The Petal of the Rose

by LJ Maas

  "You have a little problem asking for things, don't you?" Solan interjected.

  I laughed. "How'd you guess?"

  "It must be some keen sense I inherited from you. I'd be honored, mother. Perhaps we could talk after the wedding, maybe about me staying on for a while. I understand that I've been more trouble than I'm worth since I've come, but I truly can be a good emissary. If you have an opening, I'd be honored to work for the Empire."

  "It just so happens that we could use a good man. Let's talk more with Gabrielle next week, all right?"

  We left the garden together, and I couldn't help but look up at the olive wood statue of Athena that I loved so. On this evening, I could have sworn that the statue winked at me.

  CHAPTER 20

  AND WHAT A FEAST THERE WAS WHEN THEY WERE MARRIED

  SHE STOPPED MY wandering hands, feigned jumping up from my lap, and then halfheartedly slapped my hands away, telling me I promised to write this evening. With an exasperated sigh, I gave up trying to bed her. I was hoping she had forgotten the promise I made only last night.

  It is the eve before my wedding. Gods above, I have existed in this mortal realm for forty-five summers and am to be married for the first time in my life, tomorrow at sunset. Talk about a spinster! I have promised her that I will accept the tradition surrounding a royal marriage, meaning that we will spend tonight apart and will not see one another until the ceremony in the Great Hall tomorrow evening. Given the fact that my more carnal nature makes an appearance whenever she is near, I couldn't help but make an attempt at seducing her when she kissed me goodnight.

  Alas, my future Queen is a strong woman with an equally strong will. Frankly, she makes my stubborn, pigheaded nature look tame in comparison. It's just that my lovely lady is more subtle about it. And so I sit here, quill in hand, to continue on with the promise I gave her several moons back, that I would reveal something of myself for posterity.

  I admit, I thought the idea rather inane at first. I am neither bard nor poet. I am far from a masterful historian, having a tendency to remember things in a rather biased manner, mostly how they revolved around me. I do love to read, preferring histories and war stratagems to the flowery writings of Pindar and Ibycus. Philosophers are my favorite. Socrates and Pythagoras could entertain me for days, but it was Plato's Dialogues, which captured my mind. His knowledge of reality fascinated me. Perhaps that is why I spared his life.

  Ironic, how things that happened when I was quite young, appear fresh in my mind so many seasons later. It was right after I conquered Athens, and destroyed a majority of the city mostly because of what Pericles did to my homelands during the Peloponnesian War. I was so foolish in those days. I killed to make a point that might have impressed just as strongly without the bloodshed.

  Critias and Charmides were the only two I was after that day. They were extremists who I couldn't afford to let live after I took Athens. It was unfortunate that Socrates was so closely involved with them. I had to execute all three. I remember when they brought Plato, Socrates' disciple, before me. I was rather impressed with the young man, and believe me, you had to be quite extraordinary to do that in those days. He was from a good family, even served in the Cavalry for his military service. I found his views on life in general to be refreshing and inventive. Perhaps it was the mere fact that he shared his bed with men and not women that caused us to get along so well. There was no sexual tension between the two of us and I think that, and the man's uncommonly quick wit, were what saved his neck that day. He started an academy after Athens was rebuilt. I have often received invitations to visit him, but I have never gone. It hurts too much to go back to that place where I destroyed so much. Perhaps she would wish to go. Gods, I know she would be in Elysium to enter that academy and speak with one of the greatest philosophers Greece has ever known. I'll keep that in mind, since there are so many places I wish to show her.

  Well, I've let my memories of the past carry me away, but that is what she had in mind when she thrust the quill in my hand for very first time. I sit here and smile when I think of the engaging way she had of coercing me into doing something I would have done for her anyway.

  "Xena?"

  "Mmm?"

  "Xena?" Gabrielle's voice came at me louder this time.

  I knew she was waiting for me to raise my eyes from the scroll I was reading. She detested talking to the top of my head, bent over a scroll as I was during our morning meal. Usually this time of the day I gave to my Consort, but I had a full day of hearings to preside over and I was trying to stay caught up.

  "I can read and listen at the same time, little one," I responded. I finally lifted my face to gaze into the intelligent green eyes across from me.

  "I know," she smiled, "but I like looking into your beautiful face."

  I felt the beginnings of a blush creep up my neck and offered her a crooked smile in return. Her forward comment flustered me. She knows what it does to me when she says things like that. Of course, I think that's why she says them half the time. I sat my scrolls aside and took her hand in mine from across the table.

  "All right, my love, now that you have my beautiful attention, what may I do for you?"

  "When you say it like that I think you might do anything for me," she replied coyly. I didn't yet realize the danger I was in.

  "I would," I answered without hesitation.

  "I'd like for you to write down your thoughts, a sort of a history of your life," she said softly, in halting tones.

  "No." I still smiled.

  "But you just said--"

  "I lied, pick something else. Some new gowns..."

  "Xena..."

  "Some new scrolls, perhaps a case to carry them in..."

  "Xena..." she said even more softly, with more of a whispering tone.

  "Maybe a horse of your very own… you wanted to learn to ride..." I trailed off, looking into eyes that appeared as if they might cry at any moment. Gods, she's good!

  She sat there, her delicate hand within my own, a small, childlike expression on her face. She didn't have to say another word, we both knew who was going to win this argument.

  "Oh, okay," I relented.

  So, as a fearsome battle, it was slightly on the tame side, but it is an example of what I see for my future as a married woman. She has the ability to cause me to feel so much, a sensation that is new for me. Whether in our bed or a seated beside me at a formal dinner, she instills feelings of love and desire, family and home. I find that I had been looking for her all my life and never even knew it, and now that I have her beside me, I won't ever take a chance on losing her.

  I have said it before, but the words were never truer than at this moment. The story of the Conqueror does not begin until she steps into the tale. For, the tale of the Conqueror cannot accurately be told without the telling of Gabrielle.

  * * *

  I finally put my quill aside. I re-read this opening passage once more and smile. The candles in my study have long since burned down, having left me with only the oil lamp to see by. Gabrielle is surely sound asleep by now. How could she know that I've gone to lie in our empty bed a dozen times already? Where am I getting this unexpected energy? Usually I am exhausted by this time, and the only thing that keeps me awake is worry. Now, I feel as if I could engage in any physical activity until the sun comes up. It must be my nerves, and the anticipation of what tomorrow brings.

  I've been unable to find my way into Morpheus's realm without Gabrielle lying beside me, so I arise one last time to finish the scroll on which I've been working. I am also adding some final additions to a special gift to be used in the ceremony.

  Tomorrow evening at sunset, that is to be the moment of the most joyous event in my life. Actually, when I look outside my window and see that the moon is falling lower into the horizon, I realize that today is the day. I will seal this scroll for now, and re-open it in a fortnight's time. I know I will only get away with that short respite before Gabrielle bids me write
of our wedding experience. I already feel light headed and slightly ill at the prospect of making an ass out of myself in front of most of the land. Athena, give me strength!

  * * *

  "Are you done with that yet?" I asked in that peevish tone that indicated I was rapidly losing my patience.

  "Almost," Solan replied. He finally hooked the last button of the cape around my shoulders to the collar of my jacket. "You look a little pale, mother. Kind of like you're going to lose your morning meal."

  "Did that already. Twice," I added.

  I saw Atrius grin over in the corner, but he at least had the good manners to hide it when I glared in his direction.

  "You do want this, don't you?" Solan asked. I could see confusion in his expression.

  "Of course," I snapped. I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Solan, I don't mean to be so ill-tempered. Yes, I do want this, very much. I just ... well, I just get uncomfortable when I know everyone's eye are on me."

  "You?" he asked in an astonished voice. "I guess I thought that nothing ever affected you in that way."

  "Well, now you know that I have weaknesses just like everyone else."

  "Well, Conqueror," Atrius placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "If it makes you feel any better, I think that if you're standing beside Gabrielle on this day, not all the eyes will be on you." He grinned and suddenly I was struck by how much he reminded me of my older brother, Toris.

  "Thank you, Atrius. It's nice to know that you're here to keep my ego on an even keel."

  Solan laughed aloud and Atrius continued grinning. "Aye, Conqueror."

  We stood about in one of the private rooms off the Great Hall. Philateus, one of my lead advisors came in and instructed us on the evening's event. Stand here. Kneel there. I decided, for this one night, to simply follow orders. I presumed I'd look less the fool that way. The bonding ceremony would be followed by Gabrielle's crowning. Philateus said that the timing of the whole evening was critical. I knew this had something to do with sunset, but since I'd never had this kind of a ceremony within these palace walls, I had no real idea of what he meant.

  I wondered if Gabrielle was feeling this nervous, or if marriage was again one of those things that women like her understood, and took in their stride. Then again, Gabrielle was accustomed to hiding her emotions. If I was a different woman in Gabrielle's presence, then my consort was certainly the same in front of me. Gabrielle never feared displaying her fears and inadequacies before me, but old habits are the hardest to break. When we were in the company of others, Gabrielle's emotions were usually as masked off as mine. It amazes me most days that two people such as we ever found the courage to express our love for one another.

  Philateus was back again, this time indicating that we should make our way to the dais. When I walked from the room, Atrius stood to my left and Solan to my right. The room I was exiting was nearly at the back of the Great Hall, which meant we had to walk the entire length of the hall to reach our appointed destination. I said a quick prayer to Athena, requesting that I not trip, or embarrass myself too badly today. Although we're all human, a foolish misstep today would be remembered for seasons to come.

  The hall had been filled with seats, with the exception of a purple-carpeted area that became the center aisle. As we walked toward the front of the hall, or the side that faced the outside patio, everyone in the congregation either bowed or curtsied. I nodded to a few whom I knew well enough. The room was filled to the rafters, and I couldn't even hazard a guess at how many people were there. Most likely, they wanted to see if my consort had enough sense to leave me standing there at the dais.

  The entire partition and tapestries had been removed from the western wall. The sun had not yet slipped past the protection of the lofty trees to sink behind the mountains, so the daylight lit up the entire hall. There were a number of musicians set up on the patio outside, along with the enormous banquet being prepared for the evening. Since our marriage vows did not become absolute until sunset, it would be a late evening. It would not be considered a successful celebration unless most of the partygoers saw the sun rise on their way home.

  When I reached the dais, I took the four steps to the top and breathed a sigh of relief. Then we stood waiting. I wondered if I looked as stiff and uncomfortable as I felt in the tight, short-waisted jacket. I glanced around the room and thought that Gabrielle would truly love the way the staff had decorated. Roses, from someone else's garden, adorned every space in the hall. On top of the dais, just in front of me when I faced outside, was a small altar. Two golden and jewel-decorated crowns lay there on a velvet cloth. Behind the crowns, in a vase, were two of my special roses that Gabrielle loved so well. I wondered who had been responsible for that.

  Two women stood behind the altar. Lydia was the high priestess in our Athenian temple. She was some seasons older than I was. I remembered when we first constructed the temple, and she'd traveled from Athens to select young women to serve in the temple. I don't recall how it happened, but she never went back to Athens. I only know that she has been here since the beginning of the Empire, and that it was fitting that she preside over my bonding ceremony.

  To Lydia's right stood Satena, the Amazon priestess. Gabrielle's new heritage brought other concerns regarding our ceremony. After some careful consideration, the Amazons were asked to incorporate some of their traditions into the event.

  When Satena and Ephiny came to me yesterday and told me that I would be expected to provide the binding tie, I was at a loss. I knew what it was from my time with the Amazons earlier in my life. I just never thought I would have to make one. I'm sure everyone thought I would have Anya come up with something, but I was determined. The bonding tie was to be wrapped around our joined hands near the end of the ceremony. The woman asking for the hand in marriage was usually the one to make the tie, and I had seem some stunningly crafted ones in my day. I found myself still working on mine, even as Gabrielle slept in a separate room last night. I admit, I did have Anya assist me with most of it. She was a good sport about it, and she even gave me the embroidery materials I asked for. I spent the rest of the night writing, and sewing a pattern of a lion's head onto both ends of the silk cloth.

  The cloth had a special meaning behind it that only Gabrielle might recognize. It was cut from the silk of one of my traveling robes. Gabrielle had first been presented to me while wearing that robe. As long as I live, I will never forget the sight of her kneeling before me in the dressing gown that was too large for her. It had slipped off one shoulder, and she had looked the very picture of innocent sensuality.

  I looked around the room as my mind rambled on. My eyes caught the olivewood statue that hung down in front of the open wall to the patio. It was usually up so high you couldn't see it. I thought it's positioning rather odd for this ceremony. The statue was of Athena on a spirited mount, giving chase during a hunt. She had her long spear in hand. I always thought of it as a most stunning work. At the end of the spear, set in the blade portion was a large jewel as big as my fist. Rumor had it that it was a diamond, but I never believed it was more than a crystal such as the ones found in abundance throughout the caves in this area. The statue was hung quite low, which registered as strange.

  I took another deep breath. That action was becoming a habit of late. In a matter of moments, I would be a married woman. I was the Conqueror of the Known World, after all. What manner of magic could Gabrielle possibly possess that could scare me? Nothing. Right? So why in Hades why I so terrified? I fidgeted and shifted my weight from foot to foot, cursing under my breath at having to wear such uncomfortable boots and clothing. I wondered once more, what I would do to mess up the day, and that's when I saw her.

  Gabrielle paused at the end of the carpeted aisle. In that moment, my cares about anything at all merely vanished into the air. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, the headache that had been gnawing at the fringes of my consciousness, even my uncomfortable attire. Suddenly there was only an incredible
feeling of joy and unworthiness. To say she looked beautiful seems so mundane, but words failed me at that moment, just as they fail me now in the telling of the tale. I only remember the feelings, and I find them so difficult to translate into words. If any one ever asks me in the future, I would say that up until this moment, in my entire life, this was my best day.

  Gabrielle wore a traditional Greek gown, all flowing pieces of sheer material. The train that was situated around her waist gathered behind her, and fell to the ground. It appeared to drag along the ground a full fifteen hand lengths behind her.

  Gabrielle was flanked on either side by her two witnesses, as I had been. Anya and Sylla looked as lovely as I had ever seen them. Sylla definitely appeared the more nervous of the two. Gabrielle had asked the young woman because they had formed a true friendship, and not just as employer and servant. It took some convincing on my consort's part to finally persuade Sylla that it would not be out of place for a woman who worked in our home to stand alongside us on this day. I enjoyed Gabrielle's attitude. It was as if a clean breeze had begun to sweep through the Empire. Who better to instill such feelings of equality than a slave who was about to become a queen?

  The musicians played softly in the background. It was the customary music for a Greek wedding, but I never heard one note. I only had eyes for the woman coming down the aisle to marry me. Three Amazon guards, dressed in full masks and looking as though they took their job very seriously walked ahead of Gabrielle and her witnesses. In keeping with sharing the young Amazon Queen, three Empire soldiers, who made up Gabrielle's personal guard, followed close behind the whole procession.

  My brain propelled me into action just as Gabrielle reached the steps to the dais. I positioned myself on the second stair, and offered my hand to my consort. I wanted to say something to her just then. I wanted to tell her how magnificent she looked, and how happy I was that she chose me. I wanted to express to her how much I loved her, and what I wouldn't give to always have her in my life. Instead, I was struck dumb. My tongue turned into a wooden block, and so I settled for my best smile to convey what was in my heart.