The Petal of the Rose

by LJ Maas

  I had to stop just then. I would not allow myself any tears before this boy, but my throat constricted with emotion, and I had to swallow down the feelings that threatened to make themselves known.

  "When I had you, suddenly all the old rules didn't seem to apply. One thing your father said did get through to me, though. He said that you would never be able to live a normal life as long as you were around me. I wasn't afraid of his warning that you might be used as a pawn to get to me. I worried that you would become like me. I took, Solan, from everyone. From the moment I left my mother's home, I never gave anyone anything, until the moment I gave birth to you. Giving you to Kaleipus was the first decent thing I'd done in a long time."

  I looked down at the boy, lying there suffering from injuries that I had caused. "I'm sorry, Solan." I used the words that only Gabrielle ever heard from me.

  He turned sullen eyes away from me and I pretended that it didn't hurt. What had I expected? Did I think that once he found out, things would suddenly change? I really never allowed myself to look that far ahead. I had found, in my life, that unfulfilled expectations could cause more of a hurt, than had they never been wished for in the first place. Well, it was out in the open now. I had no idea how to proceed, where to take things from here.

  "How would you like to treat this news?" I asked. What an inane question, but one that had to be asked.

  "It doesn't really change things," he responded. He was quieter now, the edgy ramblings abated. "Do you want anyone to know?"

  He asked the one question that I had no answer for. I simply wasn't sure. I decided to be honest with him. I owed him at least that much.

  "I'm not sure," I answered. I decided to try a little levity. I should have known better. Comedy is not my forte. "Of course, I don't want anyone knowing as long as you continue to be an arrogant ass." Even my smile was lost on him.

  "It's just the way I am," he replied. "It's too late to change now."

  "It's never too late to change, Solan. Please, remember that. If my life teaches you only one thing, let it be that."

  "I think... we should just keep it to ourselves... for now."

  I admit to myself that those words hurt. I hadn't expected them to, but they did all the same. Again, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do; I only know how I felt. His quiet change in manner encouraged me, along with his last couple of words... for now. It gave me hope that my son and I could somehow come to a truce of sorts. I knew one thing; his manner would have to improve a hundredfold before I would take any pride in calling him my son.

  I awkwardly reached out to simply touch my hand to his face. He didn't pull away completely, but he certainly didn't acknowledge the gesture. I passed the act off as though I was checking his temperature.

  "You're a bit feverish. I'll call Kuros."

  I called out for the attendant, and bid him to send for the healer.

  "So, does this mean I have to put up with her everyday? I suppose she already knows our little secret. Is that why she's trying to be nice to me?"

  "Gods, boy! You're more paranoid than even I am. Maybe she's taking care of you because she's a wonderfully compassionate woman. Maybe it's because she sees something more in you than the insolent little child you've shown everyone so far. Maybe she's just doing it for me, because she knows I can't... or won't."

  "I don't need her trying to win me over."

  "Let me inform you, Solan. I am marrying Gabrielle, and she will be the Queen of this Empire. Now, whatever distaste you find in my consort being a woman, or whatever problem you may have with her because she was illegally held as a slave, you have two options. If you want to get along in this castle, you can get over it, or keep it to your self. I have neither the time, nor the inclination to deal with anyone that treats her with disrespect, least of all my son."

  He rather flinched as I said, my son. It was the very first time either of us said the words aloud, and it sounded oddly foreign.

  His shoulders slumped a bit, and I recognized the appearance of defeat in his body language. He was more boy than man, emotionally, and so I thought, just maybe, his confusion was genuine. He was caught, in a way. He was an abundantly proud young man, caught in the position of having to rely on others to care for him. He was smart enough to recognize the fact that he needed us right now, but he was just temperamental enough to hate himself for having to rely on someone else. Gods, how well I knew what he was going through.

  "So, what am I supposed to do while she mothers me all day?" he asked. I did notice that the tone of his voice didn't hold that harsh edge to it any longer. It would again, of that I was sure. My young son was too much like his mother to let go of a grudge that easily. I suspected that his physical condition had pulled a bit of the fight from him.

  "Do you play King's Men?" I asked, attempting to keep the laughter from my voice.

  "Of course," he answered.

  "You might engage her in a game. She's quite good."

  He smirked, and Gods! It was like watching my own expressions. "I've been taught war strategy and theory all my life, and you want me to play a game of strategy with a woman who probably doesn't even see the need for war?"

  I smiled, knowing what the outcome of a game between the two of them would be. "Trust me, Solan. Warriors come in all shapes and sizes, genders, and philosophical backgrounds. The truly great warriors are the ones who usually don't even know it until the time is at hand. Play the game... I think you'll be surprised."

  Kuros's young apprentice came into the room and bowed deeply. "Lord Kuros is in the village, Lord Conqueror, but he is coming straight away. He bid me to begin mixing a medicine to reduce the Emissary's fever."

  I nodded and thanked the young man, allowing him to carry on with his task. He went into the next room and sat at a table, using a stone carved mortar and pestle to grind some herbs that he removed from small leather pouches. Solan felt warm, but not burning with the fever. I didn't worry, knowing capable hands were delivering his care.

  "I should leave you to your medicine and some rest," I said.

  "Thanks," he said. His voice was sardonic, but I could see his lips were trying not to turn up in a smile. I hated feeling ill, but worse than that, I hated medicine. Kuros was sworn to secrecy, but on the rare occasions when I developed a fever, a huge gulp of honey was the only way I could tolerate the healer's usually foul tasting potions.

  "Tell Kuros you want a spoonful of honey after. It will take the bitterness away," I suggested.

  I moved toward the door to leave, but had to ask. "Solan, what you said... about Gabrielle the other day. Was it true?" I asked, facing the door.

  There was a long pause before he answered and I wondered if he would try to drive the dagger in my heart, or if he would throw me a bone.

  "No," he answered softly. "I... it was just to get to you."

  I breathed a sigh of relief. I would never be completely sure that Solan was telling me the truth with this profession, but what touched my heart was his admission. If the event actually happened, my son was showing the first bit of compassion that he'd most probably ever exhibited to anyone. If he was telling the truth, then his consideration for how that knowledge would affect me was nothing short of amazing. Either way, it was a first step.

  "Thank you, Solan." I answered before bidding him a good evening and leaving the room.

  * * *

  I'm not sure how I looked, but my body language must have been enough for Gabrielle to immediately pour me a cup of wine. I slumped down onto the loveseat beside the fire.

  "Well, no new cuts or bruises, so it couldn't have gone too badly," she teased.

  She handed me my wine, and I took a large swallow before speaking. "It was very... different, almost confusing."

  "How so?" she asked, taking a seat beside me.

  I couldn't help but enjoy the sweet, clean scent of her, and the way her silk robe fell off one shoulder. It was apparent that she wore nothing underneath the robe, and once that thought was i
n my brain, all I could think about were her promises from earlier that morning.

  I admit; I must be a pathetic mother, or just a sexual deviant. As soon as I thought about Gabrielle's promise to make me scream, I felt myself become wet with desire. I promised myself I would tell her about Solan in the morning.

  "Xena, are you all right?"

  "Hhmm?" I asked, while leaning toward her. I reached down and kissed her exposed shoulder. She chuckled slightly at my behavior.

  "You're very cute when you're confused," she whispered, kissing the side of my neck.

  "Please, Gabrielle." I tried to put on an affronted expression. I placed my cup on the floor, and pulled her slight body closer to me. "I'm a warrior. Cute is not really the look I'm going for."

  She quickly moved to straddle my lap, continuing her affections to my neck and jaw. "But you do get that cute little puppy dog expression when you're confused about something."

  I slid my hands along the tops of her thighs, grabbing her backside, and pulling her against me tighter. I teased myself by imagining the feel of her skin against my fingers. I anticipated that it would feel as soft as the silk of her robe.

  "It's a very sexy look for you, Conqueror... being vulnerable."

  "Oh," I half moaned. "Is that how you want me... helpless?"

  "It's the way I want you tonight." She breathed in my ear. "Do you love me, Xena?"

  "Completely," I answered in between kisses.

  "Trust me?"

  "Absolutely."

  "Would you do anything to please me?" she asked.

  "You know I would, little one." Gods, I was so whipped. I prayed none of my enemies ever found out. Ah, to Hades with them, I bet they aren't getting laid tonight.

  "I want you tonight, Xena."

  "You have me, love. Body and soul."

  "I mean I want you. I want to take you."

  My eyes opened in the middle of our kiss, and I pulled away just slightly. "What, like when I proved I was a rotten slave?" I grinned in nervous confusion.

  "Even more." She responded in a low, husky tone. "I want all of you."

  She placed both hands along the sides of my neck, massaging the area. She slid them into my hair, her nails raking along the base of my scalp. I'm not sure what it was about this little move of hers, obviously some sort of pressure point that I never learned. My scalp tingled deliciously where she ran her fingers, and I felt small sparks intermittently ignite in the area between my legs.

  My eyes closed at this arousing pleasure, and I tilted my head back, listening to her words, and allowing her to mark my neck with her rough kisses. "I want to be your whole world, the only source of your gratification. I want to know that you belong to me. Tonight, I want to own you, Xena."

  I can't say I was exactly certain of what she had in mind, but I knew two things. One, whatever she had planned, the satisfaction would be mind numbing. Two, when she used words like own and belong, we were talking about, as yet, uncharted area between us. I opened my eyes and swallowed hard at the intensity in those passionate emerald eyes.

  I watched as she extricated her body from mine and stood. "I'll understand if you can't, Xena, but I want you to know, it would please me greatly if you could."

  I could hear the plea in her gentle voice; see the desire in her gaze. In an instant, I thought of a hundred reasons why, in the past, I was unenthusiastic about submitting to another's will. I could think of only one, however, to accept Gabrielle's request.

  I was quite unwilling to refuse this woman anything.

  I took a deep breath and turned toward the door that led to the castle hallway. I pulled the heavy bolt over the latch. Whatever my lovely consort had in mind, I didn't want to be caught in a compromising position by an overzealous guard, especially if Gabrielle made good on her promise to make me scream.

  I went to stand before her. "What do you want me to do?" I asked.

  She smiled at that, and I know that no matter what, I would do anything to keep the light in that smile. She held out her hand saying, "Come make love with me."

  I smiled broadly. "I can do that," I replied.

  * * *

  She kept her own robe on as she undressed me. It was a good thing, too. Having her stand naked before me would have been just too much temptation to resist.

  "Sit down." She indicated the edge of the bed.

  I sat there, nervously watching as she opened the standing cabinet on the other side of the room. She brought a bundle over, and laid it on the bed beside me. I didn't know what it contained, but I was certainly no stranger to hedonistic delights. I assumed what the cloth covering contained. Gods, I was actually nervous. It wasn't that I didn't feel safe with Gabrielle, it was the not knowing what we would be doing, what exactly she desired of me. It was a fear of the unknown that began to attack me.

  She stood in front of me, and let her robe slip off her shoulders, soundlessly falling to the floor. She stood there, just like that, for long moments. I allowed my eyes to take in every inch of her. When I saw what she reached for first, it became clear why she permitted me to take in the sight of her. She held out a long black cloth, and then stood between my parted legs.

  I wasn't at all thrilled with being unable to see. It was ironic, though; that the last sight I would see, before she covered my eyes with the soft cloth, was the golden curls covering her sex. It was the intoxicating scent of Gabrielle's arousal, which convinced me to comply with her unspoken demand.

  She tied the cloth lightly, but sufficiently to block any trace of shadow.

  "Lie back," she said, and helped me to position my body in the middle of the large bed.

  I felt the heat coming off her as she straddled my belly. When she rested her body against mine I could feel her wetness, and I began to wonder just whose pleasure this seduction was for. I felt her body lean against me as I tried to imagine what she might be doing. When her breasts touched mine, I couldn't contain myself, running my hands up her back.

  She chuckled at my lack of restraint, taking my hands and bringing them over my head. I have to give the girl credit. She tried to gentle me every step of the way, and it led me to believe that she'd done this before. I could be so thick some of the time. My future wife had lived half her life as a body slave, yet I always got a mental picture of Gabrielle as rather an innocent. I think that notion was about to be dispelled in a big way.

  She brought my hands up until they nearly touched the large headboard. She opened my hand with her fingers and placed something in my palm. I should have known what it was right off, I mean, I'd used them myself once or twice in my lifetime, although I'd never been on this end of the situation.

  I tugged on the straps. They were a soft leather, but thick and strong. Once I had my wrists strapped into these, there would be no escaping. I could feel my breathing deepen. It was an involuntary response, as if there were not quite as much air in the room as before. I was going to say something in the way of a refusal, but suddenly Gabrielle's upper body was lying pressed against mine, and her mouth covered my own. Her tongue began to do some amazing things that I honestly felt all the way to my toes. My heart rate escalated a bit more, but now it was from desire. Her fingernails gently ran up the sides of my torso, continuing along the length of my raised arms. What saved me was my absolutely, one-track mind where this woman was concerned. I figured as long as she kept touching, and kissing me this way, I would barely notice I was tied down.

  When she tightened the last strap, an odd feeling passed through me. My flesh no longer felt heated. On the contrary, a cold, clamminess settled on me. A light sheen of sweat covered my skin that had little to do with arousal or anticipation. I recognized the sensation as fear.

  Images flitted back and forth across my mind's eye. I tugged on the straps that bound my wrists, realizing that I would be hard pressed, even in an emergency, to escape from my confined state. Suddenly I was thinking the most outlandish thoughts. In this position, someone could do anything they wanted to m
e. Gabrielle was in a position to hurt me, if not kill me. I couldn't see, couldn't move. I was well on my way to an anxiety attack.

  All at once Gabrielle was there, her body pressed against my skin, her lips meeting mine. She kissed her way around to my jaw, and then up to my ear, her hands rubbing my arms.

  "I'm right here, Xena. It's just the two of us, love."

  Her kisses moved along the corded line of my neck.

  "This is only about love and gratification, Xena," she said softly. "I won't do anything you don't want me to, and I'll stop anytime you ask me to, no questions asked. I won't cause you any pain other than what you find pleasurable, and I won't ever humiliate you."

  I think I might have asked her to stop right then and there, if at the moment her words ended, a warm mouth hadn't enclosed the nipple of my right breast.

  "Gods!" I cried out sharply. The combination of adrenalin coursing through my body, and nervous tension simply accentuated the satisfaction of the sucking motion. When her tongue got in on the action, my whole body was flooded with warmth.

  She slid down the length of my body, and I quickly parted my legs for her. I felt her tongue on my belly, making little swirling patterns on my skin. In my mind, I could see every move she made. I felt that same tongue licking its way along the edge, tracing the outline of the black triangle of curls.

  "Xena, I'm going to do something, and if you don't like the sensation, tell me, and I'll stop." She kissed her way along my inner thigh, placing a gentle kiss on the heated, very wet flesh between my legs.

  "Ohhh," I moaned at the sudden loss when she pulled away.

  I felt two or three fingers feeling their way slowly along the line of flesh where thigh met labia. Almost as if she found the spot she was searching for, Gabrielle pressed inward quickly, and I felt a sort of popping sensation there.

  "Sweet Athena!"

  "Should I stop, Xena?" Gabrielle's voice held a tinge of concern, but I was rather lost to it.

  "By the Gods, don't you dare!"