Need You, Need Me (The Need Series Book 1)

by Lewis, Meghan

  As we rock together, riding it out, my hand makes its way to the back of his head and pulls it close to me. I just can’t seem to get close enough to him even though I know he is buried in me. I feel him twitching and moving inside, and he tightens his hold on me still, scared to let go. I completely agree. I can’t let go of the death grip on him no matter what.

  After all the shuddering and convulsing has subsided, I bring my head off his shoulder and look him dead in the eyes.

  “Did you feel that?” I ask as a small smile plays at the corner of my mouth.

  “Yes, I did, darlin’,” he answers, closing his eyes.

  “Good . . . Maybe now you will get it through that thick skull of yours that I’m not going anywhere yet. That I am here with you,” I say back to him.

  When he doesn’t say anything, I grab the back of his head and force him to look at me.

  “Nowhere,” I say before his lips are pressed against mine.

  After the kiss settles to light pecks here and there, I realize that I need to get out of the tub before I pass out. He again seems to read my mind because as I am thinking it, he has stood up and grabs me up with him. We don’t bother with towels. We just grab a hand towel and wipe our faces of the water drops. As he walks out of the bathroom, I take the hand towel and go through my hair twice. It’s a lot of hair and can hold a lot of water. When I am satisfied that it won’t do any damage, I walk out of the bathroom and stop at the sight of Kevin naked and in bed. The blankets cover his body up to the lower waist and the rest is bare for my pleasure.

  He knows it too because of the way he has his hands tucked behind his head and that fucking smirk on his face.

  Acting like I am not effected by his smile and other things, I decide to give him a taste of his own medicine. I let the hand towel drop out of my hands and saunter over to my side of the bed, taking my time to let his eyes pass up and down my body more than once. I even throw my hips out a little more than usual. His eyes are on me the whole time. I sit down on the edge of the bed and drag all of my air up to the back of my head, very slowly, and secure it with a tie. When I am satisfied that it isn’t going anywhere, I pull my legs up and slide them under the covers.

  “I take it we aren’t getting out of the house today either. Are we?” I ask, trying to hide my smile.

  “No way in hell, darlin’,” he replies.

  “Let‘s take a nap,” I say softly as I press my lips against his.

  “Sounds good to me, love,” he counters.

  I smile and turn back over and get completely comfortable in this wonderful bed with this wonderful man.

  His arm snakes around my waist and stomach and pulls me closer to him.

  He nestles his face into my hair while taking a deep breath in. Now, I know he is completely comfortable where we are right now in this moment of complete and total bliss.

  After a few minutes, as I am getting ready to fall over the edge of a dead sleep, Kevin nudges his nose into my hair a little further.

  “May?” he whispers.

  “Hmm?” I can’t even speak, I’m so exhausted.

  “Will you marry me, darlin’?” he asks after a pause.

  “Mmm,” I hum as I drift into my deep sleep.

  <>

  I wake up a couple of hours later to find myself very much alone in this very big bed. It’s instant, and I don’t like it all. I walk over to Kevin’s closet, and when I open the door, my smelling sense is taken over by the scent of Kevin. I look at all the clothes hanging and laying in front of me, and I can’t help it. I pick out yet another button-down shirt, much like the one I was wearing earlier. It smells like Kevin, and I need to be surrounded by him now anyway that I can get him.

  I turn from the closet and see my bags that Kevin brought up earlier are stacked neatly against the wall. I go to the patio and open the door to gage what it feels like outside. It’s warm, but there is a chilly breeze that moves in here and there.

  I go to my bags and grab my favorite pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. I don’t want to wear a jacket. I put my tennis shoes on, and as I am getting ready to walk out of the room, I stop suddenly.

  Did he ask me to marry him?

  The room starts to wobble, and I put my hand up against the wall to keep me upright. No, wait.

  Seriously, did he ask me that?

  I take a couple of stabilizing breaths. I let go of the wall and head down the stairs.

  “Babe?” I call out to try to find out where he is in the house.

  He isn’t.

  I walk down the hallway towards the front door and open it expecting–I don’t know–something.

  Nothing.

  Not one single fucking sound.

  Now I know how Kevin felt when he couldn’t find me earlier. It’s almost eerie. I don’t like this either.

  Venturing out onto the porch, I see Kevin’s truck. Well that’s a small relief. I walk to the right and follow the beautiful porch around the side of the house and to the back, and I stop. Looking out onto the property, I see Kevin on his horse. The sight takes my breath away. It is possibly one of the sexiest things I have ever seen. This is another horse than before. Oh, that must be Lucy. She’s a beautiful dark chestnut color with white surrounding her legs close to her hooves. She moves in the smoothest way I have ever seen. Kevin is switching her to and from a gallop and a run. The control he exerts on her is amazing. I have now braced my arms on the porch railing, and I am actually leaning over it to try and get a better look. I am captured by what I am seeing, a mutual relationship, the trust between two living beings; it’s just indescribable.

  As I continue to watch them riding, I notice Kevin look towards me. He was in a run and has slowed to a trot, all the while still looking at me. He turns the horse completely towards the house and kicks her up to a full out run again. His hat flies off and is bobbing around on his back thanks to the tie. His hands are gripping the reins as he gets closer and closer. I walk over to the back steps and make my way down to the grass and over to the fence. He pulls on the reins to slow her up to a gallop, then a trot, and then down to a walk.

  Beautiful.

  I step up on the first rung of fence and put my arms over the top rung.

  “She’s beautiful,” I say, reaching my hand out, so she can see that I can rub her if she lets me.

  “No, no, no, no. Don’t do that. She a little temperamental. It took me awhile to get her to let me saddle her. To say I took my fair shares of falls and little bites is an understatement,” Kevin says, trying to back her away a little.

  “Oh.” I drop my hand.

  At that, Lucy sways her head up and down. I think that she might be agreeing with what Kevin just said, but then she stops, turns her ears towards me, and walks calmly over to where I’m standing.

  “Should I back up?” I ask, not moving a muscle.

  “Uh . . . Well, I don’t know. She has never approached someone before. Can you just stay there, so I can see what she’s up to?” he asks a little nervously but calmly.

  I put my hand back out but don’t wiggle my fingers or anything. I am seriously out of my element right now and don’t want to tempt this horse, fate, or anything else for that matter.

  Her ears are directly pointed at me, and now I know she is locked in on me. After a few moments that feel like hours, Ms. Lucy makes a move and closes the distance between her and my hand.

  “Will she bite me?” I ask very calmly because I don’t want to frighten her.

  “Well, darlin’, I have no idea . . . If she does, it only hurts a little, and it’s quick,” he says, completely beside himself.

  “Fuck, Kevin,” I whisper.

  Lucy walks over to my hand and bumps with her nose first. Okay, that was not bad. Then she puts her nose under my hand and takes a small step forwards, moving my hand up in between her eyes. I slide my hand up and down just a little at first, unsure of what she might do. I take my hand away slowly, and she moves towards it and closer to me. She tu
rns her whole body, so her head is directly in front of me. Her ears are still pointed at me, and I place my hand back where it was and slide it up and down a little more than before.

  “Wow,” is all I say. I don’t even say it, I breathe it. I look to the side of her and see Kevin sitting there with his mouth open a little bit, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Obviously, she doesn’t do this, and I can’t help but to feel a little honored. I take my hand down again and place my arm back on the railing of the fence. She then turns again so the side of her is in front of me now. She steps a little to the side towards me again. I reach my hand out and test touching her long, black mane. She stay puts, so I press down a little and run my hand up and down the length of her neck. It’s now that I realize my heart is racing. I finish rubbing her, not wanting to push my luck and place my arm back on the railing.

  Lucy waves her head up and down and side to side, both her ears peeled backwards towards Kevin.

  “She’s mad,” Kevin states, still so calm.

  “What? Why? Should I get down or what?” I ask, trying to stay calm myself but also getting ready to jump off the fence if the moment calls for it.

  “Will you humor me, darlin’?” he asks.

  “I guess,” I reply

  “Climb up to the top railing for me, please?” He doesn’t know how I am going to respond.

  “Okay?”

  I start my climb. Kevin holds out his hand, and I take ahold of it instantly.

  “What exactly am I going to do?”

  “I am going to slide back, and you are going to get on with me,” he says nonchalantly.

  “I’m sorry, what? Didn’t you say it took you a while to just get a saddle on her?” I’m now nervous.

  “Trust me, love.”

  Love? My new name from last night, interesting.

  Letting a big puff of air out of my mouth, I brace myself with the fence and Kevin’s hand. I bring my feet over the top rail and steady myself. With another look at Kevin, I push my leg out and let it slide over the saddle to the other side. As best as I can, I shift towards the horse and try to slide across the saddle as opposed to just falling into it. Once my other foot is off the railing, Kevin’s arm is around my waist and is helping me the rest of the way. Before we can adjust and get the reins in Kevin’s hands, Lucy has already started to walk slowly away from the fence.

  “Holy shit, darlin’.” He is shocked.

  “This is a big deal I take it?” My nervousness is completely gone and a feeling of total peace has replaced it.

  We continue to walk as we still adjust a little here and there, but Kevin has made sure he has both reins.

  “You ready, love?” he whispers into my ear.

  “For what?’

  “Trust me.”

  And with that, he kicks the side of Lucy lightly, but that’s all it takes. Lucy has now went from a nice, calm walk to a run. It’s not neck breaking speed or anything like that, but it’s not walking, and it sure as shit isn’t galloping.

  And it feels magnificent.

  I’ve never felt anything like it before. Putting myself in the hands of Kevin isn’t an issue, but it’s the horse. She could decide she doesn’t want me on her any more, and then that would be the end of this completely.

  But she doesn’t, and we ride along the property quite nicely. I wrap my arms behind Kevin’s back and hug him tighter and tighter to me the longer we ride.

  After about twenty minutes of switching between running and walking, Kevin turns Lucy around, and we make our way to the stable and barn. The other horse, Levi, raises his head when we approach and watches us as we ride up.

  “Will she freak when I get off?” I ask, knowing that I don’t have a fence separating us until she’s in the pen.

  “We will just take this one step at a time, love.” He has no idea.

  Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

  Kevin gets off first, so it’s just me. On her. By myself. Alone.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  Kevin nods at me to come on down, and I brace my right foot in the stirrup and bring my left leg up and over the saddle slowly. I let my foot fall to the ground and take my right out and place it on the ground as well. I look at Kevin, and he is just standing there, rubbing Lucy gently and smiling that smile that’s just for me.

  “Wow,” I mouth to him, my eyes wide, and he lets go of a little laugh and then takes Lucy into the pen as I slowly back away. The gate is not closed, so anything could still happen. Once she is in, I bring the gate door to a close and marvel at what just happened. I have never ridden a horse before, and that was just, wow. That’s it. That’s all I can think of to describe how great it was. I hope I get to do that again before I leave.

  Leave.

  The smile fades from my face at that thought. I miss home very much, but it isn’t at the front of my mind. Kevin and being here with him is. My smile comes back on that thought, and Kevin is none the wiser. He has taken the saddle, blanket, bit, and bridle off her, and she is now walking around in the pen with Levi who has gone back to investigating the ground.

  Kevin walks out of the barn and out of the pen. He wraps his arms around me and dips me backwards while we join our lips together. When he has settled me upright again, I see that smile again. Damn, I could look at it all day and night.

  “She has never, and I mean never done anything close to that . . . ever,” he says, looking at Lucy.

  “Never?” I ask.

  “Never, darlin’. I guess there is just something about you that she likes,” he says with a look on his face that I can’t place.

  “Can we do that again sometime . . . before I leave,” I ask carefully.

  His smile fades from his face much like mine did a couple of minutes ago. He hasn’t tensed up, but he is standing a little straighter and has his hands hanging out of his pants pockets. He’s thinking.

  “Yeah, darlin’. We can do that again sometime,” he says, looking at me.

  His eye color has gone to that deep brown. Is it sadness?

  “I’m glad I wore jeans and a long sleeve shirt. That breeze was a little chillier than I thought it was going to be.” I’m making stupid conversation.

  “Mmm,” is all he says.

  He holds his hand out, and I take it. We walk hand in hand back to the house. When we get back, he holds the door open to let me go in first, of course, and follows me in. We didn’t say a single word to each other on the long way back here, and nothing has been said still. I decide I’m more comfortable in Kevin’s room, so I go up the stairs.

  Our clothes from earlier are still on the floor, so after I kick off my shoes and put them next to my bag, I go about cleaning up a little. I pick up all the clothes and the hand towel and put them in the hamper. Then I make my way over to the massive bed and start trying to make it. I keep having to go from side to side to straighten it all out, but once it’s done, I want to do nothing but get back under the covers with Kevin.

  Kevin.

  Where did he go?

  I turn away from the bed to my answer. He made his way up the stairs very quietly. I didn’t hear one sound. He’s leaning up against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

  “How long have you been standing there?” I ask, not real sure what else to say.

  “Not long. Thanks for making the bed,” he replies.

  “No problem. So is there anything you want to do? Any places I should see?” I ask, trying to sound nonchalant.

  “Before you leave, you mean, right?” he says flatly.

  “Ouch. That kind of hurt. What was the reason for that, if I can ask?”

  I sit down on the bed to ready for myself for a conversation I don’t want to have now.

  “What? Yeah, we can do all sorts of shit before you leave. You can make me fall deeper in love you . . . before you leave. And then we can make love every day and night . . . before you leave. We will even go riding on the horses, if you want. You know . . . before you leave, sound good?” He
’s trying to be mean.

  “You knew this when you asked me to come here, Kevin,” I say without looking at him. I can’t see his hurt face.

  “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to leave you?”

  Here we go.

  “That shit hurt, bad. My friends were so pissed off at me because I was crap for weeks after I got back. And now you are here, and I am going to be all happy and shit, and then you are going to leave me . . . FUCK!” He yells the last word, and it makes me jump.

  “That was hard on me too, you know. I had to stand there and watch you leave. I had to smell your shirt every night just so I could have some kind of remembrance of you. I was shit at work, in fights, and everywhere else. I wanted this time with you. That is why I agreed to come and stay here. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea that I came. It’s just going to make my leaving that much harder.” I say calmly, but I really want to cry my fucking eyes out because talking–hell even thinking–about leaving destroys me.

  “Maybe,” he says quietly.

  My eyes snap up to look at him, but he’s looking at the floor.

  Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

  “Well, there you go. I guess,” I say, standing up.

  I move to my bags and start stuffing things in. Once everything is zipped up, I walk over to the bedside table and get my charger and phone, put them in my purse, and walk back over to my bags in complete and total silence. He’s going to let me leave.

  Don’t fucking cry, May.

  I stop at my stuff and look at Kevin. He’s still not looking at me. As I bend down to grab my bags, he takes me completely off guard.

  “I asked you to marry me.”

  I straighten back up slowly.

  “I thought so . . . why?” I ask.

  “Because I’m in love with you. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Because I want to have a family with you in this house. Should I go on?”

  Smart ass.

  “By all means,” I state.

  “Don’t leave. I can’t walk away from us again. I just can’t.” He isn’t begging, he’s stating a fact.