“Or Ana.” Leila rationalized that it was only a little white lie to spare Luke’s feelings. She did go to a movie with Ana a few weeks ago when her husband was out of town, but the rest of the instances he was talking about were pretty much all Eli.
Luke’s silence made her wonder if he had heard the lie. They walked several blocks without speaking. The noises of the city filled the silence with children playing on a front stoop, music from a window, motors purring down the street, and the slap of tennis shoes on pavement as a runner sped by them. The sight of apple blossoms on a lone tree in front of a brownstone made Leila smile and curl against Luke. He welcomed her, pulling her in more tightly.
A few blocks later, they made it back to Luke’s car. He reached for her door, but stopped before grabbing the handle and looked back at Leila. His brow furrowed. The change worried Leila, but she stayed silent. Eventually Luke looked at her and asked, “On your all or nothing scale, where are we?”
Not prepared for a question like that, Leila leaned against the car for support. Her mind raced to define their relationship in mere seconds. She should have expected Luke would want to know where he stood with her after meeting Eli—no doubt needing confirmation that he was the center of her thoughts—but she hadn’t considered it until that moment.
“Well,” she said slowly, “we’re definitely not at nothing, but I’m not quite ready for all yet either.”
Luke grinned at her and pressed his body against hers. “But I thought it was either one or the other, nothing in between. I think those were your exact words.”
Tall and athletic, Luke’s weight was hardly minimal, but he only leaned in enough to capture her attention. Which he did. It was hard to deny that the heat surrounding them had nothing to do with the sun. Luke’s hips were tight against hers with his hands wrapped around her waist. His chest was inches away from her, and she swore she could actually hear his heartbeat speed up in reaction to their contact. Leila’s mind was scattered beyond belief, but his words demanded some sort of reply.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” she said.
One hand left her back and trailed its way up to her cheekbone where he stroked her skin slowly back to tangle in her hair. “Oh? Then, please, what did you mean?”
“I was talking about sex, not a relationship.”
The way Luke’s teasing smile deepened into something infinitely more seductive sent a rush through Leila’s veins. “You were talking about sex?” Luke asked.
“Not anymore,” Leila managed to say, though her intelligent thought was quickly abandoning her.
He shook his head. “You’re the one who brought up the word sex.”
“You were thinking about it,” Leila argued.
Luke leaned in close. His lips brushed against her ear. “So were you.”
In that moment, Leila knew she had never blushed as deeply as she did then. There was no way for Luke to know she had been wondering just how his toned abdomen and chest would look without his shirt covering it, how it would feel to run her hands across his skin. He couldn’t know the things her mind had been imagining, but he was right either way. Not that Leila was going to admit that to him, though.
“Am I just a friend, like Eli?” Luke asked.
Eli was a fantasy. Luke was reality, a very enticing bit of reality. “No, you’re not just a friend. You’re my boyfriend.”
“But what am I to you?” Luke sighed. “We’ve been dating for two months, but sometimes I still feel like you’re trying figure out whether or not it’s going to work out between us.”
“Well I don’t know for sure. Do you?”
“I know that I want it to work out. Isn’t that enough?” Luke asked.
Was it? Leila didn’t know.
Luke’s arm tightened around her body. They were chest to chest, and there was no way Luke could miss the sudden spike in her breathing. His eyes locked with hers in a soulful caress. “Leila, I know you’re careful, and I know you don’t trust easily, but sometimes you have to be willing to take a risk on someone.”
“That’s not easy for me,” Leila said honestly.
“I know.”
Luke’s lips touched the curve of her neck and began making their way upward. Every touch weakened Leila’s fears. The warm breath pulsing across her sensitized skin made her shiver against him. She was hopeless putty in his hands by the time his lips grazed her ear.
“All I’m asking,” he whispered, “is that you stop waiting to see if our relationship will work out, and find out for yourself.”
The trail of Luke’s heat slid along her jaw, his mouth pressing against her parted lips. Leila’s hands twisted around his shirt and pulled him closer. He didn’t resist. Luke kissed her once more, then asked, “Will you find out?”
“Yes,” Leila breathed.
Ready to convince her, Luke deepened their kiss. He crushed Leila against his body. The only thought in her mind at that point was how the sun had nothing on Luke’s passion. She reveled in his desire, more happy than she could express to be wanted so much.
As passion mellowed into an enveloping embrace, Leila knew the conversation was far from over, but for the moment she was happy. She would discover exactly what Luke meant to her, and how far she wanted their relationship to go later. The topic of all or nothing, and whether or not that included sex would come up again soon, and Leila could only hope she would be ready to face it when it did. After experiencing Luke’s desire, it seemed an easy choice.
But as often happened, as soon as the excitement died down, Eli returned to her mind. Leila hoped that with Eli no longer a secret, those kinds of thoughts would stop, but she couldn’t have been more wrong.
“You’re wrong about Eli,” Luke said quietly.
“What … do you mean?”
Luke kissed her nose. “You are his kind of girl. You’re any guy’s kind of girl. You are sophisticated and gorgeous. He’s not too good for you. No man is. You’re too good for me.” He smiled and kissed her again. “You, my beautiful girl, are the kind of woman every man dreams of.”
Her skeptical expression made him smile.
His responding grin was followed by another kiss, this one on her forehead. “I know I dream about you.”
Part of Leila’s mind begged to know just what he dreamt, but the other half had more traitorous thoughts. Thoughts like whether or not Eli dreamed of her, too.
Chapter 18
Lost
As Eli paced in front of the bench where he usually met Leila, his mind wandered. First, there was the recently acquired fear that Leila would not show up. After convincing himself she would meet him, he wondered what she would wear. For the longest time it had been the same running tights and sport top, but last week she had finally shown up in something new, a sign that she accepted exercise as a part of her life. She seemed to have purchased a new athletic wardrobe. He hoped the black and pink capris with the racerback tank top would make a reappearance.
Fantasizing about her clothing only lasted so long before his thoughts slipped back to the previous day. Eli was still battling mixed feelings about the run-in. On one side, finally setting eyes on the famed Luke had been crushing. He was man enough to admit that Luke was attractive, slightly taller than him, and very fit, although Eli felt they were fairly equal in physical fitness if not in exact build. Seeing his hands on Leila, and her acceptance of it had been cutting.
On the other hand, Eli had walked away with a deep sense of satisfaction on several levels. Luke’s obviously jealous response had been a boost. The desirable Luke saw him as a threat. Even though Eli knew Leila held no illusions about a relationship with Eli at the time, Luke seemed to have no problem imagining it. His jealousy could cause problems, but Eli felt confident Leila wouldn’t drop out of his life just for Luke’s sake.
Eli smiled as he remembered her shock at seeing him. It had not been only surprise at running into him unexpectedly. Luke’s ba
fflement when Eli approached him made one thing clear. Leila had never told Luke about him. Eli supposed he should have been disappointed by that, but in reality he was thrilled. Even if Leila wouldn’t admit it to herself, she harbored feelings for him and knew Luke would be jealous of their relationship. She had kept him as her secret, something she didn’t want to share. That made Eli very pleased.
A vision in pale blue leggings and a matching blue and white top, Leila crossed the street and pushed everything else out of Eli’s mind. He allowed himself a few brief seconds to appreciate how her body had responded to his insistence that she work out with him. She was slender before, a dancer’s physique, but the softness had been replaced by shapely muscle. She was stunning.
“Hey,” she said as she approached, “ready to run?”
Her brisk greeting was disappointing, but something that was hardly new. “Whenever you are.”
They took a few minutes to stretch in silence, and then began their run at a leisurely pace. It was slow enough that Eli could speak without being winded. “How were the riding lessons, yesterday?”
“Jumping.”
Eli’s brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of her response.
Seeing his confusion, Leila said, “I was learning to show jump, not ride. I already knew how to ride.”
“That’s right, your aunt’s ranch.” Eli nodded, remembering that she had mentioned how much she loved visiting the country and spending time with the animals her aunt raised. “How was the jumping then?”
She actually smiled. “It was fun. The girl teaching me said I picked it up fast.” Leila frowned. “She was only fourteen, though. Maybe fifteen, tops.”
“What does her age matter?” Eli asked. “If she was teaching, she’s probably been jumping for years.”
Leila conceded his point, but picked up the pace, making conversation impossible. They continued on in quiet rhythm. Their routine path had become ingrained in them both. Eli could run for hours, or at least he felt like he could. He enjoyed the strain on his muscles and the comfortable exhaustion running provided. Leila, however, was firm about limiting her running to two miles. She handled the distance well by that point, but Eli knew she still held no great love for running, so he went along with her demands.
Even without speaking, the time spent with Leila was enjoyable. Being in her presence made him happy. Vance told him constantly that whether he was in love with Leila or not, his refusal to tell her how he felt was becoming sadistic. He was right, but Eli couldn’t change. He had to be around her. So he ran alongside her, only becoming despondent when they turned back toward the bench that marked the end of their run.
Leila immediately began to stretch out. When she finished and looked up at Eli, he expected her usual thanks for the run and brief agreement to see him the next day. When she looked up at him through trouble eyes, he began to panic. The feeling only intensified when she spoke.
“Hey, do you want to come up for a few minutes,” she said, giving Eli a shot of hope, “I need to talk to you about something.”
And then his hope went crashing to the pavement. “Uh, sure.”
Leila smiled and started toward her building without waiting for him. He was forced to jog a few steps in order to catch up with her. Desperately, he hoped she would say something, give him a hint of what was bothering her. She kept her thoughts to herself as they climbed the two flights of stairs. When Leila unlocked and opened her door, Eli hesitated at the threshold. He had been so sure earlier that Leila wouldn’t abandon him at Luke’s request. Now, he wasn’t so sure.
Regardless of his fear, Eli crossed into the apartment and closed the door behind him.
“Do you want something to drink?” Leila asked over her shoulder.
“Water would be great,” he responded.
Unsure of what to do with himself, Eli wandered a bit before seating himself at the breakfast bar. He watched Leila fill two glasses with water, her motions seeming so normal. Inside he was bristling with anxiety. His mind started running through scenarios. There was no way he was walking out and leaving her behind without a fight.
The dull plink of a glass being set down on the counter drew his eyes up to Leila’s. She had acted so casual while filling the drinks, but now her hands were shaking. Eli couldn’t stand it any longer.
“Leila, is everything okay?”
“Yes,” she said quickly, but then she started shaking her head. “I acted like such a fool.”
Confused, Eli asked, “Did something happen with Luke yesterday?”
“No, I mean with you.”
“I know I surprised you yesterday …”
“No,” Leila said, ready to burst with frustration, “I mean last weekend.”
Eli had no trouble remembering the previous weekend. The hungry look in Leila’s eyes as she looked at him and touched him was impossible to forget. She had consumed his thoughts the entire week. But he couldn’t think of anything she had done that had been foolish. The only thing he regretted was leaving her standing in his bedroom alone.
Leila gripped her glass and didn’t look at Eli. “Look, last weekend, I don’t know what I was thinking. I had no business commenting on your clothes, or … or invading your room. I stepped over the line and I feel like an idiot.”
“What line?” Eli asked. As far as he was concerned there didn’t need to be any lines between them. Sitting next to her at that moment, he didn’t even care about his own self-imposed lines.
Leila finally met his eyes. “We’re friends, not …”
Some thought brought a blush to her cheeks. Eli had no idea what she had been thinking, but he very much wanted to know. He found himself leaning toward her against his better judgment. “Not what?” he asked.
“Not … no benefits. Friends. We’re just friends, okay?” Her whole face was red, and Eli was pretty sure she was holding her breath. He found her sudden inability to form a coherent thought oddly funny.
“Of course we’re friends. Benefits? I’m not sure …”
“Forget that part,” Leila demanded, now a deep scarlet.
Eli laughed. He tried not to, but she was making very little sense. “Leila, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The effort it took for Leila to take a single deep breath was tremendous. Her palms rolled forward, pressing flat against the counter top. “I had no business commenting on your clothes.”
“Friends comment on each other’s clothes all the time.”
“But, I made you change them,” she argued.
Eli smiled. “Good thing, too. I got several compliments on the purple shirt. You were right.”
“I dug through your closet like I lived there and didn’t even let you dress yourself.”
“Leila,” he laughed, “you were trying to help.”
“I was in your personal space, touching … I mean buttoning, and I just barged into your room,” she spluttered.
“You didn’t …”
“Stop arguing with me!” Leila suddenly demanded.
Her frantic, red faced expression made it very difficult for Eli not to laugh. Only the serious edge of embarrassment underlying everything else kept him in check. It kept his mouth shut as well. Seeing that he was going to behave, Leila calmed herself back down and continued.
“I can’t believe how forward I was. I shouldn’t have been pushy about your clothes, and I had no business making you undress in front of me.”
Eli had to interject there. “You didn’t force me to do anything! I took my shirt off in front of you. What is so wrong with that? If I had a problem with you seeing me without my shirt on I would have asked you to step out while I changed. You’re getting upset about nothing.”
“But … I still …” Her head cocked to one side, still red raced and flustered, considering. “You weren’t bothered by that?”
“No, but if you were, I apologize.”
Leila shook her head quickly. �
�Of course I didn’t mind!”
Her adamant denial made him smile, but the return of her distressed frown pulled it back.
“Either way, I took too much liberty. I lost myself for a few minutes, when I turn around and saw … and you didn’t have your shirt on,” Leila admitted, the blush creeping back in.
Eli’s body reacted to her words, his pulse jumping ahead. He wanted to see that same look on her face again. He wanted to feel her hands on his skin. And he loved how she phrased her reaction. She lost herself. Clearly, she didn’t understand that he wanted her to lose herself completely in him, like he had lost himself in her.
Unfortunately, Leila was too busy wallowing in her unfounded misery to notice his agitation. “The way I acted wasn’t like a friend should have behaved.”
No, and Eli was glad for it. “There was nothing wrong with how you acted,” he argued.
Leila sighed. “I was kind of caught up in the moment, but after you left, I sat on your couch for an hour. The way you left so suddenly when I said I couldn’t go with you to the luncheon was like a slap in the face.”
Eli’s mind stopped drifting and focused intently. “Leila, I never meant to hurt your feelings. I understood why you couldn’t go. I was disappointed because I love spending time with you, but I wasn’t mad. I just needed to go before …”
She waved him off, keeping him from explaining that he only left because he knew that if he stayed in that room a moment longer he wasn’t going to be the only one missing a few articles of clothing. “When you left, I realized I had crossed the line with you and I felt horrible for doing it. I would never want to jeopardize our friendship. I felt so stupid because I know you don’t think of me as more than a friend.”
“You weren’t jeopardizing anything! We are friends, but …” His fingernails dug furrows in his palms when Leila interrupted him again.
“I think of you as a friend,” she said, crushing his argument even more. “I can’t even explain why I acted the way I did. I mean, you’re gorgeous, of course …”
Date Shark Page 18
