Claiming Their Racy Sub [Racy Nights 2] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Tara Rose

  Alexa slumped to the floor and cried until her sides hurt and she couldn’t catch her breath. They were gone, and there was no way they’d ever come back. She was torn between texting them both and begging them to return, and crawling into bed to stay there for the rest of her life.

  What a complete and total fucked-up mess she’d made of this. Two men, perfect in every way, and she’d tossed them out of the house because they loved her. Forget the sex. That wasn’t even the issue here, although it was more incredible, tender and loving than she’d have ever thought possible. But that wasn’t it.

  She was crazy about both of them. She was falling in love with both of them. Hell…she was in love with them. Why not call it what it was? They both loved her and she loved them. And she couldn’t handle it. She didn’t deserve it. She’d screamed at them and thrown them out.

  Alexa wiped her tears and stood up, watching the street. They’d come back. Surely, they’d come back. She could explain. They’d understand, wouldn’t they? They’d understood about Brad.

  She had no idea how long she stood in front of the windows before she realized there was nothing out there except snow. They were gone, and this time there was no turning back.

  * * * *

  Chase didn’t drive to his own condo. He drove to Noah’s, two streets over. Kari’s car was parked out front, completely covered with snow. He didn’t care if he disturbed them in bed. He had to talk to them. He’d wanted Luke to come with him, but Luke had insisted on returning to his bar to make sure everything was all right. He couldn’t blame the guy. Luke had a business to run.

  But Chase had seen the pain in Luke’s eyes as they’d talked briefly in the front yard of Alexa’s house before going their separate ways. He’d been devastated by Alexa’s reaction, especially since he didn’t understand it. Chase had told him she was probably just frightened of Brad, and to give her some time. He knew it was a lame excuse, but he didn’t know what else to say.

  Chase had a suspicion what was going on in Alexa’s mind. She’d shared painful memories of abuse from Brad with them, and he suspected she’d only shared the tip of the iceberg. She didn’t want to get this close to them because of her past. Chase understood that. He understood it all too well. It was what had kept him from giving away his heart all these years, or letting any woman get so close that he would be in danger of doing so.

  If Alexa knew the truth about the scar on his torso, she’d also know that his father had stabbed him with a steak knife when Chase was only twelve years old, and that he’d spent five days in the hospital afterwards with a broken arm and dislocated shoulder to go along with the wound that had come too damn close to Chase’s right lung for comfort. And that had been because Chase had dared to ask if he and Reece could go to Chicago with Noah and Maddox McCree. Randy, Maddox’s father, was taking Noah and Maddox to a Cubs game and had invited Chase and Reece along.

  As Chase exited his car, a beat-to-shit pick-up truck came rumbling up the street. Chase recognized Adison behind the wheel. Adison pulled the truck into the garage of the condo next to Noah’s, and Chase waited until he came strolling over.

  “Nice truck.”

  Adison chuckled. “I had to go into work this morning for a while and Mark Sanchez let me borrow his truck. I was afraid the Infiniti would get stuck in the snow.”

  “Yeah, right. Where is it? Private heated garage somewhere?”

  Adison cocked his thumb toward Noah’s garage. “All right, smart ass. You’ve made your point. It’s in Noah’s garage.”

  “You made Kari park outside?”

  “She insisted on it. What’s going on?”

  “I have to talk to the three of you. It’s about Alexa. I need your advice.”

  “Is she okay?”

  “Yes, but let’s go inside and I’ll tell you all what happened. I don’t know how to deal with this.”

  Adison frowned. “Does she know you’re here?”

  “No.”

  “She and Kari don’t break each other’s confidences. Are you sure this is something you want to discuss with us?”

  “I know that, Adison, but at least hear me out. And then if you three want to tell me to mind my own fucking business, I’ll listen. But I’m crazy about this woman, and I’m afraid she’s on the brink of losing it.”

  Adison nodded. “Okay. Come on in.”

  * * * *

  Alexa fidgeted with a loose thread on the edge of her coat sleeve while she waited in her car for Julie to arrive. Every physician and psychologist who worked in the building had cancelled their appointments today, but Julie had a key to the building and had agreed to meet Alexa there. Finally she drove up, and Alexa got out of her car.

  Once she was seated in Julie’s office, a cup of tea in her hands that Julie had brought her, Julie asked what was going on.

  “I fucked up, Julie.”

  “Care to elaborate?”

  Alexa told Julie about the trip to the wind turbine, dancing in the country bar, and the ill-fated attempt to spend the night with Chase and Luke the week before.

  “Is that why you didn’t show up for our last appointment?”

  “Yes.”

  “So what happened this morning?”

  She then told Julie how she’d heard a noise downstairs and had called Luke and Chase, and that she’d ended up spending the night with both of them. She told Julie every detail of what the three had done together. She then told Julie about the car cruising past the house the night before, and her talk with Sean Brennan early this morning.

  “So, I take it Chase doesn’t know about the roof collapse at City Hall from the storm last night.”

  “No, he does. He said something about it just before I told them both to leave, but honestly I wasn’t listening. That must have been the phone call he got right after Sean left. He said something had happened at City Hall and he had to go for a while. Is everyone all right?”

  “No one was in the building, but they’ll need to do some major repairs in part of the building. What happened after Chase left?”

  Alexa recounted how Luke had made her breakfast and how they’d then played in the snow. Julie smiled as Alexa told that story, saying she had trouble imagining Luke Rodriguez playing in the snow. When Alexa got to the part about Luke almost telling her that he loved her, and about Chase lecturing her on going outside in the cold, and how she’d reacted by throwing them both of out the house, Julie’s face grew concerned.

  Julie usually kept a pretty tight hold on her emotions, and Alexa knew she was trained to do that, but she would have been surprised if Julie hadn’t reacted even a little as Alexa told this part of the story.

  “Okay. What I’m hearing is that you don’t feel as if you deserve their love, and so you pushed them both away so you wouldn’t have to deal with it.”

  “Yes. I did.” She breathed a sigh of relief, knowing Julie would understand.

  “Do you know why you did that?”

  “Yes.” Alexa didn’t have to think about it. She’d known exactly what she was doing.

  “Go on.”

  “I’m not worthy of their love. I mean, how could either of them want me? I’m damaged.”

  “But now they know your past with Brad and they still want you. How do you explain that?”

  “They don’t know my past before Brad.”

  Julie nodded. “And you think if they knew, their feelings toward you would change.”

  “Of course they would.”

  Julie’s gaze turned thoughtful as she leaned forward slightly. “Alexa, has it ever occurred to you that Luke and Chase have a past as well? You don’t know what their home lives were like, or what the relationships they had with other women were like. They might be just as ‘damaged’ as you believe you are.”

  “Chase was married.”

  “What did he tell you about that?”

  “That she thought he was cheating on her when he wanted to get kinky in the bedroom, and he couldn’t convince her othe
rwise, so she left him.”

  “But that’s all you know.”

  Alexa hadn’t thought about the possibility that there was more. Chase was so closed off with his emotions. He’d built some pretty high walls around him. Alexa recognized emotional walls when she saw them.

  “What are you thinking right now?”

  “How high the walls are around Chase. I mean, he tries to pretend he’s all nonchalant about that sort of stuff, but I always have the feeling he’s covering up painful…” Alexa’s voice trailed off as she realized what she was saying. She did the same thing all the time, even acting the part of a dumb blonde just to throw people off the trail. “Holy shit,” she whispered.

  “Not too difficult to imagine that he might be hiding behind a mask as well, is it?”

  Alexa shook her head. “Okay. But what about Luke?”

  “What about Luke?”

  “He’s gorgeous. I don’t understand why women aren’t lined up outside his bar.”

  “Why aren’t they then?”

  “I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t understand it. He doesn’t even seem to notice when women stare at him.”

  Julie didn’t have to point out the obvious. Alexa had made some pretty large assumptions where her men were concerned. It had never occurred to her that either of them might have dark shadows in their past because, in her eyes, they were sexy, charming, and drop-dead gorgeous. That meant their lives must be blemish-free, right? Wrong. “Julie, what do I do now?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  Alexa rolled her eyes. “You know I hate that.”

  Julie smiled. “I know you do, but you also know that it’s not my place to tell you what to do. My job is to help you figure that out on your own.”

  “Okay. Let me put it this way then. If you were me, what would you do right now?”

  Alexa didn’t think Julie was going to play this time, but finally she leaned back and nodded. “Fair enough. For starters, I’d start attending meetings at that support group in either Indy or Chicago. You’re a multiple rape and abuse victim, Alexa. You won’t be able to have a healthy relationship with Luke or Chase, and certainly not with both, until you begin to heal from those years.”

  That wasn’t anything new. Julie had been telling her this for four months.

  “And then I’d tell Chase and Luke about your past. All of it. They have a right to know, especially after today.”

  And that wasn’t anything new either. Alexa simply hadn’t been ready to hear it, and she wasn’t entirely convinced she was now, but she’d already known this morning before either of them pulled out of the driveway that the only way she was going to explain her horrible behavior was to tell them the truth.

  “Can I do that, Julie? I mean really? Every time I imagine it I break out in a cold sweat.”

  “Do you think it might be easier now, knowing that they didn’t turn their backs on you once they knew about Brad?”

  “It’ll still be hard.”

  “Yes, it will. But if these two guys love you the way I think they do, they’ll be more than ready to help you.”

  “How do you know they both love me?”

  “Two things. One, from what you’ve told me, they’d walk through fire for you.” Julie grinned. “And two, this is a small town and I have eyes.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Alexa drove through town before heading back home, admiring the way so many businesses had decided to open regardless of the snow, once the streets were plowed. There was a crowd milling around City Hall where people were already at work placing large blue tarps over the section of the roof that had collapsed in the storm.

  She cruised slowly past Luke’s Bar, wondering if he was in there right now, serving drinks and making conversation with his customers. She loved to watch him at work. He always had a big smile and a kind word for everyone. That was the kind of guy he was. Julie had asked her to try and imagine why a man like Luke wouldn’t have a wife and kids, or a string of girlfriends by now, but she couldn’t. In her eyes, he was perfect.

  When she started to drive back toward home her cell rang. It was Kari.

  “Hey, I’m on my way to the house to pick up some more of our things. Are you there?”

  “Almost. I had a session with Julie.”

  “Oh good. I’ll see you in a few minutes. We need to talk.”

  Alexa had to stop her car while she stared at her cell phone, wondering what the hell that was about. Did Kari know what had happened? Was something else wrong? She ran two red lights to get home as fast as possible, and Kari was just getting out of her car as Alexa pulled into the driveway.

  “What’s wrong?” asked Alexa, barely stopping to put her coat on as she stepped outside. She hated driving with a coat on. It was too restrictive.

  “I was about to ask you the same thing. Come on in. It’s too fucking cold out here to talk.”

  Kari looked drained and pale, and Alexa hoped that was because she’d spent a wild night with Noah and Adison. She made coffee, and Alexa waited impatiently in the living room until finally Kari waltzed in.

  “So,” she said, taking a seat next to Alexa on the sofa, “what the hell happened this morning? Chase walked in on me and Noah at a very inopportune time, just as Adison got home from work, and tried to tell me a long, convoluted story about you throwing them both out this morning”

  “Oh fuck.”

  “Don’t worry. I stopped him. I told him I’d talk to you, and if you wanted to tell me you would, but that I wasn’t going to sit there and listen to him tell me something you might not want me to hear.”

  “How long ago was this?”

  “About two hours ago.”

  Alexa’s heart sank. Julie was wrong. Chase had run right over there as soon as he’d left here and tried to spill the entire story. “Is he still there?”

  “No. He left.”

  “Kari, I love you. You’re the best friend ever.”

  “Don’t put me on a pedestal yet.” Kari took a sip of coffee and eyed Alexa over the rim. “When I started to protest, he told me there was something else I needed to hear because Sean Brennan might be coming by to ask me questions about the shooting and Donnie McCoy.”

  Alexa averted her gaze. “Oh, yeah. About that, I—”

  “Alexa, I’m not upset. We both knew this might happen. My only concern is for your safety.”

  Alexa’s pulse quickened. “Do you really think it was Brad?”

  Kari shrugged. “No clue. But at least now we’ll have someone on it who will work until he finds answers.”

  “So then Chase told you everything about the car driving past and our conversation with Sean?”

  Kari nodded.

  “I never wanted to have to tell Chase and Luke about our suspicions. I’m sorry I had to.”

  “Well I’m not. Now they all know. You already know I told Adison and Noah some time ago. But this is good, Alexa. Now all four guys will be watching the place for us.”

  Alexa picked at the piping on the edge of the sofa. “Not sure we’ll be seeing Luke or Chase here too often from now on.”

  “Hon, what happened? Please tell me.”

  Kari was the one person Alexa didn’t mind repeating this sordid story to. When it was over, she was crying again. Kari put down her coffee and gave Alexa a tight hug. “It’s going to be okay. Just give them a few days and then talk to them.”

  “Julie wants me to tell them everything. She doesn’t think I can have a healthy relationship with them unless I do. What do you think?”

  “Honestly?” Kari’s gray eyes filled with motherly concern. She was only a year older, but Alexa had always felt that Kari was miles ahead as far as maturity went. “I think you should listen to your shrink. I think you should go to the support group, for one thing. I’ll go with you. And I do think you should tell Luke and Chase everything. You know they would understand, especially Chase.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Kari averted
her gaze. “Oh, I don’t know. He just seems like he would, you know? And Luke with his huge close family…well, you know. His parents would probably want to adopt you.”

  Alexa laughed at the thought of belonging to Luke’s family. “Yeah, right. Just what they need. A fucked-up Irish girl to liven up their family dinners.”

  “Stop that. You’re not fucked up. At least, not any more than the rest of us are.” Kari yawned. “Sorry. I barely got any sleep last night. I’m going to grab the things we need and get out of here. Are you sure you’ll be all right?”

  “Absolutely. Go ahead. I have some thinking to do anyway.”

  “Well, I’m only a phone call away if you need me, okay?”

  “I know. Thanks, Kari.”

  * * * *

  Luke opened his bar only because when he drove downtown, there was a crowd around the corner in front of City Hall. One section of the roof had collapsed in the storm, and speculation was running high. He figured he might as well offer people something to drink while they yammered on and on about what might have happened, and how long it would take to repair the damage.

  By the time the sun began to set, his bar was full and he’d had to call Peppi and Rafe to come over and help him. Everyone he’d been able to reach was stuck at their house because all the streets hadn’t yet been plowed. Luke wasn’t in the mood to beg anyone to come in, especially after he’d called them all this morning and told them they could stay home for the day.

  He glanced around at the patrons drinking beer and watching The Weather Channel on TV, wishing he were back in Alexa’s bedroom. Even if all he could do was hold her, he’d be happy. How was he ever going to be able to make sense of what had happened this morning?

  Chase had thought she was reacting to having told them about her past with Brad, but Luke still felt guilty because he was certain he’d done or said something to upset her.

  In fact, Luke thought Chase’s reaction to the entire incident had been very odd as they talked briefly outside her house before going their separate ways. For one thing, it had sounded to Luke as if Chase could understand why Alexa had pushed them away, which made no sense at all to Luke. When he’d tried to urge Chase to explain further, Chase had made some excuse for having to go.