The Petal of the Rose

by LJ Maas

  * * *

  "Conqueror . . . Lord, Conqueror . . . Xena!"

  Atrius's voice came at me as if I were listening to him from underwater. With each syllable, the sounds became clearer. I grabbed on to his voice and allowed his words to pull me away from the clutches of the beast's grasp. When I shook my head to clear the last bit of haze from my brain, I found myself kneeling upon the ground. My hand was held tightly to my blade, my forehead rested lightly on the pommel.

  I rose quickly with only one thought in my conscious mind. "Gabrielle!"

  "She's over here, Conqueror. It's not good." Atrius said heavily.

  I felt my chest constrict at his words. "How bad is she?" My voice broke on the last word."

  "It's not Gabrielle, Lord Conqueror. It's the Amazon Queen. This way."

  "Casualties?" I asked as I followed Atrius to the center of the fighting ring.

  "I called in six squads of soldiers to put down the insurgence. We were lucky, overall. There were so many of our men here, the Centaurs and the Amazons had a hard time getting to one another. Six Amazons dead, one Centaur, and ten soldiers of the Empire."

  I stopped abruptly at the sight before me. The center of the ring had cleared. Empire soldiers held the majority of Amazons back at the point of their crossbows. Ephiny, Velasca, and an unidentified Amazon knelt beside Gabrielle. The small blonde sat upon the ground, and held the fallen Amazon Queen in her arms. Kuros was placing a thick bandage upon the Amazon's belly. When he stood and turned to me, he quietly shook his head back and forth. We weren't giving the healer much to work with lately.

  "A blade," he answered my unasked question. "It won't be long."

  Gabrielle looked up and I could see that dirt streaked her face. She had the beginnings of a shiner on her cheek, apparently from where Melosa had struck her earlier. Tears stained Gabrielle's cheerless face.

  "Oh, Xena." She cried when she saw me.

  I knelt on the ground beside them, and slipped my arm around Gabrielle's shoulders. I reached in and kissed her temple, and she leaned against me heavily. Neither of us spoke; words seemingly useless at that moment. Finally, her voice penetrated the silence.

  "I don't know what happened," Gabrielle began. "All of a sudden everyone was fighting. Someone came at me with a sword. There were so many arms, and people pushing. I couldn't keep them all away. When I turned around again, Melosa was just standing there looking down at her stomach. When she pulled her hands away . . . there was so much blood."

  Melosa opened her eyes, and I thought this scene looked eerily familiar. It had only been days since the Queen's daughter lay dying in her mother's arms. The Amazon was pale and still, her teeth clenched together against the pain.

  "Ephiny, Velasca," Melosa gasped.

  "We're both here, My Queen," Ephiny answered for the two of them.

  "I need you to know . . . I'm giving my right of caste to . . . Gabrielle." Melosa managed to say.

  "No, Melosa, no. I can't, I--" Gabrielle tried to object.

  "I understand, My Queen," Ephiny answered. The warrior's face seemed a mask of pain, but her voice kept its customary even tone.

  “You choose well, Melosa," Velasca responded.

  Now that surprised me. I watched as Velasca reached over and squeezed Melosa's hand. The Amazon glanced across the Queen's body, and smiled gently at Gabrielle. Velasca's actions raised more questions than they answered, but I simply wasn't in a mood to think on them at the moment.

  "Please, Melosa," tears continued to fall from Gabrielle's eyes. "Please, don't ask this of me. I can't, I can't do it."

  "Yes, Gabrielle . . . you can," Melosa said softly.

  "No. I'm not really an Amazon..."

  "But you are, my young friend. Gabrielle . . . you are what Artemis had in mind when she created our race." Melosa coughed, and a slow trickle of blood fell from the corner of her mouth. "You are the kind of person that I tried to become . . . but failed." Another coughing fit overtook the Queen, and I saw that she could no longer hold her own head up. ". . . Too much hate fills me now. Will you, Gabrielle? Will you accept my right of caste . . . and become Queen to my people? Be to them what I could not be."

  I knew what Gabrielle's answer would be before she gave it. I expected nothing less from the woman who was quickly becoming all things to all people. She would answer Melosa from her heart, and I was quickly learning that it would always be so with her.

  "Yes, Melosa," Gabrielle responded in a quiet, confident tone. "I will accept your right of caste."

  I hardly remember what passed between the two women after that. I do know that the last words Melosa spoke were in a tongue that was foreign, even to me. I could only surmise that it was an ancient Amazon language, known only to their race.

  Melosa closed her eyes one last time, and I saw something that I would long remember. Ephiny raised a tear-stained face to Gabrielle, who still held the dead Queen. The Amazon warrior bowed her head.

  "My Queen." Ephiny acknowledged in a strong voice.

  Every Amazon still standing in the palace courtyard lowered herself to one knee. Ephiny threw a cautious glance at Velasca, and I saw no hesitation in the adopted daughter's action.

  "My Queen." Velasca accepted Gabrielle's right to the title with a bowed head.

  "Please, Ephiny" Gabrielle began. "Take the Queen back to your camp, and prepare her for her journey."

  "Yes, My Queen."

  Ephiny motioned to a number of Amazons who stepped forward to carry out the task. We stood, and Gabrielle wrapped her arms around my waist, and rested her head on my chest. I kissed the top of her head, and pulled her away from the scene. I wanted nothing more than to have Gabrielle away from these people, and the area that suddenly, was not as protected as I would have liked. I was not prepared for Ephiny's next statement at all.

  "My Queen, will you be returning to the encampment with your people?" the Amazon asked.

  "She will not be!" I lost my temper, and quickly turned to answer the Amazon.

  "She is our Queen." Ephiny took a step closer, but didn't really seem to hold a great deal of malice in her tone.

  "She was my Queen first!" I hissed.

  "Xena," Gabrielle placed her hand upon my abdomen, her other still firmly around my waist. She simply wanted my attention and she had it, along with every other person within hearing distance.

  "Ephiny, Please do as I ask. I will be staying in my own quarters as usual. Xena?"

  Gabrielle looked to me. I'm sure she felt the tension in my body. I was growing angry, angry with these people, these Amazons, Centaurs, and all who would take Gabrielle from me.

  "The Amazons are ordered to their encampment. I want the Centaurs taken to their own camp. No one leaves Corinth without my permission." I spoke in a tone of voice that I hadn't used in quite some time. It was the commanding sound I used when I wanted no doubt as to who was in charge.

  Ephiny and Velasca both looked from me to Gabrielle, and then back again. They nodded their heads and were gone.

  "Atrius, set up guards at each camp. I don't expect a repeat of this fiasco," I commanded.

  Gabrielle and I left together, but my anger was still holding on to me, and I wasn't sure why. I was angry at everything and everyone, Gabrielle included.

  * * *

  Gabrielle and I left the training field arm in arm. By the time we reached our rooms, I was striding ahead, and Gabrielle quietly followed behind. Did I know I was acting like a complete ass to the woman I professed to love more than my own life? Of course I did. At that moment, did it matter? Not exactly. Did I feel badly over the way I was acting? Not entirely. Not at that moment, anyway. That would come later, as always.

  "Xena?" Gabrielle finally asked once we entered the outer rooms.

  "I just need to be alone, Gabrielle." I said, and turned to walk into the bathing chamber.

  I sat there for I don't know how long as the cauldrons of water heated over the fire. When I finally slipped my bruised body into the
hot water, my anger had turned to self-pity. Only, I didn't see it as self-pity. I let my thoughts wander to the first moment I met Gabrielle. Unkempt, and with a dirty face, she couldn't even look me in the eye. She was afraid of everything, afraid to feel, afraid to love, even afraid to want. It became my job to see that she knew she was loved, that she had enough to eat, and to see that no one hurt such a fragile flower. The most delicate rose in my garden, and I took care of her as I would one of my newest blossoms. Now the plant was grown, and suddenly . . . I felt unnecessary.

  I knew Gabrielle would one day become her own women. That was what I wanted, was it not? I just never expected it to be so soon, and in such a manner. Gods, the implications! She was no longer Gabrielle of Potidaea, a former illegally kept slave. In the space of a few days time, Gabrielle had become the Queen of the Amazon Nation. Sweet Athena, what have you done to me? Cursed me or blessed me?

  If I was no longer Gabrielle's provider, protector, did I serve a purpose in her life? Would she still want to be with me? Would she have any need for a warrior twice her age, a woman with an angry temper, and a childish temperament? Did Gabrielle need me anymore?"

  I splashed water onto my face to wash away the tears that I could feel streaming down my cheeks. How ironic that the woman who taught me to feel, could now cause me to feel so much it hurt. My chest felt empty, but there was an ache there that I simply couldn't ignore.

  A sound of rustling cloth brought my attention to the robed figure that moved about the room. I looked on as Gabrielle bent to retrieve the articles of clothing I'd strewn about the floor in my haste to be free of them. I noticed that she made a point of not meeting my eyes. The look of sadness on her face hit that spot in my chest that I had previously thought of as empty. It pained me terribly, thinking that once again, I was the cause of her sorrow. My anger had disappeared, and all I was left with now was a bundle of childish insecurities.

  "Gabrielle?" I called out gently.

  She stopped, but didn't look over at me. I watched as she reached for the shirt I'd been wearing earlier. She picked up the article of clothing, and abruptly turned toward me.

  "Xena, you're hurt?"

  I looked down at her hands and saw the bloody area on the sleeve where someone's blade sliced at me.

  "No! It's just a scratch, really." I held out my forearm so she could see the angry red line that ran from wrist to elbow.

  In an instant, our ire was forgotten as she tenderly examined my arm, and I selfishly enjoyed her touch.

  "I'll get a salve from Kuros," she absently commented, as she looked at the superficial wound.

  "It's not necessary, love." I took her examining fingers in my free hand and held them there. I saw she still had dirt smeared across one cheek where she must have fallen to the ground. "Come in here, love, the water's still warm."

  She shrugged off her robe, and I set about the task that Gabrielle usually performed for me. I bathed her body, then washed her hair, tenderly examining the darkening bruise on her cheek.

  "I'm sorry," I said at last.

  "For what?" she inquired.

  Good point. Gods, could I possibly explain it all to her? What will she think of me? "For treating you badly when we came up here."

  "Then thank you, and I forgive you," Gabrielle answered quietly. "Can you tell me, Xena?"

  "Tell you what, love?"

  "What it was I did that angered you so." Her eyes filled with tears and I felt my own do the same. She was so quick to believe that it was she who was in the wrong. "I thought . . . that you wanted me this way, able to defend myself . . . that perhaps then you wouldn't worry so much..."

  Suddenly Yu Pan's story came back to me, along with the words he used to caution me.

  Be careful what you wish for, Conqueror . . .

  "Oh, Gabrielle, no. It wasn't you, not really, anyway. I just . . . please, let me try to explain?" I felt I owed her at least that much.

  "Can I do anything to help?" she asked.

  "Give me a moment to dry off, then sit by the fire with me?"

  She nodded her head quickly, and the small smile encouraged me slightly. I rose from the bath and toweled myself dry. Gabrielle's eyes wandered across my body as I dried myself. It stirred something inside of me, to see her gaze linger appreciatively on my body that way. Perhaps I was not as broken down as I claimed to be.

  Suddenly realizing that I was watching her watch me, Gabrielle blushed a deep pink color.

  "I'll pour us some wine." She quickly wrapped her own robe about her, and excused herself from the room.

  When I entered the room, Gabrielle was nowhere to be found. It wasn't until I entered the bedhamber that I saw her. We usually lay on the thick rug before the fireplace in the outer room. Instead, Gabrielle had stoked the fire in our bedchamber, and laid a coverlet and a thick pile of cushions before the stone hearth. She laid waiting for me, looking as enticing, and desirable as she does every time she comes to my bed.

  We settled against the cushions, and it didn't take much to convince her to lean back into my embrace. We sat there that way, sipping our wine and staring at the flames for some time. I knew I had to begin at some point, but now I was loath to spoil this mood. Gabrielle always seemed to know my heart better than I did myself, most of the time. She began to gentle me with her touch, running her fingertips along my arm, and entwining her fingers with my own.

  I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. I said the words I'd never said to another person in my life. "I fear that you have no need for me now." I whispered into her ear.

  Gabrielle turned quickly to look at me. "Oh, Xena, is that what you've been worrying over?" she asked with such concern that a new wave of guilt washed across me. "Have I given you cause to feel this way . . . did I do some--"

  "No," I shook my head back and forth. "But it feels that way just the same." I could feel the emotion tightening my throat. I knew I would either begin crying or become unable to speak at any moment now. "If you don't need me to protect you, to care for you, then what do you need me for?"

  "How about, just to love me?" she suggested. "Xena, that's what you allow me to do. You don't really need me, yet you love me."

  "That's where you're wrong, little one. I do need you. For the first time in my entire life, I need someone else. Don't you know that?"

  "No," Gabrielle whispered, reaching out to lightly touch my cheek. "I didn't know that, but it's nice to finally hear. Xena, I need you, too. Even if I never need you to fight for me, or clothe me, and feed me, I'll always need you. I'll need you to hold me just as you are now, to comfort me when I have nightmares, to stand with me against people who would see me as nothing more than a slave. There are so many times, and things that I want to share with someone, and you My Conqueror, are that someone."

  I was struck dumb by her eloquence, and her ability to hit at the very heart of my fears. It struck me just then that although we were two very different people; we still had the same fears, insecurities, wants, and desires. I leaned my face close to hers, until our foreheads were lightly touching.

  "Are you sure that Athena didn't create you just for me?" I teased. "I am sorry I'm acting so foolish. Why you put up with me I'll never know."

  "It's not foolishness, love. I do hear that Athena does reward her faithful, however." She smiled that mischievous smile of hers. Then her features grew serious, just before she placed a tender kiss upon my lips. "Never, ever doubt my love for you, My Conqueror."

  "Nor mine for you," I answered, returning the kiss. I sighed deeply, knowing there were many things we had to discuss about the day. Our private times were becoming fewer, and farther in between. I looked back on the times when we could stay like this for a full day, locking the doors from the rest of the Empire. Recent events precluded that from our list of things to do.

  We needed to talk about so many recent happenings. The death of Melosa, which came as quite a shock, and Gabrielle's acceptance as the new Queen to the Amazon Nation. We needed to exa
mine in more detail Velasca's whereabouts, and who really killed Timara, and Melosa. Lastly, my curiosity could hardly contain itself. How in the known world had Gabrielle come up with the necessary skills to do what I witnessed on that practice field?

  All of these questions, and more, rolled and churned like a stormy sea in my brain. I knew Gabrielle and I needed to talk, beyond settling our personal issues. I knew the responsible thing would be to put aside my own wants, and to sit down with Gabrielle to discuss all of these matters. Unfortunately, at that very moment, I was thinking with something other than my head. It sounded completely selfish to me, and wickedly self indulgent, but at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to make love with Gabrielle.

  I kissed her shoulder lightly, the feel of her skin against my lips causing a slight tingling sensation in my belly. Yes, I was being dreadfully irresponsible. At the very least, I should be observing some sort of solemnity over the death of an ally. It's amazing how one's thoughts can escape from all sense of accountability when the libido is involved.

  "Xena, are you listening to me, love?" Gabrielle asked.

  "Mmhmm," I answered, moving my kisses up along Gabrielle's neck. I traced along the outer edge of her ear with the tip of my tongue, and enjoyed the feel of Gabrielle's body as it shivered against me.

  "Xena . . . should we?" Gabrielle asked. "I mean . . . ohhh ..." she trailed off.

  I drew the skin along her neck into my mouth, sucking lightly at first. At that first sensual moan, I pulled the flesh into my mouth and pulled it against my tongue harder. Everyone has that one small thing that a lover does that causes complete surrender. This was Gabrielle's weakness. It usually took most of my own self-control to keep from having my lover's neck appear as though a wild animal attacked her. I gave in and continued the sensation that she found most pleasurable.

  I didn't need to ask if Gabrielle desired my intimate touches, as she pushed the silk robe from my shoulders, and then pulled my body down on top of hers.

  "Gods!" I groaned. The feel of her skin, her breasts pressing into mine, it nearly stole my very breath away.