To John

by Kim Itae

  To John

  By Kim Itae

  Published by Kim Itae at Smashwords

  © Kim Itae, 2015

  Smashwords Edition, License Notes

  This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favourite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  To John

  November 2014

  22 Nov 2014

  "John, it was great last night. The last five minutes was great."

  "John, I can still help you but my body is changing."

  "Not sure. Meet you tomorrow at ten as usual."

  "The channel is the same but the volume is slightly different as Mario is being so slagged off."

  John started his usual Saturday job, checking the fund, filling up the logs of the whole week. He thought tomorrow I would do the transfer shit. He will see his girlfriend and sleep with her as usual. Kate is a sort of a girl, approaching late twenties, being with him since the university. She is waiting for a marriage. She is tall and beautiful. But it must be her mum's back ground, working as a stewardess, climbing up the social whore ladder. He did not mind at all but Kate is insecure and did have Botox the other day. John thought maybe tomorrow will be the last night with Kate. I am not a baby sitter. Why do I have to care about her weakness and her vulnerability? 50 or 60 more years to live. More to spend. More to waste. More to kill. More to enjoy. I am not thirty yet.

  He started vacuuming his flat. Little but fancy. He likes his ivory carpet, which is a bit old fashioned. He likes the suction. But he could not erase the thinking of Anna. The woman who sent him those four texts. Unusual for Anna.

  She said once.

  "This is my little game. Once I wake up properly, I might not play any more."

  He asked.

  "Do you know how much you deal?"

  She said,

  "I said this is my game. I created it. I know how much you deal. let us say 3 trillion a day?"

  John took her as a nuts case, but he followed her becuase her signals made him a fortune. And that's how he could think of ditching Kate out of his life. Her farther's little fortune looks too little now. They made him sick. Little bunch of little things. He lives in a different world. But like the vacuum cleaner, he is trembling. He does not know how long it would last.

  23 Nov 2014

  "I am stuck in the chocolate."

  "As usual, tonight. 4-5min. The ususal high jack. Do not fiddle. 80-90 drop. Just clear out your mess as much as possible, Anna. My brother will join tonight."

  John dropped tears as he was sweeping his kitchen floor. Anger, relief and excitement. Long, good bath is what he needs this afternoon until the skin of his fingers are all swollen. He needs a good soak. Then he will collect his boys, saying tigers are coming tonight. Meaning: you have to be really fast otherwise, they will eat you alive. If you are fast enough, you can join the meal with them. Very bloody and juicy. He remembered the last Friday night. The last 5 minutes before the market is closed. The raw and fierce wave. It made him scared but he was sucked into it. More than surfing. He was moving without noticing. When he noticed something, everything was over. He could not think of how much he made but his whole body was buzzing with fear and sweat. He liked it. He liked it so much.

  "Never do the pre-order. You don't know which way, do you? I mean, when it starts."

  24 Nov 2014

  "Tigers do not sleep at night? Ho ho... just time difference, is not it? By the way, you made it last night. You did not hang around all night, right? My brother joined last night because he got really upset. His girlfriend had an abortion without asking him."

  Kate said she got pregnant. John knew that it is not his. Possibly his brother's. He said he would support her in either way but he will not be the child's father. Full stop. He has a full week ahead.

  "Kami Kase time, don't you think? For the next four hours or so. It is a wind. You don't know when it blows. But when it blows, it blows. I learned from Tokyo. It was a prison. They made it clear from the start. If you survive, you will be very rich. It was a prison. Very cold... Anyway we will see what Brit Boosters can do. There might be some Petro Bros later. You might need a seatbelt today. Do you like roller coasting? No sex during lunch break, darling. Turn on the second signal. 30m."

  25 Nov 2015

  "Morning, morning ^_^:"

  "Did you brush your teeth throughly? Do not goggle. Brush them until you can see their nerves."

  "Get a new mobile. One side texts only. Get the sim at the usual place. Hassan will be there ready for you. Send my best regards to him."

  "Play with Tom today. Less fun but way more steadier. 8 hr straight."

  "But John, is this your bank holiday?"

  "Sorry, I just woke up and my husband slept at someone else's house."

  John was in the middle of work. He got his new mobile and put the sim from Hassan. The shop was just next to Scotland Yards. Funny. He thought. They were selling very nice bags too. Funny shop. Anyway, he wanted to ask Ana that by any chance, her husband name is Guillermo. He thought it's unlikely Ana is using her real name. But just in case, he wanted ask. One sided texts shits. She might be right. Hyenas are coming next week from America. Prosecutors, what they are called. What they want is a piece of cake. A handsome bribe. If you don't feed them properly, they will eat you. Ana said she cleaned their toilets. She said "Flush, darling. Flush."

  "Chicago bulls might join within an hour or so. Not very happy with Ferguson. They like quiet environment, you see. And we will see whether they are bulls or bollocks"

  "Never mind. They usually started as if they have orchitis. Just testing a few shots."

  It was not funny joke to John. He had a testicular cancer. Unfortunately he had an unnecessay operation too. He can not be a biological father. He has no feeling about kids. Neither like nor dislike. He might miss some very later in his life, he guessed.

  He missed his subway station. He was playing Candy. He was listening to a ABBA song "One of Us". He did not mind that his friends made fun of him as being a old fashioned. He was playing the game. He did not want to watch other sweaty people at the time of the day. He was playing the simple, mindless game. It was a Sudden. He remembered the exact pattern of candies. Like dejavue, he remembered. He remembered the next one. He remembered his finger movement. He was guided by these memories. He got shocked. He had to ask Ana whether she has this too with the trading. Is this how she knows the next move? He had to think. He was still in shock. What is this? Who am I? What is this? Where does this come from? What are these memories?

  "As soon as you start thinking, you make a mistake."

  Who said that? J Button? Or some professional pianist? Anyway, similar to that. You following something without thinking. And he remembered he used to do it. Not new. When he is really fascinated or concentrated. He just do it. He did not bother thinking. When his whole body is moving, thinking has no place to get in as it is too slow.

  26 Nov 2014

  "My husband's female collegue gives him morning call. What do you think?"

  John started using facebook chatroom.

  "My girlfriend is having my brother's child. What do you think?"

  "Are you the eldest?"

  "Yes?"

  "You look after your family."

  "You came from a different world."

  "Yes, I did."

  +++++++++++

  "You cannot lose today. As you lost too much. Nature."

  John is still
thinking about the 4 month embryo in Kate. Shit. His brother, Tony is already engaged. A poor aristocrat, well educated and cheerful.

  "You will see some bloody pus from Ferguson as this is the second round. Means old, deep rooted."

  The second round.

  "I will dig out her eyeballs today around lunch time."

  John bought a sandwich as he cannot go out for lunch. From Subway. He carefully select his ingredients. He felt better. He felt like a secondary student again. He also bought some liquor chocolate for releasing the chest pressure. Whatelse? Lemsip, paracetamol. Anything else? Gums and Ibuprofen for his right wrist. He thought he is playing the bloody rugby again. He went to A&E 4 times and quit. But thanks to all that mud and sweat, he can do 14 hour non stop trading with 5 min breaks without breaking down of nerves or back. He got used to all sorts of pain. As far as they are moving, it is ok. At least his bone is not broken. He saw one of his collegues having a heart attack. Actually one died of epileptic brain overcharge. That one did not or could not sleep for 48 hours. 22. Very young.

  ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  "Hold your bollocks."

  John physically hold his bollocks. Well. Better than holding your tits.

  "Punto Dos."

  "Take some lemsip if you are unfamiliar to angina pectoris."

  "Press just under the pisiform in case."

  ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  "Fed’s rate rise delay..."

  "I changed my mind. We will play menage a trois this afternoon. Not interested in her eyeballs anymore."

  "As now the media calls it as Fed's pretend game."

  "You what? Nobody taught you how to prevent immature ejeculation? Or even finishing it without ejeculation? Ha ha... That's the longivity secret in China."

  "Shall we go to Fez club tonight? I might bring some old Aussies with me."

  "Do not forget the dress code. Exclusive members only. Remember?"

  "We can pop in Don Pasquale to have some nice tortellini before hitting the club. What do you think?"

  It was an order rather than a suggestion. John got another sandwich and two bottles of Red Bulls. Anyway he has been waiting for a night like tonight for more than a year. One year and three months. He thought he will think about the reality tomorrow. Tonight. He started sending out alerts and setting up networks which, he thought, Ana is doing right now. Aussies... He had rather a bitter experience with them. But it does not matter. One night stand.

  "Be patient with my friends. They are just thoughtful."

  "Some yanks are already stiffing around. It's ok."

  "No tortellini tonight. Straight to the club."

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  "John, it is fucking too tiring to dance with those fat asses. Shall we pack? Cheers."

  27 Nov 2014

  "Briefing: 10yr 2.24, BOE IR good"

  "Buenos Dias. Sailing with a bit of hangover, no?"

  "Make your gut happy. See you around a la dos."

  "Landing time, my little batman. Remember the song?"

  "Sorry, John. Not you. I just thought of my brother. Discard it."

  "What a mess I am."

  John went to the chatroom. He felt like a shit too.

  "Ana, do you want a chat?"

  "I have to cook fish katsu tonight."

  He grinned. Usual temperature 180c. 5-6min.

  "Do not give them anything. They cannot find anything. Starve them. They will die eventually. They are not strong enough to survive more than three months. Just let them visit you. No interaction. No more expense for them."

  28 Nov 2014

  "US oil shale company test negative. Price 10% drop. KP line rejected. USD was rejected as payment by Saudi Arabia 10 yrs ago..."

  "Indeed a black fri-day on your chart."

  "I will put some Corianda into our Lasagne today."

  "Of course, I will put Mozaralla on top."

  "I went to a supermarket and bought some basil instead of corianda. Hope you do not mind."

  "By the way, I did not know Black Friday is an American thingi. Good for them."

  "I will cook a bit early today."

  John had to cancel his night with his some of his friends in a pub.

  "Do you like a mud bath? Try one tonight."

  "I have pathological hatred of Yankees."

  "That's partly why I am helping you."

  "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

  "Then again, if you do not help yourself, how can I help you? Do you want another sterling crash like in 2008? If you think something is ok, it will not be ok. Basically in 2008, you got the shit from US directly. Henry Fischer directed it. This time, Israel is out as US back stabbed it with African funds. But fiddling with the interest rate is not good. Now I understand why Scotland wanted to become independent."

  "John, I am thinking of moving. It is up to you. I don't feel comfortable with too relaxed people. I just feel uncomfortable... I can not see what you see... and you can not see what I see so clearly."

  "Do you think this is a fiction? Was it just a fiction? Is a few million within five minutes just a fiction? Help yourself."

  "John, I drank too much. Can I stay in your flat?"

  John said yes but he felt sick as he had quite enough of this prodigy type. Ana never asked him before. Whatever. He wanted to see what she or he looks like. A typical teenager with messy bits with bright eyes. He wondered why he had to cancel his night at a pub. Tonight was the nightmare. A mere shit. And the creature which helped him to go through this shit wants to stay at his flat. Great.

  29 Nov 2014

  "Finally Mario made his mind up to take unusual step."

  Ana was up on the kitchen table when John peeped this sentence.

  "Failing in OPEC audit is crucial. This might lead to another bubble burst before Obama retire."

  "A serious cash trade will be started as a first symptom of capital exodus. Hit the iceberg. You can play waltz to avoid panic for 2 hours or so?"

  Ana said he can watch these on his new mobile as she is typing. A simple connection, she said. And there are. Three texts from Ana. She muttered something like 'Syncroniaztion based on quantom mass. Sounds dodgy but it is and it works. At least 1800 so far. That's why you can not text me back. We can use our old phone for chatting.' She was playing candy, saying 'hank you very much for having me. Can I stay here until 12?' 'By the way, you are way taller and handsomer than I thought.'

  John remember how vunerable she looked last night in front of his flat. A shivering wounded animal. Very small, dark, thin and pale. And quite young. Upset by the drinking. Very upset. Not spoiled as he expected. She waited until he went to his room and laid down on the sofabed. And he heard her sobbing. He understood. A rough day. He used to have tears too. He put his duvet over his face and fell asleep.

  "Thank you very much for letting me stay at yours. It will not happen again. Promise."

  "Anyway, spare ribs at PM 6:00 tonight."

  John felt weird. And rather tired. Today is Saturday. People are busy shopping. There is something missing. He saw Ana in person. Nothing abnormal. A bit autistic. Quiet. Rather pretty side. She said she was born in Jerez and her mother is Korean. He did not think. A sentence came out of somewhere from his mind. He was not thinking anything. But the sentence was 'if I cannot see you again, I cannot see anything.' He tried to think which song it was from.

  "Ana wants some spare ribs."

  "For how many?"

  "Two. She was quite upset last night."

  John called Mark.

  "What time?"

  "PM 6:00"

  "Too tight."

  "Let me know, so I can ask someone else."

  "Ok, kiddo."

  ===========

  "I got my capital spareribs from Hong Kong Fusion."

  John called Mark again.

  "It's all there. Warm."

  ====================

  "Job done. Have a
nice weekend, Ana."

  John used the old phone and texted her.

  "Are you married?"

  It took a long time to get the answer.

  "Yes and no."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Yes, I am legally married in Spain. No, I am not with my husband any more."

  "Am I too intrusive?"

  "Yes."

  "Do you mind?"

  "Yes."

  "Do you want me to stop?"

  "Yes. Before I say F word."

  John called Mark again.

  "Good. Job done. Have a roasted beef tomorrow. Cheers."

  30 Nov 2014

  "No more pretend game. We will peel their skin off, alive."

  John felt a lump of fire in the chest. He had to play squash. He wanted to smash something quite badly. It was not an anger. Very physical. So physical that the soaring mass almost made him jump. Similar type of energy when he was boxing. He was not moving, the energy made him move. If he did not move, it hurts. He could hear cracking noise from parts of his body. At first he thought his shoulder blade or knee cap were broken. He will sweat a lot. He also got a message from Kate "aborted". He called her and said "Good decision. We are not royals, are we?" He heart the old, good Kate's laugh with tears.

  "Do you want some Tortellini?"

  "Ja... I need a good food, don't I?"

  "Sorry."

  He felt sorry for her. And he remembered the Tortellini shit. It felt like years ago, not just last Friday. Fez clubbing... It was too late to ask about the reality. What is it? Shit. Multilayered shits, basically. Which one will you hang on to? Whichever makes you feel real, makes you feel like yourself. He saw some of his colleagues fell into a black dog, a clinical depression after making a couple of good millions. The side effect of a sudden euphoria. Some of them came back and some of them still stay there or some of them went deeper with costive drugs.

  Not many hours left though. He is not afraid of bombing. It felt surreal to eat luch with Kate, swolling all her emotions with a class of red wine. He wanted to skip that kind of reality. But nobody is happy in this life. You have to remember that. Let us say after 20. As soon as you remember other's happiness, you became unhappy. Sad old age. He was running a different film in his mind until he heard Kate saying "John, we can start again, can't we?"