to pass the time here in my office and that would give me a good view of the front desk to see who may or may not show back up.

  i was not going to lie, when I heard footsteps coming toward my office, I'd hoped it was Amy. I knew it wasn't, though, from the heavy foot falls. I looked up, and despite my disappointment, I grinned as Chad stepped through my door.

  “What's up, man? You're here late.” I leaned back in my chair and waited for him to take a seat.

  “Could say the same about you, Mark. Aren't you usually gone by now?” I shrugged.

  “I just got through with a client a little while ago and thought I'd wait around to see if I had a walk-in.” I furrowed my brow in confusion when it dawned on me what he said. “Hey, wait a minute. If you didn't think I was going to be here, then why are you here?” That seemed to catch him off guard, which made me narrow my eyes in suspicion.

  “Uh, no reason. I was just driving by and thought I'd, you know, stop by and see if you happened to be here.” He looked nervous as he spoke, like he was caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing. I laughed.

  “Dude, if you're here to check out Devon, you're seriously wasting your time.” His mouth opened like I just told him he was adopted, and I laughed a little harder. I knew he assumed I was saying he didn't have a chance. “She's not here, Chad. She doesn't work Mondays.”

  “Oh.” He relaxed a little and slid down in the chair. “Well, then, this was a wasted trip.”

  “Gee, thanks.” I pretended to be offended and he laughed.

  “I'm pathetic, aren't I?” He sighed. I took a deep breath and leaned forward on my desk. Poor Chad. He wasn't exactly a ladies’ man. Not that he couldn't be, he just wasn't that confident. He'd been crushing hard on Devon for as long as I can remember, but he was too chicken to make a move. Sadly, she and I didn't talk much so it was hard to play wingman, but when she was around, I did try.

  “You're not pathetic. You just need to grow some balls and talk to her. Otherwise, you'
re pining over nothing and you'll never move on and be happy.” He gave a look that screamed hypocrite.

  “You're one to talk,” he huffed. I knew he'd say that.

  “Maybe you're right, but we're not talking about me right now, are we?”

  “I don't know how to talk to women.” He sighed, letting his head fall back against the chair. “It's no wonder she doesn't know I exist.” I felt bad for the guy. He was a good person and deserved to be happy. “Hey, maybe I could join the gym? Be here more to see her more?” I raised my eyebrow as he continued. “I know it doesn’t really help me with the pathetic department, but it puts me one step closer, right?” I shrugged.

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I laughed. “Are you sure, though? You’re not the gym type.” He flipped me off.

  “I could be. We’re always talking about how I need to work out.” I rolled my eyes. I was always talking about how he should workout. He was always ignoring what I said about it. Well, apparently he wasn't always ignoring me.

  “Okay. Do you want personal sessions or just a membership?”

  “If I do personal sessions, are you going to kick my ass?” I smirked, which told him I was saying yes. “Then I just want a membership.” I laughed.

  “Pussy. But just so you know, I'm still going to work you some.” He groaned as I started looking through my filing cabinet behind my chair. “I don't think I have any membership forms…”

  “That's all right,” he said as he stood up and I raised my brow at him, “I'll just go have Rachel set me up.”

  “She's not here.” I didn't elaborate. I didn't have to. We'd be on the subject of Amy soon enough, but I'd push it off as much as I could right now.

  “Oh, well, I can just do it tomorrow, then.”

  “She won't be here tomorrow either. I think she quit.” I turned back around to look through my papers again, hiding my facial expression from him when he started asking questions.