The Petal of the Rose

by LJ Maas

  I spread my legs, my thigh settling itself between Gabrielle's legs, my own center rubbing against the top of her leg. I felt Gabrielle's soft touch playing along my shoulders, then down my spine. Her fingertips sliding with feather light contact all the way down to my backside. She squeezed the flesh there, parting her legs further, and pulling me down harder against her. It was all the encouragement I needed.

  I kissed her once, slow and deep, then pulled back slightly to look into her face. The skin of her cheeks was lightly flushed, her mouth open slightly as she struggled with her need to breathe more heavily. What caused the tightening in my abdomen, what pulled at my heart were her eyes. The green irises, normally as green as the forests in northern Thessaly, had darkened. She had a look of desire, of need, that urged me on that much more.

  The next kiss was harder, more possessive, demanding. Every one after that told her in every way I could, of my need for her. I wanted her to feel me, take pleasure in me the way I did in her. Simply touching her, kissing her, making love to her this way, it intensified the way my heart ached for her. I knew at this moment, that there would never be another. There would never be anyone to ever love me, care for me as Gabrielle did. I wanted her to feel the same as I.

  Up to this point, my kisses had swallowed every whimper, moan, and sound that Gabrielle made. I felt her hand weave its way into my hair, her fingers entwining themselves within the locks. She pulled my head down, positioning me once more over her bared neck. I took full advantage, pleasing her with my lips, teeth, and tongue.

  One hand of mine roamed, luxuriating in the silky softness of her skin. It wasn't simply the way she felt beneath me, or under my fingertips, it was the way she fit to me. Her curves pressed against me in all the right places, and my hand . . . as I brought it along her outer thigh, and up across the swell of her hip. I loved feeling the valley as my palm came inward to just under her ribcage. I looked down at my hand as it rested below her breast, cupping the soft flesh, and feeling its heaviness. I watched in rapt fascination as my thumb brushed across the smooth, pink flesh surrounding her nipple. The smooth skin quickly pebbled, and grew hard. My mouth fairly watered at the sight, and in an instant, the flesh was in my mouth, and I sucked on it greedily. So many sensations, so many that were new to me, yet without Gabrielle, I would feel none of them.

  "Xena." Gabrielle breathlessly called out my name, arching her back to press herself upward against me. "Xena . . . I need you!"

  I moved my head back in to kiss her again. Even if she hadn't asked, my hand would have found its way automatically to her center. I stroked the silky wetness, thrilled at the sound of Gabrielle's languid moan of relief. Every motion, every movement against one another from that moment on was true synchronicity. We were each of one mind as we strove toward a common goal, taking and giving with our actions.

  I could feel Gabrielle's body movements intensify and become frenzied. I knew she was close, and the thought alone was nearly enough to send me over the edge. I wanted this to be with her.

  "Gabrielle," I panted into her ear. "Please . . . Gods! Touch me."

  It was as if molten steel had been doused in cold spring water. Gabrielle's fingers pressed into me deeply, until each of us were mimicking the other's movements. It came as naturally as breathing, with no conscious thought at all. Then suddenly it was all motion and light. Nothing but our sweat-slicked bodies shivering, pausing, and then letting go. I remember thinking later that was why Sappho described a woman's orgasm as waves from the ocean. When Gabrielle cried out at last and let herself fall, my fingers, deep inside of her, felt those waves. Rhythmic and pulsing, the sensation was truly as if the ocean surf were undulating against the shore.

  "Sweet Athena!" Gabrielle kept murmuring, until I had to smile.

  Frankly, the smile was all I had the energy for. At least that's what I thought at the time. After some moments, when our hearts returned to a more normal cadence, Gabrielle pushed me over and to my back. The expression on her face was very nearly feral as she began to make a meal of me. I had neither the strength nor the inclination to stop her attentions at that point.

  "Gods, woman! Where are you getting the energy?" I cried out.

  It was the last coherent sentence I was able to utter for quite some time. Just before I slipped into a state of unadulterated ecstasy, I remembered my own appetites after a battle. They called it battle lust, and I believe my consort was experiencing that very thing. I laughed aloud inside my mind, wondering at my own good fortune, and how lucky one Conqueror could get.

  * * *

  Now this was something I'd never done before. Draped in towels, Gabrielle and I were lounging before the fire, devouring nearly two platters of food Delia had graciously prepared for us. Our lovemaking required another bath, and now we sat beside the warm fire.

  Our dinner consisted mostly of finger foods, and we ate, talked, laughed, and finally seriously discussed the events of the day. We had saved the most somber for last, eventually discussing Melosa's death, Gabrielle's acceptance of her right of caste, and the implications of such an action. There was one more thing that Gabrielle had not brought up yet, but I could no longer hold my tongue about it.

  "Gabrielle . . . little one," I began.

  "You'd like to hear the story, wouldn't you? How I knew what to do on the training field today."

  I grinned at her gentle smile. She didn't act as if I was prying at all.

  "Let's get comfortable first, all right?" Gabrielle moved the trays and our wine cups to the table in the outer room. It wasn't long before we settled in bed, the sun having gone down long ago.

  "I love being with you, Xena. I forgot to say thank you." Gabrielle said softly as she nestled her back against me. I sat against a mound of pillows at the head of the bed, and kissed her exposed shoulder, remembering that's what got me in trouble the last time.

  "That sentiment is highly mutual, my love," I answered. "Now, I understand you have a tale to tell. There is nothing I love more than a good bard, and I have it on high authority that you are an exceptional one."

  Gabrielle chuckled, and then I felt her go still. She took a few breaths and it seemed that this was much more than she normally went through to begin a tale.

  "Gabrielle, is this too hard to talk of? Little one, if it's too difficult right now, we can always wait until--"

  "No, Xena. I mean yes, it is difficult, but not in the way you're thinking. It's difficult, mostly because there are so many holes, missing pieces of time."

  I think she became aware of my confused expression, and rapidly began again.

  "Perhaps I should start at the beginning. I told you of the time after the attack, when I lived with Yu Pan. It was such a confusing time for me then. I felt alive, but not really alive. I look back at it now, and I can see myself, doing as Yu Pan instructed, my body slowly healing, but up until this morning, I didn't remember. This is confusing I know, love. Let me start with my dream this morning, do you remember?"

  "Of course. You said it wasn't really a bad dream, only confusing," I answered.

  "Yes, that was it exactly. I was dreaming, and in my dream, I was doing the most extraordinary things."

  "Like the fighting techniques you used against Melosa?" I questioned.

  "Yes. The odd thing was that I had begun having the dreams ever since Yu Pan came to the palace. I thought that perhaps the dreams were the way I would have liked to see my life. They were disjointed, as dreams will be, but when I awoke, I always had the curious feeling that I had experienced more than an escapade in Morpheus's realm. It was as if it was a true memory of the past, which is why it was that much more mystifying to me.

  "I don't know what came over me when you and Ephiny hinted that I should challenge Melosa. It was something that just . . . I don't know how to describe it exactly. It was as if a bowstring had just been loosed. It was sudden like that. I knew; I simply knew that I was the woman in those dreams, and that I could accomplish what I'd seen myself do
in the dreamscape. Do I sound quite insane yet?"

  I chuckled at her question. "Only if I were hearing anyone else in the known world tell this story."

  "It truly was the most extraordinary experience, Xena. I had no idea how I was going to accomplish the task of defeating Melosa, but I simply knew that I possessed the ability. When Yu Pan brought in that package, and I saw what it contained, I realized that life I had been dreaming of had been my own. The outfit he brought to me, the one I wore today, it was the one I was always clothed in when I experienced the dreamscape."

  "And so?" I asked. "Was it some sort of a spell, or reality?"

  "It was very real, Xena. Which is why I wonder how you feel at my possessing such skills?"

  "Little one, you should know that your welfare has always been uppermost in my mind. I know I acted poorly today, but that was because of my own fears and insecurities. Anything in the world that keeps you safe from harm is something that I will wholeheartedly support. But how? How was it possible? Gabrielle, to possess such skills you would have had to train on a daily basis for many moons."

  "That's exactly what I asked of Yu Pan! He reminded me, Xena, that I had taken the time to train. For one full season that I had no clear recollection of, I lived and trained with Yu Pan."

  "Gods!" I exclaimed. "It all makes perfect sense though, doesn't it?"

  "I suppose it does explain a few things," she answered.

  "Do you remember your time with him then?" I asked, excited to learn more of Gabrielle's lost time.

  "It seems to come to me in bits and pieces. Yu Pan explained as much as he could in the short time that we had together this morning. I told him what I knew, and he filled in many of the gaps. As well as I can put it all together, Yu Pan thought that I'd settled into a form of madness after I'd been raped. He said that my body had healed, more quickly than even he thought it would, but I had hid myself so deep within my inner self that I was a shell. I could learn, and take instruction. I could eat, drink, and breathe, but I was without feeling.

  "I look back, and I'm able to see the agony without the physical pain. I suppose that's why I found myself able to forgive Solan so quickly. I only see the anguish of my broken body as one would see another's suffering, not as though it happened to me. I don't mean to say there was no pain, for there was, but I can only remember the mental pain."

  I found it difficult to listen as Gabrielle explained. Every time she used the word, pain, or referred to her broken and abused body, I felt rage rise up in my throat. I swallowed down the emotions, and simply held her to me tighter. She had turned in my arms now, so that I was able to see her face. Her eyes took on a faraway cast, and her brow furrowed as she attempted to recall the events of her past.

  "I lost any memory of who I had been before. I knew that I was Gabrielle, but I knew very little else. I remember watching Yu Pan each morning as he went about his Qigong routine. I sat tucked away in a corner at the top of the stone steps, as he practiced below me in the courtyard. It looked so simple when I watched, but when I tried to do it myself, it was difficult. It wasn't until Yu Pan caught me imitating his moves that he explained each movement. There was a story in every maneuver, mostly tales of a crane fighting off a snake. Once I learned more, the stories behind the movements, and how to breathe properly, it came quite easily. I felt as if I had been meant to perform such a routine. Yu Pan once said that the most difficult part of Qigong was to clear your mind, to think of absolutely nothing as you performed each movement. Perhaps that's why I excelled at his teachings, for at that time I knew nothing, had no memories, nor felt any pain. My inner self was already a blank parchment.

  "I performed Qigong with Yu Pan every morning, but suddenly I felt myself working and practicing many times during the day. Finally, Yu Pan came to me and told me that we would learn to use Qigong in another way. The movements were precisely the same, but now he instructed me to make my actions sharp, focusing on strength rather than fluid technique. He called it Chi Kung instead. Soon I found that I could brush a fully armed man away with a short sweeping motion of my arm. With another, I could disarm him, and with another still, incapacitate him. I suppose that was my undoing.

  "It was in the market, as I ran an errand for Yu Pan. I was still a slave, after all, a runaway slave at that. I had no name, or lineage to provide me with proof of freedom. I was far from my homeland, many hundreds of leagues away. At that time, I lived with Yu Pan in the Peloponnese, near the mouth of the Alpheus River. His cottage was outside a small coastal town near the Ionian Sea. Travelers and soldiers made their way to Sparta, and Athens along the coast. It was inevitable that I would run into them, I suppose, even though Yu Pan tried to restrict me from going into the village. He did his best, but I was young and didn't listen.

  "Some men approached me and it wasn't long before they laid their hands on me. I did what came naturally for me. I used my skills to defend myself. I had wounded three of them before I was captured and thrown into the local jail. It was there, sitting in a dark cell for days that I finally remembered who I was. I then knew that I was Gabrielle, a slave. All my memories, the good, and the horrible, came back to me. I had lost my freedom once again, and I was filled with despair. I could no longer serve a master as I had become. My body had been trained to never allow a hand on me against my will. I was going to be placed on the auction block, but I knew as soon as any man, or woman, laid a hand on me, I would retaliate. I would fight back, and then I would be put to death. I shared my fears with Yu Pan.

  "He came to see me in the jail on the pretense that he was treating some of the prisoners. The slavers wanted nothing more than healthy slaves on the auction block. Aside from virgins, healthy women bring the highest prices, and so they allowed him in. He cursed himself over and over again for ever taking me as a student. I was afraid, terrified of what would become of me. I was Gabrielle the slave, but suddenly, I was something more, something dangerously more. Yu Pan asked my forgiveness, mostly for being a poor man, and being unable to purchase me to give me my freedom. Finally, I told him I wished I could simply forget, forget what I had learned, so I would never be tempted to use it. He surprised me when he said that was entirely possible.

  "I was almost afraid to lose what I had learned, but I was just as terrified at possessing the warrior-like skills. I knew, however, that I was a slave. These newfound abilities would only bring me trouble, if not death, and so I asked Yu Pan to do what he could. He mixed me a drink, a pleasant smelling tea that caused me to grow sleepy. I could tell that Yu Pan was talking to me, but my ears didn't seem to be working correctly. I remember the last thing he said, though, just before I fell asleep. Yu Pan kissed my forehead and told me that my skills would remain hidden within my soul until the day came when I would need them. 'When you need to understand who you are, then I will be there,' he whispered to me.

  "When I awoke the next morning, I had no memory of what I had done or learned in the past season. I knew only that Yu Pan had healed me, and that I was being sold on the auction block once more. I was able to see Yu Pan two more times in the passing seasons, in various parts of Greece. His heart was always heavy, and he always asked me to forgive him. All these seasons, I thought he asked me that because he could not give me my freedom. Now, I know what he really meant."

  Gabrielle finished her amazing tale, and lay silent in my arms. I knew she was back there, reliving her days as a slave. With all that had happened to the both of us since she had come to this palace, I sometimes wondered if she would ever truly be able to forget.

  "I'm thirsty, would you like something to drink?" she asked suddenly. She pulled away and I shook my head when she waited for my answer. Just as I needed my time alone, I'm sure Gabrielle occasionally needed the same.

  I gave her some time alone, and then I grew worried, as was my nature. I wrapped a heavy robe around my body and made my way into the outer room. Gabrielle had just finished splashing some water, from the basin set before her, onto her face. S
he was toweling her skin dry when I came up behind her. She felt my presence first. With her eyes closed, a smile formed on her lips. When she opened her eyes, she could see my reflection in the large looking glass before her. Standing behind her, I wrapped the robe around her figure, enclosing the two of us in its warmth.

  "I'll need to speak to the Amazons tomorrow, won't I? Will Melosa's funeral pyre be the same as Timara's?" she asked.

  "Yes, pretty much. I'm sure you'll be asked to officiate at this one."

  "Perhaps I can ask Ephiny to tell me what I need to do." Gabrielle commented absently.

  My body tensed immediately, and Gabrielle felt it against her skin. "What?" she asked.

  "I don't trust Ephiny with you," I stated honestly. Although the Amazon had treated Gabrielle with disdain at first, that had changed. I didn't like the looks Ephiny had been giving Gabrielle lately.

  "Don't trust her?"

  "Gabrielle, I don't like how possessive she is with you. I don't like her acting like you belong to her." I finally admitted my true feelings. It was simple. I was jealous.

  "Xena, what on earth would she want with me?" Gabrielle laughed as she turned her head to look at me.

  That's when it struck me. Gabrielle really had no idea how attractive she was. "Gabrielle," I turned her chin gently so that she was looking into the reflective glass. "What do you see?"

  "Me?"

  I chuckled. "All right. What do you look like? Are you ugly or pretty?"

  "Pretty?" Again she questioned.

  "Are you asking me or telling me?"

  "Very funny, Xena. I'm telling you. I'm pretty."

  "You are much more than that, little one. You are beautiful, Gabrielle. Absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful."

  She blushed, and then frowned. "So, people will want me simply because of this beauty?"

  I bent to kiss her neck. "People will want you because of your physical beauty, my love. They will become enamored of you once they realize what I already know. That your beauty exists here," I touched her chin. "As well as here." I placed my hand on her chest, directly over her heart.