Guided Love (Prick #1)

by Tracie Redmond

  “Sam, when you came here, I remember looking at you and thinking wow, she is so . . . plain, hence the nickname Rice Cake. What I never = expected is that I would become such great friends with you. Seriously, you keep me sane; especially with all of these pricks. You are my best friend and I know you have to go but make sure you call and text me every day, you hear me. I need you.”

  With that, she shakes her head and walks up toward the house. I wipe my eyes trying to stop the tears that want to fall from her little speech when Paul calls out Axel. “Yo, Axel, your turn.”

  I turn to my right and see Axel shaking his head no. “No, I'm good.”

  Yet, from behind me I hear, “Well, I would like to say something.”

  I could feel my face drain of its color, my heart starts to race and I want to puke. My hands start to shake and I look up and see Axel’s dark eyes focus on Camaron, who stands behind me. He looks back to me with a questioning look in his eye. I roll my eyes at him and slowly turn around.

  My stomach drops and it takes everything in me to not run to Camaron. He looks horrible. He looks like he hasn't shaved or showered in two weeks. He is wearing a pair of worn jeans, along with a ratty long sleeve shirt. He lifts his head at me and I nod as well.

  “Sam, can I speak to you for a moment . . . in private?”

  Before I can even say anything, Ellie breaks the silence. She stands up and walks over to Cam and pats his chest as that is how tall she is.

  “I am so glad you came, Camaron, I will get you some food. It looks like you haven’t eaten for a few days. Skin and bones, boy; you look like skin and bones.” Without looking down at Ellie, keeping his eyes focused on me, he speaks to her.

  “That’s alright, Ma, I can't stay just wanted to speak with Sam really quick; thank you, though.”

  That isn't going to stop Ellie. She is already headed towards her kitchen. “Nonsense, Camaron, you will take food with you, boy, no arguments.”

  I can feel all of the pricks still looking at me and Camaron, with shock in their faces. Axel looks a little pissed, not sure if they talked after what went down between them, but I stand and walk over towards him.

  “What do you need to say to me, Camaron?”

  “Sam, do you mind if we could talk in the front, I really don't want an audience . . . please”

  I shrug my shoulders and walk to the front yard.

  “Okay, Camaron, what’s up?”

  He looks at me and I know he can tell that I am trying hard to seem normal, to seem strong. I know he can see through this act, he always could.

  “Sam, don't.”

  “Don't what, Camaron?”

  “Don't stand here in front of me and act like you’re okay. I know you, Sam, I can tell by looking at you that you’re still hurt, which you should be. I can tell that you’re trying to pretend that you haven't cried every day for the last two weeks. Sam, I am so sorry—I need you to know this.”

  “I know, Camaron, I’ve seen your messages.”

  “No, I need you to look at me; look at me and see that I am truly sorry. Me messaging you words, they mean nothing. I need you to look at me and see that I am truly sorry. I fucked up, Sam. Honestly, I need you. I can't function. I haven't left the house except for today because I overheard Carrie and Paul talking about you leaving tomorrow. I couldn’t let you get on that plane without telling you that I need you to forgive me, Sam. Whatever I need to do, I need you to tell me how to fix us. You are my best friend, Sam, I need you in my life. I’m not the same without you. Please.”

  He really is pleading. I have tears streaming down my face and I can't breathe. I walk toward the front porch and sit down.

  “Camaron, I forgive you, I do, but I am still so hurt. You have to understand we can't just forget what happened. I can't forget what happened. I really wish I could. I wish I could go back and change it all. Go back and just be Sam and Camaron—two people, not one. We haven't been without each other. I always thought of my future ending with me and you sitting on a porch somewhere. When I think of me, I think of us. I don't think of me and then you. You know what I mean?”

  Camaron nods and keeps his head down looking at his hands that are holding an envelope.

  “Yeah, I get it. I did the same thing; honest, I did. But I fucked all of that up when I dated Roni and I am so fucking sorry. It was always you and me always.”

  He lifts his head and looks up at me with tears in his eyes. “Camaron, it was but it never was.” His eyebrows furrow in and I can see he doesn't understand, so I explain it to him.

  “Camaron, it was always me and you. Hell, I was your anchor right? I don't want to be someone’s anchor, Cam. Well, I do, don't get me wrong; I realized that the love of my life won’t see me as his anchor. I won’t be the one that holds him down. I want to be the light, Camaron, I want to be the home he comes to. Yet, for the last fifteen years, all I ever wanted was to be your anchor. To make you happy, I lost who I was, Camaron. I was always just your Sam, ya know. I never realized, until it was too late, that you didn't see me like that and then when . . . when . . . I . . . when I saw your reaction I . . .” I wipe away the tears that are now streaming down my face. It’s so hard to say all of this out loud to Camaron. I feel like I am saying goodbye that I am never going to see him again; even though I know I have to let him go, I have to let him find his happiness it’s breaking my heart.

  “Sam, it wasn't you. Believe me it wasn't you.”

  I can't look him in the eye. If I do and see him lying, it will just crush me more.

  “Okay, Camaron.”

  We sit there on the porch for a few moments, just in silence. It’s like we know what is happening but we don't want to stand up and have it all slip away. He looks at me again with his side-glance and gives me a weak smile.

  “Well, I better head out; I didn't want to crash your barbeque.” We both stand and I walk him toward his car. “What time is your flight?”

  “I leave at ten and arrive back in California at two.”

  We stop in front of his car and he hands me the envelope that he has been holding the entire time. “Here, read it when you are on the plane.”

  “Okay, I will.”

  He looks at me and hesitantly wraps me into a hug. His arms are strong and he is holding me tight. I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him back. He brings his mouth down to my ear and whispers, “I am so sorry, Sam. I am so sorry I hurt you and I hope that one day you can forgive me. I need you, Sam. I know we won’t be the same but I know you have to go and find what makes you happy. Buttercup, I don’t want to let you go. You are and will always be my best friend.” He kisses my cheek, wipes his eyes, walks to the driver’s door, stops a minute, and looks up at me.

  “Goodbye, Camaron, take care of yourself, you hear me. Be happy, that’s all I ever wanted, okay?”

  I fake a smile at him, he just nods and gets in the car, reverses it down the driveway, and then he is gone. I stand there and I feel it. I feel the emptiness I have been avoiding. I’ve been avoiding it with every unanswered message and unanswered call. In my own little way, I have been holding on, but now . . . now I have to find my happiness, hell, I have to find myself.

  I walk back through the gate to the backyard and see that Paul, Allen, Carrie and Jay are all fussing over a game of horseshoes, while Axel is sitting under the tree with his eyes set on the gate. I see his eyes and he gives me a questioning look, asking if I am okay. I nod, head over to him, and take the seat next to him.

  “Where is Ellie?”

  “She was feeling tired and went inside to lie down. I think all the heat has gotten to her.”

  “Yeah, she was up early and with all the preparations, I bet she is tired.”

  We sit there together for a few quiet moments when finally he breaks it.

  “You okay?”

  I look up and I can say with semi confidence, “I will be.”

  “That you will, Samantha . . . that you will.”

  I watc
h Axel lift the beer bottle to his lips and take a sip. For whatever reason, I feel it necessary to be completely honest.

  “I had to say goodbye to him.” Still with the bottle to his lips, he looks down at me and I continue. “I told him that I forgive him and that I had to let him go.” I hear him say, damn, but he then remains silent. “I just want him to be happy, ya know, that’s all I ever wanted for him.”

  He looks at me and he grabs my hand. “He knows, Sam, and he will be, but you need to find your happiness, too; you need to live your life and enjoy every moment. Check off those buckets.”

  I start to laugh and finally admit, “You’re right, Axel, and that’s my plan.”

  I grab a bottle of beer, twist the top and we clank bottles and watch the pricks argue about their game. Damn, I am going to miss all of them.

  It's Sunday morning and I am all packed. I walk down with my bags and find Ellie making breakfast.

  “Morning.”

  “Oh, good morning, my dear, I am almost finished with breakfast, pour us some orange juice and I’ll have all of this done.”

  I grab the orange juice and help carry the plates to the table.

  “Ellie, I really want to thank you for taking me in. I can't express to you how much you did for me.”

  “Nonsense, honey, you are more than welcome. I absolutely loved having you here. Now, you need to go and get those books published and start living your dream. Have you come up with your bucket list?”

  I am taking a bite of the French toast when I nod. “Yes, I have come up with ten; well, I have nine buckets left.” I motion to the tattoo that Axel gave me.

  “Well, don't forget, dear—don't stop, you need to enjoy and make sure to check those off, because even though life will get hectic and hard, don't forget you once wanted to do all of them on your list and they too are important.” We hear the door open and Axel comes walking in.

  “Good morning, Ma, it smells delicious in here.”

  “Dear, would you like me to get you some?”

  “No thanks, Ma, just here to pick up Samantha to take her to the airport.”

  Ellie smiles and winks at him. “I see, well that is very sweet of you, son.”

  Axel is shaking his head and giving her his famous smirk.

  “Thanks, Axel, let me just clean up here and I’ll be ready okay?”

  “Sure thing, Samantha.”

  I grab the plates, mine completely clean while Ellie's is almost a full plate. She must have only taken a few bites from it. I clean them off, wash them and put them on the rack to dry. I walk out and see Axel and Ellie speaking quietly. I can't hear them as they are truly whispering, but whatever it is about looks to be intense. My phone buzzes and interrupts their conversation to where they are both turning to see me standing in the doorway.

  “Are you ready Samantha?”

  “Yeah, thanks Axel.”

  I walk over to Ellie and bend and wrap my arms around her. I feel the tears pooling in my eyes. I feel something is off and don't know what, all I know is I wish I could stay.

  “No tears, my dear. I will see you again soon, okay. Make sure to call and write me. I want to know all about those buckets and which ones will be checked off the list.”

  “Okay Ellie, I’ll make sure to call. Will you tell the walk group I said goodbye?”

  She chuckles and pats my hand. “Of course, dear. Now travel safe, alright, and remember every banana is perfect, just depends on who is looking, you hear me.”

  I smile at her banana lesson once again. “Yes, ma'am.” I give her another squeeze and kiss her on her cheek. “I love you, Ellie.”

  “I love you too, my dear.”

  I hear Axel clear his throat behind me and I spin and see him standing in front of the door with my two bags in his hands. “Ready?”

  I grab my purse and walk towards him. I try to take a bag but Axel is not having it. I walk with him towards his Camaro and watch him put my bags in the trunk. I open the door and buckle up. The ride isn't as bad as I thought it would be, being a Sunday. I check my phone and see the text message from Gabby.

  C you soon travel safe.

  I send a quick reminder of my flight time and see Axel looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

  “Just sending Gabby my arrival time, she’s going to pick me up.” I smile as I think back at my arrival here and Axel being the one who actually came and got me.

  “What are you smiling about?”

  “Just thinking that was you.”

  “What was me?”

  “It’s funny that, just a few months ago, you were the one that came and picked me up, and now it’s you taking me back.”

  We start to pull into the airport, but instead of getting in the drop off lane, he parks. “Axel, you don't have to park, it’s okay you can just drop me off.”

  “No, beautiful, I’ll walk you in and wait; it would make me a dick if I just dropped you off.”

  I smile and get out and head to the trunk. Once again, Axel won't let me carry my bags, so I walk alongside of him to check in. I finish and we sit and wait for the few minutes until I need to head to security. The air between us seems . . . different; a little awkward, actually. I don't know what is going on but something is different. I am staring out at the planes taking off and landing, when I hear Axel clear his throat again.

  “I didn't get a chance to say my goodbye yesterday, so I wanted to just say that I really hope that everything you want, you find in California and just know that you always have us here. Don't forget us when you become famous with your books.”

  Laughing, I punch him in his arm.

  “Whatever, Axel, like I would ever forget you pricks when I become famous.” I keep laughing and he just smiles.

  “Speaking of pricks . . . here, I got you something.” He hands me a bag.

  “You got me something?”

  “Nothing big, but I thought it was fitting.”

  I open up the bag and see it. It’s a hot pink t-shirt. I pull it out and start to laugh. It’s a Two Prick shirt. It reads I was inked by a prick named Axel.

  I hold the shirt close to me and smile. “It definitely is fitting. I love it, thank you so much, Axel.”

  I look down and see its getting close to my departure time so I fold the shirt and put it in my purse. I see that the envelope that Camaron gave me is in there as well.

  “Well, I better head to security to make sure I get through to my gate.”

  Axel nods, stands, and we start to walk toward security. There isn't a huge line so it shouldn't be that bad. I turn and face him. I start to fiddle with the strap of my bag because I don't know what else to do. Do I hug him goodbye or do I just thank him and walk to security? I look down at the ground hoping that he will just say something; I don't wait long when he finally does.

  “I hope you have a safe flight.”

  “Thank you. Thank you for everything, Axel.”

  I bite my lip and shrug my shoulder. I start to turn when I feel him grab my arm. I turn and see he has this look on his face that I can't describe. “Samantha, I can't.”

  I can feel my eyebrows crease, as I am not sure what he is saying. “You can’t what?”

  He takes a deep breath, looks up to the ceiling, and then back at me. With my arm in his hand, he pulls me up against him. “I was a chicken shit the other night, after giving you the tattoo.”

  “You were a chicken shit?”

  “Yeah, I panicked and I just I can't let you get on that plane unless I do this.”

  I start to ask him what the hell he is talking about, when Axel takes both of his hands, wraps them around my neck, and pulls my face towards him. He lowers his head and kisses me. His lips are so warm and inviting that I can't help but wrap my arms around his neck. Once I do, he opens his mouth, his tongue asking for permission. I automatically open my mouth and his tongue is tangling with mine. The heat I feel from this kiss is nothing like I have ever had I can't get enough of this man and when sucks on
my tongue, I let out a small moan. He pulls back and still has my face in his hands. I slowly open my eyes to find him looking down at me smiling. I smile back at him and he slowly kisses me again. This time it’s a soft peck on my lips and he lets go of my face. The kiss has left me breathless and I have no idea where it came from or what it means.

  “I couldn't let you go, beautiful, without doing that.”

  “Wow.”

  Axel starts to laugh again and winks at me. “Have a safe flight, Samantha. I’ll talk with you soon.”

  Then he winks and walks away. I stand there in complete shock. I can’t believe that Axel Davis not only gave me a gift but he kissed me. He not only kissed me, he really kissed me, and it was the best fucking kiss I have ever had.

  “Ma'am . . . ma'am, put your bag on the belt, please, and walk through.”

  I am snapped out of my thoughts of what just happened. The little man standing there with his wand is getting a bit impatient with me. I don't know how long I was standing there ignoring him, but damn, if he only knew what just happened to me. I put my bag on the conveyer belt and walk through the detectors. All clear. I grab my bag and head toward my gate. I find a seat, when I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pull it out and see a message from Axel.

  Axel: Samantha text me to let me know you have landed

  I can't help but smile at this message; at the same time I have knots in my stomach. Why did he kiss me like that? I mean, I could say that maybe he just was giving a goodbye kiss, but to get all deep and really make out with me in the airport; ugh, I know I have to just stop and not analyze this. I hit reply and send a simple: