Breathe

by Abbi Glines

  I smiled and stepped outside. Knowing Jax would be outside with me today made the day seem much brighter. I walked over to Mr. Greg kneeling down in the herb garden, mumbling to himself.

  “Morning, Mr. Greg. Why don’t you get off those knees and let me do this.”

  He frowned at me. “I have a bone to pick with you, young lady. Ain’t no girl your age supposed to be gallivanting across town in the middle of the night. You should have called me.”

  My insides grew warm and toasty. I really had made a new family here. “I know, Mr. Greg, and I am sorry. I’m just used to taking care of things on my own, and I didn’t think about the fact I have people who care enough to help me.”

  He stood up slowly, and I fought the urge to give him my arm. I knew his pride wouldn’t take my offer very well.

  “Just so you understand you’ve got people to help you now. Lord knows the Stone boy would have come running if you’d called him. I ain’t never seen such a lovesick puppy in all my life.”

  I blushed. “I wouldn’t call him lovesick.”

  Mr. Greg raised an eyebrow. “Is that so,” he said and shook his head. “Well, now, I guess we got work to talk about, now don’t we. Go ahead and weed this here garden, but be careful for the herbs. Once you’re done, go ahead and pull some rosemary and dill weed for Ms. Mary. She needs some for the kitchen. I’m going to go rake the sand and get it smooth around the bridge.”

  I nodded, kneeled, and started weeding. Herb garden weeding was never easy because so many herbs resembled weeds. It wasn’t something I could do mindlessly, so I focused on my job.

  The sound of a guitar broke my concentration, and I glanced up to see Jax sitting in the gazebo strumming away and watching me. I grinned and waved, and then turned back to my weeds. It proved hard to think about what I needed to be doing when his voice floated across the yard. I stopped several times to listen to his words, but I didn’t dare look at him. His music soon became sporadic, and I turned to see him writing on a piece of paper and working diligently over his guitar. His frown and concentration made it hard not to stare. I knew if he caught me, it might mess up his process. Other times, I caught him watching me, and he would wink, and I, in turn, would blush. However, the heat made my cheeks pink, and thankfully it helped hide it. After I finished weeding the herbs and taking Ms. Mary the rosemary and dill weed, I was given the job of picking up any debris that may have blown in overnight. I’d just finished carrying a handful of twigs over to Mr. Greg’s wheel barrel when Jason came out. He went over to Jax, and I went back to picking up debris. Jax got up and followed Jason inside. I tried not to let my mind wonder about where the brothers were going, and I focused on my job.

  Marcus came out to get me for lunch, and I went inside to eat with him, Ms. Mary, and Fran. Everyone seemed quiet, so I didn’t talk much either. Fran mentioned she needed to write up a list of cleaning supplies to be picked up from the store, and Marcus made us all laugh with stories about the new guy at the front gate. Ms. Mary seemed nervous about something, and Fran wouldn’t meet my eyes. Only Marcus seemed his normal self. After we ate, I started cleaning and preparing the fresh fruit Ms. Mary had bought from the farmers’ market.

  I tried to stay focused on my job, and at dinnertime, when Jax still hadn’t returned to the gazebo, I agreed to a chess match with Mr. Greg. I’d put him off several times the past week because Jax had always been waiting on me. Although I seemed to be getting better, and had even won a few matches recently, today Mr. Greg won because my mind stayed on Jax. I let the older man gloat, and I smiled at his teasing, and then went inside to the kitchen.

  Marcus stood over by the table with a tray of food. He smiled at me. “Hey you. Who won the chess game? I saw you two hard at it when I came in.”

  I smiled and shrugged. “He did. I was off my game tonight.”

  Marcus frowned and sighed. “Yeah, I can understand. You two have been inseparable lately. I can see why her arrival would bother you.”

  His words startled me. “What do you mean? Her who?”

  Marcus darted his eyes at Ms. Mary who made a “tsking” sound, but kept her back to the both of us.

  “Uh, sorry, I thought you knew. I, um….” He paused and shuffled his feet like he would rather leave the room.

  Ms. Mary let out a sigh. “Go ahead and get it out, boy. You done let the cat out of the bag. Don’t leave her to wonder.”

  Marcus nodded and said to me, “I don’t know how much of the celebrity stuff you read, but Star Holloway, the Pop Princess, and Jax have been an item for awhile now. Even before he came here this summer. She flew in on his private jet this afternoon and is staying the night before she heads back out to finish her tour.”

  My knees went weak.

  “Now, don’t go making it sound worse than it is, boy,” Ms. Mary scolded. “I believe she is just a friend of Master Jax. The way he has been following you around like a puppy dog, I can’t fathom he has another girl on the side.”

  I couldn’t form words. I stared at Marcus, who shrugged. I didn't know what to say or what to think. I needed time alone, so I headed to the laundry to change. The idea that Jax had a pop star girlfriend didn’t make sense to me. He’d never spoke of her before. I didn’t think Marcus would lie to me. Star Holloway was in this house, and she also happened to be the reason Jax never came back. It hurt that he never took the time to explain. But then again, what could he tell his guest, “Excuse me, but I need to go tell the kitchen help you’re here and I won’t be coming back to see her today?” I mean, really this situation would be hard to grasp for someone in his world. I took a deep breath and reminded myself I knew all along a relationship with him was impossible. He was a rock star, and I worked in his kitchen and his garden. I walked right into a situation with no happy ending, and I knew it, but took that road anyway, just because a pair of steel blue eyes made my heart race, and a boyish grin made me melt. Stupid might be too kind of a word for me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stepped out of the laundry.

  I walked past Ms. Mary, who stood wringing her hands waiting for me. “I knew you was gonna get hurt,” she said with worry in her voice.

  I bit my bottom lip, still not trusting myself to speak.

  “You wait, now, on Marcus. He’ll take you home.”

  The thought of having to talk to Marcus, and waiting at the house any longer while Jax sat in the dining room with a Pop Princess, who for obvious reasons made a much better match for him than I did, panicked me. I needed to escape. I swallowed again and said to Ms. Mary, “I’m fine, but I want to go home now. I’ll see you in the morning. A bike ride is just what I need.”

  I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. Ms. Mary frowned and reminded me to be careful. I headed home as quickly as I could. The further away I got, the harder it seemed to return. The thought of going back hurt so badly I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’m only so strong; I have a breaking point. I’d asked for this when I agreed to this thing with Jax. I’d allowed myself to be dazzled by his good looks and charming personality. His intense eyes and boyish grin somehow made me stupid and careless. I needed protection from myself. The horrifying thought that I might be like my mother hit me, and tears burned my eyes.

  I stopped at the public beach. A walk would help calm me down before I went home to face Jessica. Amanda started coming down from the lifeguard stand. When she saw me, she shot her carefree, bubbly grin at me.

  “Sadie! I called you just this morning, but I didn't get an answer. I left a message though. So, are you coming?”

  I’d forgotten about the party. “Um, sure, I’ll come.”

  She appeared genuinely happy. I couldn’t figure out why this nice, cheerful girl seemed so anxious to be my friend.

  “About the lifeguarding job. How much does it pay?”

  She beamed at me again, apparently thrilled at the idea of my being a lifeguard. “Twelve dollars an hour, and you get the benefits of being on the beach all day!”

  That was g
ood money. Not as much as I made now, but close enough. “All right, if I were interested, what would I need to do?”

  She grabbed my hand and led me over to the building located off the boardwalk, with bathrooms, a beach bar and some offices. “You need to go in there and see Jerry in the morning. He can give you all your info. There is endurance training and a few days of classes. Depending on how well you do is how long it takes. But Cherry just quit last week, and we are short a lifeguard, so now is a good time to go see him.”

  I nodded and tucked the information away. “Thanks, I will see you tomorrow night then.”

  Amanda smiled brightly. “Cool, see ya.”

  I turned and walked down the beach. I’d worn shorts and a blue tank top, but the evening breeze still held the day’s warmth, so it didn’t matter. I walked to the edge of the public beach and sat down on one of the deserted wooden chair rentals. Without the cushions that came with them, they were a little painful, but not so much I’d sit on the beach and get all sandy.

  I lay back and closed my eyes, letting the sound of the ocean waves soothe me. I’d let this happen. I knew when I agreed to spend time with Jax I would end up caring way too much. He’d never said we were exclusive. He never said he loved me. Yes, he said many other things, like me being his air and needing me, but now all of those words seemed almost unreal. Frustrated with myself for doing exactly what every other girl in America would do, I wasn’t any different from the rest of them. His eyes and smile melted me and sent warm shivers down my spine. I needed to get a grip and get over it. Jax liked spending time with me because I happened to be a no strings attached deal. He liked being around me because I didn’t think everything he did was wonderful. He had enough admirers. He didn’t ask or require my love. I went and fell in love with him of my own free will. I rubbed my eyes with my fist and fought the stupid tears spilling out. Crying would not help this or make it get better. Yet, here I sat alone on the beach crying like a lovesick loser.

  “Ugh!” I sat up and wiped my face with my shirt and decided I wouldn’t cry another tear over Jax Stone.

  My chest ached at the thought of leaving Ms. Mary and Mr. Greg and Marcus...heck I would even miss Ms. Fran, but could I stay there and see him and be at his house, loving him the way I did? I let out a sigh, not sure what to do. At times like this, I really needed a mother with common sense and wise words.

  “Sadie.”

  I turned. Marcus was walking toward me. I wiped the rest of my tears away and stood. He still wore his white dress shirt from work, but it was untucked and the collar loosened.

  When he got close enough to me to hear my voice over the wind and waves, I asked, “Marcus, what are you doing here?”

  Marcus grinned sheepishly and pointed back at the lifeguard station with his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve got an inside source.”

  Confused, I frowned and looked to where I’d talked to Amanda.

  He saw the frown on my face and gave a dramatic sigh. “Do you know Amanda’s last name?”

  I shook my head slowly, trying to remember if she’d told me her last name.

  “Amanda Hardy, aka my little sister.”

  My mouth formed an “O,” and I turned back to him, studying his attractive features. Suddenly, I realized he and his sister shared the same eyes and smile. “Does she know I work with you?” She’d never said anything to me before, and her friendliness made a lot more sense being the sister of my friend.

  He nodded as if found guilty of a crime. “Yes, I mentioned you on your first night of work when I got home, and she remembered you from school.”

  I nodded, still shocked at the connection. I really never thought about the fact Marcus had family around here, and I might know the people in it.

  And then it hit me: she knew about Jax. “Does she know...?”

  Marcus shook his head. “No. No, I can’t tell her about Jax. She would freak out and start stalking my work place.”

  I smiled sadly, but a wave of relief washed over me. “I don’t see her as the stalking type.”

  Marcus laughed and raised his blond eyebrows. “Jax Stone happens to be all over her bedroom walls.”

  I smiled and sat back down. “Why did you come to find me?”

  Marcus sat down in the chair beside me. “You’re my friend, and I didn’t like knowing you were hurt. I wish you would have waited on me to take you home, but I understand why you wanted to leave.”

  I didn’t reply because I wasn’t really sure what to say. We stared out at the water for some time.

  Finally, Marcus said to me, “You knew he would only be here for a little while. He is going to leave, and you’re going to be here. Your worlds are too different.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “You’re not like other girls, Sadie, and that is attractive to a guy. We get tired of the same stuff, and when someone as beautiful as you comes along, with all your sweet, naive, accepting ways, someone like you is what we are all searching for.”

  I started to argue, but he stopped me with his hands.

  “I am not saying any of this right, so let me finish and see if I can explain this better. When I first saw you, I was immediately attracted to your outward appearance.

  However, after talking to you, getting to know you, and watching you at work, I realized I would have been attracted to you if you were plain and mousy. My guess is Jax hasn’t been around anyone with your traits in a long time, and mix it all in with the fact you’re a gorgeous blonde and ‘bam’ he got hooked. I can’t blame him for wanting you.” Marcus’s hand fisted in his lap. He seemed angry now. “But I can fault him for acting on his interest in you. He unleashed all his charm on you, knowing it could only be for a short time. And for that, I'm going to make sure he pays.”

  A sudden knot of fear formed in my stomach, and I immediately shook my head. “Marcus, no! I chose this. You’re right, I knew it wasn’t as serious to him, or even long term. I let myself care too much, and it’s my stupidity. Nothing he did was wrong.”

  Marcus shook his head. “He is older and more knowledgeable about the ways of the world than you. I blame him.”

  I laughed, not sure how, but I did. “I need a friend, Marcus, not a white knight.”

  Marcus grinned. “I am your friend, Sadie, and that will never change. However, I wouldn’t mind being your white knight either.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t really choose him, Marcus. My heart did. I didn’t want to love him. I knew it would end up breaking my heart, but I couldn’t stop it. Every time I got around him, I fell harder. He isn’t the guy everyone sees on television. He isn’t some rich, shallow rocker. He has a kind heart, and there is this little boy inside of him who still needs approval from those he cares about. He accepts others for who they are, and he never judges anyone.”

  Marcus’s expression seemed so sad. “You got inside the star and found the heart. It will only make this harder on you.” He reached over and took my hand. “I’m here with a shoulder to cry on, whenever you need it.”

  I wanted to cry now, but I knew I couldn’t do so in front of Marcus. I didn’t want him mad at Jax because I’d turned into a silly lovesick fool. Instead, I stood up. “I need to head home.”

  I slipped my hands into the pockets of my shorts. The evening wind had begun to cool.

  “Can I take you home?”

  I thought about it, and then shook my head. “I’m too close to home, and the ride will be good for me.”

  “Okay, if that is what you want.”

  “It is,” I said.

  “Will you be at work tomorrow, or are you going to be up here for the life-guarding job?”

  “I’ll be at work.” I hadn’t realized I’d made my decision until I said it aloud.

  * * *

  Chapter Eleven

  I lost count of the times I’d attempted to talk myself out of returning to the Stone mansion. I kept reminding myself we needed the money, and I would not act like Jessica. I did not run away from life. I faced my
problems and dealt with them. I could be stronger than a broken heart. Foolishly, I gave my heart away to someone who didn’t need it, or expect it. It was my fault, and my fault alone. However, I would not continue to do so. Lesson learned. I learned a long time ago not to make the same mistake twice. I opened the kitchen door, and Ms. Mary turned to look at me. Relief washed over her face. She must have worried I wouldn’t come back. Her expression, and the fact I would have been missed, made my returning worth it.

  “Morning, Ms. Mary.” I glanced over at the table expecting it to be empty, and I froze in place at the sight of Jax, sitting in his usual spot. A concerned frown wrinkled his forehead.

  I nodded a silent “hello” and forced myself to face Ms. Mary. “If it is all the same to you, I would like to get an early start on the garden this morning. Can I come back later to help you with the food prep?”

  Ms. Mary cleared her throat. She seemed a little unsure and finally managed to nod. “Mr. Greg will be happy to see you so early.”

  I went straight to the laundry and changed. I couldn’t deal with him this morning. I needed time. Besides, I needed to work and didn’t have time to talk. My uniform would be cleaned and pressed, hanging in the closet with all the others. I sifted through until I found mine. Yesterday, when I’d been doing this exact same thing, my heart had been racing wildly, knowing Jax would be waiting on me. So much could happen in a day. My heart broke a little more, and I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I could not keep going like this. I needed to find some form of control over my emotions. Why was it when I finally fell in love, I had to choose a teen idol. Couldn’t I be like normal girls and fall in love with a guy from school? Or a guy from work? Take Marcus, for example. Why did my heart have to do the tango for Jax, but not even skip a beat for Marcus? I growled in frustration at my own stupidity. I would find a way to get over this. I buttoned up my shirt and took one more deep calming breath, just in case Jax still sat in the kitchen.

  When I opened the door to the laundry room and stepped out, Jax blocked my way. I should have expected him to follow me. Jax Stone didn’t get blown off by a girl. This couldn’t be something he knew how to handle. I sighed, knowing I couldn’t get through without him letting me by, so I backed up to put some distance between us.