The Petal of the Rose

by LJ Maas

  One of the young scribes placed two maps in front of me and I instantly noted that the second map had new, hand drawn boundary lines along the borders of the lands that belonged to the Empire, and the two races who sat before me.

  "What I propose, My Lord, is a new division of lands, now owned by the Empire, yet formerly belonging to both the Amazons and the Centaurs. The borders that run to the north and south would be expanded by forty leagues, and the two Nations would share this land."

  "Share?" I asked skeptically. "I seem to remember them having a problem doing that."

  "In the past, My Lord," Gabrielle explained. "You see both the Amazons and the Centaurs have agreed to change their ways. Their time of enmity and hate is over and they wish to begin anew. They've each agreed to a set of programs, so that the younger generations can learn from each race. In addition, families could settle the shared land. As it stands right now, if a male child is born to an Amazon, she must either leave the tribe, or give her child away. The shared land would allow Amazon families to stay together without losing the essence, or the integrity of the tribe."

  Gabrielle paused and I had to admit that she was quite well prepared. I knew that I wouldn't be saying yes simply because she was my consort, but because it was an intelligent and well thought out plan. I waited for her to drop the other boot, though.

  "Lastly, the Empire would agree to not only give up the lands marked on the map, but would also give up any claim, now or in the future on such land. The Amazons and the Centaurs would truly rule their own Nations."

  I have to say that one shocked me. Gabrielle was turning into quite the negotiator, but I had to think like the Conqueror, and not Gabrielle's intended.

  I stood up and walked around the room, my hands clasped casually behind my back. I always thought better moving around like this.

  "There is something that all of the players in this scenario should realize. I am caught within a tight spot. While the points you have brought up are ones to consider, and are not without merit, there is another aspect I must consider. If I give in to requests such as these, people will believe that it is because the Amazon Queen is my wife. I must take care so that the rest of the world does not see my actions in such a light."

  I paused briefly to look at Gabrielle's face. Her expression remained neutral and I silently applauded her control.

  "So, my question is, what will the Empire receive from an agreement such as this?"

  "Peace," Gabrielle answered without hesitation. "I have in my hands," she rose and stepped forward, "A treaty between the Amazon and Centaur Nations. They agree to all of the conditions set within regarding an immediate peace between their two nations. In addition, they agree to swear fealty to the throne of the Greek Empire."

  Gods, this girl was amazing! I had a precarious relationship at best with these two nations. If they swore fealty to the throne, they would be committing themselves to me should I ever need their assistance during times of war. Now this was the kind of win-win situation a Conqueror prayed for.

  "Done," I stated. "Make it so," I said to the scribe.

  Once we'd all spoke our piece, and I put my seal upon the agreements, I stood and bowed low to Gabrielle, who appeared nonplussed by my actions.

  "My Queen, you are truly a worthy and gracious adversary." I smiled and watched as my consort smiled in return. I also caught the breath she nervously released. Gabrielle had come through her first royal negotiation, and had succeeded where few others had.

  * * *

  The sun was easing its way behind the eastern ridge, and it made for a beautiful magenta and azure sky. I sat on the stone bench in my rose garden thinking of all that the recent days had brought about. Gabrielle had to go for one last fitting to her gown, which brought tomorrow evening's event that much closer. I had so many things on my mind, so many regrets, and hopes for the future. I had to get away and find some peace. My garden always brought that to me. Surrounded by the multicolored flowers, watching birds and butterflies flit past in a vibrant burst of speed; all of this calmed me in a way nothing else in life could.

  "Conqueror? Uhm, Xena?"

  I recognized the hesitant voice and smiled at the sight of my son. "Solan." I rose and he stopped before me.

  We both hesitated awkwardly, as if we weren't entirely sure how to greet one another now. I told myself that I wasn't going to keep my heart, and my emotions, locked up anymore. I threw caution to the wind, and embraced my son. He seemed unsure at first, his body stiffening slightly, and then I felt him relax. His easy smile when we separated told me that we'd both come so far.

  "Gabrielle told me that you like to come out here to think," Solan said.

  "Yes, it's sort of an extension of my study. How are you, Solan?" I inquired about more than simply his health, and I hoped he understood that.

  "I'm fine," he quickly answered. He looked up at me and I could see the pain still lingering in his eyes. "Well, I will be," he finally admitted. "What Broh did... I didn't know. I never had any idea. He could be angry and spiteful, but I never knew him to harbor such anger, such a thirst for revenge. It sickened me."

  "Don't judge him too harshly, Solan. Although it doesn't justify his actions, he'd experience some of my more hateful past. He was consumed with a lust for revenge. I don't think I ever made it any easier for him to accept the ghosts of our past and to move on."

  Solan nodded, and then he looked around as if noticing the true beauty of the garden for the first time.

  "It's quite peaceful here, and beautiful. No wonder you come here to relax."

  "Haven't you been to the garden with Gabrielle before?"

  "Yes, but never this far. Gabrielle always told me it would be for you to show me," Solan answered.

  "Then come with me," I smiled in answer. "Come, walk with me." I urged.

  We walked deeper into the garden, until we were in an area that was quite private. Surrounded by high hedges and thorny bushes, this space could only be seen from above, via our bedchamber window. This was my private rose garden. This was the plot of land I had first portioned off to my landscapers. I showed them some crudely drawn sketches of the blossom that the child I now know was Gabrielle had given me. I had no plants to show them, but they immediately knew what I wanted. I remember hovering over them as they carefully planted each of the plants. I expressed my constant doubt in their abilities, since I had no faith that the thorny branches they buried in the ground would ever blossom. Yet, blossom they did.

  In the past ten seasons, I'd taken more of an active interest in my garden. I planted and weeded, and I took more pride in the results after I'd worked a little myself to attain the beautiful blooms.

  "It's breathtaking," Solan said, as he turned in all directions to examine the flowers.

  I dropped to one knee and pulled some weeds that I spied taking root in the rich soil. Intent as I was at eradicating the weeds, I didn't at first hear Solan's comment. Then I heard his, now familiar, chuckle.

  I turned my head and looked up into his amused face.

  "Forgive me, but this isn't a view of the Conqueror that many men would have."

  I grinned myself. I stood up and dusted the dirt from my hands off onto my trousers. "I suppose you're right, but I trust you will keep my secret?"

  "Absolutely," he answered. "You take good care of them. They seem to be flourishing here."

  "They're a lot like people in that respect." I reached down and pinched some dead blooms off a particularly delicate bush. It was a lovely ivory color, clean and pristine looking. "Take this one for instance. It needs more care than some others do. It needs to be protected a little bit more. I have to watch that it doesn't get too much sun, or too much water. Sometime it doesn't know how to take care of itself. It's as if it lives only to please. It puts on more blooms than it could ever hope to cause to blossom and yet live, but still it tries. If I didn't pinch some off, the whole vine would wither and die." I paused and noticed that Solan was listening intently to
my story.

  "This one is my most fragile plant, but look here, near the base. See how thick the branches are? It has a good, strong foundation, and although it might require outside help and protection occasionally, it will last for a very long time. It may not be the strongest plant, but it's smart. Notice how in the heat of the day, just before the sun sets, it curls its petals in against itself? It conserves its water that way. Plants like this are timeless. They will flourish with the extra care and attention I pay to them."

  I rose and took three strides to my left, off the stone path.

  "Now, look at this one here." I pointed to a sprawling mess of vines that grew over the hedge, and part of a low stone wall. The blooms were a brilliant ruby red.

  "It seems to go exactly where it wants to, doesn't it?" Solan observed.

  "Precisely. It's a wild rose. I never planted it here. Most likely carried inside some bird or the seed was in the manure we spread into the soil. This is the kind of rose you find growing out of the rock crevices up on the Acritas range," I said of the mountainous area in the Peloponnese. "These roses grow without much care at all, anywhere they can find a spot. It does best on its own, away from others of its kind. It will flourish when it finds purchase in a garden of cultivated roses, away from other wild plants. In fact, if I were to tend this one the same as the white rose, it would perish. It's what they mean when they say you can't tame a wild rose. If I treated it as I do the white rose, it would feel smothered. Like people, there are some who do better when they're not socialized too much. You can literally kill a wild rose with too much kindness." I finished with a smirk.

  "Just like people," Solan mused. "The delicate flower has the same characteristics as Gabrielle. The wild rose reminds me of you. They're both beautiful, but they have different needs to flourish and grow strong."

  "Excellent interpretation!" I slapped him on the back. "You're beginning to see what I see out here."

  "So, where do I come in within your rose garden?"

  "Step over here," I said, and I motioned with my hand.

  I pushed aside a long stem of the papery, pink blossoms known as myrtle. They offered shade to the small bushes. Besides, myrtles were never cut down in my garden as they were associated with the Goddess Aphrodite. Partially hidden under the myrtle branch was one of my most beautiful rose bushes.

  The plant was approximately three feet tall with blooms in various stages all over. The full blossom was a deep red color, so deep a hue as to be almost black. It looked as though a painter had come by and carelessly dripped white paint from his brush onto the red blossoms.

  "Exquisite," Solan breathed the words. "How did you get it this way? It looks like it's one half of the white rose, and the other half from the wild rose."

  "You're quite right. I didn't do a thing, though. This plant came up all on its own. There's a word for it, my landscapers would know, but it's sort of a mix. Wild rose meets cultivated rose, and this is their offspring."

  "So," Solan chuckled as he stood up straight. "You're my mother, but what kind of plant was my father? I mean, what does this make me?"

  "Merely a petal of the rose, my boy. No more no less. Solan, your father was a decent enough sort, I suppose. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking he was more than he was, though. The centaurs caught him at the point I was, in my life, when I met Gabrielle. Borias was a warlord, just as wild and full of the wanderlust as I was. He just saw the light a lot sooner than I did." I motioned Solan to sit beside me on one of the stone benches that I'd had placed throughout the garden.

  "Solan, you'll have characteristics of the wild rose, to be sure, but you'll not be fated to emulate it unerringly. You have my looks, it's true, but you are not me. Look at my life, my son. Look at how long it took me to change my path's direction, and how many people I hurt along the way. You've made a good start here, Solan, keep that going. You have the power to be different than I ever was. You can take the best parts of the wild rose, and the cultivated one, and create a new mix. The time you've spent already with Gabrielle has changed you. I could see that at once."

  I watched as his brow furrowed together at the mention of Gabrielle's name.

  "There's something more between you an Gabrielle yet, isn't there? Something I'm missing."

  Solan shrugged the comment off, but the mere fact that he hadn't answered me convinced me of the fact.

  "Solan, look at me." I dropped to one knee before the boy and in an unconscious gesture; I reached up to brush the hair from his eyes. It reminded me of the numerous times I'd felt Gabrielle do the very same thing to me. I fully expected him to pull away from me then, but I couldn't have been more wrong. He was suddenly that small child again, looking at me with an uncertain gaze.

  "I'm afraid if I voice my concern, you'll think me a child."

  "Well, you are my child." I grinned slightly to try to put him at ease. "Please, Solan, tell me what troubles you about Gabrielle."

  "All this... she... I mean. You did it all for her," he finally blurted out. "I mean, you changed for her. Why couldn't you change for me? Was it because I wasn't good enough? Did you know I'd be bad when you gave me away? I know Gabrielle is so good, but--"

  "No, Solan, wait." I stopped the emotional young man's tirade. "Is that what you think? That I changed for Gabrielle?"

  He nodded his head, and I knew he refused to meet my eyes because his own were filled with the same tears that suddenly sprang into mine.

  "Solan, my son, no, that's not the way it is. Those were not, nor have ever been my thoughts. Children are not born bad. Hard as it may be to believe, even I was a good little girl at one time in my life. Your grandmother raised me as well as she could, but some things are simply fated to be." I stopped to take a breath, and gather my thoughts. How best to convince your child that giving him away was the best thing you could do?

  "Solan, giving you to Kaleipus to raise was the hardest, most gut-wrenching thing I ever did. At the same time is was the only noble thing I ever did in my whole life. If I'd kept you in my life, I don't think it would have changed me, Solan. For one thing, you wouldn't have survived long enough to make a difference in my life. Someone would have killed you, kidnapped you, or I would have died trying to protect you. You would have become a target for anyone who wanted to hurt me." Again, I paused and tilted his face upward until our eyes met.

  "With Kaleipus, weren't you happy? When you were growing up, did you feel loved, have plenty of friends to play with, and always know there was someone you could consider a parent to come home to at the end of the day?

  "Yes, but it was never the same," he answered.

  "I know that, son, but you would have grown up with none of that had I raised you, if you'd lived long enough. I couldn't have loved you the way a child needs to be loved because I had no idea how to love. After all these seasons, it wasn't until I met Gabrielle that I even learned what it meant to love, let alone offer that to someone unconditionally."

  "Because she's so good? You changed for her. Why couldn't you change for me?"

  "Solan," I gently ran my fingers through his unruly dark locks one more time. "I didn't change for Gabrielle. I changed because of her. I hadn't the strength, or the emotional wherewithal to change for anyone. I promise you, son, if I could have changed for you, I would have."

  He looked up and nodded. I could see his expression was now one of relief, as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. The guilt that children take on often amazed me. Their worries would rival the burden that Atlas bore on any given day. I knew exactly what he felt. All those seasons, I used to think that I was inherently bad, that Toris and Lyceus had been the good children deserving of Cyrene's love.

  Solan sniffed and wiped his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his tunic. I smiled and shook my head.

  "Here." I offered him my handkerchief. "Your sleeve is meant to clothe your arm. This is meant to wipe your nose."

  "Hey, you do make a pretty good mother." He grinned back at me.<
br />
  I wasn't sure what to say, so I gave my customary roll of the eyes, and arch of an eyebrow.

  "I wouldn't mind you know... calling you that," he mumbled.

  "Calling me what?"

  "You know, uhm... mother."

  "Do you want to call me that?" I asked, uncertain I wanted an honest response.

  "Do you want me to?"

  I could see we weren't going to get far this way. The apple certainly doesn't fall far from the tree. I decided to take a chance and put my heart out for it to fall or be taken in.

  "I would be honored to be called that, Solan. Although, you may pay the price if some realize you're my son. That, and the fact that I can't say that I deserve your love, or the title."

  Solan brightened considerably at my words. "Well, when it comes to paying the price. I would consider it a privilege to be known as the Conqueror's son and to Hades with those who don't like it. As to the latter, wouldn't Gabrielle say that love isn't something you can earn?"

  "You're hanging around her much too much," I chuckled. "The next thing I know you'll be beating me at King's Men." I leaned over and ruffled his hair, and then placed a small kiss on his temple. It pleased me that he didn't pull away, but reached out and squeezed my free hand. Thank you, Athena, I whispered in my mind.

  "I'd like to tell Gabrielle, you know, that it's right between all of us. I only hope that I find someone like her when I'm ready to settle down."

  "You will. I'm sure of it. Here," I stood and went to our beautiful hybrid rose bush. I pulled my dagger and made a neat, diagonal slice at the stem of one of the full blooms. "Give her this. She'll know what the giving means. Speaking of future weddings," I nervously began.

  I turned my back, took a few steps away, and then paced back. "Tomorrow evening at sunset is my big moment. Atrius will be my second, but Gabrielle insists that Anya, as well as Sylla should stand with her. She has some odd idea that the numbers should match. You know, she has two witnesses standing with her, so I should have two. I just... well, I can't imagine anyone I'd enjoy having stand with me more on such an important occasion than my son. Do you think you might, I mean if you--"