Save Me

by Heidi McLaughlin

  The guard takes us through a series of doors, away from the general populated areas. Each time the door locks in place behind us, I jump. We’re at the mercy of the guard and I hate feeling like I have no control over the situation.

  We’re taken into a private room and told to sit. The hard metal chairs do nothing to calm my nerves as my stomach rolls and the anger builds.

  “I should just shoot the motherfucker,” I blurt out. “Or slice his throat open.” I feel for the knife that is sheathed in my boot.

  “I’ll do it,” River says coldly. We each have our own hatred for Lawson, but River’s runs deeper than the rest of ours does. Not only does River feel like he’s failed us, he was deceived by his wife for so long that he feels responsible for her actions.

  “No one is killing anyone today,” Cara reminds us with a stern look.

  The door opens and Lawson walks in with his hands in cuffs and his legs in shackles. I can’t help but snicker, causing the rest of the guys to do so as well.

  “I’m not saying anything, so don’t ask,” the pompous little fuck says as he sits down. Before I can blink his head is bouncing off the table and back up again, while blood trickles out of his nose.

  I look at the guard who has Lawson by the hair. “You’ll answer every fucking question or you will become Bubba’s bitch tonight. You know he’s been asking about you since he found out you like little girls. Says he wants to show you what it’s like to be raped. Bubba wants to hear you beg for your mommy.”

  I have second thoughts about killing Lawson for fear I’d end up on the wrong side of being Bubba’s bitch.

  “You gonna play nice, Teddy boy?”

  “Yup,” he says, looking away from everyone.

  “That’s what I thought. Ask your questions, boys, Teddy has to go outside in a little bit.” It’s then that I realize why our car wasn’t searched—someone wants him dead and they’re hoping one of us do it. The guard shouldn’t be telling us his whereabouts, but he did and by the look on his face, he’s serious.

  “The first thing we’re going to say to you is this: next week at your trial—if you make it that long—you’re going to plead guilty and save the tax payers a lot of money,” Cara says, starting things off for us.

  He shakes his head. “I’m going to walk.”

  “How do you figure?” I ask, leaning forward. There’s no judge in his or her right mind that would let this scum walk, not with the evidence stacked against him.

  “Donna. She’s going to testify for me. She won’t corroborate anything you guys say. Plus, there’s my father. Do you think he’ll testify against me? Besides, the one person left to pin any charges on me is dead now.”

  The room grows silent as we take in what he’s saying. He doesn’t have a clue that Frannie is dead. It’s Evan who starts laughing first, followed by the rest of us. I place my hand on Evan, letting him know I need to talk.

  “Who’s dead now?”

  “Your wife. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say good-bye.” He bats his eyelashes as if he means well. I take deep breath and pretend like I’m torn up on the inside. I’m not because I spoke with Penny yesterday and I know she’s alive. “I do plan to have some fun with that delectable daughter of yours though.”

  Before anyone can stop me, my knife is out and digging into his neck. The guard is being ever so helpful by holding his head still for me. A small path of blood starts to drip as he swallows, increasing his heart rate.

  “Do you feel that, Lawson? Your pulse is quickening and you’re fucking scared.” I drag my knife ever so slowly, watching more blood rise to the surface. I pause at his pulse point and see nothing but fear in his eyes. “One move and you’re done. You’ll bleed out before anyone can come in here and save you. Say one more thing about my daughter and I’ll end your life. Do you understand me?” He’s afraid to move so he blinks twice, and it takes me a beat or two before I sit back down, leaving my knife on the table so he can see his blood on the blade.

  “If you mean Frannie, she’s dead,” River says as what little color was left in Lawson’s face drains away. “I shot her months ago. So really, you’re going to walk into court and plead guilty because if I have to get up on the stand and recount everything I know, I’m going to be pissed. But if Penelope McCoy has to get up on that stand and look at your smug ass sitting in the chair, the only way you’re leaving the court house is in a body bag. If you think I’m joking, try me.”

  The guard uses this opportunity to lean down and say, “Wow, I think you’ve made some really good friends here. They’re willing to put you out of your misery.”

  Lawson rolls his eyes, but otherwise doesn’t say anything.

  “Why?” River asks. He doesn’t elaborate and there isn’t really a need to. The question is self-explanatory.

  Lawson shrugs. “Donna and I were alone a lot as kids and I started experimenting on her. At first, she was scared and wouldn’t come to our dad’s a lot or she’d hang out with my mom, even though my mom hated her. My dad had an affair that resulted in Donna so my mom didn’t want her around. Anyway, when she hit puberty I guess she got horny and wanted to know what shit felt like so I showed her.”

  “But you didn’t stop there?” Rask states.

  “Nope, couldn’t. My dad even tried with therapy and it’d work for a bit, but when I went into the Senate all the young interns we’re eager to please me. The best ones were the shy and timid ones who wore those short skirts, but still had their cherries. I remember each one I popped.”

  His head goes flying into the table again, this time much harder. When he’s able to lift up, his eyes are dazed.

  “Why the cover-up? Why tell everyone we were dead?” Evan asks.

  “Because you couldn’t just do the job you were sent to do, you had to go and kill my friend and open the hive. All my hard work, lost.” He looks off toward the window, likely remembering his victims, although to him they’re not victims, but conquests.

  “You’re one sick mother fucker, you know that?” I say.

  He shrugs. “There’s no cure for what I have.”

  “Yes there is, it’s called death. The world would be a better place if you weren’t in it.”

  Lawson laughs. “I don’t know why you’re all so bitter; you got your lives back.”

  “Our lives and the lives of our families were destroyed. And since we’ve been back we’ve been battling a barrage of shit that you created because you were afraid of getting caught. Did you really think this was all going to go away and that we’d never work to bring you to justice?” Rask questions, but Lawson doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look at Rask when he’s speaking.

  “No, he seriously thought he’d get away with it,” River adds much to my agreement.

  “Oh and, McCoy, do you ever lie awake at night, wondering how my lovely Donna had photos of your sweet Claire?”

  I do every night and am afraid of the answer. I fear that if Lawson tells me, and I tell Penny, it’ll shatter her world. I can’t do that. Instead, I smugly shake my head and don’t give him the satisfaction of needing to know. Some things are better left untold.

  “Times up,” the guard says, ending our conversation. I don’t know if I feel relieved or not, but I do have some perverse satisfaction in knowing that he’s bleeding because of me.

  Lawson is forced to stand and takes one last look at us. “Is Donna really dead?”

  “Yes,” we say in unison.

  “Shame, I’m going to miss her.”

  As soon as the door closes, Cara says, “That man is seriously fucked up. If he doesn’t plead guilty, he’s going to plead insanity and get off.”

  “That won’t happen,” River remarks.

  “You can’t kill him.” Cara directs her statement at all of us.

  “Watch me.” River slams his hands down on the table and stands, pushing his chair out so hard it falls to the ground. Evan and Rask stand as well, while I stare down at my knife. The blood is almost dry and
while I’m tempted to save it and make a voodoo doll out of it, I decide not to and wipe his blood on the bottom of my boot.

  “The trial starts next week,” Cara says, reminding me that I’ll see Penny. That gives me only a few days to get the house I bought in order, in hopes she’ll stay.

  I KNEW IT WAS only a matter of time before I’d be back in California after everything that happened. I didn’t, however, expect it to be so I could testify. But this is where I feel at home, and not like a stranger trying to fit it. From the very moment the sun touched my face, I was leaning my head back and soaking it all in.

  Only Claire doesn’t understand. She will, though, once she sees the beach and touches the sand with her bare feet. She’ll fall in love with the always-blue sky and warm ocean water. I hope that by week’s end she’ll be trying to convince us to move. Fortunately for her, she won’t have to twist my arm too much.

  The only question that remains is where will we live. Living in California isn’t cheap and it’s not like there’s a general store down the road for me to work at. I’d have to get a job, which would be hard considering I’m not qualified for anything.

  Or there’s Tucker’s. I know he bought a house, but he hasn’t said much about it, other than it’s close to base. He still hasn’t decided if he’s going to retire or stay enlisted. And even though he’s asked my opinion, I haven’t given it to him. I know what happened to us will never happen again, but he could die in battle. Not that I’d expect them to actually deploy him. Not that my opinion matters. Part of me wants him to stay in because it’s all he knows. It’s been his purpose in life long before I came into the picture. I’d hate for him to give that up.

  “It’s hot here,” Claire whines, tugging at her sweater. In my head, I can’t call her Chloe no matter how hard I try. It’s like when Frannie died, something was lifted off of me and I was given a small taste of freedom. I didn’t have to hide anymore. But I still look around every corner and watched every person who crosses in front of my path; it’s ingrained in me and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.

  “I think you’ll love it,” I tell her as I pull her through the parking lot of the car rental place. Tucker wanted to pick us up, but I wanted a car. There are things I need to do while here and I don’t want to depend on him. Besides, if I need to escape, I want the ability to do so. Or go to the mall. It’s been so long since I’ve been to a mall. When I decide to start shopping I don’t want any sideways glances at the amount of stuff I have. No one knows what it’s like to go from having massive malls at your disposal to not having one at all.

  It only takes a few minutes before I get my bearings straight. Sitting at the first red light, I close my eyes and listen to the traffic whizzing by. Most people move to get away from this type of stuff, and here I am relishing in being back.

  “You’re being weird.”

  “I know. I can’t help it,” I tell her. “I’ve missed the sun and noise.”

  “I like the quiet.”

  I won’t argue with her, not today. I can’t force this on her. It has to be something she wants. I made that promise to her.

  Before I know it, I’m pulling into the storage unit parking lot and shutting off my car. The last time I was here, I was running for my life to protect my baby. Now I’m back and refuse to let Lawson keep me scared.

  “Come on,” I say to Claire as I get out of the car. She’s right, it is hot, but it feels so good. As soon her door slams, I’m reaching out for her hand. She rolls her eyes, but slips her hand into mine. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell her about Lawson, but I have told her that I almost lost her once and that’ll never happen again.

  The chime above the door rings out and Buzz pops his head up. By the look on his face, I’d say he’s surprised to see me.

  “Hello, Buzz.”

  “Mrs. McCoy, I didn’t expect to see you come in … ever.”

  I don’t correct him on the usage of my last name and technically he’s right. Tucker’s return nullified my marriage to Ray, not that it was probably legal to begin with since I was using a fake name.

  “It’s good to see you, Buzz. I wanted to thank you for making sure the agents were given my name.”

  “I didn’t cause any trouble for you, did I?”

  I shake my head and offer him a smile. “None whatsoever.” I leave out the part where Ray died and Frannie attacked us. He doesn’t need to know any of that. I wouldn’t want him to feel guilty for trying to help me.

  “I have to say, you’re looking much better this time around.”

  Smiling bashfully, I accept his compliment.

  “And I see she’s all grown up.”

  I squeeze Claire’s hand, but refrain from introducing her. Some things are left unsaid and this is one of them.

  “I just wanted to thank you in person.”

  “You’re welcome,” he says as I turn and leave.

  Back in the car I pull up the directions Tucker sent me, plug them into my GPS, and head off in the right direction. While I remember most places, going someplace new could be a challenge. It’s only a matter of minutes before I’m crossing the bridge into Coronado.

  “We’re up so high. Oh, Mom, look at those planes.”

  I try to look but am afraid I’ll swerve off the bridge. The first night I met Tucker he showed me the planes and told me he’s the guy who protects me while I’m sleeping. I still believe that about him.

  “They’re all over the place around here.”

  “And that boat.”

  “It’s a ship, honey. Tucker can take you on one if you want to go.”

  Claire presses her face to the glass and sighs. “Do you love him?”

  “Yes, I do,” I tell her truthfully. I never stopped loving him. “But I also love Ray just as much.”

  “But he’s gone and Tucker’s not.”

  “No, Tucker isn’t and he’s not going anywhere. I think if you give him a chance, you might like him.”

  “We’ll see,” she says, sighing again. I can’t force her, but I may push her a little. Tucker and her could have a few daddy and daughter days while we’re here.

  As soon as I’m off the bridge and into downtown, everything is coming back to me. I loved living here. The town is cute, quaint, and very friendly. Not to mention the eye candy that’s always walking around. Even when Tucker and I were together, I’d often comment, especially with Ryley, about the very good looking men. Tucker would act hurt, but he knew I only had eyes for him.

  My GPS tells me I’ve reached my destination when I pull up in front of a cute yellow bungalow. Claire is out of the car as soon as I shut it off and walking through the white picket fence gate before I can even verify the address or get out of the car. For someone who is hell bent on not welcoming Tucker, she sure is eager to see his house.

  I quickly follow her up the stone path and onto the pergola covered porch. It only takes seconds for me to see myself out here tomorrow morning sipping on iced tea. Tucker didn’t buy this house for himself; he bought it with Claire and I in mind. He knew I’d love the porch.

  Claire knocks and stands at the door with her foot tapping. I want to tell her knock it off, but it’s sort of cute. I don’t know if she’s thinking the same thing I am, but I figured he would’ve been waiting at the door for us as soon as we pulled up.

  The door swings open and a freshly showered Tucker is standing there with just his shorts on. His chest is wet from his dripping hair and I find myself swallowing hard as I gawk at him. It’s been far too long since I’ve been able to see his perfect, for me, body in the flesh.

  “You’re early, you said five.”

  I pull out my phone and look, noting that he’s right. “We can leave.”

  “Don’t be silly. Let me get your bags.”

  He walks by us and toward my rental car to retrieve our stuff. When he first suggested we stay with him I didn’t want to. I thought it’d be awkward and uncomfortable, but he insisted, saying he’d sleep on the co
uch. And now that I’m standing here, I’m sort of pissed he didn’t pull me into his arms and give me a sweet welcome.

  He comes back with his arms full, so the thought of a hug still isn’t possible. He pauses long enough to give me a smile that makes me weak in my knees and winks at me.

  “Come this way, ladies,” he says, motioning with his head.

  I walk in after Claire and take in the beauty of this home. This is exactly the type of home we talked about owning one day when he was retired. The living room is lit by natural light through multiple skylights and a large ceiling fan circulates the air. The kitchen is off to right as you walk in, and is white with light blue accents, giving it an ocean feel.

  “This way to your rooms.”

  We follow Tucker down the hall, stopping behind him when nods to the right. “This is the bathroom,” he says and both of us look inside. It’s a soft yellow and very feminine with a window facing the side yard.

  “This is your room,” he says, glancing at Claire. A while back I told him she wanted to be called Chloe, but he refused and I know why. I was hoping that after his grandmother visited us, she’d change her mind, but she hasn’t said anything. I don’t blame her really since all her friends know her as Chloe.

  The both of us step inside and I hear a slight intake of air. Her room is decorated in pink, her favorite color. There are mounds of pillows piled high on top of her bed, but it’s the bear that grabs my attention.

  “Where did you find that?” I ask him.

  “It was in the storage unit.”

  “I always wondered where I lost it.”

  Chloe walks over and picks it up. Her fingers rub over his eyes, ears, nose, and mouth before she sits down on her bed and stares at him. I can’t help but wonder if she’s remembering him or if she just knows it was her toy.

  Tucker sets her suitcase down, but doesn’t say anything as he leaves the room. I want to stay and watch Claire with her toy, but know I should follow him.

  When I step into the room, it looks like ours, except it’s different. I was in the process of updating our bedroom before he deployed and had shown him a comforter I liked. It was white with an array of purple flowers. The one on the bed now is purple with white flowers cascading over half the material. I know he did this for me because no man would want to sleep in this, unless he has a girlfriend. The thought of him being with someone else hurts and makes my stomach turn. I know I have no right to ask, but I have to know.