Save Me

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “What are you going to do?”

  “About what?” I ask in regards to her open-ended question.

  “About being a SEAL?”

  “I don’t know. I think I’m going to take a leave of absence and get my head straight. Maybe take up surfing or something like that. Being in the Navy is all I know.”

  “Oh the women will love seeing you on a surfboard,” she says, laughing. Her comment strikes me as odd, but it’s her laughter that keeps me focused.

  “There’s only one woman I care about, Penny, and that’s you.”

  She shuffles the phone, or drops it. I can’t be sure. I hear her move around and finally hear a door shut.

  “Tucker, I have so much to say and probably should’ve done it when you were here, but words, even now, escape me. I’m torn up. I’m confused. I feel like I’ve cheated on you and that makes me feel so dirty. When Chloe goes to school—”

  I close my eyes when she refers to our daughter as Chloe. I know Ray didn’t give her that name, but for some reason the jealousy inside of me makes it seem like he did.

  “Can we call her Claire, please?”

  “She wants to be called Chloe. I’m respecting her wishes and you should, too. I know what her birth names means to you, but this is all she’s known.”

  Penny is right, even though I can’t see past the red. My grandmother raised me after my mom overdosed. My mother never told my grandma who my father was so she stepped in. Her name was Claire McCoy and from the minute Penny and I found out we were having a girl, I wanted to call her Claire. If it weren’t for my grandmother, I probably would’ve been into drugs like my mother. I should ask Penny about my grandmother, but I already know the answer. I make a mental note to see if what I was told about my grandma dying is true or not.

  “I understand,” I tell her reluctantly. “I just … I don’t know her and can only remember her from when she was a baby.”

  “I know, but she needs time just as I do. To say our lives are upside down and inside out right now would be the colossal understatement of the universe. Anyway, as I was saying, when Chloe goes to school, I sit in my shower and scrub my skin until it’s raw. I can’t get clean and I don’t know how to make those feelings go away.”

  The image of her ripping her skin apart kills me. Sadly, I don’t know how to make those feelings go away either because my thoughts are just as dark. Half the time when I’m alone I set my pistol out and wonder if things would be easier if I ended my life. But Penny and Claire flash before my eyes. It’s their smiles that give me hope to look past the shit storm my life as become.

  I can hear Penny breathing on the other end and the thought of having her here with me, lying next to me goes right to my groin. It’s going to be a long time, if ever, before I’ll feel her like that again.

  “I miss you,” I say, biting the proverbial bullet. I know she could hang up on me or tell me not to call her again. She could change her number tomorrow and I’d be shit out of luck because I wouldn’t be able to reach her, but I don’t care. She needs to know and remember that she’s my wife, regardless if she feels like she’s still married to Ray.

  “Tucker—” she says breathlessly.

  “No, Penny, I get it, but you have to know. I haven’t lived the past six years thinking you were dead or knowing that you thought I was. I came home to you and Claire with roses in my hand only to be greeted by a stranger. None of the stories I was told about you added up. Ryley said you were gone before my funeral, Frannie said after. I didn’t know what to believe, but I refused to believe that you left me.

  “I spent day and night thinking about you and our daughter when I was away, and the pictures I received were the only thing to keep me going …” My thoughts trail off. If Frannie had to follow us to find Penny, how the fuck did she have pictures of Claire?

  “Tucker?”

  “Yeah, babe, I’m here. Sorry, I just had a thought.”

  “About what?”

  There is no way in hell I’m telling her this so I make something up. “About you and I, on the back of my motorcycle. You know it was my bike which led me to you.”

  “I know, Buzz emailed me.”

  “He helped you?”

  By the noise against the phone I’m guessing she’s nodding. “He did. I knew I was leaving, but didn’t know where to go, and I had to pay for the storage unit because I didn’t want to lose what I had left of you. He knew I was distraught and for some reason I spilled everything to him. He gave me a name of a guy in downtown San Diego who gave us a new identity and set us on the bus. I never asked him to do anything, but he knew to alert me that the Feds had shown up.”

  “I’d like to thank him,” I say, before adding, “I hired a private investigator, three in fact, but only the last one proved to be worth the money. Her name is Marley and she helped Cara and I track you down. Do you know how many Amy Jones there are that use that particular bank?”

  “I do, that’s why I used it.”

  “Clever girl.”

  She laughs again, but this time adds a yawn.

  “I’m going to let you go, but I’m calling again, unless you don’t want to talk to me.”

  “No, I do. It feels good.”

  “Yes it does,” I agree with her easily. “I love you, Penelope.”

  I don’t give her a chance to reply before hanging up. It’s for my own sake and not hers. I don’t want her to say it because she feels that I need to hear it, and I don’t want to hear the pause because she doesn’t mean it. All in due time.

  As soon as I set my phone down, my name is being called from upstairs. It’s like living with parents here. I’m reminded to eat, make sure my laundry is in the laundry room, take off my shoes, and hang up my towel. I feel sorry for Ryley, having to put up with Evan and EJ, plus myself on top of them. The woman needs a damn medal of honor.

  When I reach the bottom of the stairs I hear an unfamiliar voice having a conversation with Evan, which sends chills down my spine. I rush back to my room and grab my gun, sliding it into the waistband of my pants. I walk up the stairs slowly, hoping to surprise whoever is in the house. They already know I’m here, but don’t know where.

  I follow the voices down the hall and into Ryley and Evan’s formal living room. This room is a shrine to Evan, Nate, and Archie with all their medals and a large USN anchor hang right above their fireplace. The same windows that face the ocean from the family room extend into here, giving this room another magnificent view.

  “McCoy, just in time,” Archer says as he stands from the chair he’s sitting in. “I’m sure you remember our ever faithful Brigadier General.”

  I walk around the backside of the black leather couch to see Chesley sitting there, eyeing Archer and then me. I feel my mouth drop open before shutting it, and turn my gaze into a glare.

  “You’ll excuse me if I don’t salute you.”

  “Understandable,” he says, nodding at me.

  “Chesley here would like to tell us a story.”

  “Is that so?” I sit down in the other chair, facing the couch. Archer follows suit, but doesn’t give Chesley a chance to speak. “Where’s Rask?”

  “Went back to Cali with Nate this morning.”

  Fucker didn’t even say good-bye.

  “What the fuck are you doing across the Sound?” Evan asks, leaning forward.

  “Watching you,” Chesley replies immediately. “And it’s not what you think. I’ve had troops in and around the area since you moved in, protecting you and your family. The day Tucker arrived, it made my job easier, and when Rask showed up things couldn’t have gotten better for me.”

  “Except?” I ask.

  “Except you all left and I couldn’t do my job.”

  “Which is what, exactly? I’m having a little trouble understanding the word ‘protect’,” Evan remarks.

  “I understand and maybe I should start from the beginning. When I found out my daughter-in-law was having an affair with Senator Lawson
, as you can imagine I was livid, especially for my son. But when he called to tell me that Abigail had been kidnapped I did what any grandfather would do, I called in favors.”

  “You danced with the devil,” I add.

  Chesley nods. “I did, but didn’t know it at the time. I had no idea Ingram was Lawson’s father. None of us knew he had any children.”

  “Why our unit?” Evans asks the question that has been plaguing us for so long.

  “Because I needed the best. I wanted Abigail in the best possible hands and returned quickly. I didn’t know what Lawson had done to her until she came home and she told my son everything. As soon as we had her back, I went to thank you, only to hear that you had died.”

  “You waited four months to thank us?” I know I sound incredulous, but who the fuck waits for four months?

  “No, I tried to thank you as soon as Abigail returned home.”

  “Cut the bullshit, Chesley. We had the girl in three days or some shit like that. This was a snatch and grab mission. We did our jobs and should’ve been home for Sunday dinner.” Evan is pissed off and rightly so. All Chesley is doing is feeding us a line of bullshit.

  “You may have saved her, but she didn’t come back right away. The day after my son called to tell me she was finally home was the day I paid a visit to Ingram. I expected to find you guys being debriefed, but he informed me you had perished and that he was working on bringing your bodies home.

  “I attended each of your funerals and prayed that you guys were at peace.”

  “We weren’t,” I tell him.

  “And neither was I.”

  “Do you expect us to feel sorry for you?” Evan questions.

  “No, but I’d like for you to hear me out.”

  We both nod and that seems to relax Chesley a little bit. “My son started divorce proceedings as soon as Abigail came back, but Christina wouldn’t cooperate. She lied through her depositions to protect Lawson all because she didn’t want the Vice Presidential nomination to be revoked. That was more important than her daughter. Without her testimony, we couldn’t tie anything to Lawson, and Abigail’s testimony wasn’t enough. To make matters worse, the men who saved her were dead.

  “Fast forward to your return. The minute I found out, I was in Ingram’s office being threatened. It was at that point I knew something was up so I played along, figuring you’d come to me for help, but I couldn’t get word out to you. Weeks before you arrived, Christina was in a car accident on her way to see Lawson.”

  I glance quickly at Evan and wonder if he’s thinking the same thing. We know Frannie murdered Christina, and I’m willing to bet it’s because she was in the way and not because she was going to testify against Lawson as we’ve been told.

  “Why didn’t you come forward?” Evan asks, his voice somber.

  “And say what? That I believed Ingram was behind four of the Navy’s finest being dead for six years all because his son was running a sex ring operation with minors? The case we tried to bring against him had already been thrown out. The courts do not like a desperate man. There wasn’t anything I could do except turn over what I knew to the justice department and wait. I knew in order to stay alive I had to keep my mouth shut and keep Abigail protected. With Christina dead, there wasn’t a soul, aside from her, to testify against him.”

  “Except Frannie,” I add.

  “And your wife,” Chesley says. He sits up straighter and keeps his hands clasped in his lap. “I went to see you and your wife when you came back, but found out that she had left, without a trace, and that’s when I started putting everything into place. I love a great novel with a conspiracy theory, but this was too much for me. The pieces weren’t adding up until Ingram and Lawson were arrested. I obtained a copy of the affidavit and was shocked to see that I hadn’t a clue what was going on. Everything I thought I knew was in there, plus some.”

  “So back to your bullshit claim that you’re protecting us?” Evan jumps to the point of why Chesley says he’s here.

  “Lawson has hits out on all of you.”

  “How do you know this?” I ask, more eager to hear what he has to say.

  “Because my son is in the same prison as he is right now, posing as an inmate and informant for the Feds. Lawson has a big mouth and likes to talk. He has friends in there because he has money and someone is making sure he’s protected. The guards know about my son and they make sure he’s within earshot at all times, even sleeping in the next cell over.”

  Evan and I both scoff. “Doesn’t Lawson know who your son is, or what he looks like?”

  “When you’ve been through what my son has, you age quickly. He doesn’t look the same; his eyes are sunken in and his hair is gray.”

  “And you’re saying Lawson is trying to kill us?” I ask, needing more information.

  “Yes, he is, which is why I transferred to the shipyard.”

  “I don’t buy it,” Evan says as he stands and looks out the window.

  “Remember that night you were toying with the fishing boat and they scrambled away?”

  “Yep, figured you were peddling drugs and I didn’t want that shit near my kid.”

  “They were coming to your home to kill you. You scared them away, but not too far because we caught up with them.” Chesley lets his words sit heavily in the room. I don’t know if there’s anything to say or do right now. Evan thought something was going on, but definitely not this.

  “I don’t know if I trust you,” Evan states, still staring out the window.

  “That’s fine.” Chesley stands. “I came to say my peace and thank you for saving Abigail. And until Lawson and Ingram are dead, and I’m still breathing, I’ll be doing what I can to protect your family.”

  Chesley leaves and I’m tempted to follow him out, but am frozen in place. I don’t know if our lives will ever be fucking normal, and at this point I’m thinking they never will be. Not as long as those two assholes are alive.

  “What are we going to do?” Evans asks as he turns to face me.

  I shrug. “I don’t know about you, but I think a visit to Lawson is in order.”

  “What kind of visit?”

  “The kind that puts a bullet between his eyes. Lucky for us, you have the rifle and scope, and I have the talent needed to get the job done.”

  CARA DRIVES THE BLACK Escalade with the six of us in it down the highway to the penitentiary where Lawson is being held. I never expected for Chesley to ask to come along, but he did and is riding shotgun next to Cara. It’s probably best that he stays up front. I’d hate to turn around in my seat and find him in a headlock courtesy of Archer.

  I’ve been back in Coronado for two months now, living the single life of being attached to my phone at all times. If weren’t for Evan, I would’ve gone back to Vermont and tortured myself, and likely lose Penny and Claire entirely. He persuaded me, recalling how he had to deal with Nate and Ryley as examples, and said leaving Penny was the best thing for us. He’s been right.

  Penny and I talk every other night. At first, I was the one doing the calling, but she’d surprise me every now and again. The best shock was when I answered one afternoon and Claire was on the other end. When I heard her voice, I lost it. It took me minutes to gain my composure, but now she calls every day after school and we talk about non-trivial things like the weather, how I’d like to see her use a bow, and what California is like. I know how Evan feels as he eagerly awaits EJ to call him dad. I had it once before and am praying I get it again someday.

  One of the hardest parts for me is wondering what Claire thinks of me. She knows I’m her biological father and can’t cook, but for all I know she sees me as the man who showed up one day and ruined her life. I liken myself to being a fucking tornado—I came in and destroyed everything, only to leave devastation in my path. I want to ask Penny, but I’m afraid of the answer.

  The other monumental challenge in my life is finding out that my grandmother is alive and well, living in Florida, thank
s to Marley and her detective ways. Grandma was easy to track down and I knew hours after I asked Marley to find her. Once my grandmother received word that I had died, she sold her home and moved, saying it was too hard to be in California without me. Since then, I know she’s gone to visit Penny and Claire, making sure they both know they were never far from her thoughts.

  One of the highlights after returning to California was the hearing Rask and I had about our identities. After meeting with a judge, he returned our status to living and all our assets were unfrozen. He also made sure we still had full military status and encouraged us to file a lawsuit against the Navy. The judge even went on record saying that he’d testify upon our behalf. Before he slammed the gavel down, he apologized and promised that not everyone is as corrupt as our admiral. I’m slowly starting to believe that.

  Once Cara turned everything over to the Department of Justice, they moved in swiftly to detain Ingram. This time the evidence was too much to let him walk away. Surprisingly, Chesley wasn’t lying when he said he’d do what he could to bring him down.

  When we pull up to the gate, Cara flashes her credentials and fills out the necessary paperwork. The guard radios ahead and tells us to follow the road until we meet up with another guard. He doesn’t get out and check our vehicle for weapons, which is a shame. I laugh when we pull away.

  “No car search? How’d you pull that off?”

  “I don’t know,” Cara answers as she drives forward. “Someone must really like us.”

  “Or they want him dead, too,” Chesley mutters as he gazes out the window.

  I don’t plan to shoot Lawson, but only scare the shit out of him once we’re done with our meeting, although the option is there if I want it. I’ve never been so callous about someone’s life like I am with his. He doesn’t deserve to live.

  The next guard flags us down and shows us where to park. The six of us climb out of the SUV and wait to be frisked. When that doesn’t happen we all look at each other. I know for a fact that beside myself, Archer is carrying. I don’t know about Rask, but I’m gathering by the smirk on his face he is. River, however, is stoic and hard to read. I wouldn’t put it past him to be the one to take Lawson out.