Little Miss Lovesick

by Kitty Bucholtz

  A deer! I was almost positive. Yes! There was its white tail as it turned deeper into the forest. Not wanting to lose sight of it — come on, we saw abear on the road on the way here, and now I was yards away from a deer — I took a step forward. In my slippery, smooth-soled sandals. My foot slipped. I spun my arms backward trying to regain my balance. But the grass-covered river bank was wet with dew and I slid right into the river.

  Icy water rushed over me. I gasped and choked on water. Gotta get my feet under me. Keep my head above water. Too cold to think.

  Something pulled at me. I fought harder to find my footing. My head broke the surface of the water. I coughed and tried to yell. I heard voices yelling back but I couldn’t understand them. So cold.

  “Let go, I got you,” I heard behind me.

  The voice came together with the realization that it wasn’t somethingpulling at me but someone. I tried to relax.

  And then I was on the bank, holding tight to my rescuer. Shivering and disoriented, I clung to him like a life preserver. Strong arms held me tight.

  “You’re okay,” he said. “I’ve got you.”

  Emily and Patty hovered over me, arms and hands and voices wrapping around me as I shook with cold and surprise and embarrassment. The others rushed over and crowded around. As my brain defrosted, I realized everyone was jabbering at me, but my teeth were chattering too hard to respond.

  “Is she all right?” Patty asked Matt.

  “I think so,” he answered. He rubbed his hands briskly up and down my arms. “We just need to get you warmed up,” he said to me with a smile.

  Keep smiling at me that way and I’ll be plenty warm, said You-Know-Who.

  I worried about brain damage. Because right now that particular voice made sense.

  “Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Emily hugged me tight.

  She looked like she might cry. Which would make me cry. Which would be even more embarrassing. Think of something funny to say. Think.

  “Can I borrow your shoes?”

  Emily pulled back to study my face. She blinked. Then she burst out laughing.

  In seconds, everyone was laughing. I could feel the deep sound of Matt’s laughter in his chest. For just a moment, all was right in the world. Cold and wet, but right. Which reminded me…

  I looked up at Matt, who was still holding me. “I guess the forecast hasn’t changed much,” I said, trying to keep my teeth from chattering. “Damp and sticky just became cold and wet.” Which made him and Em and me laugh even harder.

  When Matt felt a huge involuntary shudder shake me, he turned to Patty. “Will you watch things down here? I’ll take Sydney up to the lodge and be back as soon as I change into dry clothes.”

  “I’ll come and help Syd,” Em immediately volunteered. I smiled gratefully at her.

  “Be sure she doesn’t fall on that trail,” Patty instructed Matt as he stood and pulled me upright. She turned to me. “Take a hot shower before you change clothes. No point in getting sick.”

  I nodded, clenching my jaw to keep my teeth still. Matt put his arm around me and pulled me close, leading me up the trail to the lodge. The trail wasn’t wide enough for three, so Emily followed behind us.

  “Matthew, you check in on her later and make sure she’s okay,” Patty called.

  Matt raised one hand in the air, but didn’t turn around.

  “I’ll stay with her,” Emily called back.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said to Matt as he hurried me toward the bunkhouse. I slid and slipped more than ever. He was half carrying me, but I was too cold to care.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “But it’s my fault that—”

  “I said don’t worry about it.” He smiled down at me and brushed river water from my cheek. “These things happen.”

  I shivered again and tried to smile back.

  “I really am fine.” I tried to smile reassuringly up at him, my arms crossed tightly in front of my chest to keep from shivering.

  His dimple appeared. “That was nothing. I’ve seen worse.”

  “At least I didn’t get swept away, or attacked by piranhas, or—”

  “No obituaries, please!” Emily exclaimed. “That was too close.”

  Matt laughed and hugged me tighter. “You’re funny.”

  Right about then, my wet leather sandals hit that stupid gravel. I slid backward, but stayed upright since Matt already had me in a death grip.

  “Clumsy, but funny.”

  I gasped. “I’m not clumsy!”

  He looked at me and laughed in disbelief. “You’re having a pretty difficult time walking and staying on dry ground today.” He stopped and made a move to pick me up. “It’ll probably be safer if I carry you back up the trail.”

  I backed out of his arms and pointed my finger at him. “I will drive a stake through your heart if you pick me up. I swear.” There was a limit to how many embarrassing things I could survive in one day. And it wasn’t even breakfast time yet.

  Matt looked at me for a second then glanced back at Em, obviously trying to decide if I was serious. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “All right, Buffy, but if you fall I’m carrying you.”

  I couldn’t help but grin at the TV reference. He pulled me close to his side and we continued our slip-slide way up the trail.

  At the bunkhouse, Matt and Emily helped me up the steps. “Do you need any help?” His hands rubbed my cold arms. Since my teeth were chattering, I gave him a look that said, “As if!”

  Emily laughed and rolled her eyes. “Go!”

  “Just thought I’d offer,” he said. He opened the door. As I brushed past, I heard him chuckle.

  Rescuer or rogue? That is the question.

  Either one works for me, piped up Lovesick.

  An hour later after a deliciously hot shower, I started back to the river, warm and dry in borrowed shoes and my hoodie zipped to my chin. The sun had risen above the tree line while I was inside so I was able to pick my way carefully down the trail. I didn’t slip once.

  I’d sent Emily back to the fishing lesson after assuring her I planned on staying in the shower for a week. I saw my fishing pole next to her at the river so I headed that way. The fact that Matt was helping her with her casting at that very moment had no bearing on my decision. Pulse, normal. Respiration, normal. Mental state,crazy!

  Matt turned and looked at my feet, now clad in tennis shoes instead of sandals. “Much better.” He winked at me.

  He’d changed into khaki cargo shorts and a black T-shirt withRuns With Scissors printed on the front. Like his other T-shirts, this one clung to his muscular arms and chest. I told myself I only noticed because he looked so different from Dirk. Dirk was slim and toned, but not muscular. He spent most of his time in a business suit trying to move up the ladder. He didn’t have the outdoorsy look Matt had.

  Yeah, all I was doing was cataloging the differences. That’s it.

  I picked up my pole and moved down to a narrower part of the river. A swirling little eddy near the opposite bank looked to be the perfect place to try to sink the fly into. I stayed a good three feet from the edge of the bank, aimed, cast, missed and pulled in the line. Aimed, cast, missed, pulled in the line.

  I heard some commotion up the bank, then a happy cry from Emily. She’d caught a fish. Cool!

  Matt helped her pull it in. I hate to admit it, but watching it flap around with its buggy eyes and glistening body was not making me want to catch one. I didn’t relish the idea of going all girly-girl when Matt came to help me. You know, “Eew! No, I don’t want it! You take it!” How embarrassing wouldthat be. I’d already met my embarrassment quota for this trip. Maybe I’d just pretend to try to catch fish for the rest of the weekend.

  “Hope you’re all hungry tonight,” Matt said, holding Emily’s fish up for everyone to see. “For a bite, anyway.”

  Oh, I hope it ends up looking like fish in a restaurant. After seeing it alive and jiggly, I didn’t think I could sit
around a campfire and eat something that still had its head attached.

  I grimaced and turned back to my casting. Okay, trying to build a skill. That’s it. Not trying to catch a fish. Hey, maybe I should take the lure and hook off the end. Then Ican’t catch any fish. No, then it wouldn’t fly over the water right. It needed some weight. Hmm, I thought about it as I pulled in the line again. Well maybe I could—

  “Lookin’ good there.”

  I jumped. “Doggoneit! Stop sneaking up — are youtrying to make me fall in?”

  “Little jumpy, eh?” Matt smiled and crossed his (muscular) arms over his (muscular) chest. Apparently his usual stance. I needed to stop noticing. The last time I’d seen this many muscles on one man was when Hugh Jackman played Wolverine. Who cared about the storyline whenthat was onscreen the whole time?

  Matt’s damp hair formed little curls around the sides of his neck. My mother would say he needed a haircut, but I liked it. Pretty adorable, actually.

  “At least you’re a safe distance from the water here. I don’t want to have to dive in after you again.”

  I looked at him and sniffed, nose in the air. Then I looked away and prepared to cast again. “I wasconcentrating,” I said in a mock huffy tone.

  I heard him laugh softly, but I didn’t look at him. The last thing I wanted to do was look stupid while he was watching me.

  I focused and cast the line out. Whew! I made it pretty close to the eddy I’d aimed for. I looked back at him with my eyebrows raised and sniffed again. “See?”

  When he laughed, I couldn’t help myself. I dropped my act and laughed, too.

  But Matt barely glanced at the fly I had cast. I swear he was looking me up and down like,you know. I couldn’t quite remember what I was going to say. Those eyes were just stunning in their intensity.

  Now what was I supposed to do, to say? I panicked as he wandered a step closer. His eyes were mesmerizing.

  “Do you wear blue contacts?” I burst out.

  Every single voice in my head groaned.

  I turned back to the river, making idiot faces at the water as I tried to figure out how to either turn back time or grab the first bus back to Traverse City.

  He laughed again. “No, why?”

  Now he stood right next to me so I had to stop with the faces.

  I shook my head. “Nothing. You just have — I’ve never seen—” Surely I hit my head in the river and I have brain damage. I’m a freaking idiot.

  Just say it. It won’t sound stupid if you just say it.

  “You’re eyes are so beauti- blueti- blue,” I stuttered, “I wondered if you wore blue contacts.”

  I closed my eyes and yanked on my fishing line. Thatdid sound stupid.

  He moved closer and lowered his voice. “You think my eyes are beautiful?”

  “No!” I said quickly. “I said they’re beau-blue!” Geez, I can’t talk.

  “You think my eyes are blue?” he said.

  “No, I said—” I turned to look at him, completely flustered and saw he was laughing. Laughing right in my face. Close enough to—

  I slugged him in the stomach without even thinking. Just left hand, wham! Like he was one of my cousins, always teasing me.

  “Ugh!” he grunted, and laughed some more.

  I started to do it again, but he grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go. I tried not to laugh as I pulled and twisted my hand.

  “You think I have beautiful blue eyes, huh?” He had my left wrist in his right hand, his left arm still casually crossed against his chest, like it didn’t take any effort at all to fend me off.

  What isn’t taking him any effort at all is making my stomach feel like I’m on a roller coaster, sighed Lovesick.

  “Say it,” he prompted.

  “I’m trying to fish here,” I said as I stopped struggling and tried to concentrate on the river — with one hand.

  “Say it and I’ll let you get back to fishing — or whatever it is you’re doing while trying not to catch a fish.”

  “What? I’m trying to catch fish!” I looked at him indignantly and tried to pull away again. What does he know? The big tease.

  “You are not. You’re pretending to try to catch fish. Emily there is actually trying to catch fish.” I looked past him at Emily, but my eyes came back to his.

  I didn’t want to give away that I’d just turned girly-girl about the slimy beasts. I like being in the middle — not girly-girl, not tomboy, just in the middle. And having thefishing guide know that I’d just decided that catching something alive with bulging eyes and a gaping mouth and then killing it and eating it was making me wish there was a grocery store around here — well, that was more than I could take. When I signed up for this trip, I had no idea I wouldn’t like the stupid things.

  “Fine. Say what?” I asked in exasperation.

  He pulled my hand closer and grinned. “Say you think I have beautiful blue eyes.”

  “You have blue eyes, now let me go.” I pulled away and he pulled me back.

  “That’s not what I said.”

  “You are a bully,” I said trying to inject some backbone into my spineless self. But my insides felt like little firecrackers were going off all over.

  “You must like it.” His cute little dimples deepened. “Or you’d say it and get your hand back.”

  I narrowed my eyes and sucked in my breath. “I-do-not-like-it-you-have-beautiful-blue-eyes-so-there-let-me-go,” I said with the speed of an auctioneer.

  He laughed and pressed his lips to my fingertips before letting go of my hand.

  “You are so easy,” he said. Then at my offended look, hurriedly added, “Totease.”

  I gave him a look out of the corner of my eye meant to say, “It’s a good thing you’re so cute and funny or I’d bust you one.” When he laughed, though, I had no idea if that’s what he got from it.

  If we were alone, you’d be in so much trouble now, said Lovesick.

  I think I’m already in trouble.

  CHAPTER 6

  AFTER dinner that night (six big fish — headless — filleted and fried in butter and flour, evenbetter than a restaurant), Emily and I settled back against some logs not far from the fire where Matt had cooked our meal.

  “So,” Emily said, “when you gonna go flirt with him some more?”

  Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!

  Could I slip away unnoticed and hide from my well-meaning friend? I remembered the bear we’d seen on our way here. Maybe wandering the woods at night would be worse than what I was going through right now, but not by much. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t want to get to know Matt better. It was that I did. And that scared me.

  “I wasn’t flirting,” I burst out in a stage whisper. “I was fishing.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with it, you know.” Emily patted my hand. “It’s a normal healthy way to get to know someone, see if there’s any chemistry.”

  “Then you flirt with him.”

  Em grinned and looked across the firepit to where Matt was talking with Patty and Janice. “I’m not the one he’s flirting back with.”

  I turned to her in surprise. Matt was flirting withme? Well, huh, I guess our playful banter could’ve been classified as…wow, okay. But I wasn’t comfortable with the idea yet, so I said, “I was just fishing.”

  Emily snorted. “You were not.”

  “I was too!” Why does everyone keep saying that?

  “Oh? How many fish did you catch?” Emily folded her arms and looked at me.

  I tried to think up a lie that wouldn’t make me laugh. “I caught…one…a great big one…but I had to throw him back…because…it was out of season.”

  Emily started to giggle. “I don’t think you threw him back. You just want me to believe you did.”

  I turned back toward the fire to try and hide my grin. “No, I did throw him back. I don’t much care for fresh fish and I don’t need a trophy to take home.”

  “So don’t worry about a trophy. Ju
st enjoy the sport.”

  I looked at Emily in surprise. “I’m not really the sporting type.”

  She leaned closer. “It’s a vacation. It’s not like the fish will follow you home.”

  I hate to admit it, but Em’s arguments weren’t easy to dismiss. “I don’t know, Em,” I said. Though watching Matt, I was sorely tempted to follow her advice. “I’m not sure the cure isn’t potentially worse than the disease.”

  She shook her head adamantly. “No way. No non-psycho is worse than Dirk. And you know someone who knows his family, so he’s probably not a psycho. The chances that you’ll wind up on the front page are almost nil.”

  Naive girl found dead this summer in the Michigan wilderness. Known to have bad luck with men, she nonetheless made sport of flirting with the fishing guide. Her last known words were, “He’s safe. I know someone who knew his mother.”

  I could see Em warming to her subject — matchmaking or flirting, I wasn’t sure which. I wanted to believe she was right. That flirting could be a safe, fun way to get a little fresh air into my weary soul. But it could also be stupid. After all, I came up here to get away from Heartbreak, not to see if I could go double or nothing.

  “Trust me,” she said. “When have I led you astray?”

  “I don’t know,” I wavered. “I haven’t flirted like that in a really long time. Over four years.” The idea was beginning to sound like fun but, when it comes to men, I have a history of making poor decisions. All of which seemed like good ideas at the time.

  Em twisted herself to face me and grabbed my hands. “You were doing it today. Just up the amperage. Turn on your charms.”

  “What do you mean? Kiss him? I can’t kiss him. I barely know him!” I could feel panic coursing through my veins. Why do I listen to her?

  Emily laughed. “No, you don’t kiss him. You — well, I mean, if you want to kiss him, it’s dark and there’s a fire and moonlight, so it’d be perfect—”

  “Em!” I whispered fiercely. I was getting cold feet already. I wasn’t sure I could do this with finesse. And without finesse, it would just make me feel worse about myself than I already did.

  “Flirting can be the way to recovery. I saw you flirting with him earlier — and enjoying it immensely, I might add.” Em elbowed me lightly in the ribs.