Guided Love (Prick #1)

by Tracie Redmond

  “Yeah, I’m shocked. Everyone is upstairs saying their goodbyes if you want to. The funeral director will be getting ready to take her shortly.”

  Camaron nods and heads up the stairs. Gabby can feel the tension, so she walks out the backdoor, and takes a seat on the deck.

  I walk up to Axel and reach for him and he flinches. He actually flinches.

  “Axel, it was nothing. He just came here and asked what had happened.”

  He is silent, he is just standing there looking at me with such a blank stare it is scaring me.

  “Axel, talk to me.”

  He grabs me by my waist and pulls me against him. His lips are hard and he is taking my mouth, his tongue is tangling with mine. This is the most possessive kiss I have ever had. He pulls back and looks at me.

  “You are mine, Samantha, seeing you in Camaron’s arms . . . yeah, I didn’t like it.”

  “I'm sorry, Axel, he is my friend and ONLY my friend. Believe me, I’m yours.”

  He looks at me and actually smiles.

  He kisses me again and we go into the kitchen.

  “The funeral director said that she had her funeral all arranged. She wanted to be cremated and buried with Pa. I have to go down to the funeral home in the morning. He said he will review all of the information with me. Will you come with me?”

  “Absolutely, you are not going to go through this alone, Axel.”

  We hear the guys all coming down the stairs and into the kitchen. I am holding Axel’s hand and I see Camaron looking at me and down at our hands and he seems confused.

  “Thank you all for coming, I really do appreciate it.”

  Paul is the first to speak up.

  “No problem, man, Ma was important to all of us. She kinda raised all of us, really. Whatever you need for us to do, man, just tell us, okay.”

  Axel nods and squeezes my hand. The funeral director leaves as do all of the guys. Allen takes Gabby’s hand and heads out to his car. Paul and Carrie have their arms around one another, her head on his shoulder as they leave as well. Now, it’s just Camaron and us in the kitchen.

  “Well, I am going to head out as well. Axel, man, if you need anything, call.” We walk him to the door and he looks down at me. “Sam, if you want, you are more than welcome to come home. I know you are probably taking this hard and I am here. Come home.”

  I could hear the intake of air from Axel behind me.

  “No thanks, Camaron, I’m staying here with Axel. There is a lot we need to do in the morning. Thank you, though.”

  He nods at me and heads to his car as I shut the door, turn off the outside light, and lock up the door. Axel is on the couch, I reach out my hand, and he takes it. We head upstairs to my room and we lie on the bed and hold each other.

  The next morning I wake up to an empty bed. I look at the clock and see it a little after nine. I hurry up, get dressed, and head down stairs to the kitchen. Axel is nowhere to be found. I start the coffee and just sit at the table still completely shocked with what happened last night. There is a knock at the front door. Gabby is there holding a gigantic basket of bagels and fruit.

  “I thought I would bring some food. How are you holding up?”

  “Ugh, I am still in shock. I woke up this morning and Axel isn't here. I was just about to call him.”

  We head into the kitchen, I grab my phone and hit Axel’s name, but it goes straight to voicemail.

  “No luck?”

  I shake my head no and grab a bagel.

  “Sam, maybe he just needed to clear his head. He’s okay, just give him some time.”

  I know she’s right, but I’m still worried.

  “I don't want to bring this up, but we need to figure out what to do with the apartment in California. What’s your plan? Are you going to stay here on the East Coast or are we heading back?”

  “I seriously have no clue, Gabs. I mean, I know Axel has told me that he is all in, but what if he just said that because he was trying to handle all of this that has happened with Ellie? What if he really doesn't want me to stay now?”

  “Sam, seriously? You’re being stupid. The man is completely in love with you. I mean, hell, look at how he reacted to Camaron hugging you yesterday.”

  “Yeah, but what if . . . I mean he wasn't in bed this morning. What if he woke up and realized that he doesn't want me?”

  I see Gabby rolling her eyes. I know I sound like a pathetic loser, but I can't help the self-doubt that I am feeling.

  “Whatever, Sam, this falls back to what happened with Camaron.”

  “No, it doesn't.”

  “Hell yes, it does. You never questioned anyone before. You never worried you weren't good enough. You seriously need to let what happened go. I know what he did hurt the hell out of you, and he broke your spirit. Sam, you and Camaron—you were best friends. Best friends that should have never been or tried to be more than that. Just because you weren't his type, doesn't mean you aren’t good enough for anyone else. Damn, you are the best woman I have ever met. Seriously, if I swung that way I would be in love.”

  I can't help but laugh and throw a bagel at her head.

  “What's going on here?”

  We both stop and turn to see a very sweaty Axel standing in the kitchen doorway. He has both arms above his head and he is shirtless with sweat dripping down his body. Damn, the sight before me has me drooling and at a loss for words—that’s why Gabby is the first to jump in.

  “Damn, Axel! My friend is one lucky bitch.”

  He smiles at her, heads over to grab a water, and kisses my head as he goes.

  “Whatever. Seriously, why are bagels flying? Thank you for the bagels, by the way.”

  Gabby smiles, nods her head, and watches him like he is a juicy steak and she is about to devour him. I kick her under the table and she just rolls her eyes.

  “Gabby and I were just discussing what we were going to do with the apartment in California.”

  I watch him as he is chugs the water down and lowers the bottle from his delicious mouth.

  He looks at me with questions in his eyes. “What did you all decide?”

  “Nothing, yet.”

  I see something change in his eyes, like I just said something I shouldn’t have.

  “I see . . . okay, well, I’m going to hit the shower. I need to meet Mr. Fredrickson at the funeral home,” he says as he gets up to leave. I sit there confused as hell.

  “Okay, well, you need to go and fix that,” Gabby points in the direction of where Axel just went. “We’ll talk later.” I walk her to the door and give her a big hug.

  “Thanks, Gabby, for everything.”

  “No problemo chica. But, seriously, make sure you go fix that. He makes you happy, Sam, don't lose that because you don't think you are worthy of someone’s love. Got it?”

  I roll my eyes at her, but she is already on her way to her car. I shut the door and slowly make my way upstairs. The shower is still on. I open the door and sit down on the toilet.

  “What's wrong, Axel?”

  I hear him fumbling and then see him stick his head out.

  “What? Nothing . . . nothing is wrong, Samantha.”

  “Bullshit. What did I do? I woke up and you weren’t in bed, you walk into the kitchen and when I tell you about the apartment in California, you get aggravated.”

  He goes back behind the shower curtain and a moment later the water is off and he is standing before me completely naked. I bite my lip, because I want to maul him—but it’s not the time. Something is wrong and I need to fix it. He grabs a towel, wraps it around his waist, and then grabs my hand so that I am looking into his eyes.

  “Babe, you did nothing wrong. I woke up this morning and you were sleeping so soundly I thought I would let you sleep. I went to Ma's walk group to let them know what happened and decided that I would walk with them. Then, I couldn't stop so I started to run. I ran until I couldn't get my legs to move any more. I'm sorry for my reaction to the apartment thing
, I just hate the idea that you are even considering moving back there. I thought . . .”

  He pauses for a moment and I can't take it anymore.

  “You thought what?”

  “Well, I thought that we were together. I mean, baby, I am in this for the long haul. I don't want to pressure you or anything, but I want you with me. I want you in my bed every night, baby, and I want to see your beautiful face every morning.”

  “Really?”

  He takes my hand and puts it on his chest, over the compass he has.

  “Samantha, you are it for me. The six months you were away killed me, but it brought us together, ya know. I talked to you every day and fell hard for you. I just don't know what I can say to make you believe that. There is no one else that I want . . . just you. Hell, even Ma told you that I was in love with you.”

  My mouth opens wide and I feel my stomach tie into knots.

  “You just said you were in love with me.”

  He laughs at me as he takes his hand and shuts my mouth.

  “Yes, Samantha, I am in love with you. I am standing here in the bathroom, completely naked, declaring to you that I, Axel Davis, am completely and utterly in love with you. I can't go a day without telling you. I mean, hell, it’s the one thing that all of us should learn from Ma. Life is short and we shouldn't waste any time not telling those we love that we do indeed love them.”

  He wipes a tear that has fallen from my eye, lowers his mouth, and kisses me so softly.

  “I love you, too, Axel. I do. I love you so much.”

  He kisses me so hard that my knees buckle. This kiss is completely possessive, his tongue is twirling with mine and then he bites my lip and pulls back.

  “Good.”

  With that, he smacks my ass and his smile falls.

  “I have to head to the funeral home.”

  I nod and kiss his mouth.

  “I know, I’ll go get everything shut off.”

  “Thank you, Samantha.”

  I turn around and look right at him.

  “It's me and you, Axel, we’ll get through this together there is no other way.”

  We sit at the table waiting on Mr. Frederickson to discuss everything that we have to do for Ellie's funeral. The room is warm, with a nice off white color on the walls and accents of royal blue. There are a few vases scattered throughout the room with pretty flower arrangements as well. I really didn't know what to expect since this is my first time in a funeral home. Axel is nervously shaking his leg and wringing his hands together. Sitting next to him, I rub his back just to let him know that I am here with him. It only takes a few minutes and the door slowly opens and an older gentleman walks through. Axel and I stand and shake his hand as he introduces himself as Mr. Frederickson.

  “I am so sorry about your loss, Mr. Davis. Ellie was a close friend to me and my wife. She will be greatly missed.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Frederickson.”

  He sits and places a manila folder in front of him and starts to explain.

  “Normally, at this time, we would go over all of your options to what you would want, from the casket burial or a cremation. Yet, Ellie already had everything prearranged. So, today I would like to go over those details with you.”

  Axel looks pale and continues to wring his hands, so I take my hand and grab a hold of his. He looks over at me and I squeeze and nod at him.

  “Okay. Thank you, Mr. Frederickson. You are telling me that Ma already had everything chosen?”

  “Yes, sir, Ellie arranged everything when Mr. Martinelli passed. She thought it would be easier on you if everything was already arranged. It really does help, this way you don't have to worry about what you think she would want and you can grieve rather than be bombarded with decisions.” Axel and I just nod and he continues. “Ellie has chosen to be cremated. She chose the Mother of Pearl, with an engraving of ‘two birds flying’ to the left and a bird continuing right with the words ‘I am going home’ to be below them. She also purchased the vault next to Mr. Martinelli at the mausoleum at Mount Olivet. She would like only a small gathering of friends and family and to quote her, ‘She doesn't want a fuss.’”

  I can't help but chuckle along with Axel when Mr. Frederickson quotes Ellie.

  “The ashes will be ready to be picked up on Saturday and her obituary was already written and will be published this Friday.”

  “Mr. Frederickson, is there any way I can see her one last time, to say goodbye.”

  Mr. Frederickson looks down into the folder and with sad eyes looks up and shakes his head no.

  “Ellie thought it would be better if, after being brought here, that you remember her as you did the last time you saw her.”

  I see Axel nod in agreement, yet the sadness on his face is written all over it.

  “She did leave this with me.”

  He pulls an envelope from the folder and pushes it across the table. Written on the envelope is Axel’s name.

  “She actually dropped it off for me to hold about a month ago. Like I said, Mr. Davis, Eleanor Martinelli was a great woman and I am so happy that I had the chance to call her a friend. She will be greatly missed and I am so sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you again, Mr. Frederickson, for all of your help. I’ll be in on Saturday.”

  We stand, shake hands and say goodbye. Axel takes my hand into his again and looks down at the white envelope on the table. He squeezes my hand a little tighter as he picks it up and we head to the door.

  The ride back to the house was quiet—I can tell Axel was nervous about the letter he received. We pull up and head into the house, he grabs my hand and we walk to the back gate. He takes us to the tree where her drops my hand and starts to climb up the ladder, then looks down and motions for me to follow. I start to climb up and then we are sitting in his childhood tree house. I can only imagine how awesome this would have been when you were a kid. It truly feels like you are in your own little world. He has a few bookshelves that he probably put his toys on and two little windows to look out. Over one of the windows is: Axel was here in black marker. Yeah, I can only imagine the fun he had. I crawl over and sit next to him. He has his long legs pulled up and his arms are resting on his knees. The envelope is in his hands.

  “I’m nervous to open this.”

  “I get it, but she wanted to leave one more conversation for you.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.”

  “Do you want me to give you some time?”

  He turns his head toward me, brings his hand up with the envelope, and hands it to me.

  “No, babe, I am definitely going to need you here with me. Will you read it to me? I don't think that I can do it.”

  I nod and slowly swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. Just knowing that Axel wants me here with him means the world to me, but reading this letter to him, that just reassured me that it was Axel and me and we would get through this together.

  “Absolutely, whatever you need me to do, babe. I’m here.”

  I take the envelope and I hear him take a deep breath in and release it slowly.

  I open up the envelope and pull out the yellow paper inside.

  I clear my throat and begin to read.

  To my sweet boy,

  If you are reading this then that means I have passed and, sweetheart, I need for you to know that everything is going to be okay. I wanted to take a moment and make sure to remind you of a few things.

  First off, you need to know that you have made my life complete, Axel, and for that I am entirely thankful to you. The day you came into my life is the day I finally knew the love of a mother. I convinced myself that I would never have that feeling, that the doctors were right, I would never have a child, and I hardened my heart. Yet, I remember the first day I saw you coming into the backyard and climbing our tree; I knew that GOD had blessed me that day and I felt all of the walls crumble. With a simple smile and a wave of your hand, my heart belonged to you. Tony and I would never be the same
again. We finally had our dream, our dream of having a child to love and to raise. Even though I may not have given birth to you, Axel, but you are my son and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

  Many feel that family consists of only blood; yet, I beg to differ. Family is those who you surround yourself with, those who will love you for who you are and be there without hesitation when you need them. You, my son, made our family complete and I am so happy that you have a great family now as well. Your friends have become your family and I know that now, without me there, everything is going to be all right. You have found the love of a great woman and I was able to check off the last bucket on my list.

  Witness Axel fall in love.

  Secondly, I want to make sure to tell you again how much you I love you. I know I should have told you about the diagnosis, but I didn't want you to worry. I wanted to enjoy the time that I had left. I have sat each night and looked at all of the photo albums and I can't put into words how lucky I was to be a part and to witness your life. From each birthday and Christmas, class performances and band practice: our life was whole. I am trying to take in all of the memories, because I know some days it may seem like I am not there with you because of this stupid illness; but know, Axel, in my heart, I know when you are with me. I am sorry that you have to go through this as well, I really wish you never had to see me like this; just know I love you so much and nothing will ever change that.

  Now, this wouldn't be a true Ma letter if I didn't pass on a little last minute wisdom so here it is.

  Words of Wisdom

  1.) Smile, even when you are sad. I know it sounds crazy but smile and remember how blessed you are

  2.) Don't be too serious. Make sure to laugh, be silly, and dance around the kitchen when you make breakfast

  3.) Love your wife, Sam, (hint, hint), with everything you have. Tell her how thankful you are to have her share her life with you. Tell her how beautiful she is everyday

  4.) Always help others without expectations

  5.) Remember work to live, don't live to work