Learning to Love

by Erin Trejo

  The door opens, but I assume it’s just Aubrie again. I don’t care. I don’t even look up.

  The shower curtain pulls back and that’s when I see him. He’s so lost, I can see it in his eyes.

  He looks into mine before looking at my stomach, at the spot where I scrub as hard as I can. He shakes his head and reaches for the knobs in the shower.

  “DON’T! I have to get him off me, Jace!” I cry. His hand stops before he even gets there. The pain in his eyes is killing me.

  I look away from him, still desperately trying to get the feeling of Tin’s lips off my body.

  Before I know what’s happening, Jace is naked, pulling me into his lap under the stream of water.

  He pulls my head into his chest, slowly stroking my hair down my back as he rocks me in his arms.

  “I didn’t… want it, Jace. I didn’t want him... to touch me.” The sobs choke me, making my words come out as little hiccups.

  “I know, Mouse. I know you didn’t. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I didn’t know he would do that to you,” he says. His voice is full of pain and rage. I can hear the mixed emotions.

  “He was there, Jace. He was one of them.” Jace’s hand stops moving. He pulls back to look me in the eyes.

  “What did you say?”

  “He was one of them in the cells. He told me. He did this...” Pointing to the scar on my stomach, Jace swallows hard. He pulls my head back to his chest.

  “He won’t touch you again. I made sure of that.”

  “He was on the phone. I don’t know who he was talking to,” I tell him. Jace’s heartbeat picks up its pace, but his hands are still gentle as he holds me.

  “I’m gonna have Aubrie give you somethin’ to help with the nerves, ok?” he says sweetly. Shaking my head, I don’t want that shit.

  “No! Jace, please. Don’t leave me.”

  “I’m never leavin’ you, Mouse. I love you.”

  Chapter 74

  Bullet

  How did this happen? How the fuck didn’t we know who the hell Tin was? It pisses me off that he was able to get that close to us. We should have known.

  I run my finger up and down her cheek as she sleeps. She was exhausted. She cried until she couldn’t breathe. I know she didn’t want the drugs but when I saw the distress she was in, I had Aubrie give it to her anyway.

  “You’ll never know how sorry I am, Mouse.” Whispering the words, I nuzzle into her hair.

  I feel like I’ve let her down. I feel like I’ve caused her the worst trauma of her life. Even in that hell, I knew where she was. The panic I felt when I came into this room and she wasn’t here is like nothing I’ve ever felt. I never knew someone could make me feel like that.

  I hear the door creak open. I glance over my shoulder to see Micah.

  I give him a nod to let him know he can come in.

  “She doin’ okay?” Nodding my head, I lie back on the pillow behind her.

  “I fucked up, Micah. How the fuck didn’t I, of all fuckin’ people, realize who he was?” I ask. It pisses me off that I didn’t see it.

  “None of us did, brother. Don’t be so hard on yourself. He was slick, but that’s taken care of. Now we need to get a handle on everything else.” He may be right, but that doesn’t stop me from blaming myself for what just happened to her.

  “She’ll be okay, Bullet,” he tries to reassure me. As much as I hate to do this, I pull the sheet back, revealing her naked body to Micah.

  “Do you see this shit! Do you see what she did to herself?” His eyes travel her stomach before his head drops forward. I pull the sheet back over her body before sighing against her. Aubrie wasn’t lying when she said she was scrubbing herself raw. My poor Mouse tore up her own skin trying to get the feeling of that son of a bitch off her and I wasn’t there to protect her.

  “You made it right, Bullet.” I slowly pull my arm out from under her head before shoving off the bed.

  “Did I? I left her here, Micah! I left her to this shit! I didn’t protect her!” I raise my voice, not really caring who hears me right now.

  “How the fuck would you have known, Bullet? Huh?” Micah roars. I run my hand through my hair, trying to control the anger that fills me inside.

  “I should have known! That’s the problem! I should have fuckin’ known somethin’ was wrong! I should have seen it, Micah.” I close my eyes, not wanting to see the look in his. He may be my best friend, but he’s also fighting a losing battle with me right now.

  “You wouldn’t have known.” God, her voice. It’s like the whisper of the wind against my skin. I crave it. I want it. Fuck, I need it.

  Chapter 75

  Mouse

  “I’m gonna go and help, Kane.” Micah excuses himself before Jace turns to face me.

  “I should have. He was a fuckin’ rat among family. I should have smelled his shit a mile away. I won’t forgive myself for what he did to you, Mouse.” I know he won’t, and there is nothing I can say to make him change his mind either.

  “Did you hear what I said to you?” I ask. The room spins, which I can only assume to be from the medicine Aubrie gave me to sleep. When Jace sees me swaying as I try to sit up, he rushes to my side.

  “Stop tryin’ to get up.” He gently lays me back down when I grab his hand.

  “I meant it, Jace. I know I’ve had a hard time with trusting and I know you deserve more than I can give you, but I do love you.” His eyes find mine and there isn’t a doubt inside of me that he knows that already.

  “I love you too, Trinity. You have no idea how much,” he says. The way he says my name, my heart melts for him. He’s never called me by my real name. This is important to him, I can see it, feel it.

  “I have to finish this. All of it. I can’t leave one fuckin’ stone unturned when it comes to your safety. Do you even know what it felt like to walk in this room and not find you? To walk around this clubhouse, and no one knew where you were? The fuckin’ panic that I felt was overwhelmin’. I can’t feel that ever again.” Our eyes meet for the briefest moments before his lips crush mine. I need him like the air in my lungs and judging by the way he’s kissing me, he feels the same.

  I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in as close as I can get him.

  No amount of air could come between us now.

  Jace pulls his lips away before holding me tighter.

  “This is a lot to ask of you, considerin’ what just happened, but I need to know that you’re protected.” I swallow hard, not knowing what it is he’s about to say but sensing the seriousness of it all...

  “I can’t take you with me, Mouse.” Now, I’m Mouse again.

  “You can’t leave me.” The panic begins to set in once more.

  “I don’t have a choice. I trust Link with my life. I trust him with yours, too. He isn’t like Tin. He’s one of us.” I can feel the tension in him. He knows I’m going to refuse. I don’t trust anyone but Jace right now.

  “No, Jace. I can’t do that again.” Jace sighs, holding me even tighter.

  “I know, baby. I know… Link won’t hurt you, though.” Shoving out of his grasp, he watches me intently.

  “You lied to me once, Jace! You said no one here would hurt me!”

  It was a low blow, but it’s all I can feel right now. I was lied to. I was used again, in the one place I thought I was safe.

  Chapter 76

  Bullet

  I had to get out of there. I know it was my fault. All of this shit is my fault. There was nothing else she could have said that I hadn’t already said to myself. I fucked up, but Link is my brother. I know him.

  “I’ll take care of her, Bullet. Stop lookin’ like that. You know I have a way with the ladies. She’ll come around,” Link says. I can’t help but smile up at the crazy fuck. He does have a way with them, though. They all seem to fall at his feet, although I’ve never seen him actually keep one around.

  “She’s scared shitless, Link. I don’t know how much your brain is gonna he
lp that,” I tell him. The man is smarter than we all give him credit for. I’ve never met anyone with a damn near genius IQ.

  “Oh, hell, look at me. I’m a ladies man, brother.” I don’t smile, but he knows why.

  “I mean it, Bullet. I got it under control. I’m settin’ up new systems to get those hallway monitors back on track. No one will get near her without me knowin’. Besides, you know I’d take a bullet for that girl. She’s your woman,” he says. I shake my head at the way the man talks. For a genius, he is a complete dipshit.

  “I know.”

  “Link’s right. We’re lockin’ the club down while we handle this shit. No one comes in or out. I need your head straight out there, Bullet.” Bomber stands in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest. He’s ready to get this shit done and over with and I’m right there with him. The faster we handle that shit, the faster I get back into bed with Mouse.

  “My goddamn head has been straight, Prez. I want this shit.” He nods once before he glances at everyone else.

  “He wants his dad. We go in, we play back-up. Bullet wants the lead on this shit and givin’ the situation, I think he damn well deserves it,” Bomber announces. The guys all roar behind me.

  I close my eyes. This right here is what family is all about. The ones that have your back when you need it. That’s what I have in this club.

  “Let’s get this shit done!” Bomber yells. Everyone begins to strap up, me included. I check and double check that I have my extra gun in my right boot, my knife in the left. I also have one I carry on the inside of my cut. I’m not taking any chances with this shit.

  The sounds around me make me proud. I know my boys have my back in this.

  “Jace.” I turn slowly and look into the eyes of the one thing that has made sense to me. The one thing that has kept me going for so long.

  “Come back to me?” God, I hate seeing her so sad. I wrap my hand around the back of her neck, pulling her into me.

  “Always, Mouse. I’ll always come back to you.”

  Chapter 77

  Mouse

  I hated watching him leave. I stood here for God only knows how long, now.

  “What do you know about security settings?” Glancing to my left, Link wiggles his eyebrows at me.

  “Is that supposed to mean something to me?” His mouth falls open before he crosses his arms over his chest.

  “Guess not. Care to learn?” I shrug when his arms fall to his sides.

  “Look, I get that you’re scared and all that. I can’t say that I blame you. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a virgin. You don’t have to worry about me.” He said that like it was nothing.

  I know the look on my face must match what I’m feeling which is a complete shock! He’s hot as hell and he’s a part of this club!

  “Are you gonna say somethin’ or...?” He looks at me like I’m the crazy one.

  “I... um… wow… ok... I didn’t expect that. Why?” Link smiles and I already feel safe with him.

  “Come sit with me.” Nodding toward the chairs by his desk, I follow him over and sit.

  “My life consisted of my mom cheatin’ on my dad. He was a good dad, too. He didn’t deserve that shit. I saw how he looked at her and I always wanted that. I wanted to look at a woman the way he looked at my mom. I’ve never found one like that yet. Not that I don’t see some hot pussy around here, but nothin’ that I could see a future with, ya know?” Oh, my God! This man has to be the sweetest thing I’ve ever met in my life.

  “You’re serious? Link, that’s beautiful,” I say. His brows furrow as he looks at me funny.

  “You’re not gonna give me shit about it?” Shaking my head, I smile at him.

  “Why would I? I think that is very special. I like that you have more respect for yourself. It’s admirable.” His cheeks flush slightly before he nods.

  “I just didn’t want to fuck up with someone I didn’t care about. I want it perfect when I find her.” How is there even a man like this in this club?

  “I’ve seen what comes through here and I can’t say that I blame you there. You are going to be a great husband one day, Link. Do the guys know?” His eyes widen slightly.

  “Just Dax. I don’t think he told or they’d all be givin’ me hell and buyin’ me hookers.” I can’t help but laugh. He looks so serious.

  “I’m really sorry about Tin. Bullet took care of that. He loves you, Trinity. We can all see it. I know you get worried and confused, but just let that man love you.” Link turns to his computer, leaving me to think about that.

  He’s right, I already know he is.

  Chapter 78

  Bullet

  I called my mom and sister before we ever left the clubhouse. As much as I wanted to talk to them in person, there are more pressing matters that need to be handled.

  Neither of them sounded all that surprised by what I said to them. My mom killed me a little inside, though. I told her what I planned to do and she didn’t even try to stop me.

  She actually sighed in relief. I know my dad was never that much of a family man, but I always thought he loved her. After the talk we had, I know he was doing nothing but cheating on her.

  “We didn’t plan this out that well.” I sigh as I look around the area. This is going to be harder than I thought it would be. We’re going up against her dad, of all people, without a plan.

  “Don’t matter. We’re here and we’re takin’ his ass out.” Bomber’s right. He’s out.

  “Basket’s ready. Just got off the phone with him. Raiders are set up around your mom’s. Your sister is already there.” I nod at Micah.

  I blow out a breath before looking at Stryker.

  “You good?” I ask. The grin on his face makes me laugh.

  “When am I not good?” he says. Shaking my head, that’s true. He’s always ready for this kind of shit.

  “We don’t know if your dad is in there. We haven’t had eyes on him.” Nodding my head, I look over at Kane and Dax.

  “They’re mine. I want them both.” They both nod before I swallow hard.

  “Let’s do this,” I say. We make our way toward the back of Huffman’s, taking out guards as we go. Thank fuck to the silencers on the guns.

  We move stealthy and quickly to the door. It doesn’t take much time at all to get in. It almost surprises me, but the air doesn’t feel off.

  I toss a glance at Micah but he just gives me a nod.

  I know he’s just like me. That’s how we meshed so well. We have the same training, but we also have the same instincts.

  I make hand signals to the guys, letting them know there are three guys to the right from what I can see.

  I peer around the corner to the left, but I don’t see anything there.

  I raise my hand, one, two, three. On three, we move. We move with such precision that it almost startles me. We flow like a team. We are a team.

  The three men fall to the floor. We advance into the house silently. I check all corners before we move forward.

  Hitting the next hallway, my stomach clenches. Something’s off.

  Chapter 79

  Mouse

  “Are you okay?” Walking into the kitchen, Aubrie seems so nervous. I’ve never seen her like this before.

  “Yeah. I just always get nervous when Micah’s out.” She moves around the kitchen with pans on the stove, in the oven, and some on the counter.

  “Do you always cook so much?” I ask. She stops and turns to face me.

  “Sorry…. Yeah, I do when I can’t stop thinking. I like to have food ready for them when they get home.”

  “Can I help?” I ask. Her smile brightens as she nods.

  “Of course!” She motions for me to come over to the counter.

  “How did you and Micah meet?” I figure if we are going to be in here together, I might as well make small talk and get to know her.

  “We met a long time ago. My brother was a part of this club. I met Micah, and fell in love. He w
as the best person I knew.” She smiles and it hits me in the heart. It also hits me that I don’t know who her brother is.

  “Which one is your brother?” I ask. Her smile fades slightly before she sighs.

  “He died not long ago. That’s how Micah and I got back together.” Haven't they always been together? They seem so in love and happy.

  “I found out I was pregnant when I was young. He wasn’t ready for all that. I left. I got in an accident when I was on my way to Florida. I was in a coma and lost the baby. It took me years to find myself, but I did it. I made a life for myself but then Micah showed back up… and that was that.” Her smile tells a story her lips don’t.

  “That is so beautiful. You two were meant to be together.” She sets her knife down and turns to me.

  “These guys are home for me. It’s strange, I know, but they are. If I didn’t have them, I’d be lost. Micah means everything to me but so does Bullet. He’s been Micah’s best friend for a long time. They were in sniper school together and then off to war. They never left each other’s side. I see how he looks at you, Trinity. Let that man love you. He won’t disappoint you.” I reach for her, pulling her into a hug.

  “You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you, Aubrie. For everything.” I pull back and we both wipe our eyes.

  “Do they always eat so much?” Looking at everything in front of us, she laughs.

  “They do! They work up an appetite.” I reach for the knife, grabbing a potato from the pile and start cutting.

  I could get used to this, although I’ve never had to cook a day in my life. It will be fun to learn.

  Chapter 80

  Bullet

  Bullets ricochet off everything in sight. We duck and hide, behind what we can. I know I’ve been hit, I feel the burn in my thigh. It doesn’t stop me, though. In fact, it spurs me on.

  We drop the rest of these assholes before we get to the large set of double doors. I know they are in there, or at least Huffman is.