Seeking Shelter

by Angel Smits

  “You okay?” Jace’s unexpected voice startled her, and she knocked the ledger book to the floor. She took her time reaching down, fighting the overwhelming urge to turn to him, to forget all the warnings she’d just given herself. When she finally met his gaze, she saw the same resistance simmering there.

  “Uh, yeah. Did you need something?”

  “No, just wanted to know what time you can leave tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” What had she forgotten?

  “Yeah.” He stepped closer, a smile growing on his face as if he knew exactly how confused she felt. “The trip to Phoenix? Remember? To choose the appliances.”

  They’d talked about this, she remembered, but for the life of her she couldn’t remember what they’d decided. Heck, she couldn’t remember much of anything when he looked at her that way.

  After a moment, Jace cleared his throat, breaking the silence between them.

  “Uh, yeah.” Amy busied herself rearranging the papers on the counter. “I finish up here around noon.”

  “Noon?” he asked. “That’s early.”

  “Not on Saturday. That’s the day everyone shops in the city. It’s not worth it for me to be open later.”

  “Cool. I’ll pick you up around one.”

  “Pick me up? In what?” She had a bad feeling about this.

  Jace laughed. “Not in anything. On my bike.” He said it so casually.

  “No way.” Amy waved her hands in the air, as if she could erase the idea. “No way am I getting on a motorcycle.”

  “Well, we sure as hell aren’t going in that tin can you call a car.”

  Did she actually see him shudder? Well, she was not giving in. “There’s nothing wrong with my car.” Not much, anyway.

  She did have to admit that fitting him inside might be a challenge. He was at least six foot four and her entire car was lucky to be that long. The image of him with his knees bent up around his ears almost made her laugh. She got the feeling he wouldn’t appreciate it.

  “Besides, we can’t bring anything home on a motorcycle,” she added.

  “And what? We’re strapping a stove on the roof of that thing? It’ll cave in.”

  Okay, so he had a point. “Then how are we getting them?”

  “Ever hear of delivery?”

  “Of course I have. But how much is that going to cost?”

  “That’s not an issue.” As if everything were resolved, Jace turned back to the stairs.

  “I’m still not getting on a motorcycle.”

  “Fine. I’ll go without you.”

  Oh, no, he wasn’t. This was her kitchen and he’d agreed to let her—no, he’d pushed her—to pick out the appliances. “I don’t think so.”

  “Then you can meet me there.” He’d reached the stairs. “I don’t get in cars—or cabs of trucks, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s my bike or nothing.”

  He looked back at her, his chin at a very determined angle. She wanted to yell at him. He had to have a reason for being so stubborn. Why didn’t he just tell her why?

  Yeah, because he was the type to share his emotions and fears. Not.

  Exasperated, Amy watched him go back down to the kitchen. Instead of following him, she headed back to her office. “This isn’t over yet,” she mumbled and thought she heard him say, “I heard that.” But she couldn’t be sure. Later, she’d talk some sense into him.

  * * *

  DEMOLITION OF A KITCHEN was very therapeutic, Jace decided. He’d taken out the rest of the old cabinets and carried them upstairs to the Dumpster before he stopped. Even then, Amy’s refusal to get on his bike irritated him. At least that’s what he told himself was bothering him.

  Granted, he should have thought about it. Not everyone was comfortable on a motorcylce, but he was more than uncomfortable in a car. He had no intention of sharing the bit about his claustrophobia with Amy, or anyone. Not a chance. She didn’t need to know. The only time it was really an issue was at night when he slept.

  And in close, tight spaces like the inside of a car. Being in the basement didn’t really bother him. Every once in a while he’d get that closed-in feeling and he’d take a jog upstairs.

  Like now, with an armload of wood. The thud of it hitting the side of the Dumpster was satisfying.

  “Hey, I’d have helped with that,” Rick said from the alley.

  “Don’t you have a garage to run?” Jace wasn’t in the mood for any questions.

  “Closed up for lunch. Thought I’d head over to the diner. Want to join me?”

  And watch the simmering glances between him and Caryn the whole time? “No, thanks.” Not after that kiss Jace had just shared with Amy. Hell, he’d be coming back here and dragging her downstairs....

  With a wave, Rick headed on to the diner and Jace watched him go. From here, he could see a good chunk of the town, the comings and goings of a whole world he hadn’t known existed until a few days ago. He realized he knew a lot of them, and actually liked them.

  Yeah, he was fine. He was standing out in the baking sun, staring at a Dumpster. He headed back indoors, focused on work. There was still no way in hell he was going to Phoenix, a two-hour drive, in a car—with Amy and a backseat.

  * * *

  “MAMA?” KATIE WHISPERED, just as Amy started to pull the bedroom door closed.

  “I thought you were asleep.”

  “Nope.” Katie sat up, a silly grin on her face. “I was just pretendin’.”

  “Tomorrow’s going to come really early.” Amy went back into her daughter’s room and perched on the edge of her bed. “You need to go to sleep.”

  “I know, but I’m so excited.” The little girl wiggled, practically bouncing on the mattress.

  “Why?” Amy was fairly sure she didn’t want to know.

  “’Cause you and Mr. Jace are going away.” Katie giggled. “Together.”

  Alarmed, Amy tried to control her rising anxiety. “We’re going to Phoenix to pick out a new refrigerator and stove. We’re not taking a vacation together.”

  She giggled again. “When Lisa’s mom and dad went away, they went to Las Vegas and came back married.” Katie practically squealed.

  Amy hadn’t considered what her daughter would think about this trip. She’d been too focused on trying to get Jace to agree to take her car. She’d failed, and the trepidation she felt about climbing on that monster bike tomorrow overshadowed everything.

  “Uh, sweetie, I hate to disappoint you, but Mr. Jace and I are not getting married. We’re just friends.” Remembering the afternoon’s kiss, she wondered if it was a sin to lie to your child for her own good.

  Katie stopped bouncing on the bed, and the room grew quiet. “Are you sure?”

  “Very sure, honey. Why would you think we’d get married?”

  “’Cause you said we’d start looking for a daddy.” Her voice came out in a painful whine. “You promised.”

  “I said we’d look. I didn’t say we’d find one.”

  Katie fell silent, not moving. “So, nothing’s gonna be different around here?” she finally muttered.

  Guilt ripped through Amy. “I don’t know what to tell you.” She’d been at a loss many times during Katie’s life, but nothing like this. She could almost hear the hurt filling the room. She knew her daughter wanted a dad, but it wasn’t as if Amy had a magic wand she could wave to fix everything.

  “That’s not fair.” Katie flopped back down on the pillow and turned her back. “I don’t like you right now, Mama.”

  Katie was parroting words that Amy often said, but she left off the important part: But I love you anyway. Amy waited for her to say it, but she didn’t. She simply scooted farther away, pulling the covers up over her head.

  They’d already done the bedt
ime ritual. The kiss good-night. The tucking in. The final hug. All done. Slowly, her heart hurting, Amy stood.

  She couldn’t let Katie go to sleep so unhappy, and she couldn’t tear herself away from the child she loved so much. Slowly, she bent over and repeated the tucking of the blankets around Katie’s tiny figure.

  “I didn’t break my promise,” she whispered. “We’ll keep looking, okay?”

  Though she felt her daughter’s nod, she didn’t think she was really forgiven. Slowly, Amy walked back to the door and pulled it most of the way shut. As always, she left it open a crack so she could hear if Katie needed her.

  Amy leaned back against the wall, knowing she’d lied to her daughter, not about this weekend’s plans, but about how she felt about Jace. She closed her eyes and pictured the man who only a couple of hours ago had pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

  And then walked away as if nothing had happened.

  * * *

  JACE INSISTED THEY LEAVE Rattlesnake Bend the instant she closed the store. She was open only half a day on Saturday, which gave them at least half the afternoon to shop. And since she didn’t open Sunday morning, they didn’t have to rush back.

  They found what they were looking for after only a couple of stops, and Jace quickly arranged for the deliveries. It still amazed her that she was getting a new stove and refrigerator.

  After a quick dinner, they planned to head back home. Amy waited for Jace outside the restaurant. The place had been busy, so he was standing in line to pay for their meal. She’d tried to pay her share, but short of a public argument, she couldn’t seem to get her point across.

  This wasn’t the way she ran her life. She wasn’t normally disagreeable about accepting help from people, but when money was involved, it made her uncomfortable.

  Add that to all the other emotions Jace stirred up inside her and right now she was really uncomfortable.

  Needing something besides pacing to distract herself, she examined the display of tourist literature. The last time they’d come to Phoenix, Katie had fallen in love with just such a display of brightly colored flyers and had wanted to take a whole bunch home. They didn’t travel much, but at least once a year they made a day of it, eating out and shopping in Phoenix.

  Amy would have loved to grab a few brochures to take home for Katie, but that would just make her want to go somewhere, and that wasn’t possible with school and the store.

  Maybe by next year Amy would be making enough to hire someone at least part-time so they could take a real vacation.

  She felt a twinge. Though she’d left Katie in good hands at her friend Lynne’s house, she missed her daughter. And then another twinge, this time from guilt. Amy was enjoying the freedom of not having to worry about her for a few hours.

  A brochure on the right side caught her eye. The Grand Canyon. Her mom had always promised she’d take her to see it, but hadn’t. Amy had never pushed, and once her mom got sick, she hadn’t wanted to go without her. Amy swallowed now and started to slide the brochure into her back pocket.

  “What’s that?” Jace said from behind her.

  She jumped and dropped the brochure to the floor. They both bent to pick it up, but he was faster. He peered at it, then lifted his gaze to her.

  “Hey, cool. I’ve never been there. Is it as great as it looks here?”

  She was silent, not wanting to admit that she’d lived in this state all her life and hadn’t ever seen its greatest attraction. “Um, I don’t know.”

  Jace straightened. “You haven’t been there?”

  “No, I haven’t.” Instead of explaining, she headed back to the bike and pulled her helmet off the seat. Jace followed more slowly. He’d unfolded the brochure and was studying a map on the inside.

  “We could do this. Look.” He held up the map for her to see.

  “No, we can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  He seemed genuinely surprised and she supposed that all her planning and need for predictability was strange to him, as strange as his total freedom was to her.

  “Look, Jace.” She hugged the helmet, needing something to hold on to. “I really appreciate all you’re doing and what you’ve done on the kitchen. Despite what you think, I do accept help.” He opened his mouth to speak, but she put her fingers over his lips, and immediately regretted it.

  All the way here, she’d been careful to keep physical contact with him to a minimum, not an easy task while sitting behind him on a motorcycle. But she’d enjoyed this afternoon, and had begun to trust him. Such a casual gesture negated all her caution.

  Their eyes met and she saw the smile lines form beside his eyes. His skin slid against hers, reminding her she still had her fingers over his lips. She quickly pulled her hand back.

  When he didn’t say anything, she continued. “Besides, you can’t keep paying for everything. I’m not destitute. And I have responsibilities. My store. My daughter. I can’t just take off like you do. I appreciate the offer, though.”

  She stepped back and started to put on the helmet. They’d accomplished what they’d come for and now it was time to head home.

  “But we can do it,” Jace stated.

  “What?”

  “Go see it.”

  “I just said—”

  “I listened to you. My turn.” He put his finger on her lips, much as she had, but he seemed more aware of his touch. He slid his hand away much more slowly, leaving her silenced. “Look, it’s only two hundred miles from here. We could drive up in just a couple hours.”

  Amy stared at him. He was kidding, right?

  “Look at this map. We go up here, get a room, then after we look around tomorrow, cut across here to get back home.”

  Amy watched the finger that had touched her lips glide over the paper, and could envision them riding over those roads. The temptation was huge.

  She was being a bad mother again, wasn’t she? By even considering this, she was doing the one thing she’d always sworn she wouldn’t. Putting a frivolous whim before Katie’s needs wasn’t acceptable. It was something her mother would have done.

  “No, I can’t.” Amy strapped on the helmet. If Jace talked to her, she’d still hear him, just muffled. That would make it easier to dismiss him.

  The tapping sound on the helmet made her turn around. Jace reached out and unbuckled it. “I know you can hear me, but take it off...please?”

  She reluctantly did so. “Yes?”

  “Katie is staying over with Lisa tonight, anyway. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to spend the day, too. Lynne’s always offering and you turn her down.”

  “How do you know that?”

  He chuckled. “What do you think your daughter talks to me about?” He leaned in close. “I know all your secrets,” he said in a stage whisper.

  Amy’s heart lurched, until she realized he’d only know what Katie knew.

  “Come on,” he urged. “When was the last time you took time off, just for you?”

  She looked away. Probably never. She shrugged, realizing she must look just like Katie as she did it. Great.

  “We are doing this,” Jace said, and pulled out his cell phone. “What’s Lynne’s number?”

  If Amy refused to give it to him, wouldn’t he be forced to take her home? He looked determined enough to do whatever he wanted despite her wishes. Once she was on the back of the bike, she’d be at his mercy.

  Oh, for heaven’s sake. “I’m being paranoid, aren’t I?”

  He laughed out loud and she couldn’t help but join him.

  “I don’t have it memorized.” She dug her own phone out of her bag. If anyone was calling Lynne, she would.

  Her neighbor picked up on the third ring. Amy could hear the girls giggling in the background. “Hi, Lynne! How are the girls?”<
br />
  “Having way too much fun.” Her smile sounded in her voice. “Thanks for letting her stay. Lisa’s thrilled.”

  “Uh, yeah. I was wondering if it would be a problem if Katie stayed a little longer.”

  There was a brief moment of silence before Lynne answered, “That’s no problem at all. It actually works better. Beau wanted to take us over to the show in Gilcrest. This way Katie can come with us and we don’t have to worry about time. Everything okay there?”

  Jace busied himself checking the bike, but Amy knew he was listening. “Yeah. Actually, we were considering taking a quick side trip. Up to the Grand Canyon. Just until tomorrow afternoon.”

  “That’s a great idea.” There went Amy’s excuse of no sitter for her daughter.

  “Tell Katie we’ll call her tonight,” she finished.

  “And tell her I’m granting her one wish,” Jace said in the background, loudly enough for Lynne to hear. Amy heard her friend’s laughter just before she disconnected the call.

  “What wish?” Amy poked Jace’s shoulder once she’d put her phone away.

  He grinned at her. “The longer visit with Lisa,” he answered.

  She should be more upset than she was with him, shouldn’t she? He was taking over again. But the fact that he’d thought of something fun for her, and for Katie, touched her.

  It was all going so smoothly. Almost as if it was meant to be. Amy had to roll her eyes. She must be losing her mind.

  Jace grabbed the helmet and settled it back on her head, buckling the chin strap. He tweaked her nose and said, “This is gonna be fun.”

  Amy couldn’t resist his mood. He straddled the bike and looked over his shoulder once he was settled, waiting for her to climb on.

  She hesitated. Oh, God, what was she doing? “I still wish you’d wear a helmet.” She tried to distract him and herself from the impending finality of her decision.

  “Yes, Mom,” he teased. “Now get on, Ms. Not-the-mom-for-twenty-four-hours.” He started the engine and opened the throttle to make the engine roar.

  She climbed on behind him. She wanted to do this.