Love in the Air: Lopez Island Series #2

by Jamie E. Matthews

  “No!” Nell felt like alternately laughing and beating her head on the table. “I was just explaining why I thought Paul and I would be a good fit. Which I don’t anymore. And…ugh.”

  “Start at the beginning,” suggested Amy.

  Nell took another sip of her coffee and wished it was a gin and tonic. A strong one.

  “It started shifting when I had that emergency landing,” she said, and continued the story of Adrian’s increasingly romantic gestures. “I got the feeling he wanted more than the fling we had both agreed to. When I went to his house to break up with him, he told me that he loved me.”

  “Awww.” Amy brushed a few tears from her eyes. “Sorry. Hormones.”

  “So, of course, I broke it off.” Nell toyed with the handle on her coffee mug. “I’ve seen him around, at the grocery store or here since then, and it’s super awkward. I try to avoid him but if he sees me, he comes over to talk to me, for god’s sake.”

  Looking edible enough that she wanted to jump his bones, but also cuddle right in for a hug. He’d maintained a friendly distance, kept up light small talk, but the longing in his eyes told a different story.

  “Sooooo…” Amy raised her eyebrows, looked at Nell. “I’m confused. Why exactly did you break up with the sexy man who told you he loves you? Are you saying you don’t have feelings for him? Because it sure seems like you do, or you wouldn’t be having this tough of a time.”

  Nell looked at Hannah, who just met her gaze steadily. “You know what I think about this, sweetie,” she said quietly. “I’m always in your corner, but you’re 100% wrong on this one.”

  “I’m not cut out for long-term relationships,” Nell said, choosing to ignore Hannah. “Remember, we talked about this?”

  “Well, yeah, but I thought you were just hurting from Paul, and you’d get over it.”

  “I come by it honestly,” Nell said, checking the time on her phone and taking one last swig of coffee. “It’s not like my dad could maintain a relationship to save his life.”

  “Yeah, you’re so flighty that you built and maintained a business here for the past decade, not to mention close friendships,” Hannah said. “Your dad messed you up, sweetie. It doesn’t mean you have to follow in his footsteps. It’s a choice.”

  Silence settled over the table, and Nell ignored the burning at the back of her eyes.

  “I have to go pick up the moms,” she muttered and started to slide off her chair.

  Hannah stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Hey. You know we’ve got your back. But sometimes, you need to hear the truth.”

  Amy nodded. “If you need to get together for a girls night and trash talk men in general, I’m your designated driver.”

  Nell smiled, but she found herself wishing she hadn’t answered Hannah’s text. Advice from two happily married women blind to her faults wasn’t what she needed. Still, she gave them both hugs and headed down to the harbor to pick up her mom and Brooke. Hopefully they’d be so caught up in the honeymoon glow they wouldn’t notice the dark circles under her eyes.

  When she closed her eyes at night, she saw Adrian. His dark eyes fixed on hers, a smile curving his lips as he rocked her to orgasm, his strong arms around her as she sobbed in the hospital garden, the look of resignation on his face when he told her he loved her, clearly knowing all too well that she would end it.

  Normally when she ended a relationship, she felt relief at a return to solitude, enjoyed the break from a pattern that had gotten stale. She relished the sense of anticipation that came from wondering who she would take as her next lover. But now, her house felt empty, even when she only had to look out the window and see Zane and Ryan playing with Mellie in the yard. The thought of moving on to the next fling left her feeling emptier still.

  It’d been three fucking weeks. She needed to put her big girl panties on and get over it.

  The ferry pulled up to the harbor just as she arrived, and she felt her spirits lift when she saw her mom and Brooke standing by the railing, waving. Nell still couldn’t believe that Brooke had talked her mom into going on a Caribbean cruise. She’d tried to picture her mom in a swimsuit, lying by the pool with a frothy drink in hand, but it just did not compute. Brooke, as the one who usually planned all their trips, had wanted a vacation where she didn’t have to plan and could simply enjoy.

  She parked in the lot and went to meet them, smiling when Jan gave her a big hug and simultaneously shoved a suitcase into her hand.

  “You’re actually tan,” Nell said, giving her mom a once over, noting she looked as relaxed as she’d ever seen her. She turned to Brooke, surveyed her pale complexion. “You, not so much.”

  Brooke laughed, threw her arms around her. “I wore a lot of hats.”

  Nell stowed their bags in the car, thankful they immediately asked how Amy was doing, so that she could focus on that and lighthearted updates on what else was going on at the Island.

  “Forget what’s been happening here,” she said, turning onto the main road. “How was the cruise?”

  “Amazing,” Jan said. “I never thought of myself as a cruise person, but I am hooked.”

  “We’ve already decided next year for our anniversary we’re going on one of those Alaskan cruises,” Brooke informed her.

  “And, we’re going to save up now for a Mediterranean one,” Jan agreed. “As soon as we pay of our bar bill from this one.”

  Nell laughed. “Now that sounds like the moms I know. I gotta say, I’m surprised you took to it so much.”

  “It was so much fun,” Brooke enthused. “When we got to shore, we could just pick one of the touring packages and go. Easy peasy. Such a relief after all the wedding planning. There was tons to do on the ship. Turns out your mom is a mean bingo player.”

  “What?” Nell laughed long and loud. “Mom, that’s an old person’s game.”

  “I won $200,” Jan informed her, not the least bit offended.

  “Then there was the strip bingo we played back in the room,” Brooke added. Both of them dissolved into girlish giggles, and her mom turned around in her seat to grin at Brooke, who sat in the back.

  “I liked the couples massage better.” Jan’s tone was sly.

  “Mmmm.”

  Nell did not want to look over at her mom engaging in sexy flirting. She tried to keep her expression neutral, but she wanted to let her jaw drop. It’s not like they were really newlyweds, having been together for years. She wasn’t a prude, but when she thought of the moms, it was about how solid and sweet they were. And, how did one play strip bingo exactly—no. She ordered her mind to stop going down that path. She did not want the image of her mom and Brooke in her head.

  “Tell me what islands you saw,” she said hastily, and tried to focus on their stories, praying that they wouldn’t have any other “special” memories to share. She was happy for them, really, but it was her mom, for god’s sake.

  As soon as she pulled up to their house, and Jan got out of the car, Bob began barking from the house next door. They’d left him with the neighbors, as he enjoyed playing with their Labradoodle. And, the woman was a stay at home mom who could take him out for walks and play with him more than Nell could during the day.

  Jan headed next door to deal with Bob, and Nell helped Brooke unload the bags from the car. The next half hour passed in happy chaos with Bob bounding around the two women, Brooke digging through their luggage to find the duty free bottle of rum they’d bought for Nell, and both of them sharing stories of their adventures. They huddled around the kitchen table to scroll through photos of tropical beaches and waving palm trees.

  Just as Nell was congratulating herself on having fooled them that all was well, Jan set down her phone, leaned back.

  “So baby girl, tell us what’s wrong.”

  Brooke sat on Nell’s other side, her expression kind and patient, and Nell realized she’d been played—under the pretext of showing her photos, they’d maneuvered her to sit at the kitchen table, because that’
s where all serious family discussion took place, surrounded by two determined women who would slowly wear her down until she spilled her guts. She let out a huge sigh.

  “It’s no big deal,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Adrian and I broke up, that’s all.”

  “I thought there was nothing to break up,” Jan said, raising her eyebrow.

  “Right, sorry, I just thought it was easier to say that instead of telling you we’re not fucking anymore,” Nell shot back.

  “Nell.” Brooke laid a hand over hers, and Nell fought the urge to yank it away. She met Brooke’s eyes and saw disappointment. “Jan didn’t mean to diminish what the two of you had, did you?” She shot her wife a look, and even now, Nell had to smother a smile at her strong mother giving in under Brooke’s determined gaze.

  “Of course not. You said there was nothing there, is all. Not that I ever believed that.” Jan snorted out a laugh. “Two of you are perfect for each other.”

  “I like him,” Brooke said. “What happened, honey?”

  Nell shrugged. “He wanted more than a fling. I don’t. End of story.”

  Her mom just stared at her, gaze impassive, while Brooke’s expression turned skeptical.

  “Honey, I won’t tell you how to live your life, but I don’t know what the hell you’re looking for if not that man. He’s smart, successful, kind, strong enough to handle you without his ego being bruised and hot as hell.”

  “I don’t want any man,” Nell retorted in exasperation. “Why do I need a man to make me happy?”

  “You don’t,” Jan put in. “But, having a partner to share in your happiness is an amazing thing.”

  “Not everyone is cut out for that. Dad wasn’t.”

  The moms sat silent for a moment, exchanged looks.

  “No, he wasn’t,” Jan acknowledged, seeming to pick her words with care. “I think he regretted that towards the end of his life.”

  Nell waved that off. “Fat lot of good that will do. The man was incapable of making a commitment. And, let’s face it, Mom. I don’t have the greatest track record. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

  Jan rubbed her forehead. “Hang on. What do you mean by that?”

  “Chasing the next thrill? I get it. It’s why I love flying, that adrenaline rush. Sure, I hide it well, but underneath it all, I love all that same shit. I get bored with relationships after a few months, let alone a year, let alone a lifetime.”

  “You had a crush on Paul for a year, at least,” commented Brooke.

  Nell stared at her, agape, and then realized her mom was doing the same.

  “What?” Jan laughed. “Brooke, you’re way off on that one.”

  Brooke just nodded at Nell, who sighed in defeat.

  “But I got over that pretty damn quickly,” she mumbled, not willing to admit just how quickly.

  Jan shook her head. “Paul? You and Paul?”

  When Nell shrugged, Jan pealed with laughter. “Girl, that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. That boy is like a brother to you.”

  “Why is that so hard to believe? He’s all those things you mentioned about Adrian—he’s smart, successful, kind.”

  “You didn’t mention hot as hell,” Brooke pointed out.

  “That’s not important.”

  “Yes, it is,” Jan retorted. “Good god, how did I raise you to be such a mess? Listen to me.”

  She scooted her chair closer, cupped Nell’s chin in her hand so Nell had to look straight into her eyes.

  “You choose who you get to be in this life. If you have some fool notion in your head that you can’t be in a committed relationship because your father had issues and couldn’t be bothered to ever spend two seconds in self reflection or therapy, that’s bullshit. I’m in you, too, you know. And, you’ve got a hell a lot more of my qualities than your father’s.”

  “Stubborn as a mule, both of you,” commented Brooke. “Hard headed. Practical. Honest to a fault.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Jan said, letting Nell go and shooting Brooke an amused look.

  “Loyal. Hard working. With a deep capacity for love,” Brooke added.

  Jan smiled. “And, Nell, your father was adventurous, yes. That isn’t a bad thing. It’s probably his traits and tendencies to risk taking that led you to start up a very successful business.”

  “You own a business, too,” Nell pointed out.

  “And, it’s my practical side that makes it succeed. I’d like to think I taught you about that, too. But, you took huge risks all along the way, opening it up so young, expanding, exploring new ways to bring in business.”

  “And, you have fun,” Brooke added. “Your father knew how to have fun, which is not a bad thing in this life.”

  “He was so charismatic,” Jan said with a soft smile. “Lord, the man could draw you in with his smile, his laugh, his stories. You’ve got that in you.”

  When Nell remained silent, her mom let out a sigh.

  “Look, sweetie, if you really don’t want to be in a relationship, whether because Adrian isn’t the right man for you—hush, Brooke—or because it’s simply not your thing...that’s okay. What’s not okay is denying yourself happiness because of your father’s track record.”

  “The Nell I know is capable of unconditional love, of hanging in there through the good times and the bad—and has the good sense to cast off the other men who weren’t right. Sounds like good relationship material to me,” said Brooke softly.

  Nell shifted, opened her mouth to protest, but Brooke silenced her with a look.

  “You can’t know if you’re cut out for relationships until you give it a try, and don’t give me bullshit about Paul. You weren’t in love with that man and that was a half-ass attempt. I don’t actually know if you’re that adventurous after all, because it takes guts to put yourself out there and care about someone. You think I wasn’t nervous down to my bones when I asked your mom out the first time? Or that I wasn’t risking it all the first time I told her I love her? Those vows we just made—it’s the biggest gamble of all, to take the chance that love will see us through all the ups and downs of our life together, and that we’ll come out the other end whole and still in love. It seems to me you’re running scared.”

  Unexpected hot tears burned in her eyes and this time she wasn’t successful in holding them back. Fuck, was it so much to ask that the people in her life would support her? Couldn’t they just agree that she’d made the right decision and leave her alone instead of raking her through the coals and taking Adrian’s side?

  “Nell, sweetie,” Jan began, seeing the tears and raising her hand to stroke her hair.

  “I’m leaving,” Nell snapped and pushed her chair away.

  Ignoring the moms telling her to wait, to stop, to listen, she stormed through the house and slammed the door behind her, taking dark satisfaction in peeling rubber out their driveway and roaring down the street at top speed. Underneath her anger lay a dark void, and swirling doubts about what her moms had said, so she fed the anger to a peak.

  When she saw Paul’s truck in her driveway, it was the absolute last fucking straw.

  “If you came here to dump on me and tell me what a terrible person I am, you’ll have to get in line,” she fumed, slamming her car door and striding up to her house.

  Paul made no sign of moving from where he sat on the top step of the tiny porch, so she was forced to stop at the bottom of the steps and glare at him.

  “Go on.” Nell crossed her arms. “Tell me what a fucking moron I am for breaking up with Adrian, how I have daddy issues and don’t know my own mind, and oh yeah, I was an even bigger idiot for thinking I was in love with you, so let’s just laugh that off as if it’s the best joke of the year.”

  He winced slightly at that, then shook his head, scooted over a bit and patted the step beside him.

  Nell considered just walking around him and locking herself in the house, but he had that look in his steady brown eyes, the look that said he’d come for a
purpose, and he’d just gently steamroll over her until he got what he wanted. She plopped down next to him, sniffed a little.

  When he said nothing, just put an arm around her and pulled her to his side, she felt the tears burn again, and giving in, she laid her head on his shoulder.

  “What a fucking mess,” she whispered.

  They sat there in silence, and she closed her eyes, sighed, drawing comfort from the warm, solid and steady way about him.

  “Did Hannah send you?” Nell finally asked, straightening up and turning so she could look at him.

  “Nope.” He shook his head. “I’ll admit I came to chew you out for making one of my best friends so miserable. But, my other best friend is you, and you seem pretty miserable, too.” He rubbed her arm, smiled ruefully. “Took the wind out of my sails. It sounds like there’s been plenty ahead of me who’ve let you have a piece of their mind.”

  “Everyone loves Adrian. And, I’m the bitch who hurt him.” Nell blew out a breath. “From the beginning, I said it was just a fling. No strings. I made that perfectly fucking clear.”

  Paul shrugged, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Feelings suck.”

  Nell narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re making fun of me.” She drilled her finger into his chest, but had to tamp down on the urge to smile. Shifting, she tried to phrase her next question as casually as possible. “So, Adrian’s having a tough time?”

  “Bro code,” Paul said, then smiled when Nell rolled her eyes. “I won’t go into what he’s said to me. The same goes for whatever you say to me—I won’t tell him. But, I think most people who’ve been around him would tell you he’s pretty depressed. Thrown himself into preparation for the show next week.”

  “Oh, that’s right. How’s that going? God, that’s going to be an amazing show. People are going to freak out at how talented he is.”

  “Are you going?”

  Nell eyed him like he’d lost his mind. “Um, no. That would be supremely awkward.” She flopped back against the step, thought of how much she wanted to be there, to see people’s faces as they explored his art, to watch him while he got the recognition he deserved. “This is why I need to go back to off-Island flings. To avoid these awkward situations.”