Psychology of Seduction
Page 30
The more you confuse her, the more she will like you. If your date tries to kiss you, and you’ve been flirting with her all night and expressed interest, back off and say ‘I’ve really got to get some work done.’ In the bedroom, use the line ‘I don’t think we should have sex anymore,’ then start taking off her clothes.
Been seeing someone frequently and want to increase her interest? Keep her a little off-balance, a little confused. Tell her that you don’t like how she’s been acting lately, then give her a gift or a kiss.
Remember that women are obsessed with social interaction and trying to figure people out. That is why talk shows, RomComs, and soap operas are so damn popular.
Always keep your target guessing; drive her crazy by mixing up your signals and responses. If you can make her life a little more interesting, a little less dull, you will stand head and shoulders above the competition. Let her try to figure you out. Most men are bores.
Step 4: Exude Positive energy
Positive energy is infectious. Negativity is too. Remember the priming effect? Positivity primes your subject for happy feelings and good vibes.
Hardly anyone can remain positive all of the time; it is human nature to ‘regress to the mean’ of a neutral emotional state. But if a woman sees you as a source of positive energy in her life, she will love you for it. If you aren’t happy, learn how to act. It shouldn’t matter if your dog died or the stock market crashed or HBO cancelled your favorite TV series. Mask your sadness with a happy face; why let your negativity infect someone else’s bright day?
Stpe 5: Become a Risk-Taker
Don’t be afraid to take a few risks in life. People who accept no risks live in poverty and fear; boredom will drag them down. Take up an adventure sport. Go skydiving – and talk about it with the next girl you meet. Take a vacation to an exotic, slightly unstable place – like Colombia or Nicaragua. Go whitewater rafting. Get out there and do something in the world. Learning to take risks will improve all aspects of your life, from seduction to business. Your ability to tell exciting tales about your risky experiences should not be underestimated; women love a good story.
Go bungee jumping. Did you know that bungee jumping has its roots on the pacific island of Malekula where natives build a looming tower and jump off headfirst, tying one end of some vines to each ankle and the other end to the top of the tower?
Surviving this jump apparently guarantees that the jumper is brave, calculating and – most importantly – a good builder. What more could a woman want?
Appendix B
Self-Quizzes
Dark Triad Personality Test
Rate yourself on the following traits using a 1-7 point scale, then add up the total and check the appendix.
I tend to manipulate others to get my way
I tend to lack remorse
I tend to want others to admire me
I tend to be unconcerned with the morality of my actions
I have used deceit or lied to get my way
I tend to be callous or insensitive
I have used flattery to get my way
I tend to seek prestige or status
I tend to exploit others toward my own end
I tend to be cynical
I tend to expect special favors from others
I want others to pay attention to me
Among college students, researchers Webster and Jonason in 2013 found the average score to be 36, with most people scoring between 33 and 39.
If you scored above 45, consider yourself a ‘dark triad’ personality. Women will favor you for casual sex. You have the potential to become a skilled seducer, but you will need to camouflage or tone-down your more potent ‘dark triad’ traits if you enter a long-term relationship. Over time, a woman becomes much less enthused a ‘dark triad’ boyfriend.
Love Styles Test
Instructions:
Rate the following questions on a scale of 1-5. Some of the questions refer to a specific relationship, while others probe your general attitude towards love. When possible, answer the questions with your current or most recent partner in mind.
Use the following scale:
1 = strongly agree
2 = moderately agree
3 = neutral
4 = moderately disagree
5 = strongly disagree
My lover and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met. 1 2 3 4 5
My lover and I have the right physical “chemistry” between us. 1 2 3 4 5
Our lovemaking is very intense and satisfying. 1 2 3 4 5
I feel that my lover and I were meant for each other. 1 2 3 4 5
My lover and I became emotionally involved rather quickly. 1 2 3 4 5
My lover and I really understand each other. 1 2 3 4 5
My lover fits my ideal standards of physical beauty/handsomeness. 1 2 3 4 5
I try to keep my lover a little unce rtain about my commitment to him/her. 1 2 3 4 5
I believe that what my lover does not know about me won’t hurt him/her. 1 2 3 4 5
I have sometimes had to keep two of my lovers from finding out about each other. 1 2 3 4 5
I can get over love affair s pretty easily and quickly. 1 2 3 4 5
My lover would get upset if he/she knew of so me of the things I’ve done with other people. 1 2 3 4 5
When my lover gets too dependent on me, I want to back off a little. 1 2 3 4 5
I enjoy playing the “game of love” with a number of different partners. 1 2 3 4 5
It is hard to say exactly where friendship ends and love begins. 1 2 3 4 5
Genuine love first requires caring for awhile. 1 2 3 4 5
I expect to always be friends with the one I love. 1 2 3 4 5
The best kind of love grows out of a long friendship. 1 2 3 4 5
Our friendship merged gradually into love over time. 1 2 3 4 5
Love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion. 1 2 3 4 5
My most satisfying love relationships have developed from good riendships. 1 2 3 4 5
I consider what a person is going to become in life before I commit myself to him/her. 1 2 3 4 5
I try to plan my life care fully before choosing a lover. 1 2 3 4 5
It is best to love someone with a similar background. 1 2 3 4 5
A main consideration in choosing a love r is how he/she reflects on my family. 1 2 3 4 5
An important factor in choosing a partner is whether or not he/she will be a good parent. 1 2 3 4 5
One consideration in choosing a partner is how he/she will reflect on my career. 1 2 3 4 5
Before getting very involved with anyone, I try to figure out how compatible his/her hereditary background is with mine in case we ever have children. 1 2 3 4 5
When things aren’t right with my lover and me, my stomach gets upset. 1 2 3 4 5
When my love affairs break up, I get so depressed that I have even thought of suicide. 1 2 3 4 5
Sometimes I get so excited about being in love that I can’t sleep. 1 2 3 4 5
When my lover doesn’t pay attention to me, I feel sick all over. 1 2 3 4 5
When I am in love, I have trouble concentrating on anything else. 1 2 3 4 5
I cannot relax if I suspect that my lover is with someone else. 1 2 3 4 5
If my lover ignores me for a while, I sometimes do stupid things to get his/ her attention back. 1 2 3 4 5
I try to always help my lover through difficult times. 1 2 3 4 5
I would rather suffer myself than let my lover suffer. 1 2 3 4 5
I cannot be happy unless I place my lover’s happiness before my own. 1 2 3 4 5
SCORING:
EROS: 1-7
LUDUS: 8-14
STORGE: 15-21
PRAGMA: 22-28
MANIA: 29-35
AGAPE: 36-42
Adapted from: Hendrich, C. & Hendrick, S. (1986). A theory and method of love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, 392-
402
Appendix C
Further Reading
The following books will greatly broaden and enhance the concepts developed in this work. They are all required reading for aspiring seducers.
The Red Queen, Matt Ridley
The first half of this book provides a solid grounding in evolutionary biology, while the second half extrapolates to human attraction and seduction. Highly recommended!
The Moral Animal, Robert Wright
The seminal work on evolutionary psychology. High controversial, Wright discusses gender differences between men and women, mating patterns, attraction, elements of seduction and much more. This book is absolutely required reading for aspiring seducers.
The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene
Best-selling author Robert Greene approaches seduction from an artistic perspective, describing the qualities that successful past seducers have possessed.
Sex At Dawn, Cacilda Jethá and Christopher Ryan
A fascinating, bold and not entirely believable rebuttal of the ‘standard narrative’ of evolutionary psychology, arguing that humans are not naturally monogamous.
The Mystery Method, Erik von Markovic
With his own MTV series, Mystery is the most widely recognized modern pickup artist. He provides excellent real-world tips and practical advice in The Mystery Method.
The Evolution of Desire, David Buss
Recognized as one of the founders of evolutionary psychology and a superstar researcher in the field of sexual attraction, Buss’s Evolution of Desire is a seminal work in understanding human mating patterns.
The Blind Watchmaker, Richard Dawkins
Aspiring seducers should understand the basics of evolutionary biology. In The Blind Watchmaker, Dawkins exposes the non-technical reader to the fundamental concepts of evolution and natural selection.
The Psychology of Influence, Robert Cialdini
Cialdini’s Psychology of Influence is a tour-do-force exploration of evolutionary psychology and social psychology from a compliance perspective. Useful for businessmen, marketers and seducers, this book describes many practical cognitive tools for gaining compliance from another person. Highly recommended and required reading!
My Secret Garden, Nancy Friday
Researcher Nancy Friday began collecting female sexual fantasies through letters and taped personal interviews. She published them as a compilation in 1973 in ‘My Secret Garden.’ Every aspiring seducer should read this book to familiarize himself with female sexual fantasies.
Sperm Wars, Robin Baker
This fantastic book explores issues of jealousy, rape, prostitution and other aspects of human sexuality from a perspective of evolutionary biology and ‘sperm competition theory.’
The Game, Neil Strauss
Although this book will not teach you anything about seduction, it is a fun read and explores the development of the pickup artist community.
The Seducer, Claudia Moscovici
In ‘The Seducer,’ Moscovici details the quintessential Dark Triad personality at work in seduction. Fictional - though nevertheless an interesting read.
Why Women Have Sex, Cindy Meston
Cindy Meston provides an in-depth examination of the hundreds - yes, literally hundreds - of reasons women have sex.
(Endnotes)
Andrea Dworkin quoted in Steven Pinker, How the Mind Works, (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1997) 474.
M.Fox, ‘Concepts in Ethology: Animal and Human Behavior,’ (Minnesota: University of Minnesota Press, 1994)
Anders K. Ericsson, Michael J. Prietula and Edward T. Cokely, ‘The Making of an Expert,’ Harvard Business Review (July - August 2007).
Dan McLaughlin, The Dan Plan: http://TheDanPlan.com/about
Nathan Oesch and Igor Mikousic, ‘The Dating Mind: Evolutionary Psychology and the Emerging Science of Human Courtship,’ Evolutionary Psychology (2012)
Aleksandra Lopaciuk and Miroslaw Loboda, ‘Global Beauty Industry Trends in the 21st Century,’ Maria Curie-Sklodowska University, Poland (2013)
Bronislaw Malinowski and H. Ellis, ‘The Sexual Life of Savages in North-Western Melanesia. An Ethnographic Account of Courtship, Marriage and Family Life Among the Natives of the Trobriand Islands,’ (London, 1929)
K. Hill and H. Kaplan, ‘Tradeoffs in Male and Female Reproductive Strategies among the Ache: Part 1 - Males,’ In L. Betzig, P. Turke and M. Borgerhoff Mulder (eds), Human Reproductive Behavior (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1988): 277-289.
Richard Dawkins, The Blind Watchmaker, (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1986) 203.
John Maynard Smith, ‘Theories of Sexual Selection,’ Trends in Ecology and Evolution (1991): 146-151
Jared Diamond, The Third Chimpanzee, (London: Hutchinson Radius, 1991) 174.
Matt Ridley, The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature, (London: Viking Books, 1993) 14.
Geoffrey Miller, ‘Sexual Selection for Indicators of Intelligence,’ In G.Bock, J.Goode, and K. Webb (Eds.), The Nature of Intelligence. Novartis Foundation Symposium (1999) 233. John Wiley, pp 260-275
Geoffrey Miller, ‘Fear of Fitness Indicators: How to deal with our ideological anxieties about the role of sexual selection in the origins of human culture.’ In Being Human: Proceedings of a conference sponsored by the Royal Society of New Zealand (2003), pp 65-79. Wellington, NZ: Royal Society of Zealand, Miscellaneous series 63.
Jared Diamond, The Third Chimpanzee, (London: Hutchinson Radius, 1991) 198.
Geoffrey Miller, ‘Aesthetic Fitness: How sexual selection shaped artistic virtuosity as a fitness indicator and aesthetic preferences as mate choice criteria,’ Bulletin of Psychology and the Arts (2001): 20-25
Jared Diamond, The Third Chimpanzee, (London: Hutchinson Radius, 1991) 198.
C.D. FitzGibbon and J.H. Fanshawe, ‘Stotting in Thomson’s Gazelles: An Honest Signal of Condition,’ Behavioral Ecology and Sociobiology vol 23, no. 2 (1988): 69-74
Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene (London: Oxford University Press, 1976) 173.
Charles H. Patrick, Alcohol, Culture and Society (North Carolina: Duke University Press, 1952) 12-13.
Jennifer A. Livingston, Laina Y. Bay-Cheng, Amy L. Hequembourg, Maria Testa, Julia S. Downs, ‘Mixed Drinks and Mixed Messages: Adolescent Girls’ Perspectives on Alcohol and Sexuality,’ Psychology of Women Quarterly (2012)
S. Martin, ‘Popular culture encourages girls to mix sex and alcohol,’ American Psychological Association (2012): http://apaconvention.com/2011/08/04/girls-gone-wild-the-appeal-of-mixing-alcohol-and-sex/
Jared Diamond, ‘Kung Fu Kerosene Drinking,’ Natural History vol. 7 (1990): 20-24.
de Smet PA and Hellmuth NM, ‘A multidisciplinary approach to ritual enema scenes on ancient Maya pottery,’ Journal of Ethnopharmacology (1986) vol 16(2-3): 213-62
American Academy of Dermatology, ‘Indoor Tanning Contributes to Increased Incidence of Skin Cancer,’ January 17, 2006.
Jared Diamond, The Third Chimpanzee, (London: Hutchinson Radius, 1991) 198.
Adam Hadhazy, ‘Survival of the Tattooed and Pierced: Body art may be evidence of high-quality genes in men,’ Scientific American May/June 2010.
Thorstein Veblen, The Theory of the Leisure Class (United States: Macmillan, 1899)
Stephen Pinker, The Blank Slate, (New York: Viking, 2002) 406.
Geoffrey Miller, ‘Aesthetic Fitness: How sexual selection shaped artistic virtuosity as a fitness indicator and aesthetic preferences as mate choice criteria,’ Bulletin of Psychology and the Arts (2001): 20-25
Friedrich Nietzsche, The Will to Power, trans. Walter Kaufmann, (New York: Random House, 1967)
Napoleon Chagnon, Yanomamo: The Fierce People, (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1968)
Margot Wilson and Martin Daly quoted in Stephen Pinker, The Blank Slate, (New York: Viking, 2002) 319
/>
Steven Pinker, How the Mind Works, (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1997) 517
Burriss, R, H Rowland, and A. Little. ‘Facial scarring enhances men’s attractiveness for short-term relationships.’ Personality and Individual Differences 46, no. 2 (2009): 213-217
Richard Wiseman, 59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot (London: Pan Macmillan, 2009)
Ryan O’Hanlon, ‘Beautiful People Won’t Pick Up The Tab,’ Good Men Project (2011).
Quentin Bell, On Human Finery, (New York: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, 1978)
PRNewsWire, ‘Study Reveals Clothes DO Make the Man Sexier, Smarter, and More Successful,’ Jan 4, 2011:
ibid
Jill M. Sundie, Vladas Griskevicius, Kathleen D. Vohs, Douglas T. Kenrick, Joshua M. Tybur, Daniel J. Beal, ‘Peacocks, Porsches, and Thorstein Veblen: Conspicuous Consumption as a Sexual Signaling System,’ Journal of Personality and Sexual Psychology vol. 100 (2011): 664-680
Matt Ridley, The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature, (London: Viking Books, 1993) 336
Margot Wilson and Martin Daly, ‘The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Chattel’ In, J.H. Barkow, L. Cosmides, J.Tooby, Eds. The Adapted Mind. Evolutionary psychology and the generation of culture (New York: Oxford University Press, 1992): 289.
Thomas Nagel, ‘What Is It Like to Be a Bat?’, The Philosophical Review vol. 83, No. 4 (1974): 435-450.
Matt Ridley, The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature, (London: Viking Books, 1993) 259.
ibid.
ibid, 266
Associated Press,’More US Women Dying in Childbirth,’
Cindy Meston, Why Women Have Sex (New York: Macmillan, 2009) 172.
Robert Wright, The Moral Animal (New York: Pantheon Books, 1994)
Elaine Hatfield W. Griffitt, Human Sexual Behavior (Illinois: Scott, Foresman and Co, 1984)