Holding a Hero

by Layne, Lyssa

  I left the room, purposefully shutting the door behind me. I went to my desk and gathered all of my stuff up. My manager walked over with a hopeful look on his face and I knew he had been thinking I would be scared into staying. His smile turned into a frown when I slung my purse over my shoulder.

  “Were they able to give you any answers?” he asked.

  “The ones I needed, yes. It was nice working for you.” I said sarcastically and slid a hundred dollar bill over the counter. “Thank you for helping me out with Legacy. It was the nicest thing you ever did for me.” I didn’t wait for his replay and ignored the slack-jawed looks on my fellow service advisors faces as I walked out the door. I knew then that I’d never be back through those doors and it felt good. I had made the right decision.

  When the weekend finally came, Sean and I spent the next eighteen hours at a local hotel relishing each other’s bodies, exploring and playing. I had been with other men before, I mean, come on, I had been married, but I had never felt so comfortable, so sexy as I felt when I was with Sean which in turn allowed me to be free with my explorations of his body. I wasn’t shy with what I wanted and what I wanted to do to him. He met my curiosity with his own desires and also seemed comfortable with letting me know what he enjoyed. It made for a fun and exciting day and a very interesting night. By the time we fell asleep, the moon had waned and purple and orange highlights started to peak over the eastern sky. Incredibly enough, we only slept for a few hours before waking in each other’s arms again.

  Ten a.m. came quickly and we fell onto the bed again, spent. His stomach commented noisily in protest of not having been fed since we’d checked into our room the night before.

  “I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s hungry.” I giggled.

  “I’m famished. I don’t think I even have the energy to move.” he crossed his forearm over his eyes.

  I leaned over him and ran a fingertip over his naked hip. “Is that a challenge?”

  “No!” he laughed. “I’m really that hungry.”

  “Me too. Too bad they don’t have room service here.” I sighed, dreaming of room service and not having to get dressed.

  “They have an IHOP next door though.” he mumbled.

  “Oh yeah, sounds good. But I need to take a shower first. I’m sure I’m a mess and smell like sex.”

  “Mind if I join you?” he sat up and looked at me.

  “Not at all. We’d be saving water.” I grinned.

  Despite both of us being exhausted and hungry, we took our time and once again enjoyed touching and exploring each other’s bodies as we washed. By the time we got our food deprived bodies into the booth at the restaurant, we knew we would have to eat to move again. We quickly ordered our meals and sipped on hot black coffee. I found myself reminiscing about the time I’d spent with Sean and how much my life had changed. Things I had been so sure of about myself had completely changed now that he was in my life. Things that were huge and I knew I needed to talk to him about.

  “Where did you go, Celeste?”

  I blinked and caught his wondering gaze. “Just thinking of how much my life has changed since I met you.”

  “Changed for the better or for worse?”

  “So much for the better. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be.” I paused. “But it brings up important subjects that I’d like to talk to you about.”

  “This sounds serious.”

  Our waitress came and served our food and for a little while our conversation ended as we hungrily dug into our food. Sean took a sip of his coffee, set it down and looked at me.

  “So what do you want to talk about?”

  I put my fork down and picked up my own coffee, trying to figure out how I was going to start the conversation. It was serious enough that I felt it should be discussed before we got married.

  “Well, I’ve told you that I don’t want children and you come from such a large family.” I started hesitantly.

  “But I told you I was alright with that.” he frowned.

  “Eat. Let me finish.” I sighed.

  “Alright.” he picked up his fork and nibbled at his food, keeping his eyes on me.

  “I know you’ve said you wanted children. Then when we went to your sister’s house and I saw you with your nieces and nephews, it was beautiful and I realized that you would be an amazing father.” I put my hand up when I saw him open his mouth to speak. “And I realized that I want to have children with you.”

  “But. I feel the ‘but’ coming.”

  I looked down at my plate. “There is a but. I’ve seen how other people raise their kids. To be more specific, how they let other people raise their children. If we were to have a family, I would want to stay home and raise our children, not a daycare. That’s my deal. I don’t want someone else raising our children.” I blew out my breath then held another one, waiting for his response. I looked up and saw he was staring at me like I was a stranger. “What?” I asked uncomfortably.

  “You would do that?” he whispered. “You’d give up your career, your dreams to raise the kids?”

  “Well, yes. I want my children to have their mom there, not being shuffled off to daycare or a babysitter. Is that okay?”

  “That’s beautiful. Of course! I wouldn’t want it any other way. I just never dreamed that you would want that.”

  “I do.” I smiled, relief flooding my body.

  “Then are we going to have a family?” he beamed.

  “Well, not right now but eventually, yes. I’d like to have a family with you.”

  “Then let’s go back to our room and practice. We don’t have to check out until one.”

  I looked around and found our waitress. “Check please!”

  The next couple of weeks flew by. I started back at the plant, in a new area but I picked up on the work quickly and within those two weeks was given more responsibility and a raise. Not only was the company impressed with my skills but also my dedication to the job. I signed up for as much overtime as I could and my checks were helping my financial situation. My last check from the dealership was right where I had expected it to be, no more, no less. I was glad that that chapter in my life was over. I was able to spend more time with Sean and I loved being able to look over at him throughout the night.

  Word spread quickly that we were engaged and for the most part, everyone was very happy for us. There were a few guys who had asked me out before Sean and I got engaged, who gave me a hard time, but it was a lighthearted teasing with no malicious intent. Jose came over several times during the jesting and tried to ease over the tension he had caused.

  “No hard feelings, Celeste. I was only trying to look out for my boy.” he said.

  I looked at him but didn’t say anything. He continued.

  “I’m happy for you guys. You know, for the longest time a bunch of us guys were convinced he was gay.” he chuckled.

  I turned on him with a flash. “Well I guess you were wrong about a lot of things regarding your boy. He’s an animal in the sack and I can’t get enough of him.”

  I walked off, leaving him slack jawed. I glanced over to Sean’s area and noticed he was talking very intimately with a fellow female co-worker. She kept laughing and touching his arm and I felt my hackles rise. I knew they had been work friends for a few years but in the months that I had worked at the plant before, I had never seen her show so much interest in him or touch him that way. What the hell?

  Deciding I was just ticked because of the interaction I’d had with Jose, I let it go and went back to my work. I met Sean in the lunch room and we sat and ate our meal. I told him about the conversation Jose and I had and he laughed.

  “He’s a good guy, just made some bad decisions in life.”

  “Yes, he did.” I agreed. “I saw you and Rhonda talking. Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s just having some problems with her boyfriend and wanted to get my opinion.”

  “Oh.” I muttered.

 
; “Hey, my family wants us to come over for lunch tomorrow. Are you free? They want to discuss the wedding.”

  “Discuss the wedding? Why do they need to discuss our wedding?” I knew I was being rude but I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of my funk. “I’m sorry. Yes, that should be fine.”

  I was glad I was busy in my section and the last half of the night went fast. Sean walked me out to my truck after our shift ended and he grabbed my hand.

  “Is everything alright? You seem distracted.”

  “I’m just off tonight.” I admitted.

  “What’s wrong?” he pushed.

  “It just seems like Rhonda is a little more touchy feely with you since we got engaged.”

  He whirled me around and pushed me up against my truck, claiming my lips with his own and running his tongue across my teeth. He pushed his hands into my hair and pulled me tighter into his kiss and embrace. I felt my body heat up and answer his demand. I grabbed the back of his head and wound my fingers in his hair. When we finally pulled apart, ignoring the cat calls and other whistles from co-workers who were leaving, he gazed into my eyes.

  “I’m yours. I love you and I’m marrying you. No one else.”

  I smiled and nodded, speechless.

  “Good. Now go home and get some sleep. You’ll need it after spending some time with my family.” he smiled.

  “I’ll pick you up in the morning?”

  He leaned over and kissed me again. “Sounds good. Can you be at my house around ten?”

  “Yep, I love you, Sean.”

  “Love you more.”

  EIGHTEEN

  I showed up a little earlier. I wasn’t used to being around such a large family and was still nervous about our short dating period and what his family really thought of me. As I knew he would, Sean calmed my nerves with his kisses and frequent touch. I gave him credit for his strength in turning down my suggestion of spending the afternoon in bed instead of going over to his brother’s house. I knew I needed to do this.

  We were welcomed into his brother’s house, his wife and two children standing back, talking to each other. Once inside the door, screaming and chaos ensued as “Uncle Sean” was surrounded by excited nieces and nephews. We eventually made our way into the gourmet kitchen that opened to a cathedral ceiling living room. While the children were still reserved around Uncle Sean’s new girlfriend, the adults were warm and inviting. I was given a plate and told to help myself to the buffet lunch that was spread across the monstrous sized granite island. For over an hour everyone munched on the food and talked over each other. Each sibling tried to come up with the most embarrassing story they could think of about Sean. Though visibly embarrassed and defending himself at times, the love they had for each other was evident. I tried to keep up with the conversation as it ebbed and flowed.

  His mother, who had added her own stories, suddenly looked at me. “So when am I going to have more grandbabies?”

  “Mom!” Sean and his sister exclaimed simultaneously.

  I felt myself blush and took another bite from my plate, unsure of how to answer that.

  “Can we at least get married first?” Sean asked.

  “Well nobody else in this family did.” she retorted.

  I choked on my food which caused everyone to laugh.

  “I’ll explain later.” Sean whispered in my ear and kissed me on my temple.

  “So about the wedding.” he turned to his family. “We’re going to get married on October twelfth.”

  “That’s not going to work.” Sean’s older brother piped up.

  “What?” I asked, surprised at his response.

  “Sean, that’s when we have our hunting tags.” he explained. “It’s from the eleventh to the sixteenth.”

  “It is?” Sean asked.

  “Yes, we applied for them last spring, remember?”

  “I forgot it was for that week.” Sean sighed.

  “Well can’t you just change the day you get married?” I heard a female voice ask. I didn’t even know who had suggested the change in our wedding date. I was in shock and feeling anger that my wedding date was being changed for a hunting trip! Suddenly a flurry of conversation ensued about when our wedding day should be, all of which I wasn’t able to get a word in edgewise. Because of schedules, it was decided that the wedding date should be October seventeenth. I hadn’t been asked once if this was ok but I kept my mouth shut. I was fuming at this point and knew I would say something I would regret. It would be better if I allowed myself to calm down and discuss it later with Sean, when we were alone. We stayed for another hour before climbing into my truck.

  “You haven’t said much.” Sean commented.

  “How could I? Everyone decided when we were getting married and I guess my say wasn’t important.”

  “Yes, it is, but you didn’t say anything.”

  “I couldn’t get a word in edgewise even if I tried! Everyone kept talking over each other! And you know how I feel about odd numbers!”

  I became more enraged when he chuckled. “Oh honey, so we’ll change it to the eighteenth.”

  I changed my voice to mimic the afternoon’s conversation. “Oh, but we can’t because it won’t work for your family’s schedule!”

  “We’ll work this out.”

  I felt my head pounding and I hated the way I was sounding. I knew I needed a time out. “I just need some time. Your family is overwhelming and I need to think.” I pulled up in front of his house. “I’ll call you tomorrow. I’ve got to spend some time at home.”

  I left him at his doorstep and started to drive home. There was one person I wanted to call and vent to, who would understand. My mom. I called from my cell phone and when she picked up I started to vent. To her credit, she let me ramble for ten minutes before she interrupted.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s take this one step at a time. They’ve had this hunting trip scheduled for almost a year. Correct?”

  “Well, yes, but…”

  “And they’ve done this every year, kind of like a family ritual, correct?”

  I sighed, knowing where she was headed. “Yes.”

  “Well, I know that when your father hunted he had to apply for his license long before the season and it costs money that you can’t get back. But I can tell by your tone that it’s not because they are going hunting. So what’s the real reason you’re struggling with this?”

  I started crying, relieved and annoyed that she knew me so well. “Because they decided when my wedding day should be without my input and it’s on the seventeenth!”

  “I can see why you would be upset that your input wasn’t considered but if you want his family to be there and this is his first marriage, they should be. Now, as far as the number is concerned, let’s break it down. The seventeenth isn’t a negative number. Let me get my book.”

  I heard her flipping through her numbers book and she began breaking it down by the month and the day. By the time she was done explaining what the date meant I began to relax.

  “And beside all of that, this is your day, marrying a man that you love, correct?” she asked.

  “Yes.” I smiled, feeling better.

  “And you want to marry Sean. It’s not like the first time?”

  I started laughing. “Nothing like the first time.”

  “Then you have nothing to worry about.” she stated.

  “No, I guess you’re right.” I took a deep breath and let it out. “So we are getting married on the seventeenth.” I was feeling better about the date.

  “So have you told him that you don’t want children?” she asked.

  Shit, I hadn’t told anyone in my family that I had changed my mind. “Um, no, because I think I may want to have kids with him.”

  “What? Celeste, that’s not a good idea. Have you thought this through?”

  “Yes, I have. He’d be a great dad and I want to have them with him.” I started getting defensive as anger began filling my body. It was my decision if I
was going to have children or not.

  “Well I think you’re making a mistake but it’s your life.”

  “Yes, it is, Mom, and I want to explore this option.”

  “Okay.” she said but I could tell by her tone that she wasn’t happy.

  “I’m almost home so I’ll let you go. Thanks for talking to me, I feel better.”

  “I’m glad I could help. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  I pulled up into the driveway and got out of my truck. I knew my family would be holding a debate in no time about my decision to have children with Sean but I didn’t care anymore. I felt really good about this and about my future husband but I wanted to be the one to tell my father.

  He was skeptical at first which I had anticipated. He’d listened to my preaching since I was a teenager of why I wouldn’t have a child; my career and horses came first, the world was horrible, that children were expensive. But as I explained to him that what I had with Sean was a friendship, that he was amazing with children and that I wanted to bring a child into a loving relationship, he nodded.

  “It’s your life, Celeste. Only you and Sean can decide what’s right for you. I’ll support you with whatever you decide.”

  I was so happy to hear his words but knew he doubted my choice. Being his last child and seven years between my sister and I, I was unbelievably spoiled. I was given anything my heart desired and felt the world revolved around me. How would I handle having to sacrifice my wants to provide for a child? Would I be resentful? Neglectful or even possibly abusive? I’ll admit these were my own doubts about this decision and hoped that Sean would help me. For now I had to push these thoughts out of my mind. We had time. We weren’t even married yet; we could work out things after we were married.

  I decided to put off any more conversations with my Mom and sister about my family decision. I knew Dad would talk to them and they could hash out their feelings on the matter without me. I had a wedding to prepare for. I also wanted to design Sean’s wedding ring, to give him something special since we weren’t having a big ceremony. I met with a local jeweler and we discussed what I thought he would like. Definitely a gold band to match my gold engagement ring but I wanted him to have diamonds too.