The Power of 3

by Robb Hiller

  Today I will . . .

  T

  TELL

  Tell yourself the truth and that you are not alone in this adventure.

  What negative thoughts am I letting into my mind? Who is along with me on this adventure? What natural gift could I use to move forward?

  Today I will . . .

  I

  INVESTIGATE

  Be a seeker of relevant knowledge to gain information.

  What do I need to know to thrive today? What unhelpful questions am I asking that are impossible to answer? What natural gift could I use to move forward?

  Today I will . . .

  V

  VOICE

  Your feelings are real, and they need an outlet. Share with a trusted friend and let people in.

  How am I letting people into my problem? Whom am I allowing to hear my deepest thoughts and feelings? What natural gift could I use to move forward?

  Today I will . . .

  A

  ACT

  Act with confidence.

  What have I accomplished so far in life? How can I use the lessons I learned to take a new step in the right direction? What natural gift could I use to move forward?

  Today I will . . .

  T

  TAKE OUT

  Take out your trash and forgive.

  What grudges am I hanging on to? How will I feel if I choose to forgive my offender and free myself? What natural gift could I use to move forward?

  Today I will . . .

  E

  EMBRACE

  Enthusiastically embrace the adventure in front of you. Good will come out of this as you live in the triangle!

  How can I turn this stage of my life into an adventure? How will I be stronger in the future because of what I’m doing now? What natural gift could I use to move forward?

  Today I will . . .

  These strategies are useful for activating in everyday life. They’re also a perfect foundation for activating to overcome obstacles.

  Activating to Overcome Obstacles

  We all have an innate desire to use our gifts for the things that we’re passionate about and that lead us to success. The difficult circumstances we face, however, leave us feeling like all our efforts are undone. Even if we’re aware of the gifts we’ve been blessed with, something prevents us from activating them and moving into the next stage of our lives. That roadblock might be fear of change or failure, a negative attitude that drowns out hope, an unwillingness to be accountable for past mistakes, bitterness over past circumstances, or an unwillingness to forgive ourselves or others.

  In my work with leaders, I’ve listened to countless individuals explain why they can’t make progress in overcoming whatever issue concerns them. As their coach, I invariably ask what holds them back.

  In the case of the founder of a tech company, it was ghosts from his past that stymied him. Mike was brilliant on the technical side but had difficulties with communication, meeting deadlines, and getting along with people. When employees disagreed with him, he often became defensive and lost his temper. On one trip to his company, I took Mike out for dinner. We talked long into the evening, and I learned that he had endured a painful childhood. His father criticized everything Mike did. It wasn’t a surprise that when coworkers hinted they just perhaps might sort of disagree with him, old feelings of fear and rejection resurfaced.

  All those reactions changed when Mike began by asking the right questions. He used personal reflection to identify and activate his gifts to deal with lifelong issues. He asked,

  What’s my end goal? For Mike, it was having happy customers and a profitable business so he could one day sell the company and enjoy retirement.

  What gifts and talents do I bring to the table each day? Answering this question reminded Mike of how much he had already achieved for his company through his technical brilliance. He could use his analytical skills to step into other people’s shoes, see other viewpoints, and choose to respond thoughtfully rather than react in the moment.

  Do I expect to be great at all things? If not, does it make sense to work with people with different talents that might enhance my own? Mike answered, “Of course not,” to the first question and realized he could better use his personal gifts and accomplish his goals if he was more open to input and critique from his customers and employees. It was a long-term process, but the more Mike activated his talent, the easier it was for him to overcome his obstacles and step into his purpose.

  Most of our struggles aren’t wholly unique. In fact, others around us are very likely facing similar difficulties. We just do an exceptional job pretending that all is well. As I meet with people, I hear recurring themes, common reasons cited for not activating God-given talents. These are the difficulties that people think are keeping them stuck.

  Consider these lists of common personal and workplace obstacles. Which of these examples resonate with your own life?

  Put an X in the second column (“That’s me!”) next to the obstacles that are most pressing.

  Use the third list to add other obstacles you face in these major areas or elsewhere.

  Leave the third column of each list (“What personal gifts can I use to overcome this obstacle? What questions do I need to ask?”) blank for now. We’ll come back to that in a moment.

  FOUR COMMON PERSONAL OBSTACLES

  Obstacle

  That’s me!

  What personal gifts can I use to overcome this obstacle? What questions do I need to ask?

  Health: “I just learned I have cancer or another health issue, and I’m trying to deal with all of this. Call me confused and fearful!”

  Kids: “One of my kids is having a tough time in school, and I don’t feel I’m being a good parent, as he or she doesn’t want to talk about what is going on. Call me doubting myself!”

  Family: “My husband or wife used to love taking walks, laughing, and going out for dinner. The connection and fun seems to have left our relationship. Call me sad!”

  Time for me: “I haven’t taken the time to grow myself because I don’t think I can spare it. Call me somewhat stunted!”

  FOUR COMMON WORK OBSTACLES

  Obstacle

  That’s me!

  What personal gifts can I use to overcome this obstacle? What questions do I need to ask?

  Career: “I’m not really sure what my talents are, as I just do my job and wish for more satisfaction. Call me uncertain!”

  Complacency: “I think that not being sure of my talents makes me less enthusiastic to take risks. The job seems redundant and somewhat frustrating. Call me playing it safe!”

  Overwhelm: “My boss piles on work and expects me to get it all done regardless of the amount. Call me overwhelmed!”

  Leadership: “Many on my team are doing well, but there are several I just don’t understand. I don’t know how to motivate them to get it right. Call me frustrated!”

  YOUR OBSTACLES IN OTHER AREAS OF LIFE

  Obstacle

  That’s me!

  What personal gifts can I use to overcome this obstacle? What questions do I need to ask?

  By taking that first step of identifying areas of focus, you will experience the joy of gaining clarity. Simply naming and facing your problems will help you feel unstuck.

  So once you’ve clearly identified obstacles, what can you do about them? How can you make progress dealing with whatever issue, situation, or challenge is on your heart? How can you begin to overcome them right now?

  Your next step is to recall the gifts you’ve discovered thus far and begin to consider how you can apply them to your situation. When you feel overwhelmed, these are your superpowers for fighting back!

  Now go back to the lists and fill out that third column. Determine specific gifts you already possess that will help you overcome.

  When you know your God-given gifts, you can take small steps to activate. You will gain momentum, and eventually you will see real progress.

  Whe
n I was in the oncology treatment room enduring marathon sessions of toxic drug injections, I chose activate in the Power of 3 triangle. I had to live out moment by moment what I had coached others to do successfully, focusing on the talents God has given me. Pushing the “activate” button in small ways gave me the inspiration, practical thoughts, and solutions to make it through the day.

  One way I did this was tapping into my natural gift for optimism. I usually arrived at the Mayo Clinic to start the infusion of chemo at 7 a.m. and left at 5 p.m. Once the first chemo drug was started in my vein, I would start feeling out of kilter, a little buzzed and with some tightness in my throat and chest. This would go on for a couple of hours, and then the other drugs were put into my system one by one. Sometimes my face would flush red; other times it felt normal. But overall I did not feel good.

  While this was going on, I would close my eyes and think of each vacation Pam and I had gone on. Replaying our good times and special memories provided me with optimism and hope. One of my favorite times was the day we saw Windsor Castle in England. After we left, we ate at a small pub with a real fireplace going. The memory of tasting the pub’s desserts kept my mind occupied with positive thoughts. I remembered another time, when we were walking into a quaint bakery in Paris, where we could actually use our French to order and enjoy a chocolate éclair. These memories helped me focus on the future by living in the past. The chemo drugs were forgotten for a time. Optimism, using the past to overcome the present, choosing hope versus the pain of the moment, and my faith in God were the keys to living through a day of chemo.

  There were also bigger breakthroughs that came from deploying my gifts. One of my most amazing experiences of activating my gifts came during the brief few days between chemo sessions when I felt a little bit better. A client asked me to do a leadership session for a small group. At first, the idea sounded crazy. But the invitation itself lifted me up, knowing I could still use my gifts with as much strength as I could muster. I had to choose the right day in the chemo cycle. It required lots of extra rest and preparation. At the same time, it was incredibly motivating to me. It brought out my God-given gifts and reminded me of how it felt to do something I loved. The all-day session went well and reminded me how lucky I was to get to do what I do. I honestly didn’t know if the session would be my last—if I’d even live to do more. But knowing that, I sure was grateful for the opportunity. I treated the day with the care and reverence it deserved.

  Help Others to Know and Be Who They Are

  Using our gifts isn’t a solo act. Our natural talents aren’t given to us only for our own enjoyment. One of the greatest joys in life is using our gifts in order to allow others to express theirs.

  After months of treatment and sitting home on the couch feeling crummy, I looked out the window at a warm, sunny Minnesota afternoon. I was feeling down because it was the time of year for making the most of outdoor activities. I’d have much preferred to play golf or sit on the beach, but now those weren’t options for me. My doctors warned me not to touch everyday things like grass, dirt, or even a golf ball. Never. Coming in contact with germs and chemicals would devastate me. I had no immune system to fight off any potential invader.

  I was also feeling down because Pam was out with a friend for the afternoon. I understood she needed to keep up some semblance of a normal life. I was home alone but knew it would be good for me to reach out to someone. Activating my natural optimism, I called to offer encouragement to a friend.

  I called up Roger and asked how he was doing. “Great,” he said. He immediately turned the conversation back to me and said, “Hey, Robb, you’re the one who’s so sick. How are you?” I shared my recent blood results—they weren’t good—and lamented that I couldn’t go out. Roger heard the despondency in my voice and said, “How about I come over for a bit and see you?”

  I replied, “But, Roger, aren’t you at work? I don’t want you to feel like you need to leave just because of me.” He quickly replied, “No problem! I’ll be over in fifteen minutes.” I got tears in my eyes as I hung up the phone. Wow! I was sick, and things weren’t looking too good. And here was someone that knew I needed help. I had reached out, hoping to use one of my gifts to encourage him, and he responded with his own gift.

  A few minutes later, Roger walked in the door as I lay on the couch. I really did want to lift him up, and I truly tried. But that day he shared my pain. He asked how I was really doing and just listened to me talk about the poor blood test and everything Pam and I had to do to stay free from germs. Knowing that an infection could easily overtake my immune system, every day was a battle.

  Here’s the thing: when we live into our purpose and activate our own gifts, we help others to do the same. And in this virtuous circle, we end up benefiting from multiplied gifts.

  As a person of faith, I believe that God created each of us for unique reasons. One of my callings is to help people discover and use their talents. Yours might be to delight audiences as a performer, to teach children in a classroom, or to assist people with their taxes or in other financial matters. Whatever our purpose, we won’t feel fully alive until we find and activate our God-given gifts—and use them to in some way benefit others.

  The more we employ our gifts, the more likely it is that we’ll help those around us discover and make use of their own talents and purpose.

  Two strong VPs of sales that I worked with were Bryan and Ric. They were true activators. They clearly grew in activating their many talents over the years I worked with them. After spending time with their teams, I could quickly see each had extraordinary gifts in encouragement, leadership, and strategy. My goal was to let them see those talents by referring to their one-hundred-page leader’s assessment and reminding them how strong they really were. Bryan could excite anyone by being his authentic self, and he knew how important it was to put the right talent in the right job and then let that person run. He did this and built another generation of leaders. My gifts helped Bryan develop his gifts, which in turn helped to develop the gifts of his team.

  Ric had a unique gift. Ric would think out loud with me and come up with some of the best strategies I have ever seen. My role was to ask questions and encourage him when he was on the right track. When he was not, we just kept revisiting the idea, and something awesome would blossom like a beautiful flower. Again, my gifts of encouraging and building leaders helped Ric reach his full potential, which helped his team as well. Each of these leaders built incredible teams, a dynamic culture of accountability, and a strong revenue stream.

  As you use your own unique gifts, look for opportunities to enable others to develop their talents.

  If you’re an astute business manager, ask the right questions to get to know the passions and abilities of each member of your team so that you can put the right talent in the right job.

  If you’re a parent, you can do the same with your children so you’ll know how to encourage and develop their natural gifts.

  It doesn’t take an expert to guide others to their natural gifts. You only need to be willing to use your talents and to look for opportunities to help:

  If your gifts are empathy and inspiration, take time to sit down with people who are struggling, listen for clues to their inborn abilities, and encourage them in that direction.

  If you have a gift for resolving conflicts, ask yourself who might benefit from your intervention, allowing them the space to develop their own gifts.

  If your specialty is organization, you could help others reduce clutter and stress, providing more emotional capacity for them to explore their true selves.

  The possibilities are limited only by your imagination.

  To formalize this process, you can combine two points in the Power of 3 triangle. When you ask others the right discovery, innovative, and proactive questions, they will learn how to identify the most effective ways to use their natural talents, and you will have helped them discover their gifts.

  The beauty of
activate is we can all grow and overcome just by being more intentional.

  Shortly after my first chemo treatment, I became very sick and had to be admitted to the hospital. As I lay in the hospital recovering, I was past asking questions. I needed human encouragement and some answers as to next steps for getting better. Things weren’t looking good.

  It happened one night with a lawyer who volunteered on Fairview Southdale Hospital’s oncology floor. I was walking down the long corridor of the hospital dragging my IV, and I noticed a man sitting at the end of the hall with a guitar. As I finally made my way to him, I asked him what he was doing. He shared that he enjoys encouraging patients by playing his guitar for them. He could see I was sick, so he asked if I’d like to have him play a few songs. I told him I would.

  I made the long trek back to my room pushing my IV cart, and soon he appeared. He played “Edelweiss,” a song from The Sound of Music. Despite my weakened and emotional state, I tried to sing with him. Our mutual love of music and the joy it brings reminded me just how much I had to live for. Here was a stranger activating his God-given gift, which encouraged me to revive my own. This was exactly what I needed at that moment. It happened because this man was willing to ask himself how he might use his natural talents to benefit others.