Love in the Air: Lopez Island Series #2

by Jamie E. Matthews

  “Seems like this was more than a fling on both sides, if you ask me.”

  “I didn’t,” Nell snapped. Then felt guilty. “See, it’s just as well you didn’t fall at my feet when I awkwardly declared my love for you. Then you’d be dealing with my bitchiness for life. And who wants that?”

  “Adrian does,” Paul pointed out, meeting her eyes.

  Nell frowned. “Not for long, I’m sure. I’m a poor bet.”

  “Oh, save it.” Paul shook his head. “You don’t need to give me the spiel. I know you, Nell. I knew you from the moment you broke my nose when you were just a super annoying little girl with shitty aim. I get you.”

  She opened her mouth, but he surprised her by cupping her cheek, looking directly into her eyes.

  “I know you’re scared. You have good reason to be, thanks to your asshole dad. But, I also know that you will kick ass at anything you do, including being in love.” He smiled a little. “As for me—well.” Paul leaned in before she could react and brushed her lips lightly with his, once, twice, lingering for a moment.

  She felt nothing. No flutter. No zing of lust straight to her core. No desire to burrow in and just be held. Paul pulled back, studied her.

  “That’s what it feels like to be in a safe relationship. As amazingly sexy as I am, I’m willing to bet that didn’t ring your bells. Not like Adrian. I saw the two of you together, and your chemistry lit up the room. But more than that, Nell, you looked happy. And that, my friend, is something I’ve never seen before when you’re with a guy. Ever.”

  Paul stood up, brushed off his pants, studied her. “Now, you’ve got unhappy eyes, no matter how much you try to shrug it off.”

  Nell just sat, feeling her walls crumbling, the sorrow rising up.

  He crouched down, tipped up her chin. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, sweetie. I hope the two of you can work it out. You want me to stay?”

  “No,” she managed. “I think I want to be alone.”

  “Well.” Paul straightened, then shook his head. “You owe me fifty bucks, because now I’ve got to pay Adrian back. Damn it.”

  At her confused look, he widened his eyes. “I know you’re not your usual self when you, Ms. I Have to Win at Everything, don’t remember the bet. Which, by the way, you lost. He bet that you’d have a mutually satisfying relationship and end it with no harm done.”

  “Oh, right.”

  “So, he paid me $50 because I bet on you. But turns out, no one won.”

  Nell watched him walk to his car, then drive away with a wave. She shrugged it off, then sat on the steps in the sun, feeling emotionally bruised and battered.

  It was possible she cared about Adrian more than she wanted to admit. Maybe she’d left some of her joy behind when she walked out on him. Maybe she reached for him in her sleep and woke up aching and empty when she remembered he wasn’t there.

  And maybe part of her wanted to give it a try with him. Part of her secretly thrilled at the idea that he loved her, while most of her was scared shitless.

  One thing was for certain—no part of her knew what the fuck to do next.

  Chapter 20

  Nell pulled into her driveway just shy of 4 p.m. on Thursday, because Marcelo had called her to nag her.

  “What is the use of all those talented people working for you if you cannot leave early and enjoy a beautiful summer evening? Go. Go! Or, I will just show up tomorrow at noon and kidnap you.”

  She’d sighed and acted irritated but the truth was, she’d come to depend on his regular calls to remind her that she was the boss—and sometimes she needed to take advantage of those perks. The fact that he still called her even though she wasn’t with Adrian warmed her heart. And, she knew that indeed, he would show up at the airport at noon if she didn’t do as he said. He and Emma would be on the ferry tomorrow morning to San Juan for Adrian’s show.

  Nell pulled the stack of mail from her mailbox and waved to Ryan and Mellie in the backyard. Mellie had on a purple bathing suit with ruffles and heart-shaped sunglasses. The sun glinted off the glittery stones dotting the frames, and she was marching in circles in the wading pool, kicking plumes of water up as she went. Ryan lay on a lawn chair well out of splash range, book in hand. Nell considered whipping up a batch of margaritas and joining them.

  Inside, she thumbed through the mail, most of it junk. But, she froze at the sight of a large square envelope with her half-sister’s name scrawled above the return address. “Do not bend,” Katrisse had scribbled on the front. At least, she assumed it was Katrisse. It’s not like she’d ever seen the woman’s handwriting before. Lips pursed, she studied it like she would a rattlesnake coiled in her path. She’d never met the woman and assumed that the one thing they shared besides an absent father was a mutual disinterest in investing in family by name only. Was this an unloading of some family grievance? A girly invite to be sisters and best friends forever? She sighed, deciding, yes, margaritas. There’d been entirely too much drama in her life lately.

  When she opened up the envelope, she found a small slip of paper taped to some cardboard.

  “Found this in Dad’s things. Thought you might want it. -Katrisse”

  A faded Polaroid rested in between the two pieces of cardboard. Nell felt the breath leave her body as she picked it up, studied the image of her 11-year-old self, nestled in the crook of her father’s arm. They stood in front of a cactus next to a dusty desert road, the wheel of Tate’s motorcycle just visible in the corner of the frame. As usual he’d shown up out of the blue, convinced her mom to allow Nell to skip school for a few days, then taken off with her in the sidecar to his bike. They’d hooked up with some of his friends outside of New Mexico and spent a two sunbaked days roaring through the desert, stopping to eat at a taquerias, camping out under the stars.

  At the end of the trip, she’d begged him for the photo, but he’d held it out of reach, shook his head with a smile.

  “Nope. It’s my only picture of my little girl and me, the dynamic duo. Two peas in a pod, having adventures.”

  “But, you travel light,” she’d reminded him, as he’d told her many times.

  “This is different.” He tucked it into his shirt pocket. “I’ll keep it forever.”

  She’d acted disappointed but secretly, she’d thrilled at this rare show of affection, the thought he would remember her when he was away from her, as he most always was.

  And here it was, long after she thought he’d have thrown it out or lost it. His spidery handwriting, so shaky and at odds with his larger than life personality, noted her name, the little town they’d been at that day, and the date.

  She had to remind herself to breathe in and out, running one of her fingers over the writing at the bottom of the photo. When a yell sounded from the backyard, she started, jolted back to the here and now. Ryan and Zane weren’t the quietest of neighbors, so she ignored it but when the noise grew, she looked up and saw Zane with his arms wrapped around Ryan, rocking him back and forth, tears streaming down both their cheeks.

  Dropping the photo on the table, she ran out the door and into the backyard before she’d even registered moving. In a glance, she took in Mellie, staring at her dads curiously—so she was okay, then. Nell breathed in a sigh of relief, then turned her attention to the men who still stood wrapped in each other, Ryan still crying and Zane…laughing?

  She put her hands on her hips.

  “What the f—um.” She shot a glance at Mellie. “Fudge…is going on? I looked out the window and you guys are…”

  Nell surveyed the men, who were both beaming at her through tears.

  “A hot mess,” she finished.

  Zane looked at Ryan, then nodded towards Mellie.

  “We have to tell her first,” Zane said, wiping his eyes.

  Both men approached Mellie, who watched them warily.

  “Not done in pool!” She stuck out her lower lip and backed away.

  “You can keep playing,” Ryan reassured her, grinning.<
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  She seemed to peer up at them intently, although Nell couldn’t read her expression behind the oversize sunglasses.

  “Daddy, you crying? You have owie?”

  “No, sweetie.” Zane wiped his cheeks, bent down to her level. “You remember how we told you that someday you might have a baby brother or sister?”

  “Mmm hmm.” Mellie nodded, her sunglasses bobbing up and down her nose.

  Nell let out a silent gasp, pressed her hands to her heart.

  “Well, we just got a call, and there’s a little boy in Thailand who needs a home. We can fly out there and bring him home next week.”

  Nell blinked back her own tears of joy as she watched the scene, the little girl looking up at her daddies, who held hands and sported ear-to-ear grins.

  “That’s pretty big news, sweetie. Do you have any questions for us?”

  Mellie cocked her head, seemed to consider.

  “Can I have a popsicle?”

  Both men looked at each other and started to laugh.

  “Stop laughing at me,” Mellie shouted, and the men hurried to reassure her, Zane rushing into the kitchen and Ryan telling her they’d talk later, and turning back to Nell, his shoulders still shaking with laughter.

  “So much for that magical moment,” he snorted.

  Nell threw her arms around him and hugged him with all her might.

  “Ah, that’s more like it,” Ryan said, hugging her back and resting his head on her shoulder. “God, Nell, we didn’t tell you we were on the list, because we figured it was a miracle we’d even gotten Mellie.”

  “That trip that you made out there a few months ago…” Nell realized.

  “Yep. That was to check out the place. We met him, Nell.”

  “Shut up. You did? Where are the pictures?” Nell punched him in the arm. “I can’t believe you kept this from me!”

  Zane delivered the popsicle to Mellie, then ran over to give Nell a hug.

  “I know, dear heart. It was killing us! Here.” He pulled away, scrolled through his phone. “That’s him.”

  Nell stared down at the tiny swaddled baby, a thatch of wispy dark hair on the top of his head, dark eyes wide and serious.

  “Amazing. How old is he?”

  “In the picture, three months old. Now he’s five months. The orphanage is nearing capacity, so between that and our amazing lawyer, we were able to expedite the process. Of course, we were smart this time around, we knew it would take time—we’ve been on the list for the last year and a half. So much waiting, and then boom—it all came together.”

  “We said we’d let Mellie help name him, but…” Ryan shrugged. “We’ll see how that goes.”

  Nell laughed. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

  “When we brought it up to her last month, she suggested Door.” Zane sighed. “We said that wasn’t appropriate, so then she told us Lollipop. Because she loves them.”

  “Aww.” Nell leaned in and kissed them both on the cheek. “This definitely calls for margaritas, boys.”

  “Best neighbor ever! And, current and future babysitter,” Zane added with a wink. “I’ll whip up some of my famous salsa.”

  Grinning, Nell headed back to her place and in short order, threw together a batch of margaritas, then whirled some strawberries in a blender with some ice and juice to make a special virgin drink for Mellie. Loading up the pitchers and glasses on a tray, she crossed the lawn again and set it down on the shaded patio table. Since Mellie was occupied with her popsicle, Nell left her drink for later and poured glasses for the three adults. Sitting down beside Ryan in the sun, she handed him his drink and smiled.

  “Cheers, papa. And congrats.”

  They clinked glasses, Ryan still with a big grin on his face.

  “So are you going to take Mellie with you this time?” Nell asked. She’d stayed with Mellie during their last trip.

  Ryan’s smile dimmed a bit, and he shook his head. “I don’t think so. It’s such a long plane ride, and the trip will be so quick. She’s just not quite old enough. I mean we could…” he trailed off, looking uncertain.

  Nell patted his hand. “Don’t feel guilty. I’m happy to watch her for a few days. She loves coming to work with me and bossing people around.”

  He laughed. “I’m glad you’re grooming her to be a future CEO. But, are you sure?”

  “Of course. I agree with you—it’s too long of a flight for her. She’d make the trip ten times more stressful, and it’ll be stressful enough having to fly back with a five-month-old.”

  “True.” Ryan sipped his drink in silence for a minute. “We won’t be cramping your style, I take it? I noticed a certain someone isn’t coming by anymore.”

  Nell sighed. “I really, really don’t want to talk about it.”

  She felt Ryan’s eyes on her, but as the silence stretched out longer, he seemed to accept her words.

  “You know, Zane and I, we almost didn’t make it,” he said after a long moment, settling back in his lounge chair.

  “You’re lucky that you were able to adopt again,” she agreed.

  “Well, yes, but that’s not what I meant.” He kept his voice low after glancing at Mellie, who splashed noisily, oblivious to their conversation. “We almost broke up right before we got engaged.”

  Nell turned to face him. “You did? You guys always seem so perfect together.”

  Ryan shrugged. “Compatibility was never the issue. I’ve told you my parents were conservative—are conservative,” he corrected.

  He’d told her he hadn’t seen or talked to them since marrying Zane. She laid a supportive hand on his, squeezed. Ryan smiled.

  “I had one foot in the closet and one foot out. My parents knew, and didn’t approve but as long as I kept my dating life separate, they could pretend I wasn’t who I was, and I could pretend that my family wasn’t disgusted by me. Ouch.”

  “Sorry.” Nell let go of his hand, realizing she’d squeezed it too tightly. “That just makes me so mad.”

  “If I’d known you at the time, maybe I’d have had more courage. Anyway, I met Zane, who was in no way even remotely near the closet. We dated for a year, but I never introduced him to my parents. I tiptoed around the whole issue with my friends, too. We hardly ever saw them, and I’d introduce him just by name, rather than calling him my boyfriend. Wouldn’t hold his hand. He finally told me that I either got my ass out of the closet the whole way, or he’d walk.”

  “He makes me sound so strong and manly,” Zane laughed, putting a serving tray with salsa and chips on the small table in between the lounge chairs. “In reality I laid down that ultimatum between gasping sobs. Get me my margarita, you unfeeling cad!” He pointed sternly at Ryan, who just smiled. “See? I get no respect here.”

  Ryan swatted him on the butt, and Zane laughed, sauntered off to grab his glass.

  “You obviously got the hell out of the closet,” Nell commented, scooping up salsa with a chip.

  “Not right away. In fact, we took a break.”

  “I prefer to think of it as a pause,” Zane noted as he returned with a drink in hand, and made Ryan scoot over to share the lounge chair.

  “At first I felt pretty self righteous—after all, if Zane really loved me, he wouldn’t make me choose between him and my family. And, my parents had told me over and over that this was a phase, that relationships with men were wrong, and would never truly last like the bond between a man and a woman.”

  “Two months he kept me waiting,” Zane said, shaking his head. “I didn’t walk away like I said I would. I just had a feeling about him. So I waited.”

  “I missed the hell out of him. His smell on the pillow. The sound of him in the kitchen making coffee before I got up in the morning. The way he’d make me laugh even on the toughest days. Everything was just…flat.”

  Nell took a big drink of her margarita, silently agreeing with that. The world did feel flat without Adrian in it—as if the colors were muted, the sound muffled.


  “I was terrified of being a couple with a capital C. Absolutely scared shitless. I knew I’d lose my parents, maybe some friends. But then, one day, it just hit me. If I lost Zane, that opened up a yawning chasm underneath me. It was far more lonely, far more difficult to keep on my path alone.”

  “So, he came crawling back.” Zane rested a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, rubbed. “It wasn’t exactly happily ever after.”

  “He was hurt. Angry. I was still scared. We muddled through it together.”

  Zane nodded, tipped his head to Ryan’s. Ryan laid a hand on his knee. “Zane convinced me to get into therapy, and we did some couples sessions, too.”

  “The modern love story,” Zane laughed.

  “And then, we did live happily ever after,” Ryan said, smiling into his husband’s eyes.

  “We sure did. You, me, Mellie. And now, little Door.”

  They dissolved into laughter, and Nell chuckled. She turned the subject back to their new addition to the family, offering to host a welcome home party. But all the while, as they sipped their margaritas and laughed, Nell watched them, noticed the easy way they leaned into each other, the flare of heat in Ryan’s eyes when Zane flirted and shifted his leg to brush against him. The love shining out of them as Mellie jumped out of the pool and spied the fruity drink on the table, smacking her lips already stained purple from the popsicle.

  She thought about love, and it’s many forms. The couple in front of her who had refused to give up on each other. The sweet and passionate love affair between Ben and Amy who had found each other when neither had been looking. Hannah and Tom, their teasing and playful bickering layered over a solid foundation. Her moms, seizing a second chance to find happiness.

  And, the photo waiting for her back in her house that her father had kept over all those years. That was love, too. All he’d given her had been snapshots of time and attention. Maybe, just maybe, he’d kept the faded photograph and regretted all that could have been.

  She thought of Adrian, who pushed her to fly higher in her business, to believe in herself. Who gathered her close when she took a hard landing. Who didn’t run away when she showed him her messy side and who met her nose to nose when she got pissed. That was love.