The Goblin Queen and the Sigil of Altazan (The League of Sinister Means Book 2)

by H. K. MacTavish

  “Where are the goblins from the warrens?” I ask one of the goblins.

  “They are coming. They are coming,” the goblin says.

  “They better be coming. You know those heroes will find the warrens and descend into them, right?”

  “Of course,” the goblin says.

  “But highness will protect us!” a goblin says.

  “I will certainly protect you,” I say. I love sounding magnanimous to these little toads. But I have to let them know that my protection comes with a price. “But, I will only protect those willing to serve me.”

  “Of course highness,” a goblin says.

  “I’ve said it before, protecting the lazy only breeds laziness and I will not allow you to become a lazy goblin tribe.”

  “Oh no! We’re not lazy!” a goblin says.

  “No! We will help highness!” a goblin says.

  “Good,” I say. “Good.”

  Now, where are the heroes going? Ah, they are searching through the forge and moving into the room beyond. What room was that again? Let me see…oh. It’s just an old supply room. Most of the ore has been searched through. If the heroes want to burden themselves with heavy iron they are welcome to it.

  “What is this?” Katie asks picking up a shiny piece of raw ore.

  “It…it looks like silver,” Leo says.

  Shit.

  “Let me see,” Cassandra says looking over the ore. “This is pure silver. Far more valuable than ordinary silver.”

  Fucking shit.

  “Let’s go through this room,” Leo says. Katie jumps up and down with joy and starts rummaging through all the boxes and crates in this room.

  “Maybe it will give Cassandra time to recover,” Gerald says.

  “I hope so,” Cassandra says.

  “Is any of this iron valuable?” Katie asks.

  “Perhaps,” Leo says. “But it is too heavy for us to take, or worry about. Just pick out anything that looks valuable.”

  “You know, Katie, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job,” Gerald says.

  “I’m sensing a but followed by doing exactly that,” Katie says.

  “Have you been looking for traps?” Gerald asks.

  “Um. Yes,” Katie says. “And I haven’t found any.”

  That is a good point. Where are the traps? Why am I just wondering about this now?

  “Where are the traps?” I ask.

  “Ready to be set,” a goblin says.

  By the gods, no…

  “What do you mean, ready to be set?” I ask.

  “We have them all ready,” a goblin says.

  “So, when I said, go set up some traps, what did you hear?”

  “Go get the traps,” a goblin says. I pick him up and drag him with my magic towards me, his feet dragging along the ground.

  “GO SET THE FUCKING TRAPS!” I scream in his ear as I toss him to the ground.

  “Yes highness,” he says and scampers off.

  For fuck’s sake. Go set the traps. Heroes are here. Defend my lair. How hard is this? Goblins live for little else but picking their noses and stabbing things. Go forth and stab things! Trap things! Kill the heroes! What are the heroes doing now?

  “…ing all this loot later, right?” Katie asks.

  “Of course,” Cassandra says.

  “I bet even the forge equipment is worth something,” Gerald says.

  “It might be useful to whoever occupies this fort in the future,” Leo says.

  That would be me. And I won’t need a forge in the future. Goblins can’t smith for shit. Haven’t you noticed that they are all using crude weapons they found or crude spears that look like a five year old made them?

  “You think someone will want this dump?” Katie asks.

  “Someone has moved in here. And I doubt the goblins built this place,” Cassandra says.

  “I will let the king know of my advice,” Leo says.

  “And that is?” Katie asks.

  “Stationing some men in this fort to prevent anyone from using it again. Or maybe he should destroy it.”

  “Well, if it is the latter, can I strip it for anything sellable?” Katie asks.

  “This is just a lot of junk,” Gerald says.

  “Shows you what you know. All this iron ore is worth quite a bit. Some of the miscellaneous forge equipment is too.”

  “A few silver Katie,” Leo says.

  “But pile it all into a wagon and then sell it? That could provide us with a nice bonus,” Katie says.

  “And how are you going to carry all of this?” Cassandra asks.

  “With a wagon. I said wagon, didn’t I?” Katie asks.

  “You did,” Gerald says.

  “Right,” Cassandra says. “From where?”

  “The village,” Katie says.

  “Purchasing a wagon…” Cassandra begins.

  “Renting. Obviously renting. It is cheaper that way.”

  “But a wagon can only carry so much. And you have to buy feed for the team of horses…”

  “Or mules. I’m in no rush,” Katie says.

  “I’m just saying, you have to rent a wagon, which only holds so much, care for the mules or horses. That is all expenses. Then you have to find someone to purchase it…”

  “There is always someone to buy this crap,” Katie says.

  “That’s true. Every town or village always has someone willing to buy just about anything from us,” Gerald says.

  “And if no one helps me then I get all of that extra loot for myself,” Katie says.

  “Make sure you bring enough torches,” Cassandra says.

  “I know…” Katie says.

  “They only last so long…”

  “I’ll get a lantern then. Happy?”

  “Please,” Leo says. “Let’s just finish searching this room…”

  “I’m trying but someone is shitting all over my plans,” Katie says.

  “I’m just trying to get you to see that you need to take care of things like weight limits, extra expenses, and weigh that against the potential money you will end up with,” Cassandra says.

  “No, you are shitting all over my plans. Doesn’t matter. I know I won’t be alone. Gerald will help me.”

  “I…what?”

  “You’re helping me,” Katie says looking at him.

  “I’m helping her,” Gerald says.

  “I wish you two the best of luck. I am not going to be rummaging through this filth looking for odds and ends that won’t even buy me a bottle of wine,” Cassandra says.

  “Oh,” Katie says, mocking Cassandra. “I have expensive tastes. Only the finest elvish brandy for me. Not that ale…”

  “Swill you mean,” Cassandra says. “And I don’t talk like that.”

  Wow. If they continue to bicker like this I may have a lot more time than I thought.

  “Highness,” a goblin says running up to me.

  Oh, what now?

  “What is it?” I demand.

  “The prisoner…” the goblin begins.

  Oh, you little shits. If you killed her too…

  “She better not be dead,” I say.

  “Oh…oh no. She is alive!” the goblin says.

  “Oh good,” I say. Because for a minute I thought…wait. If she’s alive then what’s wrong…oh no…

  “Tell me what happened to her!” I demand.

  “She…she isn’t in her cell anymore,” the goblin says.

  “What do you mean she isn’t…” I scream in anger. This can’t be happening!

  “Take me to the cell now!” I order the goblin.

  Missing Ingredients

  I stomp my way down to the cells. The goblin is at least wise enough to keep well ahead of me. Everything was going so well this morning. I had all of the ingredients. The raid on that little village was as successful as I could have hoped for. Only a few goblins died. Both peasants that I needed were in the same little village. What were the odds?

  Then again,
what are the odds that I lost both peasants while four heroes are marching a bloody path to me? I just needed one extra day. Just one day. Not even a full day. Midnight tonight was when I needed to cast the spell. But now…everything is going to shit!

  I approach the cell and see two dead goblins in front of an open cell door. How did she kill two goblins, unarmed, from her cell? How the fucking hell did this even happen? Even goblins shouldn’t be that stupid.

  “Where did she go?” I demand.

  “We think…out of the cell,” a goblin says.

  By the gods…

  “Yes. We think she left the cell,” another goblin says.

  I can’t take their idiocy right now!

  I pick one up by the neck with my magic and hold him hard against the bars.

  “Do you see a woman in there? Do you?” I demand.

  “No.”

  “Neither can I! I know she left the cell. Where did she go next? Upstairs?”

  “No. We would have seen her,” a goblin says. The one I’m holding just nods his head.

  Where else could she have gone? The only thing down this way is…oh no. No. No, no, no. There is only one place that she could have gone! I drop the goblin and race down the hall and turn to the right.

  This hall caved in but there was a little opening, a crack that led down into some caverns that run adjacent to the goblin warrens. I had left this open because having another entrance and exit for the goblins has been a great tactical advantage. So far. There was also the fact that the crack was too small for a person to wiggle through but clearly that was wrong. How did she sneak past there? I had thought that only goblins could crawl through. Apparently small peasant women can sneak through as well. This is a disaster!

  I spin to the goblins following me.

  “Has anyone gone after her?” I ask.

  “No,” the goblin says.

  “Then go!” I bellow.

  “And if we find her you want us to kill her for leaving?” the goblin asks.

  “No! I want you to bring her back alive! I need her alive. That’s why she was in the cell. If I wanted her dead I would have had you drag me her corpse to begin with!”

  “So, alive?” another goblin asks.

  “Yes! Alive! Breathing and in one piece,” I say. Although I am willing to overlook cuts, scrapes, and bruises I keep my mouth shut. I don’t want to confuse the goblins.

  The goblins all nod to my order and run off. I pick up one goblin from the ground with my magic, his feet still scampering in the air no doubt wondering why he isn’t moving faster.

  “Not you,” I say.

  I plop him down onto the ground.

  “What does highness want?”

  I want the two peasants alive and well in their cells and the heroes all dead. Except for Gerald. He can go to my bedroom.

  “Go to the warrens. Collect forty goblins and tell them to go through here and find the girl and bring her back to me, alive and in one piece.”

  “Yes highness,” the goblin says as he scurries off.

  What am I going to do now? Think Vivian. Think.

  You’re not going to cast any spells if the heroes kill or capture you. I need to deal with them and then figure out how to replace the peasants.

  I start to walk down the hall of cells. The two dead goblins are being picked up and carried to the warrens by some goblins. I need that woman back in her cell! Replacing the man is going to be hard enough.

  No! You need to focus on those heroes. If you don’t stop them it won’t matter if the goblins return with the woman or not.

  I walk back to the temple and I see the Sigil of Altazan drawn out before me, a reminder of what I almost had.

  Time to see what the heroes are up to. I walk up to my cauldron and peer in. Show me the heroes!

  “…ue what we are doing,” Leo says.

  “This is going to be interesting,” Katie says.

  “We can do this,” Gerald says. “We’ve done this many times before as a group.”

  “Gerald is right,” Leo says. “We have worked as a team for years. Now is not the time to give up.”

  “We don’t know the extent of the relationship this wizard has with the goblins…” Cassandra says.

  “Oh shit!” Katie says coming to a stop.

  “What?” Cassandra asks.

  “What’s wrong?” Gerald asks.

  “What if…this…” she looks around. I zoom in nice and close. “…what if this is the Goblin Queen.”

  Whispering doesn’t help. I can still hear you.

  “Is she around here?” Leo asks.

  “I don’t know,” Katie says.

  The heroes need to do their research before charging after goblins.

  “What if it is her?” Gerald asks.

  “We can take her,” Cassandra says.

  Ha! No way! You four? Not a chance.

  “We have defeated wizards like her before,” Leo says. “Now come on. Whoever is commanding these goblins is just an obstacle. Our quest isn’t to vanquish the Goblin Queen. It is to find and rescue those peasants.”

  “Leo is right,” Cassandra says.

  “Fine,” Katie says. They continue on down the hall. They are coming to a door. Just…just open it Leo. Just open it Leo. Grab the handle Leo! Don’t you kick it in. Don’t do it! Don’t…aww…for fuck’s sake…there is another door I need to replace!

  Stop! Breaking! My! Doors! Assholes!

  It is just a supply room. An old supply room that I still sort of use. The door isn’t locked! There are some shelves that have some standard supplies. Some soap, some towels, blankets, rope, a couple of brooms…you know, stuff you need but you don’t really have a place for so you toss it into one room? That’s what they found. Ohhh…they found my tablecloth! Not the good stuff, mind you. That is in a separate room.

  “Should we take a look around?” Katie asks.

  Oh, the rogue isn’t jumping at pilfering all my stuff? She’s standing by the door, worried. My reputation has scared her! As it should.

  “A quick look and then we move on,” Leo says.

  “If this is the Goblin Queen we need to be careful,” Gerald says.

  He’s scared of me too. I bet Leo and Cassandra feel the same way but they can’t all be quivering. Someone in their little group has to be bold.

  They look through my things and…you took my rope Leo? Really? Fine. Whatever. At least no one else seems to be taking anything else.

  They are certainly spending a lot of time going through my things. These hypocritical heroes…oh, stealing is wrong, and shame on you for doing so, unless you steal from a villain. Then it’s perfectly fine.

  The heroes are done looking through my cleaning supplies and are heading down the hall. They aren’t saying anything at the moment. I’d like to think it is my reputation that has brought about their silence. That door in front of them is a long room that was once a training room. I still have goblins use it to train in. Are they training now? They better be on alert.

  I scry on the training room and find that yes, I have goblins there, but no, they aren’t ready for anything. They are practicing for a fight that is almost on top of them. Are there any bright sides to this upcoming battle? Oh, four red sashes? Well, happy day for me!

  You know, I should buff them…but I’m not going to just use a standard buff. Where is Mabh and Vashti’s book? Come on over here…I levitate it and bring it over to me. I know there is something useful in this.

  Let’s see…sleeping arrangements, communication with your partner…ah, spells to aid your partner. Wow. Apparently Mabh and Vashti have issues with friendly fire. Most of these spells focus on protection. Which is exactly what those red sashed goblins are going to get!

  Let me see where the heroes are. They are in the hall, right outside the training hall.

  “Wait,” Katie says. She leans her ear up against the door.

  No. Go in! If there is one door I want you to bust down it is this one; the
one with four red sashed goblins on the other side. Go on Leo, bash!

  “I can hear it too. The door is thick but there is fighting going on in there,” Leo says.

  “What if they are training?” Katie asks as Leo prepares to kick the door down.

  “Can you take a peek?” Gerald asks Cassandra.

  “I think I can…”

  “Just see if the peasants are in there or not,” Katie says.

  “Let me try…” Cassandra says.

  Oh, hell no. This is the room I want you to go into. What can I cast? I can create an illusion inside! Quickly! I find a corner of the room and cast an illusion of the peasant woman. It isn’t exact but it is the best I can recall. Come on Cassandra. Bite!

  The door isn’t bursting in. What are they doing? I go back to the heroes.

  “Well?” Katie asks.

  “I…I can’t focus. This headache is getting in the way.”

  My illusion spell is wasted, just like that. But, knowing that the wizard can’t even cast a spell to divine what is in the next room makes me happy.

  “Let’s continue on,” Leo says.

  “And if they flank us later?” Katie asks.

  An excellent point Katie. Listen to your rogue Leo.

  “Can we spare the resources?” Cassandra asks looking to Gerald.

  Aw, Gerald. You’re not a person, you’re a resource to prop up the others. That is so delightfully sad to hear.

  “I’m fine,” Gerald says.

  “Okay, then…on the count of three…” Leo says.

  He’s going to kick the door down and I’m not even mad! I’m a little upset that the goblins aren’t lying in ambush but there are four goblins with red sashes! The heroes will be stopped here for certain!

  Crack!

  The door was kicked in and the goblins on the other side are now looking straight at the heroes. The heroes are charging in, screaming as they run, ready to kill some goblins. Even Gerald is trying to look like a proper fighter, the poor dear.

  The goblins closest to the door get skewered rather quickly. That’s fine. The goblins with the red sashes are still up. Time to cast a spell that will make their skin more resistant to weapons.

  There! I can see a faint little glow about their skins. Cassandra will know that they are buffed up but will the others? I think not.