Beauty in the Ashes

by Micalea Smeltzer

  Best,

  Sutton

  I folded the letter back up and put it away in the box with the others. Memphis kept telling me to contact Kyle and send them, but I wanted Caelan to live his life first. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to do anything for our daughter. He’d already thrown so much of his life away and I didn’t want her to become another burden to him. I knew in my gut I’d see him again one day, and when that day came, we’d have a lot to discuss and I hoped he wouldn’t be angry with me. It hadn’t been an easy decision not to tell him and I did it from a place a love.

  I closed the flaps on the cardboard box and taped it shut.

  Memphis had managed to convince me to move in with him. He could be highly persuasive when he wanted something. The baby wasn’t due for another month, but we’d already cleared out his guest room and were getting it ready. He’d painted the walls a soft pink—a color I’d been against, but he’d insisted the room be pink. The crib was put together, but in need of sheets. I’d gone a bit crazy buying clothes and she had enough to last her until middle school—well, you know, if she stayed baby-sized. The only thing I didn’t have figured out was a name. Memphis hadn’t asked me about it. I think he believed that was one thing he shouldn’t be a part of. I had a couple of ideas, but nothing felt right. I’d resolved to pick a name once she was here and I had a chance to see her and hold her.

  I was startled from my thoughts when I heard a knock on the door.

  I grumbled under my breath as I came to my feet. Memphis had gone to get more boxes and no doubt, his hands were so full that he couldn’t get to his keys. Why couldn’t men figure out how to put the stuff down, open the door, and pick it back up? It wasn’t rocket science.

  I waddled my way to the door and swung it open, while speaking, “Why can’t you just put the stuff down and open the damn door?”

  “It’s nice to see you too, Sutton.”

  That voice did not belong to Memphis. Ice slithered down my spine and my hands shook. My throat closed up as I tried to close the door. He thrust his foot through the gap, effectively jamming it. “Tsk, tsk,” he snapped his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “that’s not very nice. Aren’t you going to invite me inside? It’s been far too long.” Peering past me, he smiled evilly. “And look at that, your keeper seems to have disappeared, and oh,” his eyes dropped to my stomach, “he left you a present.”

  “Go away, Marcus!” I screamed through gritted teeth. “Leave me alone!” I looked around blindly for anything to throw at him. Unfortunately, almost everything was packed away.

  He smiled and there was nothing nice about it. “Did you really think a measly restraining order would keep me away?” Shaking his head, he chuckled, “I got quite the laugh out of that when it arrived in the mail.” He pulled an envelope out of his back pocket and dropped it on the floor in front of my feet. “I would’ve come sooner, but I’ve been busy.” He looked around at all the boxes, and added, “Looks like I came just in time. It doesn’t matter though. You can’t hide from me, Sutton.” My back ran into a wall and he stopped in front of me. I swallowed thickly as my eyes darted from side to side, looking for a means of escape. There were none. He had me trapped against the wall. I was completely vulnerable and I had to think about my baby. I couldn’t do anything stupid. His hand closed around my throat, squeezing. “I will always find you.” His lips brushed against my cheek and he dipped his head towards my ear, taking the lobe between his teeth. “I own you.”

  Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. I’d never been more afraid of him than I was right now, but I was more concerned for the well being of my daughter than I was for myself.

  Black dots floated across my vision from lack of oxygen. He smiled as the light faded from my eyes. I fought against unconsciousness.

  Fight back, Sutton! Fight! You’re stronger than this!

  Somehow I found the strength within myself to head-butt him. He grunted and released his hold on me. I fell to the ground, gasping for air. I didn’t have the strength to stand so I started crawling.

  “Help!” I tried to scream, hoping Cyrus, Frankie, or Daphne would hear me, except my voice was nothing but a weak croak. I pushed at boxes, sending them tumbling to the ground in a crash. It was the best I could do and I had to hope someone would come to investigate the cause of the disruption.

  “You bitch!” Marcus yelled and I felt his hand close around my ankle. He pulled and I slid across the floor towards him. He flipped me onto my back and straddled me. His hands held my wrists in a vice-like grip as he pinned me down.

  I struggled against him. I wasn’t going to make this easy for him. I tried to find the oxygen in my lungs to scream, but couldn’t. I lifted my head and opened my mouth, trying bite his arm. When my teeth hit flesh I bit as hard as I could.

  He howled in pain. Releasing one of my wrists he slapped me across the face. He hit me so hard I tasted blood in my mouth and heard a ringing in my ears.

  “You never knew how to listen to anybody.” He shook me, his fingers digging painfully into my arm. “I had to teach you a lesson. And it looks like,” he skimmed a finger lightly down my jaw, “you still haven’t learned.”

  “Why are you here?” I gasped around my raw throat. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” I sobbed. Didn’t I deserve a happy life? Why did Marcus have to continually ruin everything for me?

  He lowered his head to my neck and inhaled my scent. “Because no one has ever felt as good as you.”

  The guy had serious psychiatric problems. If I made it out of this alive, because something told me I might not, I would make sure he was put away—be it in jail or an institution, this fucker was going down.

  “Get off of me,” I rasped, struggling to get loose, but he was so much stronger than me. I felt the baby move restlessly inside me. She sensed my distress and was responding.

  Oh, God, please don’t let anything happen to my baby.

  “You’re a sick son of a bitch,” I spat on him when he reached for my panties—easy for him to grab since I wore a dress today.

  “Face it, Sutton,” he growled my name, “you like it.”

  “Help!” I tried to scream again. My voice was a little louder this time, but still not enough that anyone heard me. “Help!”

  He released my hands as he undid his belt buckle and started on the button and zipper of his jeans. I used his distraction to my advantage and reached around blindly for anything that might be lying on the floor. I wasn’t going down without a fight. I wasn’t the meek, scared Sutton that Marcus remembered from those endless nights where he snuck into my room. With my love for Caelan and Memphis I’d found the strength to overcome the tragedies of my past. I wasn’t crippled by fear.

  Finally my fingers latched on to something. Whatever it was, was heavy enough to be used as a weapon. I swung the object at his head and it connected with a resounding thump. He fell to the side and a smidgen of blood leaked out of a cut on his forehead. He wasn’t dead, but he was knocked out.

  I struggled to get to my feet and run to the door, before I made it though, it swung open. “What the hell?” Memphis dropped the empty boxes he’d been holding. He got a look at the mess and the man slumped on the ground. He took me into his arms. “Holy shit! Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay. Who is that? We need to call 911. I can’t believe this.” The words tumbled out of his mouth, one right after the other.

  He was in shock and so was I. I couldn’t speak and I could barely think straight. My body hurt all over and I breathed like I’d run a marathon. Pain radiated in my abdomen and I clutched my stomach.

  Memphis called 911 and spoke with the operator, reporting a break-in.

  Finding my voice, I said around tears, “Tell them to send an ambulance.”

  “An ambulance? Why? I mean, the guy’s knocked out but he isn’t hurt that bad.”

  Flinching in pain, I gasped, “I think the baby’s coming.”

  He dropped the phone and then scurried to
pick it up. He rattled off information to the operator and then stayed on the phone with them as we waited. He helped me to the couch and I sat down. The pain I felt was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

  Marcus began to stir and I whimpered.

  “Do you know who that is?” Memphis questioned. It was then that I realized he thought he’d walked in to a burglary.

  I nodded, since I couldn’t find the words to form a response.

  Memphis’ mouth fell open and realization lit his eyes. “Oh.”

  It wasn’t long until the police and paramedics showed up.

  “It hurts so bad,” I told Memphis, tears wetting my cheeks, “and it’s too soon. What if something happens to her?”

  “It’s going to be okay,” he took my cheek in his hand. “We’re going to get through this. Don’t worry.”

  I was scared out of my mind that something was wrong with my daughter. If something happened to her…I feared what I might do to Marcus.

  As the paramedics helped me onto a gurney the police told me they’d need a statement once I was up for it. They handcuffed Marcus and hauled him away. He was still half-unconscious. Apparently I’d hit him harder than I thought. Was it bad that I didn’t care if he bled internally and died? I wanted the fucker to suffer like I had. Yeah, that was definitely wrong of me, especially considering I was going to be a mom, but I didn’t care.

  Memphis held my hand all the way to the hospital and spoke soothing words to calm me. It did no good. I wouldn’t feel better until I knew if my daughter was okay.

  A doctor looked at me immediately and discerned that the baby was in distress and needed to get out now. I’d thought if I was in labor they might be able to stop it, but that wasn’t the case.

  “No!” I screamed. “It’s too soon! She’s not ready!” I started to sob and scream hysterically. Memphis grabbed my arms to restrain me as I lashed around.

  “The baby will be fine,” the doctor assured me in a calm tone. “It is early, but not too early. Breathe.”

  I didn’t believe him. He wasn’t my regular doctor. What did he know? Nothing, that’s what.

  From there things moved even faster as they prepared me for a cesarean section. This wasn’t how I planned to give birth to my little girl, but life rarely went according to plan. Especially mine.

  I was wheeled back to the operating area and eventually Memphis joined me. He grasped my hand tightly and with his other he massaged my forehead. “It’s going to be okay. She’s going to be fine. Don’t worry. Relax.” His words did nothing to soothe me. I wouldn’t be okay until I heard my daughter cry and got to hold her.

  Within minutes she was pulled from my body. She didn’t cry at first and my heart momentarily ceased to beat as fear overcame me. Once her cries filled the air I was able to breathe again and my heart picked up with its regular pattern.

  They gave me a brief glance at her, but it wasn’t enough. She was carried away from me to be checked out. Tears slid down my cheeks and Memphis wiped them away hastily. He kissed my forehead and murmured, “Please, don’t cry.”

  “I want my baby,” I told him. “Tell them to give me my baby.”

  “Oh, Sutton,” his voice cracked and I knew this affected him as much as it did me. “I know you want to see her. Soon, I promise.”

  His words didn’t comfort me. As a mother I needed to hold and feel my child. I needed to breathe in her baby smell and count her fingers and toes. Watching a stranger carry her away from me was difficult.

  “I’m so sorry,” Memphis apologized as he continued to rub my forehead. I didn’t know what he was sorry for. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

  I let my eyes drift closed at the feel of tugging on my abdomen as the doctor stitched me closed.

  I shut down after that.

  ⌘⌘⌘

  I didn’t realize where I was when I woke up. But once I recognized that I was in a hospital, I began to panic. My hand immediately went to my stomach and found my womb empty. I looked around, a scream about to leave me when I spotted Memphis asleep on the couch in the corner.

  “Memphis,” I croaked his name, my voice hoarse from lack of water. “Memphis?” I repeated a little louder when he didn’t hear me.

  He startled awake, looking around for any threat. “What’s going on?” He rubbed at his tired eyes and sat up fully.

  “I want to see her,” I pleaded with him.

  His face softened and he stood, taking my hand in his. For a moment, I thought he was going to tell me something had happened and she didn’t make it, but he didn’t. “I’ll talk to a nurse and see what’s going on.”

  “Thank you.” I squeezed his hand. I was thankful that I had him. He truly was the most amazing man. I didn’t know what I’d do without him. He was always there to pick up the pieces when I crumbled. “I love you,” I whispered.

  “I love you too.” He lowered his head and pressed a tender kiss to my lips.

  He wasn’t gone long until he came back with a nurse. She handed me a Styrofoam cup full of water and raised the bed so I was in a sitting position. “Everything’s fine with your little girl,” she assured me with a smile. “She’s been checked out thoroughly and despite the early delivery she’s perfect, just on the small side. I can bring her to you if you want me to?”

  Did she even need to ask? “Please,” I begged. “I want to hold her.”

  “Give me a few minutes.” She smiled kindly as she looked over my vitals. “I’ll be right back,” she said as she exited the room.

  Memphis grabbed the chair and slid it over so that he was beside my bed. I held my hand out for him and he gladly took it. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this.”

  “Don’t be,” I whispered. “I’m fine and the baby’s fine. That’s what matters.”

  “I can’t believe he came after you again,” he shook his head in dismay. “It’s like he’s obsessed with you or something.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “He’s got issues, but he’s not getting away with it this time.”

  He smoothed the tangled knots of my hair off my forehead. I knew after everything I’d been through in the last however many hours, I had to look like crap, but he still gazed at me like I was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. “This is only a small bump in the road. It’s all up hill from here,” he assured me.

  I smiled at him and he leaned over to kiss my forehead. The overwhelming sense of trust and completeness I felt with him was nothing I’d ever experienced. I’d thought I’d known true love—and maybe I had—but this was a forever kind of love and it was a totally different thing. Where Caelan had shot into my life like a falling star—brightening it for a moment, before disappearing—Memphis was the blanket that kept me warm at night. He was always there for me. Things with us were easy. He was a breath of fresh air. He was the man I didn’t know to hope for and when I found him, I ran like hell into another man’s arms. I couldn’t regret our lost time, though, and without Caelan I probably would’ve never realized my true feelings for Memphis. Love was messy and never perfect. Real life sucked and the person you thought was ‘the one’ turned out to be ‘just for now’. But if you stayed strong Mr. Right came along and all the heartbreak was worth it, just so you could tell him you loved him every night as he fell asleep. I knew my love for Caelan would always be there, but it was a different kind of love now—one of fondness and the bond we shared of our child. I knew that without him I wouldn’t have found peace. We might not have been meant to be a couple, but we were meant to change each other’s lives—I was sure of that.

  The nurse breezed into the room, pushing one of those clear bed thingies they kept the babies in. Oh my God! Did it make me a horrible mother that I didn’t know the name for them? Had I already failed at this whole parenting thing before I even had a chance?

  She picked the baby up and placed her in my arms. “Here you go, mommy.”

  Mommy.

  I was a mom.

  I was responsib
le for this tiny human being.

  She was mine for the rest of my life.

  I really hoped I didn’t fuck this up.

  My daughter stared up at me, her pink lips pouted. She wiggled her arms out of the pink blanket she was wrapped in, like she was trying to reach out to me. I held my finger out and she wrapped her tiny hand around it.

  “Wow,” Memphis gasped from beside me. “She’s perfect.”

  He was right. She was. I’d never seen a more perfect baby.

  I kissed her wrinkly forehead and felt tears spring to my eyes. I was so relieved that she was healthy and we had nothing to worry about. I’d been so afraid I might lose her.

  I pushed the hat she wore off her head and was shocked to discover a dusting of blonde hair. I’d expected it to be dark like mine, but she was all Caelan except for her lips. Even her eyes were his shade of blue.

  “I love her so much.” My words were thick with tears. “How is that possible?” I asked Memphis.

  He reached over, running his finger over her plump cheek. “Because she’s amazing.”

  Even though she wasn’t his daughter I could see the love in his eyes.

  Kissing my temple, he murmured, “We’re a family.”

  I closed my eyes, absorbing his words. I was so happy and I knew I was exactly where I was always meant to be.

  Tweaking her nose, he asked, “What are you going to name her?”

  As soon as I looked at her, I knew exactly what her name was supposed to be. “Cayla,” I breathed. “Her name is Cayla.”

  CHAPTER 36

  Caelan

  “Do you know what today is?” Leah asked, her excitement palpable as she jumped on the bed.

  I rubbed my eyes, racking my brain for what she could be talking about. “Uh…I have no idea. Enlighten me.”